Yeah, well, it
is possible that you may have saved my life with that ratched ass comment (

) about me dumping grams of benzos down my throat cause I wasn't planning on stopping. It did piss me off cause how dare someone say some shit like that to me gotdammit?! I was so mad when I read that in the hospital I almost slung the phone. Didn't help my attitude with the hosp staff or the popo either. lol I wanted to blow my stack and hope the popo would take me down. That's when I saw everything for what it really was - almost caused a lot of grief to others just because I cannot control myself in certain scenarios.
I still got my finger on the trigger regarding pushing that bromazolam button. It's only an inch away. lol This is some hard shit. Not gonna lie. But I know wtf will happen if I go that path. Never fails and tbh I was ready to check the hell out then. I pride myself on gaining control over my demons but benzos are a beast and may have to face the fact that there will be no controlling them. I freakin
hate this or that options.

I wont say that I will never go there again but it will be some time if/when I do.
Ya know I tell SO a good bit about my time at bl. She's watched me for years laugh, cry, smile, get angry but mostly love. She knows ya'll saved me from eternal damnation. It was like something "clicked" when I came here. She has seen me struggle for decades and come back from the dead many times. There is much to say but I see I have done a tl;dr so will bounce for now.
I want you to know, though, that if ever you need anything that I can do or can give... it's done.
Thanks for being the person you are.

Always