Hello, Everyone.
I’m the OP. Its been just over four months of contemplating since I opened this thread, and the contemplation was already ongoing for some time by the time I came here for advice.
For anyone who has followed along, or is catching up, firstly I’d like to sincerely thank everyone who opined, one way or the other.
The continuation of the story goes as such - this past Friday, my daughter, who will turn 18 in two months, and I consumed mushrooms together.
Now, things can still go sideways, but right now, we both believe its the best thing we could’ve done.
You have to understand, my daughter was/is stuck. For all intents and purposes, she hasn’t gone to school for years. Hasn’t left her room for years. Virtually only for hospital visits after self harm. Cutting herself. Badly. Eating fistfuls of pills and such.
A big issue was/is her inability to believe in herself, and I’m telling you, this kid can do anything she wants. A big part of the problem is that while I tried to tell her I believed this to be true, that she does have the ability to do anything, she really felt I only said I believed in her because, well, what else is a father going to say.
Right now, for the first time ever, or since she was so small she couldn’t know any better, she believes that she has the ability to do anything. Right now, for the first time in too long, she believes that I fully believe in her, and that im not just saying it.
I’ve already told her, this feeling of victory, this feeling she deserves to feel, may wane. Doubt may creep back in. And that’s normal. For all of us. But I also told her that from now on, that feeling of doubt won’t feel exactly the same. That it won’t feel eternal. And she believes it. Fully.
I know there is much work to be done, but the willingness to do the work, and the ability to see the end goal in reach is now there, within her.
I know how this sounds, I didn’t think I would be this guy, but in a few hours she got so much farther than years of antidepressants ever got close to taking her.
In this moment I am happy. Its been long for me too. To feel happy. And my happiness stems from being happy for her. And that I can feel happy for someone else so authentically, makes me happy for me.
In this moment I am happy. And grateful. Grateful to anyone who had an authentic well wish. It worked. And I wish you all well. And happiness. I wish you all happiness.