I'm being sexually harassed.

[bird.is.the.word]

So, this woman at work has been sexually harassing me for about six months. She calls me her "work boyfriend". Another employee told me she said "I wonder what he looks like naked". She talks to me about her sex life with her husband. When I tell her it's inappropriate, she does it more. So, I have to pretend like it doesn't bother me. She doesn't do any of this with any other male staff member (and she's pretty hot) so I guess I should take it as a compliment?

Pretty sure if the gender was reversed, the situation would be wildly different. That's the only thing that bothers me about the situation. I don't find the harassment traumatic. It's just annoying that women are still complaining about unfair treatment when this sort of thing can happen in broad daylight and nobody even notices. She does it in front of other staff and they laugh. Another female staff member was joining in the other day. Then she said, "Look, he's blushing!"

I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't think there's anything I can do. We can't lose either of them. They are essential members of the team. It doesn't matter, I guess. I don't know. I can't seem to shake it.

 

[Bagseed]

and she's pretty hot) so I guess I should take it as a compliment

if it makes you feel uncomfortable, definitely not.

is there some sort of HR department you can talk to. doesn't mean you have to immediately call her out, but just talk to someone that there is a problem with somebody?

 

[bird.is.the.word]

I'd be a bit embarrassed to do that. I mean what's the point of talking to HR unless I'm going to say who she is? Also, we actually work for different companies that occupy the same space... so that complicates things.

I don't think there's anything I can do.

I honestly don't completely understand why it bothers me, which is confusing because I usually understand myself 100%. Maybe this is why it bothers me, because it confuses me... Also, I guess I can't help but let my mind wander occasionally and I don't want it to wander. We're both married with kids. I don't want to think about anyone sexually other than my wife and random porn people.

It's a weird situation. I'm pretty sure she's doing it just to fuck with me, but then why me? If she did it to other male employees, I wouldn't care so much.

If she knew how much she'd gotten into my head, she'd be thrilled.

 

[G_Chem]

It bothers you because you’re seeing the hypocrisy and it’s leaving a bad taste in your mouth. I agree, but what can we do? We’re already thought of as violent, rape-loving monsters. You just take it like is expected of you.

Actually the “he’s blushing”comment makes me a little sick.

I make it a point to shut these types down hard. I suggest you do the same.

-GC

 

[Nurse Ratched]

It bothers you because you’re seeing the hypocrisy and it’s leaving a bad taste in your mouth. I agree, but what can we do? We’re already thought of as violent, rape-loving monsters. You just take it like is expected of you.

Actually the “he’s blushing”comment makes me a little sick.

I make it a point to shut these types down hard. I suggest you do the same.

-GC

Yeah. I would also be inclined to tell them to fuck off next time they did it.

It isn't flattering and it isn't appropriate. Doesn't matter if its male on female or vice versa. All it takes is someone that overhears the comments that find it offensive and then THEY go and tell HR.

Now both of you have to go to the office and explain why one is doing it and the other is tolerating it.

Usually doesn't end well for the parties involved.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I suggest you start documenting this. Try to get evidence as well, if you can.

Although the fact she works for a different company does complicate things.

Probably best to just sternly tell her off.

 

[bird.is.the.word]

I "jokingly" said to her I was going to report her for sexual harassment and she told me she doesn't care. She literally said to me they're not going to do anything about it because she's female. I'm not sure if that's true though. They'd have to do something... but I don't think they'd take it as seriously as a male worker doing it.

It's not worth the embarrassment / hassle doing anything about it. I would gain so little and lots of people (me, her, the clients) could potentially lose so much.

I realize writing this down that it mimics the sentiment of women who are harassed. Being ashamed to come forward. Sympathizing with the person harassing me. This also bothers me, because - I guess? - I am experiencing the same thing that women have endured in the workplace for decades. I'm not sure if I'm in denial. That's the nature of denial, I guess.

Is she doing this in the name of revenge, because women have been historically mistreated? I think that's a part of it. It's an excuse for people in certain groups to mistreat people in other groups... But, mostly, I think she's just bored.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I "jokingly" said to her I was going to report her for sexual harassment and she told me she doesn't care. She literally said to me they're not going to do anything about it because she's female. I'm not sure if that's true though. They'd have to do something... but I don't think they'd take it as seriously as a male worker doing it.

They're supposed to take it seriously by law. I worked for a large corporation in the past. I knew of a man who reported a female for sexual harassment. She was fired, and he received compensation from the company. Quite a bit of money. He documented it happening and went to hr with evidence.

They can be sued for huge amounts if they don't take it seriously, but I'm no lawyer.

 

[CFC]

As a gay guy, I'm used to seeing the other end of the stick quite a bit - as in women shamelessly hitting on me and getting kinda creepy.

Were I a straight dude who was interested, I doubt most of it would have made me feel in the least uncomfortable. But I do wonder sometimes if, because they know I'm not a sexual threat in any way whatsoever, they feel more emboldened to share their racy thoughts freely.

I'm glad they feel comfortable around me, but it doesn't take into account my feelings on their behavior in any way. Like they don't realize they're acting like creepy old men themselves.

I used to think I had to tolerate being touched and teased like that, as men are supposed to just take it. But if it happened now I'm a bit older, I don't think I'd let it slip. First I'd explain to them how their behavior was making me feel. And if it still didn't stop, I'd take it to HR.

Hope you find some resolution that works for you in this situation Bird.

 

[bird.is.the.word]

She was fired, and he received compensation from the company. Quite a bit of money.

I don't want the money. I work for an NFP. I don't want her to be fired either. She is an asset in every imaginable way aside from the inappropriate behaviour towards me. We need her. If anything, she should be promoted.

 

[AussieJoe]

Yah it all comes down to accountability in the end.If you can handle it and just dust it off all fine and well ...ignore it ....but is that the right thing to do ...thats like acknowledging its ok for this behaviour in the workplace.....which it isnt.Maybe some recorded comveration may help in the pursuit of shutting the situation down ...dont know the legalities of recording though.Evidence does help.Suppose once you got some recordings you could just politely or unpolitly tell her to fuck off with her shit or you will take matter further.

 

[Hexenstahl]

and she's pretty hot

Then I don't see what the problem is. No heterosexual man in this world feels "harassed" when a hot lady talks about sexual things with him. At most he might feel embarrassed, but secretly he enjoys it

EDIT: I wonder if someone will get triggered by this lol.

 

[bird.is.the.word]

Not triggered. Not sure if you're joking. I've never mastered German humour. It's no secret that I would enjoy it if she tied me up and fucked me but that doesn't make rape okay. I clearly established that it was unwelcome.

Another thing that bothers me about this is: I think I'm actually looking at it differently because she's a woman and I'm a man. In my mind I think it's not as bad if it's a woman doing it to a man. It should be exactly the same, but it isn't... and I'm not sure why it isn't.

I don't like being confused.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

It's crazy how different men are treated that are being harassed. I think what @Hexenstahl said is, unfortunately, the general consensus in these matters. I'm sorry your going through this Birdy.

Here's what I'd do:

- I'd start answering wildly inappropriate to her inappropriate comments.
- I'd grey that bitch. Whatever she says, just answer in blunt affect "Okay."


Push comes to shove:
- I'd hid outside the exit of the building and kick her in the cunt wearing a ski-mask.

 

[CFC]

TTYTT I would absolutely not object to being harassed by a hot straight dude but, alas, such an outcome seems highly improbable lol. And, of course, there's no chance I'd be complaining about it as it would clearly not be causing me any consternation. But I do empathize with the confusion this situation could cause. Perhaps if the power relations were different (ie she was your boss) and she wasn't in any way attractive or desirable to you, the issue would seem more clear cut?

 

[bird.is.the.word]

I'd start answering wildly inappropriate to her inappropriate comments.

If I do that, I'll end up losing my job.

I'd hid outside the exit of the building and kick her in the cunt wearing a ski-mask.

Nah, too dangerous.
She's probably into that.

 

[assclass]

Document and have others document any undesired behavior.

Provide documentation and complaints to your chain of command, including your direct boss (higher level bosses may need to be informed as well) and HR.

Failure to resolve the issue by your employer can result in financial compensation, so hopefully they deal with it, if not go to an employment lawyer.

 

[bird.is.the.word]

Perhaps if the power relations were different (ie she was your boss) and she wasn't in any way attractive or desirable to you, the issue would seem more clear cut?

I don't know. I think it would actually bother me less if she was less objectively attractive. Something that annoys me about this situation is her assumption that I am interested. She thinks she has a power over men. I'm not interested. I don't like vanity. It's a huge turn off for me. But, I'm human at the end of the day.

That paragraph took me ages to write. It frustrates me that this situation confuses me as much as it does.

I don't think it would make any difference if she was my boss.

 

[wirkdy]

as snafu said document it, simply sound record with any app, then tell her to stop then go to supervisor then sue her and company if it didn't act.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

If I do that, I'll end up losing my job.

Yeah. Wouldn't that be ironic?

Nah, too dangerous.
She's probably into that.

I'm sure she gets off on the fact that she can tell you're uncomfortable. I would bore her to death. Don't give her an inch.