Dont you hate it when people dont believe the shit you been through?

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

Im not talking about the times i was assaulted although not being believed about that does get to me. Im talking about not being believed about the drugs ive done. Im talking about not being believed about my home life as a kid. Im talking about not being believed that ive been in handcuffs.

Why the fuck would i lie about that? I have met a few who lie about shit like that but i know from experience when a person tells you something they did or something that happened to them, they are most likely not lying.

Mostly its strangers who dont believe me about shit like the drugs ive done or the suicide attempts or home life i had growing up, or the experiences i had when i ran away.

It just hurts me when people think i lie. I rarely lie and when i do its about laziness or cheating on schoolwork. I do not lie about serious shit.

People think ive had the most perfect life when they look at me. People think im a goody goody. Which yes i am since im sober now and i know its not something to be ashamed of, but ive done shit. Im not proud of it at all but i have.

People look at me and see that im a white girl who has everything fine and dandy. And everyone thinks im underage and im not. I turned eighteen in october. Thats not something to be pissed off about, hell i should be glad i look young, im just ranting i guess.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I've lied a lot in my life. I've lied to the face of my loved ones more than I'd like to admit.

They seem to believe me now, in ways I never imagined, in ways I've never lied. I created something which cannot be stopped.

The liar.

I am well mannered and well spoken. I've been to the psych wards and been told repeatedly I am not psychotic enough to be admitted. I was not lying. I was needing help. Who's right? Who's wrong? Me? Me the one needing help?

18 was so many years ago... might as well be dinosaurs for me. I can't even remember it.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just know that you are young, oh so young.

I couldn't give a rat's ass what people thought of me at 18, and I had already been through so much. As have you.

Lies are fickle. Flesh is fickle.

You have a lot more than lies and judgement ahead of you. Know that.

Don't dwell on this, build on it.

You have a decade of 20's ahead of you and in 10 years this all may seem silly to you, in it's own way.

here, a Bukowski poem to satiate your young mind:






We are always asked to understand the other person's viewpoint.

No matter how outdated, foolish or obnoxious.

One is asked to view their total error, their life waste, with kindliness.

Especially if they are aged

but age is the total of our doing...

They have aged badly, because they have lived out of focus.

They have refused to see...

Not their fault?

Whose fault?

Mine?

I am asked to hide my viewpoint from them for fear of their fear.

Age is no crime,

but the shame of a deliberately wasted life,

among so many

deliberately wasted lives

is.

 

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

I've lied a lot in my life. I've lied to the face of my loved ones more than I'd like to admit.

They seem to believe me now, in ways I never imagined, in ways I've never lied. I created something which cannot be stopped.

The liar.

I am well mannered and well spoken. I've been to the psych wards and been told repeatedly I am not psychotic enough to be admitted. I was not lying. I was needing help. Who's right? Who's wrong? Me? Me the one needing help?

18 was so many years ago... might as well be dinosaurs for me. I can't even remember it.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just know that you are young, oh so young.

I couldn't give a rat's ass what people thought of me at 18, and I had already been through so much. As have you.

Lies are fickle. Flesh is fickle.

You have a lot more than lies and judgement ahead of you. Know that.

Don't dwell on this, build on it.

You have a decade of 20's ahead of you and in 10 years this all may seem silly to you, in it's own way.

here, a Bukowski poem to satiate your young mind:






We are always asked to understand the other person's viewpoint.

No matter how outdated, foolish or obnoxious.

One is asked to view their total error, their life waste, with kindliness.

Especially if they are aged

but age is the total of our doing...

They have aged badly, because they have lived out of focus.

They have refused to see...

Not their fault?

Whose fault?

Mine?

I am asked to hide my viewpoint from them for fear of their fear.

Age is no crime,

but the shame of a deliberately wasted life,

among so many

deliberately wasted lives

is.

Thank you for your response. It made me feel better. Again, thank you.

 

[neversickanymore]

I feel you on this given what I have been a victim to in the last handful of years. You have no idea.. and why would you.

As you get farther on in life you drastically will not give a fuck about what most people think. I would not take anything to serious.

Consider learning to identify your solid people, the people who you form a bond with and who are really looking out for you and have your interest in mind. Watch out for the riff raff and broken. Fuck what the peanut gallery thinks.. bunch of clowns anyway and life will show that.

 

[Jabberwocky]

As you get farther on in life you drastically will not give a fuck about what most people think.

So true. Selfishly, we prosper as one begins to realize it matters more what you think about yourself, and not the idle thoughts of others upon you.

They do not matter.

 

[Robi]

Im not talking about the times i was assaulted although not being believed about that does get to me. Im talking about not being believed about the drugs ive done. Im talking about not being believed about my home life as a kid. Im talking about not being believed that ive been in handcuffs.

Why the fuck would i lie about that? I have met a few who lie about shit like that but i know from experience when a person tells you something they did or something that happened to them, they are most likely not lying.

Mostly its strangers who dont believe me about shit like the drugs ive done or the suicide attempts or home life i had growing up, or the experiences i had when i ran away.

It just hurts me when people think i lie. I rarely lie and when i do its about laziness or cheating on schoolwork. I do not lie about serious shit.

People think ive had the most perfect life when they look at me. People think im a goody goody. Which yes i am since im sober now and i know its not something to be ashamed of, but ive done shit. Im not proud of it at all but i have.

People look at me and see that im a white girl who has everything fine and dandy. And everyone thinks im underage and im not. I turned eighteen in october. Thats not something to be pissed off about, hell i should be glad i look young, im just ranting i guess.

rant on lil sistah!

 

[Robi]

I've lied a lot in my life. I've lied to the face of my loved ones more than I'd like to admit.

They seem to believe me now, in ways I never imagined, in ways I've never lied. I created something which cannot be stopped.

The liar.

I am well mannered and well spoken. I've been to the psych wards and been told repeatedly I am not psychotic enough to be admitted. I was not lying. I was needing help. Who's right? Who's wrong? Me? Me the one needing help?

18 was so many years ago... might as well be dinosaurs for me. I can't even remember it.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just know that you are young, oh so young.

I couldn't give a rat's ass what people thought of me at 18, and I had already been through so much. As have you.

Lies are fickle. Flesh is fickle.

You have a lot more than lies and judgement ahead of you. Know that.

Don't dwell on this, build on it.

You have a decade of 20's ahead of you and in 10 years this all may seem silly to you, in it's own way.

here, a Bukowski poem to satiate your young mind:






We are always asked to understand the other person's viewpoint.

No matter how outdated, foolish or obnoxious.

One is asked to view their total error, their life waste, with kindliness.

Especially if they are aged

but age is the total of our doing...

They have aged badly, because they have lived out of focus.

They have refused to see...

Not their fault?

Whose fault?

Mine?

I am asked to hide my viewpoint from them for fear of their fear.

Age is no crime,

but the shame of a deliberately wasted life,

among so many

deliberately wasted lives

is.

 

[Jabberwocky]

 

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

Thank you!

 

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

You should share that on the suicide forum. Some people might not find it helpful but i think it could help some people.

 

[Jabberwocky]

 

[neversickanymore]

This is one my father’s favorite. I had to memorize it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

This is my father’s favorite. I had to memorize it.

you may like this

 

[neversickanymore]

you may like this

4 sure.. it hangs in my father’s north woods retreat.. and I also memorized it.. fire wisdom and a reflection of attaining that higher realm.

 

[lovemissile66]

I've lied a lot in my life. I've lied to the face of my loved ones more than I'd like to admit.

They seem to believe me now, in ways I never imagined, in ways I've never lied. I created something which cannot be stopped.

The liar.

I am well mannered and well spoken. I've been to the psych wards and been told repeatedly I am not psychotic enough to be admitted. I was not lying. I was needing help. Who's right? Who's wrong? Me? Me the one needing help?

18 was so many years ago... might as well be dinosaurs for me. I can't even remember it.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just know that you are young, oh so young.

I couldn't give a rat's ass what people thought of me at 18, and I had already been through so much. As have you.

Lies are fickle. Flesh is fickle.

You have a lot more than lies and judgement ahead of you. Know that.

Don't dwell on this, build on it.

You have a decade of 20's ahead of you and in 10 years this all may seem silly to you, in it's own way.

here, a Bukowski poem to satiate your young mind:






We are always asked to understand the other person's viewpoint.

No matter how outdated, foolish or obnoxious.

One is asked to view their total error, their life waste, with kindliness.

Especially if they are aged

but age is the total of our doing...

They have aged badly, because they have lived out of focus.

They have refused to see...

Not their fault?

Whose fault?

Mine?

I am asked to hide my viewpoint from them for fear of their fear.

Age is no crime,

but the shame of a deliberately wasted life,

among so many

deliberately wasted lives

is.

How are you doing Negentropic? I haven't been around for a bit. BTW, I love Bukowski. The first book my boyfriend bought me was Bukowski's Women. I knew I had a keeper. Hope every day is an
improvement upon the last.

 

[Kellsee]

It's because this worlds ran with a pack bred mentality and social stratification dictates your worth more than your character . This creates a dominating group....the majority. The vulnerabe then become the minority. It's what creates the hole for the wicked people to crawl into the high places. They prey on the vulnerable. The majority have became just like the algorithms that run Facebook. Theyve appeased each other until theyve desensitized their brains with deep ingrained habits. Now they are habitual assholes. Theres no rehab for that. But you are right. They dont know what we go thru. They camt even see us. But that's ok cause they don't get to be beautiful. Beautiful people arent just born that way. They are created out of broken pieces when they are put back together. But the majority have became so comfortable that their basic instinct to thrive is to protect it. Its not personal. They can't even help it at this point.
We now live in a society that's based on derived power. These people control and profit from the lives and work of millions of others. The dominant intellectual culture will always reflect the needs of the dominant group.

And anyone who questions that too much gets shunted to the side





I feel like I just recited a nursery rhyme

 

[Kellsee]

"If" has been my favorite poem since the 5th grade. I can still recite the entire poem word for word from memory

My fav 3

If
Our Greatest Fear
The Invitation

 

[yubacity]

Im not talking about the times i was assaulted although not being believed about that does get to me. Im talking about not being believed about the drugs ive done. Im talking about not being believed about my home life as a kid. Im talking about not being believed that ive been in handcuffs.

Why the fuck would i lie about that? I have met a few who lie about shit like that but i know from experience when a person tells you something they did or something that happened to them, they are most likely not lying.

Mostly its strangers who dont believe me about shit like the drugs ive done or the suicide attempts or home life i had growing up, or the experiences i had when i ran away.

It just hurts me when people think i lie. I rarely lie and when i do its about laziness or cheating on schoolwork. I do not lie about serious shit.

People think ive had the most perfect life when they look at me. People think im a goody goody. Which yes i am since im sober now and i know its not something to be ashamed of, but ive done shit. Im not proud of it at all but i have.

People look at me and see that im a white girl who has everything fine and dandy. And everyone thinks im underage and im not. I turned eighteen in october. Thats not something to be pissed off about, hell i should be glad i look young, im just ranting i guess.

I feel your pain my father beat the shit out of me I'm talking broken ribs black eyes that pain will never go away its why i try to make my kids life perfect so they dont have it. Dont let your past define your future. Use that anger in a good way fuck the family who treated you bad become something and when you have a family in the future use that pain and treat your kids like kings and queens break the fucking chain

 

[G_Chem]

Does it matter what strangers believe of you? Don’t stress on trying to tell your story, it’s the past and all that matters is the here and now. On top of that, you don’t truly want people to understand that side of your life because often they’ll pity you and treat you different. That’s why I stopped divulging my history; to tell someone I grew up in a traumatic alcoholic/drug household, was shooting heroin and cocaine at 18, have had people die in front of me, fought cancer for nearly a decade, broke my back as a kid, all while being the emotional support for everyone around me… They look at me like I’m a cripple. When they don’t know any of these things I’m just another normal person. I prefer the normal label.

-GC

 

[Eligiu]

Im not talking about the times i was assaulted although not being believed about that does get to me. Im talking about not being believed about the drugs ive done. Im talking about not being believed about my home life as a kid. Im talking about not being believed that ive been in handcuffs.

Why the fuck would i lie about that? I have met a few who lie about shit like that but i know from experience when a person tells you something they did or something that happened to them, they are most likely not lying.

Mostly its strangers who dont believe me about shit like the drugs ive done or the suicide attempts or home life i had growing up, or the experiences i had when i ran away.

It just hurts me when people think i lie. I rarely lie and when i do its about laziness or cheating on schoolwork. I do not lie about serious shit.

People think ive had the most perfect life when they look at me. People think im a goody goody. Which yes i am since im sober now and i know its not something to be ashamed of, but ive done shit. Im not proud of it at all but i have.

People look at me and see that im a white girl who has everything fine and dandy. And everyone thinks im underage and im not. I turned eighteen in october. Thats not something to be pissed off about, hell i should be glad i look young, im just ranting i guess.

I only tell close friends about the extreme trauma I experienced as a child. It's too much for most people to comprehend. When I told my closest friends they were speechless and horrified. Sickened would probably be the most accurate word.

And people also don't believe me because the perpetrator of the abuse hasn't been cut out of my life completely, but unfortunately I'm not in a financial situation to be able to do that.

It's very common for victims of familial child sexual abuse to not be able to cut the perpetrator off due to requiring financial support to help with the therapy we all require as a result of the abuse. It's sadly an all too common story, and you feel utterly disgusting taking the money because it feels like blood money and to be frank, prostituting myself was at times less painful than that.

Most people cannot begin to comprehend the level of manipulation, coercion, invasion of boundaries and constant sexualisation that defined 20 years of my life until late last year. They prefer to believe that there is no way that a parent can do that to a child, or that I must have made it up.

But the proof is right there in my behaviour which is influenced heavily by trauma, my inability to trust people, and my drug habit. Many of my friends admitted that they suspected parental sexual abuse before I told them, due to the sheer impact it had on me and my startling inability to vocalise it while I was fine talking about other types of abuse I experienced.

It's very lonely sometimes, because it sometimes never feels like anyone understands. But we believe you and we get how you feel.