Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

[Shardzvark]

Dead. I feel dead. Even just articulating how I feel rn is taxing my brain because it's not specific or easily defined and I'm so far away from the person I see in pictures of me from years past, even the last one. And I'd likely be okay to deteriorate and decay in increasing periods of isolation if it weren't for people who somehow remember I exist in these shadows and randomly message me just to say "I miss you". Who? A memory. They miss the memory of former them and former me and all the glorious days of being young and unaffected.
I remember as early as last fucking year, my mind was set on landscaping and gardening and getting my tires muddy out in the boonies periodically. I was so excited about new developments and novel applications of ai and machine learning, it inspired me to learn a new language, and was a major factor in why I decided to give higher education another go in 2020.
I'm fucking slipping away, man I don't feel anything like that anymore. Everything burns me out now, and I feel like I have nothing left to look forward to except see the grand shit show finale of the end of humanity cuz of morbid curiosity.
Google photos keeps showing me pictures from different points in my life and I can't even identify with who I see in the pics. I literally see it as a different person than who I am now.

 

[stardust10]

I'm sorry you're struggling.
I might not know you, but I've enjoyed your posts.
Try and go easier on yourself, you are only human.

@hylite @deficiT Thanks so much

 

[Jabberwocky]

@Shardzvark - I know that feeling. Maybe not that exact feeling, to your extent, for better or worse, but who you were in the past is not forgotten.

Yeah, people say the past is the past, people change, forgive and forget, blah fucking blah, but the fact of the matter is you were that person, truly in that moment, long ago.

Our feelings in all stages of our lives are justified by our unique experiences and make up.

I like to take the good, leave the bad, learn what worked and what didn't, and you never know.. tomorrow could be awesome

 

[darvocet21]

Struggling.
I'm a narcissistic person who doesn't want to be
No wonder nobody likes me genuinely
I also am extremely hard on myself for stuff that wasn't my fault because I can't accept it
I can't get out of this way of being and I desperately want to really appreciate and enjoy life with the people I love while I still have it

You're a cool presence on BL

 

[PtahTek]

I'm a narcissistic person

How? You spill this as if it was expected. It is/was not.
I may not know fuck all but I do know people. You are valued.

I desperately want to really appreciate and enjoy life with the people I love while I still have it

And you can. Cultivate this reality and see what happens... whatcha got to loose? This had a lot to do with the same options/sacrifices of personal change(s). Made a difference: More comfortable, not completely broke but strugglin like all, trusting, stable (she more so lol), but the growth that occurs when two or more get together and share is amazing to me.
Do what your heart tells ya and if it doesnt work out fuck it take a break and reassess. My fallback sometimes.
You another good seed imo but wtf am i?

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I am doing okay. A bit rattled. Not bad.

 

[Shardzvark]

@Shardzvark - I know that feeling. Maybe not that exact feeling, to your extent, for better or worse, but who you were in the past is not forgotten.

Yeah, people say the past is the past, people change, forgive and forget, blah fucking blah, but the fact of the matter is you were that person, truly in that moment, long ago.

Our feelings in all stages of our lives are justified by our unique experiences and make up.

I like to take the good, leave the bad, learn what worked and what didn't, and you never know.. tomorrow could be awesome

Thank you. It actually feels good just knowing someone else hears you and knows a little bit of what you're going through.

 

[Nas47]

Survive and this hit.....fuckin' boxing sack and I can landing devastating punch,but my hands are tied.....what a situation...to no one is given cross,that he is unable to carry on....well without doubt can say-I can carry a lot.

 

[Just a little pinprick]

I feel like im cursed, i went on vacation and its been the weirdest trip in my life lotsa ordinary things you do on vacation have been going sidewaays for me yhis trip ,
I get up really early every day and go outside the hotel for a smoke and theres been a homeless guy sleeping outside under the 7-11 awning every day but today he was awake and i gave him a few bucks and a cigarette and returned to my room then a few hrs later it was time to head to the train station and there was an ambulance and a few cops surrounding a body on yhe floor and as i walked by i noticed it was the guy I gave a few bucks too earlier and he was deceased ,eyes and mouth open and there wasnt a blink, i dont k ow if it was just his time of it had something to do with what i gave him,,

I swear i got some bad vibes following me around , i think i know the reason too , nobody i knew was able to babysit my birds for a month so the morning i left i opened the window and gave them yhere freedom which was actually a death sentence possibly by starvation they probably enjoyed ghe shit out of themselves being free until it was time to eat …..
I just had to vent,sorry

Edit; he’s not dead but it was him yesterday which he confirmed,I guess he gets seizures or something…

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I feel like im cursed, i went on vacation and its been the weirdest trip in my life lotsa ordinary things you do on vacation have been going sidewaays for me yhis trip ,
I get up really early every day and go outside the hotel for a smoke and theres been a homeless guy sleeping outside under the 7-11 awning every day but today he was awake and i gave him a few bucks and a cigarette and returned to my room then a few hrs later it was time to head to the train station and there was an ambulance and a few cops surrounding a body on yhe floor and as i walked by i noticed it was the guy I gave a few bucks too earlier and he was deceased ,eyes and mouth open and there wasnt a blink, i dont k ow if it was just his time of it had something to do with what i gave him,,

I swear i got some bad vibes following me around , i think i know the reason too , nobody i knew was able to babysit my birds for a month so the morning i left i opened the window and gave them yhere freedom which was actually a death sentence possibly by starvation they probably enjoyed ghe shit out of themselves being free until it was time to eat …..
I just had to vent,sorry

Edit; he’s not dead but it was him yesterday which he confirmed,I guess he gets seizures or something…

No worries about venting, that's what the thread is for.

I'm glad to hear that guy survived the seizure. Sorry to hear about the birds.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

To much to sum up. But the sleeping problem's with the accompanying traumatic dreams is the cream of the cake.

 

[Lovecraft]

i am noticing more and more how others are taking advantage of the disenfranchised. it both hurts and maddens me.

My wife had some significant health problems recently and we're struggling with all the medical bills. It's amazing to me how access to healthcare has become a luxury. Doctors and hospitals are so damn greedy. It shouldn't be allowed. Taking advantage of people who need medical care. Amazing.

 

[Nas47]

Here the most of docs are so corupt.....just like teachers,police,judges,customs.....all.That brings us democracy(along ofcourse the beautiful freedome to write&say what u want),all others are just negatives.Americans and the west cannot understand,that democracy isn't proper for some places.....apart from that,I believe,that democracy is dying.Ofcourse may be not proper for forum so delete this or just move somewhere else

 

[Jerry Atrick]

My wife had some significant health problems recently and we're struggling with all the medical bills. It's amazing to me how access to healthcare has become a luxury. Doctors and hospitals are so damn greedy. It shouldn't be allowed. Taking advantage of people who need medical care. Amazing.

In addition to doctors and hospitals, don't forget how corrupt private insurance companies are. They're the middle men and pretty much get to pick and choose what they decide to cover. If Biden croaks before 2024, vote for Bernie. He is the only one pushing Medicare for all. The US has to get to the 21st century. Canada, Europe, Australia.... they have this shit figured out.

 

[Lovecraft]

In addition to doctors and hospitals, don't forget how corrupt private insurance companies are. They're the middle men and pretty much get to pick and choose what they decide to cover. If Biden croaks before 2024, vote for Bernie. He is the only one pushing Medicare for all. The US has to get to the 21st century. Canada, Europe, Australia.... they have this shit figured out.

Yeah I agree. But insurance companies are a direct result of medical providers gouging the public. It's amazing that the healthcare industry, which provides such an essential, and what economists call, an "inelastic good" because it isn't tied to market-based supply and demand the way, say, TV's are, is allowed to mark up their prices higher than any other industry. In the richest country in the world, no less, healthcare is becoming inaccessible.

Bernie would get my vote all the way but the electoral system is rigged, in case you haven't noticed.

 

[Nocalova]

Sad

 

[deficiT]

Comfortably numb

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I'm on the fence, maybe 60% happy and 40% unhappy

 

[Crash Override]

I think the balance is tipping so far that its unrecoverable. If this is my last message I;d be glad to know it was you guys who read it and understood because no one else does.

 

[deficiT]

I think the balance is tipping so far that its unrecoverable. If this is my last message I;d be glad to know it was you guys who read it and understood because no one else does.

Hey dude I hope it's not your last message. Keep your head up, life beats us all down but we have to keep getting back up. Don't be afraid to reach out to others when you're feeling like this.