I'm not trying to hijack the thread I'm just obliviously retarded and haven't figured out how to post appropriately yet....
But.
Dude. I've been fucking myself up in my head pretty good like totally off the sauce and have slipped on like basically two different occasions now ( because you know they come in multi-day spurts ) after almost a solid year off everything minus like super small amounts of weed. I'm in a bit of a shit situation in life in general like there's a lot of ground to cover.
I've worked so hard to improve My life and it eats my fucking soul that I'm not doing the things that I feel and know I should be. Like work/career wise, socially, physically, recreationally. But I've been dumping everything I am into making it all better.
So what the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm literally recently released from incarceration ( which I went into clean mind you ) a couple months ago and have literally been doing nothing but working towards better shit. Now, ... Life's a bitch. Blah blah. It's tough, sure.
But why, because I promise you what I want is NOT the consequences, price, ramifications of a few punk ass days of feeling like everything is okay. THE TOLLS spiritually, emotionally , physically, and not to mention legally and financially.
As if life isn't hard enough.
Who does this?
Who begins construction on something investing valuable resources like fucking time and blah blah to then thoughtlessly jeopardize all of it or not just demolish the whole thing but put a crater there where it was and moved all fucking imaginary resources to another continent.
And then.
To acknowledge the situation and somehow convince yourself, not anyone else, that what you've done or are doing ( or will do in some cases) is justified in some irrational fucked up way. Like "I" somehow don't know what I'm doing as both a truth and a lie. Like does this make sense to anyone else because I don't believe that I'm alone in experiencing this fucked ass phenomenon but as of the last year or so have been dealing with social anxiety and awkwardness because I spent so much time alone and on drugs and haven't established people in my life ( because I need new ones) to talk to and with about this shit so I'm on a fucking blog forum all night when I should have been sleeping.
Cause like I said.
Sorry if this isn't appropriate for the thread. Feel free to remove and apologizes for being a noob