damn, bro.
i know you been through hell for quite some time and i do feel for you. the agony in posts have seemed to almost come to a point of a normal. this is a continuous hard life to live for you and hope at some point that it comes to an end sometime in the near future... not speaking of death but maybe a renewal of some type that may bring some freedom from it all.
i myself am in search of such a "rebirth" of sorts but the physical part of this posting is shocking to me.
keep posting updates if possible but if ya need to rest just let it go, man.
all in love and respect