Mental Health Slipping into the nightmare of addiction

[washingtonbound]

I wanted to share something disturbing that has sucked me in over the past couple months. I was put on lamictal (mood stabiliser) after having a pretty bad psychotic episode that lasted about 3 months (long time I know). I was also put on an anti depressant because the misery you feel coming down off those episodes is real. I don't believe I have bipolar but rather an unspecified mood disorder induced my drugs (have also been diagnosed with that). Anyway, I have now been on both of these for roughly four months. I began to think to myself: "you are a bit addicted to this" because I noticed all would be well and good for the first part of the day and my mood would plummet afterwards. Lamictal actually gives me a bit of a buzz, kind of like if I drank a lot of strong coffee but not exactly, if that makes sense. The anti depressant I imagine smooths things out.

Anyway, so i decided to try going off of this crap on my own (not smart I know), and by the third day I was literally banging my head against the wall in my hotel room and screaming for everyone on my floor to hear. In fact i really freaked the people out working there. So I realised, you are dependent on this shit at this point and the only way to ween off is by working with a psych doctor (should've been obvious I know). On top of that, I have developed a disturbing psychological addiction to opiates and benzos (it is not severe yet but bothersome enough), to the point where I am going into pharmacies in foreign countries, making up bullshit about how I ran out of my prescription, and even trying to see a doctor at one point (thankfully his office was closed). Now before this I'd only used opiates and benzos a handful of times (say around 2-3 times a month), but engaged in some disturbing behaviour like taking hydrocodone that was prescribed for my dog (really not proud of that one). So now I have not only a dependence on medication, but a constant battle with myself when I walk by pharmacies in foreign countries that sometimes give this stuff out. When I finally found one I took 50mg of diazepam and blacked out.

Anyway, I'm a bit concerned for myself and where this is heading and think I may need to see a psychologist at some point. Any advice would be appreciated, I know sobriety is the only option but it is becoming a battle.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I wanted to share something disturbing that has sucked me in over the past couple months. I was put on lamictal (mood stabiliser) after having a pretty bad psychotic episode that lasted about 3 months (long time I know). I was also put on an anti depressant because the misery you feel coming down off those episodes is real. I don't believe I have bipolar but rather an unspecified mood disorder induced my drugs (have also been diagnosed with that). Anyway, I have now been on both of these for roughly four months. I began to think to myself: "you are a bit addicted to this" because I noticed all would be well and good for the first part of the day and my mood would plummet afterwards. Lamictal actually gives me a bit of a buzz, kind of like if I drank a lot of strong coffee but not exactly, if that makes sense. The anti depressant I imagine smooths things out.

Anyway, so i decided to try going off of this crap on my own (not smart I know), and by the third day I was literally banging my head against the wall in my hotel room and screaming for everyone on my floor to hear. In fact i really freaked the people out working there. So I realised, you are dependent on this shit at this point and the only way to ween off is by working with a psych doctor (should've been obvious I know). On top of that, I have developed a disturbing psychological addiction to opiates and benzos (it is not severe yet but bothersome enough), to the point where I am going into pharmacies in foreign countries, making up bullshit about how I ran out of my prescription, and even trying to see a doctor at one point (thankfully his office was closed). Now before this I'd only used opiates and benzos a handful of times (say around 2-3 times a month), but engaged in some disturbing behaviour like taking hydrocodone that was prescribed for my dog (really not proud of that one). So now I have not only a dependence on medication, but a constant battle with myself when I walk by pharmacies in foreign countries that sometimes give this stuff out. When I finally found one I took 50mg of diazepam and blacked out.

Anyway, I'm a bit concerned for myself and where this is heading and think I may need to see a psychologist at some point. Any advice would be appreciated, I know sobriety is the only option but it is becoming a battle.

You mentioned seeing a psychologist but they don't have anything to do with prescribing medication. I think you meant psychiatrist. And if you don't already have a psychiatrist, who prescribing you the Lamictal and anti-depressant? A nurse practitioner or a general practitioner (regular family doctor)?

You are correct that quitting these psychotropic medications without properly tapering can be very dangerous. I'm on 200mg of Lamictal but I don't get a buzz off it. When I was on Lithium (another mood stabilizer) I got a buzz but also got hypothyroidism, so had to switch to Lamictal. If you had a 3 month psychosis, you prolly should have been prescribed an anti-psychotic immediately. This is the problem with going to a GP for psych meds is that they generally don't know shit about what they are prescribing. Not that psychiatrists are much more helpful but at least this is their specialty.

My recommendation: Get to a psychiatrist ASAP and let them take the reins. If you want to taper off Lamictal then first tell them it gives you a buzz, which may possibly be a red flag. Then ask them for help properly tapering off. In my experience, even psychiatrists can taper someone off a little too fast. So no matter how quickly they want you to step down, feel free to insist on staying at a certain dose level for an additional month or so especially if you feel bad side effects coming on.

 

[washingtonbound]

You mentioned seeing a psychologist but they don't have anything to do with prescribing medication. I think you meant psychiatrist. And if you don't already have a psychiatrist, who prescribing you the Lamictal and anti-depressant? A nurse practitioner or a general practitioner (regular family doctor)?

You are correct that quitting these psychotropic medications without properly tapering can be very dangerous. I'm on 200mg of Lamictal but I don't get a buzz off it. When I was on Lithium (another mood stabilizer) I got a buzz but also got hypothyroidism, so had to switch to Lamictal. If you had a 3 month psychosis, you prolly should have been prescribed an anti-psychotic immediately. This is the problem with going to a GP for psych meds is that they generally don't know shit about what they are prescribing. Not that psychiatrists are much more helpful but at least this is their specialty.

My recommendation: Get to a psychiatrist ASAP and let them take the reins. If you want to taper off Lamictal then first tell them it gives you a buzz, which may possibly be a red flag. Then ask them for help properly tapering off. In my experience, even psychiatrists can taper someone off a little too fast. So no matter how quickly they want you to step down, feel free to insist on staying at a certain dose level for an additional month or so especially if you feel bad side effects coming on.

I was talking about seeing a psychologist to go over the issues being brought on by these medications. Anti psychotics have not worked for me. So I am kinda stuck. Never received a buzz whatsoever from lithium

 

[kongoman]

¿Cuál es tu mayor preocupación?
benzos? ¿Lamictal?
yo nunca use lamictal para mi brote psicotico. A mi me fue muy bien el risperidona y Ademas el valproato sodico.
Acude a un psiquiatra para que regule tu medicación. Suerte

 

[Jabberwocky]

Lamictal needs to be titrated when started and tapered when stopped, don't cold turkey that medication, it can be dangerous.

If your psychosis was caused by psychedelics taking SSRIs can make symptoms worse, it did for me. I cannot take them anymore for this reason, but definitely ask your doctor about this, don't take my word for it.

Are you currently on an antipsychotic?

I know what you mean about disturbing addiction behavior. I have also stolen medication from my cat whom I loved more than anything in the world. This is the insidious reality of addiction. Out of all the evil things addiction has caused me to do, this one hurts the most.

Have you ever been to a rehab or familiar with recovery in general?

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I have experienced psychiatric medications alluring and regulating behaviour so. Withdrawals are their own thing but good thing about addictions is that by doing things you need to do can remove urge to do them even if you didn't know it was so important before you did it and observed consequences.
But even rats continued doing cocaine after their living environments were lifted to match their needs even if they forgot other drugs, so you probably want to deal with some compulsions the rest of your life, it is like treating any condition in that sense. I wish you figure out what works and forces to deal with whatever is going on in your head.

 

[Nas47]

I wanted to share something disturbing that has sucked me in over the past couple months. I was put on lamictal (mood stabiliser) after having a pretty bad psychotic episode that lasted about 3 months (long time I know). I was also put on an anti depressant because the misery you feel coming down off those episodes is real. I don't believe I have bipolar but rather an unspecified mood disorder induced my drugs (have also been diagnosed with that). Anyway, I have now been on both of these for roughly four months. I began to think to myself: "you are a bit addicted to this" because I noticed all would be well and good for the first part of the day and my mood would plummet afterwards. Lamictal actually gives me a bit of a buzz, kind of like if I drank a lot of strong coffee but not exactly, if that makes sense. The anti depressant I imagine smooths things out.

Anyway, so i decided to try going off of this crap on my own (not smart I know), and by the third day I was literally banging my head against the wall in my hotel room and screaming for everyone on my floor to hear. In fact i really freaked the people out working there. So I realised, you are dependent on this shit at this point and the only way to ween off is by working with a psych doctor (should've been obvious I know). On top of that, I have developed a disturbing psychological addiction to opiates and benzos (it is not severe yet but bothersome enough), to the point where I am going into pharmacies in foreign countries, making up bullshit about how I ran out of my prescription, and even trying to see a doctor at one point (thankfully his office was closed). Now before this I'd only used opiates and benzos a handful of times (say around 2-3 times a month), but engaged in some disturbing behaviour like taking hydrocodone that was prescribed for my dog (really not proud of that one). So now I have not only a dependence on medication, but a constant battle with myself when I walk by pharmacies in foreign countries that sometimes give this stuff out. When I finally found one I took 50mg of diazepam and blacked out.

Anyway, I'm a bit concerned for myself and where this is heading and think I may need to see a psychologist at some point. Any advice would be appreciated, I know sobriety is the only option but it is becoming a battle.

D ot know what to say ...psychiatric drugs are powerful,,,so this meds must be tappered slowly..to the point of some comfort..than you can wean off.....have a lluck man...d on know aboyt psychoterapy.it could be useful also....

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I was talking about seeing a psychologist to go over the issues being brought on by these medications.

Gotcha

Anti psychotics have not worked for me. So I am kinda stuck.

Do you mind if I ask which specific anti-psychotics you've tried, what doses, and how long for each?

Never received a buzz whatsoever from lithium

That's probably a good thing. AFAIK none of these types of meds are supposed to give a buzz, hence my red flag comment.

 

[washingtonbound]

Gotcha

Do you mind if I ask which specific anti-psychotics you've tried, what doses, and how long for each?

That's probably a good thing. AFAIK none of these types of meds are supposed to give a buzz, hence my red flag comment.

Zyprexa, Haldol, Risperdal, Paliperidone, Seroquel, a host of other strange ones I can't remember, has been awful

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Anyway, I'm a bit concerned for myself and where this is heading and think I may need to see a psychologist at some point. Any advice would be appreciated,

If you have genuine problems you will do better taking yourself off to a qualified psychiatrist, rather than a psychologist, because psychiatrists have actual MEDICAL training and know how to tell apart a physiologically-induced state from a purely mental one.
They're also far less likely to have taken up their profession as nothing more than a roundabout therapy for their own hang-ups.

I know sobriety is the only option

That is a misconception, despite being constantly trotted out as a mantra. Moderation is ALSO an option; but a lot depends on your individual situation, life experience and personal attitude.
I quit being a heroin junkie. I didn't quit heroin.

 

[PtahTek]

Man u gotta man up and make decisions. Sacrifice for what you would rather have. (no intent meant here).
Its easy to walk to kitchen and grab a few drops, rollina cig and ima be tired before i make out the door
where was i
oh yeah coupla mgs sounds good

 

[PtahTek]

to elaborate a bit:
slipping out of addictions may be just as easy.
focus on what matters most.
dont underestimate your ability to heal self and others.
real shit bro/sis