Thank you for posting what you did on MXE. I was going to respond there but I cover a lot of other issues so I’m going to start with an introduction post and see what happens from there. Of course feel free to ask any questions and don’t hesitate to shoot me a message…
So, I’m dying of stage 4 terminal metastatic cancer and if there was only ONE thing I could have, without a doubt and forevermore, it will be MXE/methexotamine/3 meo pco …
There were two types and I liked both of them but one type is so versatile plus very light & feathery. It could be done in any format and came back forever if one did it in a format that would return. It was fluffy and so inexpensive. I really backtracked when I ended up trying disassociatives. I had tried DXM or some such but can’t say I ever had any enjoyment from even an idea of a disassociative state.
Once I’d done MXE, i enjoyed insufflation more than any other ROA although each way had its merits. The thing that was so great was for me it was a non-drug. It was the best anti-depressant, mood stabilizer or self-assisted psychic change that has ever been created for someone like myself. I could laugh or cry, get energy/stay awake or sleep peacefully, i could do anything I wanted to do and it manifested blind honesty to the nth degree. Strangely for me it’s the only substance that i can pretty much create whatever mood I want. Occasionally there were surprises but they were always pleasant for me.
I had never had a desire for a disassociative that I am aware of or that I could’ve comprehended even though I was game to do everything and I’m sure I have for the most part except for the dark web buffet that I wish I was a part of still.
Never could I have imagined after having done the big three for a lifetime, playing around the dark web with bevys of samples. And I had confidence since the chems arrived from actual clinical labs with material safety sheets. I had to get micro milligram scales and a gram was a massive amount in comparison to what I had ever seen before. Occasionally I would buy five or 10 different grams of substances and if the MDSS said you’re going have this, this and this occur over exactly 16 hours PLUS redosing will not change things in a positive way - that was gospel. If the literature said don’t try to be tough by thinking you’re a bad ass - oh my God! I don’t regret trying things but with a lot of them, I was in for the long-haul as far as suffering really badly like 2FA, 4FA and AVP, MDAI… but it lasted forever! It lasted exactly as long as the lab literature said it would last through the minute. I tried a few things and some of them were so strange because it might’ve caused only peeping & geeking for exactly 16 hours of a neck strain from unwaveringly staring out the blinds so I wouldn’t be surprised by approaching cars in some residential neighborhood while at home. I do you recall a couple of times mixing things together not considering about the SSRI response which was highly unpleasant but that was all after the MXE was gone.
MXE wasn’t a drug and I hated even calling it that because yes of course it altered my ability to think in a way yet that was so cool which is to me, I guess, the very definition now of a true disassociative. It allowed me to see instead of through problems, around them and it was beautiful! Occasionally I saw what might be God, the bokeh lights and helplessness but the main thing I enjoyed was just lack of depression or if I wanted to cry it felt so good!
The reason I’m bringing up the light feathery version which I don’t know if it came from Europe or from China - I don’t think it came from China because I got rice shard crystalline darker stuff eventually from one half but the most coveted for me was the blindingly white, poofy, clean sinuses, smells so awesome stuff. I really think these are two different substances and were not just manufactured differently. One was heavier, thicker and more like it left something behind cumulatively. The other was just very light and airy. Both were powerful but harmless just the same.
WHILE I loved anything I received except for one bunk shipment of it, I have a sensation in my mind that just maybe I have a have a chemical off in my equation and maybe although I know it’s not AVP or any other chem too far off - just *maybe* there’s something out there, some derivative that’s closer and available. … or maybe I had the right stuff and unfortunately, to my extreme dismay, that ship sailed a long time ago. If that is the case, I’m so glad that I had the opportunity to experience it at all. What a gift! I could’ve tried ketamine 30 years ago and probably wouldn’t have messed with it again…we’ll probably if it was in the room but that’s how different it really is to me maybe in some distance far off cousin format can I slightly possibly recognize some resemblance but it’s so minute that it’s absolutely not there really it’s just not the same stuff. Ketamine and MXE do not equal one another in any way or by any stretch of the word. Just like for me to take cough syrup and search for those plateaus - it just doesn’t do it for me. Just like I have some acid or I could try some psychedelics but there’s no longer a desire for that. MXE is strange because there is a class of drugs called disassociatives so it would seem that there’d be another disassociative logically that I would enjoy equally but that’s not been the case. However, I am putting it out there because with the huge bevy of analogues, there’s a GREAT chance that something and not just something but a whole lot of substances surely exist that have markers or resemblances to MXE.
I bought from multiple sources all in multiple vacuum packs so I probably did get the right stuff. I saw someone mention that everyone seemed to like it. In my experience it was fantastic because suddenly I didn’t need any other drug and had no desire for them even if they were right beside me which is insane in itself. I mean theoretically MXE is a cure for drug addiction. I wasn’t interested in meth, Coke or heroin… I had 10g huge pile of powder in front of me and nobody wanted to touch it as they were afraid or just thought they’d not want it - and I’m not one to ever beg another to check it out - much less would I even encourage or give away what a cool deal it was. As long as it stayed under the radar, it was safe. As long as it stayed under the radar even in my possession then no one would steal my shit! And if you ever thought that one drug can make it like you never took a hit of another (like you do coke but have meth so you can ‘no harm no foul’ if you please if you have the right tools in your arsenal), MXE will make anything go away like it’s a cure… a cure for any other drugs you do instantly IMO.
I could be around people who say kept trying to pass me a pipe or some bullshit and I had no desire whatsoever yet they had no desire for mine. The few people that did try it except for a few exceptions often became terrified and ran off into the night. I don’t even know what that is because the only thing I can imagine is say perhaps how things change with psychedelics once we grow a healthy fear or gain even any inkling of mortality. Lol I guess it required a slightly open mind but not much because the benefits so far outweighed the complete lack of negatives that I can even think of! It was always a wonderful gift. I literally called it a gift from God because nothing could’ve been more perfectly made to accommodate me! Unfortunately, I’m not a spiritual person but what else can I call it?!
There were a few people who did get a little tiny bump and proceeded to steal 10g or 15g after I got them completely high and ended up passing out. Amazingly they would blame it on me because they were so enthralled by it. Generally, there’s a pattern because those are the people who are the more type. I am a more type rather than a DOC type of person. Hmm Well that just makes it complicated because I’m addicted to a whole lot more… but the MXE more thieves were those who have a really strong desire always for more more more and can’t stop. They wake up in a ditch or don’t even know where their car is every single time.
It always kind of made me laugh though because it was so cheap although I didn’t always have it when I wanted it but I knew that those people that stole a vial from me or a baggie or a gram or two or 10… that’s great, but they’ll never get it again. They won’t know how. It will just be a memory which I guess is how it is for me now, too.
I’ve bought ketamine and can get it for about $40 a bottle across the border (less occasionally). I did it with an acquaintance once and he just loved it to death. It was something very exotic for the type of person he is. I didn’t talk to him for about a month and when I talked to him again, he had told everyone in a small town that I have some fantastic new stuff that all will love. I had to explain to him that most people don’t feel that way because it’s true but also if you tell everybody and let’s say it was true which it’s not, the demand would skyrocket, the product would disappear and that would be it. Aside from all of that it’s not cost-effective in any way and I’m not trying to make money. It’s always been my belief that if you use something - don’t sell it! I powder the liquid K and I like it while feeling it’s nothing in comparison to MXE. It dawned on me not to even try to describe to him the difference in K and MXE. It is impossible. There’s just no way that a comparison can be made without a person having those experiences themselves also dependent on their experience/enjoyment or lack thereof. I’ve done 15g of K in 10 days and thought wow what a waste and I’ve done a gram of it over a few months. I hoped K could be a distant 10 minute memory here and there. It’s not because it isn’t reminiscent of MXE. The other way - MXE was way of life - it wasn’t a wishful, trigger event. It wasn’t a trippy quickie…it was deep and spiritual.
Again I’d give about anything if anybody knows of something that’s even remotely similar that’s obtainable. I’m not sourcing. We talk about so many hundreds of thousands of analogues out there which a quick look makes it seem there is some availability although I’m sure the South African and guy next door rip-off’s are through the roof… I will admit when mephedrone hit the scene oh and I guess K2 as well that stuff was coming out of people’s garages. Mephedrone was highly addictive and very unique but I’d much prefer to have something vacuum packed from an actual laboratory rather than someone’s garage involving stickers and canisters.
I probably haven’t even looked at what was going on with analogues for benzodiazepines which were of great importance to me some 10 years ago since that time. However I do remember I was really excited because what was happening before the federal analog act was put into place was that we were going to break free from the Xanax nightmare that we have in the United States. I recall bromazepam and flourobromazepam post etizolam (garbage) availability and labs were coming out with 100,000 different benzodiazepines that even then would have beat the shit out of Xanax - just not etizolam. I had so much hope because they talked of plain and simple anxiolytic meds with 36 hour half-lives! no hypnotism, no drowsiness, no nothing except for anxiolytic properties! I don’t know if I’d like that but I think so because any problem I’ve ever had which doesn’t happen anymore but any I had ever had in my life was due to memory loss, sedation or hypnosis. It also has a cumulative effect as it builds in one’s system. It works because it makes people crazy if it works for them. So it’s unbelievable with so many of these analogues that are being created out there which are so far superior to what we have available to us and that are actually being taken away right before eyes all underneath terrorism and the federal analog act for our protection which is complete bullshit. They can take so many drugs not just illicit drugs for any kind of ailment and remove all the bad side effects - remove every single last one of them and give us a polished form unimaginable to us now. It’s already even out there! It’s already been done! I don’t even want to think about cancer medication because we’re dealing with leeches in that area. But because of the war on drugs and the money game we’ll never see it. The analog act ruined a lot of things making some of the most asinine things fall into the schedule one category such as for instance, papaver straw. Not the latex heroin opium pods or any other of the 48+ alkaloids contained within the head… it’s poppy straw that will put you in prison as a schedule one drug which has the least amount of any chemicals at all in it. It’s the stems. It’s the offshoot grasses. Poppy straw does not include the poppy pod itself. However any processing of a cut flower/pod is a form of creating poppy straw.
With the war on drugs and with what’s going on pharmaceutically and always has been, there’s no excuse that we can’t have far superior medications. The only possible thing that stands as a blockade is industry/money. The patent process and 10 year’s exclusivity has left us with Xanax, Lortabs and they’ve taken soma away finally. You can still get it but it’s not covered by insurance and if you’re not on insurance, they told me initially that they don’t make it anymore. Then I said I’d pay cash bc I wasn’t even offered it as available any longer. Well then my doctor says it’s not medically necessary in the United States. That’s actually not true it’s because it’s part of the California Cocktail whereas for whatever reason it’s believed that two Lortabs, two soma and two Xanax equals heroin. Whatever but soma actually isn’t much of a medication, it’s something I’ve taken my entire life and I can get it in India for $.30 each though I’ve gone without now for quite some time. I can’t tell that I take it but I’m well aware if I have none. With cancer it’s kind of one thing that I could actually use at this time to help control the tremors in my neck but they asked me if I would like to see a pain specialist and I said well hell yes! So they give me a referral the pain place. They call me and say that first off we want to tell you that we prescribe no medication whatsoever - are you OK with that? Hell no I’m not OK with that! What do you mean you prescribe no medication? Daily I take cancer meds plus a host of other meds so I have benzodiazepines, at the time I had soma, 120 useless Lortabs, get a bunch of 15mg morphine (must have 6 months bc they do NOTHING)…
Honestly none of my meds except for possibly having a benzo here and there is my best bet because pain is never optional in my life and never has been. The people that get relief in the form of pain management from pain pills is because it makes them goofy IMO, knocks them out or diverts their attention because opiates don’t stop pain. They just divert attention or medically they do quell the cough mechanism. I don’t think that if you can’t get high from taking pills that there’s any reason to take any pain management. Everything is addiction. If you’re not getting high or itching or whatever moderation and control one might think they have at a certain point in the game… Without any of that all that remains is addiction and it’s very unpleasant. Opiates are just addiction and I’m pretty freaking mad at myself that I walked into that again after 15 years or so. Because of course I don’t get any enjoyment whatsoever only terrible withdrawal and Lortabs haven’t worked since I was in my 20s. I don’t even get sick to my stomach. I get a huge amount each month which are worthless to helping with any type of pain but I don’t expect that. Obviously they are not worthless $ because something has to cover the rest of it so I quietly asked them after the fiasco of if I was changing doctors to get no medication if they could give me something for breakthrough pain because I know what I need to stop IV injections.
You can’t or rather, I can’t just tell specialists that I’m an addict if I want to continue receiving treatment without going to inpatient lockup or something but I can guarantee you no medication will continue to be prescribed. So I can’t really go into my history with them but because of my history of being on over 400 mg of methadone in a split dose back in the day and then on a starting dose of 32 mg of Suboxone… I already know and I thought that there isn’t an opiate on earth that’d work. And if say I miraculously felt a Demerol or Dialudad or something, it would be once and three days later tears will be streaming down my face. I’ve done this too many times!
My veins are so burned out from the chemo. Anywhere I touch creates an instant scar so it kind of sucks. I originally came here after a few years away to see about plugging as an actual possibility because I do know the merits of it in comparison since it bypasses the gastrointestinal system. I heard that someone I know has stopped IV and is plugging. Well I accidentally IM 99% of the time. Luckily it is more soluble than it used to be or normally that would be a complete and total waste. However from reading about plugging, it seems like not a better answer only better to say ROA‘s such as smoking or eating or putting it in your nose which I would never do any of that because it’s just a waste. I found something which surprised the hell out of me and my best thinking is that maybe it’s because I didn’t abuse it or maybe it’s just because it’s exactly what I need for whatever reason because of whatever is in what’s on the street right now and that is I can actually survive with four oxycodone instant release tablets per day so one every six hours and I’m totally fine. 30IR which seems like nothing but not to a prescriber…I’d prefer 40IR but would gladly take non counterfeit 30IRs. At 6 hrs like clockwork the wds hit hard but it blew my mind to see that’s all I needed! I can maintain that I would never let tolerance rise bc I know - I’ll be fine but with the DEA laws that are in place, every doctor I can even imagine or have ever heard of are so terrified of writing a prescription for anything elicit that it’s just is not going to happen.
It’s my understanding that if I will sign off of any additional curative surgeries or treatment then they’ll give me whatever drugs I want to ease me out of this world. Well no ketamine or mdma lol… within reason… I’ve heard some nightmares about people waiting two weeks, hospice never shows up and they die in agonizing pain. I don’t want to go through it at all, of course - would anyone?! But it sure would be nice to go through it without any anxiety which I’ve got that covered as pain relief is a non-issue so the best thing I’m hoping for is what I have …probably a thousand xans on standby, not for assisted but just because my fear lies around anxiety about the pain and not actual pain. It sure would be nice to go through it without any anxiety which I’ve got that covered.
I wish I had some MXE.
OK maybe my post was mostly about MXE.
A little about me, I’m a chick. I felt really sorry for myself when I was under the age of 50 when I got the terminal diagnosis on day one. I’m bat shit crazy by now but I think I always was. I was really pretty. Lol. Things are changing at this time and I’m over 50. I have far outlived the statistics since I was given three months some six years ago and then again twice in the last four years one of which is now. I’m tired. I have been a drug addict my entire life and I have no desire whatsoever to get clean. I just want to stay comfortable and of course it would be bonus if I could have some enjoyment of quality of life in the moments in between.
I stopped having friends and dating the day I heard so I’m very alone but it’s been very empowering when I can get out of bed. If you have any questions I’d be glad to answer. Call me Johnette.
(morning song…)
