Hopeless I've come full circle

[Just_A_Broken_Individual]

Fucking tired of this never ending cycle of shit. Life started off shitty had a brief few years of slowly thinking differently slowly thinking maybe I won't always feel such intense negative emotions to failing and fucking it up like I do everything in life. I'm literally only good at failing. That's it. Anytime I even think otherwise for a second it's instantly shit on. It's a never ending joke. I almost escaped and I wasn't even trying it was a complete accident I didn't even know I died couldn't get anymore perfect then that painless. Beyond pissed they found me last minute and brought me back to my hell they say wanting to be dead is selfish at this point I see them as selfish for wanting me here so they don't have to deal with the pain of loss the loss of someone they never have any contact with pain they can deal with. While I'm stuck here isolated unable to move past this misery that makes up 90pct of my life. No this isn't a poor me post I know so many have it worse I don't compare the pain I'd trade my life for anyone of those innocent people who never got a real chance at the world. So many more people who could of done something with their life's instead of me a fucking waste just waiting to die that's all I have to look forward to I have no interests in this world. Idk why I'm even bothering with this thread not like anything or anyone could ever change this view not even me and I gave it my all trying to change this view to shed this misery. Just like with everything else I do or try it ends in failure. Laterss

 

[BK38]

Keep your chin up

 

[Just_A_Broken_Individual]

Keep your chin up

Thanks trying to been a really bad year. Well years but this one I have died and come to close a few times after. The only friend I have left convinced me to make a appointment to my doctor's trying to find a ride though......hate asking for help to many people hold it over me. But I guess we will see if I even make it there. Nervous lots of heart liver and gut pain.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Hey, I’ve been where you are now and as trite as it is to say, it does get better. Life is not an unbroken chain of shit, there has to be SOME good stuff in between the torrents of bad stuff. All I can suggest is trying to find that good wherever you can. Small moments of mercy. And no matter how much of a failure you feel like now, remember you have worth. Hang in there, for the sake of the people who love you.

 

[December Flower]

the person holding your leash is yourself
you alone have the power to break the cycle, or letting it continue.

to me it seems like you're robbing yourself of many opportunities by thinking so badly of yourself.
you're the maker of your reality, and if you always expect to fail (deep down, surface thoughts are worth shit) you will always fail.
in fact I would bet you money that it is impossible to break an addiction-cycle without drastically improving your feeling of self-worth
I know it's a bit of a catch 22, but you just gotta do tiny steps in the right direction then, and reward yourself for reaching the steps,
don't tell yourself that any improvements you made are worthless, they can mean the world

in that regard, doing social work has helped me immensely.
whenever I feel down I think to myself "I help dozens of people every day, I can't be as bad as I make myself out to be"

thoughts can be bullies, it's your time to hit back

you're feeling too comfortable and normal with these thoughts, I feel; like they had a reason to exist.
they don't. you seem perfectly tolerable, and I don't see any reason why you should keep yourself down.
You gotta fight against thoughts like this, do things that make you feel good about yourself (not drugs)

 

[Just_A_Broken_Individual]

Hey, I’ve been where you are now and as trite as it is to say, it does get better. Life is not an unbroken chain of shit, there has to be SOME good stuff in between the torrents of bad stuff. All I can suggest is trying to find that good wherever you can. Small moments of mercy. And no matter how much of a failure you feel like now, remember you have worth. Hang in there, for the sake of the people who love you.

Appreciate it really. I've been trying to change always end up back where IAM now 90pct of my life has been depression just a tad bit overwhelmed and hard not to lose hope

 

[Just_A_Broken_Individual]

the person holding your leash is yourself
you alone have the power to break the cycle, or letting it continue.

to me it seems like you're robbing yourself of many opportunities by thinking so badly of yourself.
you're the maker of your reality, and if you always expect to fail (deep down, surface thoughts are worth shit) you will always fail.
in fact I would bet you money that it is impossible to break an addiction-cycle without drastically improving your feeling of self-worth
I know it's a bit of a catch 22, but you just gotta do tiny steps in the right direction then, and reward yourself for reaching the steps,
don't tell yourself that any improvements you made are worthless, they can mean the world

in that regard, doing social work has helped me immensely.
whenever I feel down I think to myself "I help dozens of people every day, I can't be as bad as I make myself out to be"

thoughts can be bullies, it's your time to hit back

you're feeling too comfortable and normal with these thoughts, I feel; like they had a reason to exist.
they don't. you seem perfectly tolerable, and I don't see any reason why you should keep yourself down.
You gotta fight against thoughts like this, do things that make you feel good about yourself (not drugs)

Appreciate it been told this many times and felt this way since childhood. I had a brief period where things were going ok but I relied on my ex wife to much when I was feeling down. She was pretty much my rock who kept me from a early grave for 15 years. In the end alcohol and poor choices caused me to lose that support. IAM booze free for I think about 2 months or so now. I'm transitioning from being on meds for years to not being on them. So learning to deal with intense emotions again since years and years of numbing with booze and meds that didn't work. Just very isolated lost everything and gotta whole bunch to do to get back on my feet. Lost just about everyone when I was drinking I'm down to one friend I never get to see anymore unfortunately. Then my ex moved 3 hours away I have no car and never see my kids so that kills me inside. Hanging in there for now. A lot of my future depends on making it to my first doctor appointment in a long time nervous cause I've definitely caused myself some damage. Thanks for listening/reading!!!

 

[BK38]

Thanks trying to been a really bad year. Well years but this one I have died and come to close a few times after. The only friend I have left convinced me to make a appointment to my doctor's trying to find a ride though......hate asking for help to many people hold it over me. But I guess we will see if I even make it there. Nervous lots of heart liver and gut pain.

Sounds scary, do take care, you might need a full check up