@Squeaky thats brilliant that is, its good to recognise our habits, one can use past lapses ect as weaponry,
its great to know where you are going wrong.
Personally I'm thinking of joining some self help group meetings again, they helped me stop smoking weed habitually, infact had i not been allergic to the stuff anyways I probably would be smoking a hell of alot more, when the stuff constantly blocks up your sinuses you kinda get annoyed and you could say i just ended up getting way too annoyed with that. Plus its hard to do some of my hobbies like playing didgeridoo ect when you cannot breathe and bah after 6 years of not being able to breathe through my nose and then it finally clicking, i was like aaaah this is soo much better. I do long for a smoke though, it can be the lesser of evils for alot of people, but unfortunately the stuff turned on me and I end up paranoid ect and avoiding socializing ect!
Weed withdrawals suck aswel. I know it brings out alot of my mental health side effects so essentially it is not worthwhile, i'm a happier more bouncy livelier individual who can hold a conversation without feeling awkward ect. that and not having to eat a ton of benzos just to get stoned...
next thing to tackle is the benzos (3 x 10mg diazepam daily - not scripted so essentially illegitimate use, which is causing me troubles with the system as they see that as getting off my trolly! been (ab)using benzos for 10 years! i used to be taking 50 or more every other few days, tolerance does not spring into such peoples minds)
Then the 40ml of methadone i'm on daily! luckily i don't pick it up daily and do not have an urge to dose more as thats just shooting myself in the foot when / if I ran out! Second rodeo with this shite. came off it before though so I know I can do it. just wasn't dependant on benzos at the same time.
not gunna lie as I do get opiate cravings but not like I used too, had the odd blip that leads to nowhere and is pointless! I'm blocked up by the methadone enough thanks heh.
had a breif stint of drinking alcohol at social occasions, and my god the stuff is poison, i don't mind the getting drunk part, but once drunk. POISON! I do not like my poisoned self!!
Its shit how it can take us years to figure our own selves out, finding who we are as people and loving oneself ect.
Psychedelics, mainly of the tryptamine kind (shrooms/4-aco-DMT) have played a big roll in me seeking recovery like I can admit that for sure.
P.O stands for - Painful One- It also stands for Parole Officer, we were all joking on here some years ago and someone told me that I am like our Parole Officer- so my nickname on here is P.O.
