Hi all. I’ve been addicted to meth for 20 years. Last year I had a dissection of my heart and another dissection in my carotid artery w a large hematoma. I was put into coma for a week and then icu for a month. I’m very lucky to be alive. And yet a still crave and use meth. My doctors say it will kill me not to do it. But they don’t offer any real help. They just don’t understand why I would choose to keep doing this. I went to rehab out of state for 4 months. Started craving on the plane ride home. 16000$ for nothing. It’s very frustrating. I just want to be better.
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NMI Moderators: Coffeeshroom
Desperate to be better
- Thread starter Trpatten
- Start date
Electrum1
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2021
- Messages
- 28,953
I've always wondered why we don't have a pill for meth like we have for alcoholics where it makes you sick if you use. Maybe its not possible or just not profitable enough. Sorry that I don't have any advice for you, but, welcome to Bluelight.
It helps if there are incentives in my experience. Mine happened to be my SO and our cats. Started when I chose to buy cat food instead of going to the dope man. It wasn't easy as I had to ride by the dope man on my way to the store... two of them. The whole game was rigged.
lol
But it got easier the more I practiced. Mostly just wanted to see them do better cause I was the one fuckin up their lives; or making life harder than it had to be. I have to deal with my selfish choices since and it hurts. Makes me want to "numb up" so that I don't have to feel but know that is what had us in a bind all the time. Bills were paid but there was no monies, time or energies to be wasted on others cause I had to get high.
Welcome to bluelight. Happy to see you made it here. There is a shiton of info but my fave is the support this community can provide. Priceless and genuine. Never experienced this before and no need to see it again.
If this site closed (god forbid) I feel that enough has been provided here that another "environment" such as BL wouldn't be necessary. I would def miss the hell out of the members but there is a part of everyone that has taking up residence within me and I can communicate with them anytime by talking to myself. 
Be safe and stay strong. If there is no one around to provide support we are here and so are you... and thanks for your time.
one
Yea it would be nice to have something anything to help get through it. I was going to try vivitrol injections when I got home from rehab but never got the chance.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
This is why I recruited @6am-64-14m for NMI!!!!!!!
I'm at this point too guys.
feeding the cat feels so good. N being able to take the girl out for food.
I blocked my guys numbers.
If I unblock again on Monday, so help me god, idk
