Mental Health A Rough Week/ Rant (Bipolar-from a family member)

[Treyderaid]

My brother was diagnosed as Bipolar 3 years ago. This week he had a major manic episode and it has been pure hell on me and my family. He was up all hours of the night playing loud music and dancing and acting completely insane. I ended up sleeping every night with a 22 caliber pistol under my pillow. He would burst into my room frequently and rant and rave about how evil our mother and father(deceased) are/were. Anyway. One night we finally had to call the cops, since they could only take him to the front door of the hospital and couldn't make him admit himself in my state, he walked off and booked a seedy hotel for a week and by the next morning he was screaming violent threats at my mother from the lobby phone of said seedy hotel.... anyway he was taken to the hospital a second time and this time my mom got magistrate orders to admit him to the mental hospital. He's been there for 2 days now and I'm basically still in shock. This has been hell and I can't count the number of times I've fantasized about relapsing with heroin/fentanyl, but I've held back and have skateboarded, smoked a ton of pot, and maybe overtaken my klonopin and had a couple drinks come night time. I've never seen my brother so cruel and manipulative and violent before, this week has really broken my heart, he even started a fistfight between the two of us the other night before he was taken to the hospital. Sorry if this is a seemingly directionless rant, But I love the bluelight community and had to say it somewhere, with love,-Trey.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I'm really sorry you had to experience all this with your brother.

I don't think I've ever really been on the receiving end of a manic episode but I have been on the giving end. When I first became manic and began spiraling into psychosis at the same time, I also put my family through hell albeit not as extreme as your brother did. This was primarily because I was living a couple of states away. So most of my delusional accusations and such took place over the phone where I became divisive and tried to pit family members against each other, mainly in order to protect myself at least in my mind.

Hopefully you can understand that what your brother is going through is not him, it is his condition that is causing him to act this way. I'm glad your mother was able to have him enter the hospital rather than giving up and simply kicking him out to the street. Luckily he did not decompensate enough to do something that would have landed him in jail or severely hurt you, your mom, or himself. While he is in the hospital, they will probably put him on some medications and he may get some counseling or group therapy. Hopefully this will allow him to find some clarity and realize how harmful his behavior was.

You don't have to forget what he did but if he has enough insight to know what he put y'all through, maybe you and your mom can forgive him. I know when I finally became med compliant, I apologized to everyone I hurt and they did take me back in when I needed it.

Kind of like drug addiction, it is possible to "relapse" back into mania, especially if he discontinues his medication. A few years after my initial episode, I put my family through the ringer again after I went off my meds. However this time, rather than acting out toward them I mainly did things to hurt myself ie. blowing everyone off, slipping into homelessness, and using harder drugs. Eventually I snapped out of it and my family took me back in. I've been med compliant since then.

Please remember that mental health is a journey and stability is part of the journey, not necessarily the destination. The best we can do is help our loved ones along when they need and accept the help, forgive them when possible, and let them know we love them regardless of if/when they get back on track.

 

[Treyderaid]

I'm really sorry you had to experience all this with your brother.

I don't think I've ever really been on the receiving end of a manic episode but I have been on the giving end. When I first became manic and began spiraling into psychosis at the same time, I also put my family through hell albeit not as extreme as your brother did. This was primarily because I was living a couple of states away. So most of my delusional accusations and such took place over the phone where I became divisive and tried to pit family members against each other, mainly in order to protect myself at least in my mind.

Hopefully you can understand that what your brother is going through is not him, it is his condition that is causing him to act this way. I'm glad your mother was able to have him enter the hospital rather than giving up and simply kicking him out to the street. Luckily he did not decompensate enough to do something that would have landed him in jail or severely hurt you, your mom, or himself. While he is in the hospital, they will probably put him on some medications and he may get some counseling or group therapy. Hopefully this will allow him to find some clarity and realize how harmful his behavior was.

You don't have to forget what he did but if he has enough insight to know what he put y'all through, maybe you and your mom can forgive him. I know when I finally became med compliant, I apologized to everyone I hurt and they did take me back in when I needed it.

Kind of like drug addiction, it is possible to "relapse" back into mania, especially if he discontinues his medication. A few years after my initial episode, I put my family through the ringer again after I went off my meds. However this time, rather than acting out toward them I mainly did things to hurt myself ie. blowing everyone off, slipping into homelessness, and using harder drugs. Eventually I snapped out of it and my family took me back in. I've been med compliant since then.

Please remember that mental health is a journey and stability is part of the journey, not necessarily the destination. The best we can do is help our loved ones along when they need and accept the help, forgive them when possible, and let them know we love them regardless of if/when they get back on track.

Thank you so much for your response, I have read lots of your posts and I appreciate your presence as a member of the bluelight community. I love my brother and I know that the person I interacted with the last week is not my brother, as you said it is his illness. Thanks so much for your perspective, it really means a lot.

 

[n3ophy7e]

@Treyderaid I'm so saddened to hear about the rough time you and your mum have had lately. How are things going now? Is your brother still in the mental hospital?

 

[Treyderaid]

@Treyderaid I'm so saddened to hear about the rough time you and your mum have had lately. How are things going now? Is your brother still in the mental hospital?

Things are really hard. My brother was released from the Mental Hospital this past Monday. Every day is hectic and unpredictable. He is constantly bouncing off the walls, this morning he was constantly raving about how he is going to become an "internet star", but at least he's in a good mood. Sometimes he snaps in anger for seemingly no reason and calls me names and says really hurtful things to me and my mom. He was prescribed Risperidone by the mental hospital but didn't tell us about it. My mom went to the pharmacy the other day and they informed her that there was an unfilled prescription in my brother's name from the local mental hospital. My brother claims the mood stabilizer was prescribed as a "suggestion", and frankly if that's the case, then I SUGGEST that he take the fucking pill. I have been getting a lot of support from my girlfriend Brooke and I have been riding my skateboard a lot when I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. I've also been drinking too much and taking a few too many klonopin and xanax but I'm doing my best to hang on to support my mom. I spent the night at my girlfriend's place last night. Thanks to everyone at BL for their guidance and support.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Things are really hard. My brother was released from the Mental Hospital this past Monday. Every day is hectic and unpredictable. He is constantly bouncing off the walls, this morning he was constantly raving about how he is going to become an "internet star", but at least he's in a good mood. Sometimes he snaps in anger for seemingly no reason and calls me names and says really hurtful things to me and my mom. He was prescribed Risperidone by the mental hospital but didn't tell us about it. My mom went to the pharmacy the other day and they informed her that there was an unfilled prescription in my brother's name from the local mental hospital. My brother claims the mood stabilizer was prescribed as a "suggestion", and frankly if that's the case, then I SUGGEST that he take the fucking pill. I have been getting a lot of support from my girlfriend Brooke and I have been riding my skateboard a lot when I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. I've also been drinking too much and taking a few too many klonopin and xanax but I'm doing my best to hang on to support my mom. I spent the night at my girlfriend's place last night. Thanks to everyone at BL for their guidance and support.

Yeah man that is really really hard, not only to see your brother being like that, but also to have to constantly be on guard and in protective mode all the time. It's fucking exhausting huh. Do you think there's a chance he will actually take the risperidone??
That is soooo good to hear that you've got good suppport with your girlfriend

 

[Treyderaid]

Okay, so it's been a couple of days since I updated everyone on how things are going. My brother is still very sick, perhaps even sicker than ever. My mom and him are currently at a psychiatrists office in a nearby small city in Eastern NC. I have spent the last 2 nights at my girlfriends. He went to his first check in appointment with the psychiatrist Monday, and returned absolutely furious with my mother for not letting him drive my mother's car to his own appointment. He is up at about 6 every morning and seems to fall asleep around 1-2 in the morning every night. He likes to call me names, and says crazy things that I sometimes play along with. Sometimes will accuse me of a random thing like ignoring him, or not looking him in the eye when we talk, and I'll apologize and he will respond with something like "Yeah, you should be fucking sorry you asshole". He has started making up all of these horrible things about his childhood. He claims that when we were children I would lock him in the closet and mentally torture him, he claims when we were kids that I put a "prop gun" to his head and threatened to kill him while telling him the gun was real. He has started randomly bursting into different foreign accents. Sometimes he talks in a British accent, sometimes he talks in an exaggerated and offensive Chinese accent (he's not a racist, he's actually very liberal). When he gets very angry he will walk up into my personal space and do things like push me on the shoulder or scream in my face so loud that spit hits my face; frankly I am afraid that when he does this things could escalate into violence. I am praying that the Dr. he is seeing today will prescribe something that will help him. My family and I really can't take much more. Thank you all for your time and support.
=

 

[Treyderaid]

By the way if any Dark Side/ Mental Health Mods think I might get more replies in the Mental health forum, then please shift the thread over that way. I wasn't sure if it would be a better fit over there.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

By the way if any Dark Side/ Mental Health Mods think I might get more replies in the Mental health forum, then please shift the thread over that way. I wasn't sure if it would be a better fit over there.

I just read this whole thread and I am very sorry you and your Mom are going through this. It sounds so stressful living with a family member that is severely mentally ill.

I DO think it would garner more attention and comments over in Mental Health simply for the reason that we have many members that may be able to relate either with their own issues or other family members. There are also many threads about the medications that MAY be the one that helps your Brother.

I'm gonna send this over to Mental Health . Because I think you're right about the better exposure. And I also think it's best suited for that sub forum.

Best wishes....and good luck.....to you and yours.

 

[90sdance]

My brother was diagnosed as Bipolar 3 years ago. This week he had a major manic episode and it has been pure hell on me and my family. He was up all hours of the night playing loud music and dancing and acting completely insane. I ended up sleeping every night with a 22 caliber pistol under my pillow. He would burst into my room frequently and rant and rave about how evil our mother and father(deceased) are/were. Anyway. One night we finally had to call the cops, since they could only take him to the front door of the hospital and couldn't make him admit himself in my state, he walked off and booked a seedy hotel for a week and by the next morning he was screaming violent threats at my mother from the lobby phone of said seedy hotel.... anyway he was taken to the hospital a second time and this time my mom got magistrate orders to admit him to the mental hospital. He's been there for 2 days now and I'm basically still in shock. This has been hell and I can't count the number of times I've fantasized about relapsing with heroin/fentanyl, but I've held back and have skateboarded, smoked a ton of pot, and maybe overtaken my klonopin and had a couple drinks come night time. I've never seen my brother so cruel and manipulative and violent before, this week has really broken my heart, he even started a fistfight between the two of us the other night before he was taken to the hospital. Sorry if this is a seemingly directionless rant, But I love the bluelight community and had to say it somewhere, with love,-Trey.

I empathise with you brother. One of my bros is a violent sociopath/narcissist and cocaine/steroid abuser. He has assaulted me/other family many times drawing blood, he has also thrown knives at me and other family members (sharp butcher knives). He was smashing our household windows for years, he smashed so many of my things, punched holes in walls, smashing my dads car window and so on. Often he would get set off by trivial issues, like if someone asked him to put a cup away he would just stand up and smash it ''to put them in their place''. He was also violent towards he ex GFs and has been in trouble with the law. He should be in prison for punching some guy unconsious in a pub (who now needs facial reconstructive surgery) but somehow got off (despite it being on cam and police testifying as witnesses) because he lies and the system doesnt work. Oh and btw, this is not the drugs...he was just as bad long before he started taking drugs (smashing things when he didnt get his way and beating people up). Also he had a decent upbringing, my parents where as good as they could have been so thats not the cause of his behavior (he was always like this from the time he could walk).

He had reduced my parents, good strong people, to being terrified of him and obeying his commands at one stage. He would shout orders at them like they where dogs and they had to come out of their rooms (which they where locked into) to give him what he wanted. Anyway i realized that he was demonically possessed when my faith was renewed and began spiritual warfare against him, for all the years trying to deal with him normally nothing worked, it was not until i started praying against this demon that God decided to intercede and chase him away. How the mighty demon ran, and he is no longer allowed back here by the law (i guided my father to get a restraining order). Anyway i hope you can continue to live a good and decent life, just know that if you pray genuinely your prayers may be answered. Currently i am trying to stop being under the influence of any medication or drug (the damage he inflicted on our life was one reason i was medicated). One thing i need to ephasize tho, is that sociopaths often cannot be changed, they are like wolves in human flesh and you can never satiate them.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Okay, so it's been a couple of days since I updated everyone on how things are going. My brother is still very sick, perhaps even sicker than ever. My mom and him are currently at a psychiatrists office in a nearby small city in Eastern NC. I have spent the last 2 nights at my girlfriends. He went to his first check in appointment with the psychiatrist Monday, and returned absolutely furious with my mother for not letting him drive my mother's car to his own appointment. He is up at about 6 every morning and seems to fall asleep around 1-2 in the morning every night. He likes to call me names, and says crazy things that I sometimes play along with. Sometimes will accuse me of a random thing like ignoring him, or not looking him in the eye when we talk, and I'll apologize and he will respond with something like "Yeah, you should be fucking sorry you asshole". He has started making up all of these horrible things about his childhood. He claims that when we were children I would lock him in the closet and mentally torture him, he claims when we were kids that I put a "prop gun" to his head and threatened to kill him while telling him the gun was real. He has started randomly bursting into different foreign accents. Sometimes he talks in a British accent, sometimes he talks in an exaggerated and offensive Chinese accent (he's not a racist, he's actually very liberal). When he gets very angry he will walk up into my personal space and do things like push me on the shoulder or scream in my face so loud that spit hits my face; frankly I am afraid that when he does this things could escalate into violence. I am praying that the Dr. he is seeing today will prescribe something that will help him. My family and I really can't take much more. Thank you all for your time and support.
=

Far out man, that actually makes me feel scared just reading it, I can only imagine what it's like actually being there and having to endure it Can you get a restraining order, like @90sdance mentioned? Something to keep you safe?

 

[Treyderaid]

Update part1: So on Wednesday when my mom took my brother to his therapy appointment, he was out within twenty minutes and explained to my mom that the therapist said that he is totally fine and does not need to come back. So of course, my mom went in to "confirm" this. Of course the therapist tells my mom that he is extremely manic and beyond therapeutic help, they told her the only way that he can be helped at this point is through medication and or hospitalization. So my mom and brother get home and immediately my brother is screaming and stomping and punching walls like "normal". Pretty much as soon as my mom told me that he was beyond our help (which took awhile because he followed her around the house.) I decided I would call 911 to try to get him back to the hospital, LONG STORY SHORT- he didn't meet the requirements to be admitted in his current state. It's almost like my brother is smart enough to tone down his mania in front of authority figures to manipulate them into thinking that not as much is wrong as there actually is, he still seems off, but it's like he's able to tone it down just a little bit. So we kicked him out and said he can't live in the house unless he takes his meds. So then I'm putting together a bag of his clothes and I found a sealed bottle of 1mg resperidol pills! The same pills that he told us he had thrown away. There's more to tell but I have an endocrinologist appointment in 20 minutes so I'll post more later. Thank you all for your time- Trey

 

[Treyderaid]

Update Part 2: So my brother has rented another sketch ball hotel in the town beside ours. And last night he called my mother and said he would be willing to come back to the house but only if I am not here. So my mom actually sat there last night after everything I've done for her these past two weeks and she actually seemed like she wanted to kick me out on the streets( Not literally I have money for a hotel and I have a supportive Girlfriend) just so that she would know where he is. This caused a huge argument between me and her that turned really ugly and yet again I drove to my girlfriend's house to sleep. So my paternal Uncle has agreed to take my brother in and try to help him. I think this is a horrible idea and I think it will end badly but at least we know where my brother will be and it won't be here in our peaceful home driving us up the fucking wall 24/7. I just got back from an endocrinologist appointment and have been informed that my health is "concerning" to my Dr's. I came home to an empty house... so my Blood pressure is sky high, my heart is skipping beats, my A1C is a 9.0 and my neuropathic pain and mental health have gotten way worse. My urine had very low levels of protein in it, so they did a blood draw to test me for kidney failure..... They had a really great phlebotomist who somehow managed to hit my fibrous and scarred junkies veins on her very 1st try. At least there was that, at least she didn't have to tear my arms up and make me feel like a junky all over again just to get some blood.

 

[hylite]

This is a very tough issue for you. I hope it turns out better. Your mom may be a bit overwhelmed and disoriented going through this. You do seem to be getting the raw deal out of this however. Prayers for you however and many wish's for the best outcome especially on your end.
Hang in there, baby ? I really do hope that things can get better !

 

[hylite]

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Update Part 2: So my brother has rented another sketch ball hotel in the town beside ours. And last night he called my mother and said he would be willing to come back to the house but only if I am not here. So my mom actually sat there last night after everything I've done for her these past two weeks and she actually seemed like she wanted to kick me out on the streets( Not literally I have money for a hotel and I have a supportive Girlfriend) just so that she would know where he is. This caused a huge argument between me and her that turned really ugly and yet again I drove to my girlfriend's house to sleep. So my paternal Uncle has agreed to take my brother in and try to help him. I think this is a horrible idea and I think it will end badly but at least we know where my brother will be and it won't be here in our peaceful home driving us up the fucking wall 24/7. I just got back from an endocrinologist appointment and have been informed that my health is "concerning" to my Dr's. I came home to an empty house... so my Blood pressure is sky high, my heart is skipping beats, my A1C is a 9.0 and my neuropathic pain and mental health have gotten way worse. My urine had very low levels of protein in it, so they did a blood draw to test me for kidney failure..... They had a really great phlebotomist who somehow managed to hit my fibrous and scarred junkies veins on her very 1st try. At least there was that, at least she didn't have to tear my arms up and make me feel like a junky all over again just to get some blood.

I'm really sorry the situation is still spiraling. I would suggest, and it may already have been done, but I would tell your mom and uncle that they should make it a condition that your brother cannot live with them unless he takes his meds and does it in front of them every day. I'm talking just like a nurse: watch him swallow it and make sure it's not in his gum where he can spit it out.

And I'd also be wary about leaving your mom in the house alone with him. The last thing we need is for him to harm her without you or someone there to help her.

 

[Treyderaid]

Update: My home is peaceful today. My paternal Uncle came and picked up my brother and took him to his beach house in Myrtle Beach. That night my brother deleted all of the really crazy instagram posts he's been making and every day since my uncle came and got him he has seemed to be coming down a little bit from his manic high. I talked to him today and told him I loved him. I'm trying to cut back on the benzos because I've been taking too many and I know that. My girlfriend continues to be very supportive and kind. She's awesome. My mom is kinda down but seems to be finding some help on NAMI groups and we are hanging in there as a family.

 

[Treyderaid]

Update: So my brother spent a week in Myrtle Beach w/ my paternal Uncle and his manic symptoms slowly but surely have leveled out to an almost normal state. He's still a little fast paced and very insistent that he is right about just about any and everything, but when I talk to him I feel like I'm talking to my brother again and god I'm so grateful for that. He's a good guy and one of my best friends and I really missed him. The best way I could think to describe his behavior today is kinda like he's done a little cocaine. Over talkative, a little intense, but mostly very pleasant to be around, he has very typical hypomanic symptoms but is not at all aggressive now. I'm really grateful for the changes that have occurred but I just can't get over how fast his shifts have been and I'm really afraid of what will come in the future. But I know personally from my years of recovery from opioid and benzodiazepine addiction that we must live one day at a time if we are to expect peace in our lives.

 

[hylite]

So nice to hear that your brother is doing better. How old is he again or if you didn't say do you think he might have a chance of growing out of it a bit eventually ? Either way it sounds much more peaceful now.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Update: So my brother spent a week in Myrtle Beach w/ my paternal Uncle and his manic symptoms slowly but surely have leveled out to an almost normal state. He's still a little fast paced and very insistent that he is right about just about any and everything, but when I talk to him I feel like I'm talking to my brother again and god I'm so grateful for that. He's a good guy and one of my best friends and I really missed him. The best way I could think to describe his behavior today is kinda like he's done a little cocaine. Over talkative, a little intense, but mostly very pleasant to be around, he has very typical hypomanic symptoms but is not at all aggressive now. I'm really grateful for the changes that have occurred but I just can't get over how fast his shifts have been and I'm really afraid of what will come in the future. But I know personally from my years of recovery from opioid and benzodiazepine addiction that we must live one day at a time if we are to expect peace in our lives.

That's good news! Like you said, one day at a time. Do you know if your brother is taking his meds at your uncle's place? That could possibly be the difference.