Deleted member 521610
Bluelighter
fucking hell its nearly two weeks of drinking every night. Idk how the fuck i fell into this. I hope i can quit
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Recovery The 2022 alcohol support thread
- Thread starter F.U.B.A.R.
- Start date
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
Try over a decade of neat vodka nearly everyday mate.
I've just managed 4 days without booze, then the alcoholic brother in law turned up unannounced.
Triggered? Fuck yeh. I was balls deep into vodka with strongbow chasers and now I know I can't stop again for several weeks.
Fuck this legal shit...
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I'm so fucking frustrated right now. Alcohol is harder to quit than fucking heroin for me... because it's right there, it's fucking unavoidable. It's a 5 minute walk away down the street. It's in the grocery aisle when I go buy food. It's on TV commercials. It's in everyone's refrigerator. It's on billboards. It's on T-shirts. It's in the bar while I drive to work. It's on my family's breath. It's in the air. It's in the water. It's in the meat. It's on telephone calls. It's coming out of the fucking shower.
so frustrated... so, so frustrated...
if I could just get some clean time again, it would be easier to resist... but once that ball starts rolling down hill it gains momentum... you guys know how it is -_-
fuck life
so frustrated... so, so frustrated...
if I could just get some clean time again, it would be easier to resist... but once that ball starts rolling down hill it gains momentum... you guys know how it is -_-
fuck life
axe battler
Bluelight Crew
Yeah man that ball, a' rollin'! I'm on 95mg methadone and I'm having a hard time with the sauce as it is! At least my opiate receptors are saturated. I wonder if instead of ORT, they'd ever have A(alcohol)RT, and what that would consist of. Slow release kava or GHB or benzos... I'd take that over booze any day.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I was dry for 10 years until last week when I had a 6 or 7 day relapse involving alcohol everyday. I've not drank since the end of that relapse, but I've got benzos here. But the real point is, I'm already planning another drink relapse. Absolutely compulsively, I've actually booked the hotel room already and everything.
RDP89
Bluelighter
I have heard of people being on baclofen to stay off the booze. Other than that naltrexone to supposedly help stop cravings and of course antabuse lol. And of course as you mentioned some people switch to benzos. Which don’t have as many of the physical health risks but still not the best thing to be on long term.
And for someone like me benzos are not even close to an option. They would lead me back to booze and/or other drugs quite quickly. Actually funny story getting a benzo prescription to taper off alcohol is how I ended up in prison. Not that I’m complaining, that’s how I finally managed long term sobriety. Kinda sucks having felonies on my record though.
RDP89
Bluelighter
Damn, that’s rough. What started you off on that relapse?
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I got stage 3c high risk bowel cancer, finished an aggressive 6 month chemotherapy regime. Came to visit my mum and my brother to recover, then my girlfriend of 6 years said not only is she leaving me but she's been seeing someone else for a while. And I lost it.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
and now that I've lost it once, there's another lost it waiting.
RDP89
Bluelighter
Wow, that is alot to handle all at once. I can’t imagine how hard that is. Was the chemo successful?
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Yes it did what it was supposed to do, thanks for asking
after the tumour was removed I had a 2 week rehab then straight to chemo, it was fucking horrendous. Anyway, they said I've got a 50/50 chance of it recurring in the first 2 years after chemo, and if it does return it's most commonly on the liver which is basically goodnight, and I don't get a remission statement for 5 years. So that was in the middle of lockdown then my girl left me. I thought, well, that bottle's calling me now more than ever in my entire life, so I reached for that bottle like an oxygen tank.
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RDP89
Bluelighter
Well I’m glad to hear you made it through all that and hope it stays gone.Yes it did what it was supposed to do, thanks for asking
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Thank-you for your kind words and thoughts, I appreciate it and I don't take kindness for granted. Cheers
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
fucking hell man. glad treatment went OK.Yes it did what it was supposed to do, thanks for asking
i think that combo of shite would make even the hardest 12 steppers consider using (if i do step 1 again i'll def put it down as a reservation).
you've done so well to make it this far. once you've lost that clean time it feels so easy to go back. i didn't have anywhere near that clean time and once i lost mine i stopped caring so much. but you don't have to, and you have a specific reason not to.
did the drinking actually help any of the feelings you are coping with, even temporarily?
are you getting any peer support or anything, like irl help? over here i know we have charities that help withthe psychological aspects of having cancer, as fell as the physical ones and practicalities.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I did 3 detoxes and 2 rehabs, the 12 steps never did much for me, though I get the appeal for people who use it and I've nothing against them and many are very successful. CBT worked/works better for me, to the core you know.
Support-wise in London there's a charity called McMillan who are amazing and are specifically aimed at helping cancer patients in every way you can imagine. So it's actually through them, rather than the national health system (free as it is doesn't mean good), that I see an onco-psychologist once a week for an hour, it helps a lot and the lady is brilliant (I know what bad one's are like I've been in more therapy sessions than most people have had hot dinners)
But if I'm honest it's not enough and really I should get back to some sort of substance/alcohol abuse sessions, it's just that 2 blow outs in my mind doesn't quite warrant that yet, and would be a waste of their time and mine. There's 12 step meetings all over the place but you won't see me in one of those.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Yes, absolutely it did, plus the crack pipe and oxy's I was flying.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
ah right, well, carry on then. ngl i too am partial to the odd pipe of crack.
i was kinda hoping you would say no. not that it would stop you, cos even when i recognise that i drank (my main problem now) on a feeling and the drinking didn't help, it doesn't stop me.
so used to north americans on here that i didn't twig you would actually be from london, like proper london. i am from manc and its actually macmillan i was thinking of. i'm glad you lady is great.
do get yourself some support. i used to do 12 steps, i like some of their ideas but since i lost my clean time and wasn't immediately prostituting myself for crack and picking up needles from the floor again, i realised that clean time != recovery. now i do buddhist stuff, or try to. but i'm out of my meditation groove. you could try SMART? i would suggest drugs services, i had actually useful group therapy (who knew that even existed?!?!) through cgl, but they've used covid as an excuse to go to shit completely. maybe if you have an option other than cgl down there could be worth a look?
RDP89
Bluelighter
This exactly!! It is beyond annoying when “12 steppers” will separate “sober time”/“clean time” from “dry time” like if you’re not actively working the steps somehow your time isn’t the same as theirs. Your coping mechanism/recovery tool isn’t intrinsically more valuable than anyone else’s simply because it’s a quasi-religious “spiritual” program. End rant.
Nas47
Road-Weary Traveler
No able to absorb well those alc.may be from being longtime hcv patient.So drinkin rarely and little amounts.And it likes me....a good anestetic before sleep.but is hard on organs.thats how i feel it.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Try 15 years of 40 units a day minimum ( 70cl bottle of whisky is 28 units), coupled with 5/6 night no sleepers spread over 15 years. I drank 10 cans of "K" cider 8.4% as a regular for years, that's 42 units. You got it easy, don't worry about it, in fact continue enjoying it.