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On the Demonisation of Methamphetamine on Bluelight

Perforated said:
Has anybody noticed the difference! Has beeing meth free made me a better mod or contributor? Or is it still just same ole same ole.
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I tried searching back to see, but I'm a little short on time at the moment and would have to read and think about it a bit more. However, you might have led the witness on that one and now I'll be searching for that difference starting close to the 24th of last monthā€¦ From a cursory glance, and from my obviously self-absorbed prima donna perspective, *ahem ahem*, I think you've maybe paradoxically become more verbose since you've quit meth.

Either way, good on you for your commitment. I don't know why the qualifier, ā€œhopefully permanentlyā€ and I genuinely hope that doesn't indicate you had a rough time using or found yourself exhibiting compulsive behavior patterns you didn't like and felt overwhelmed you. I try to think of time away from drugs as just time off. No sense in setting yourself up for criticism (especially from yourself) if you do start using again. Perhaps if you feel you were abusing the drug, but otherwise liked it, consider the difference between "use" and "abuse" and stick to a ā„ž-like pattern of responsible use, when and if in the future this suits you. There's no shame in that.
> "beeing meth free"
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Is this an allusion to The Hive or a genuine typo?

Also, do you feel there's a noticeable difference in your contributions, writing, moderating, etc.?
 
unodelacosa said:
I tried searching back to see, but I'm a little short on time at the moment and would have to read and think about it a bit more. However, you might have led the witness on that one and now I'll be searching for that difference starting close to the 24th of last monthā€¦ From a cursory glance, and from my obviously self-absorbed prima donna perspective, *ahem ahem*, I think you've maybe paradoxically become more verbose since you've quit meth.

Either way, good on you for your commitment. I don't know why the qualifier, ā€œhopefully permanentlyā€ and I genuinely hope that doesn't indicate you had a rough time using or found yourself exhibiting compulsive behavior patterns you didn't like and felt overwhelmed you. I try to think of time away from drugs as just time off. No sense in setting yourself up for criticism (especially from yourself) if you do start using again. Perhaps if you feel you were abusing the drug, but otherwise liked it, consider the difference between "use" and "abuse" and stick to a ā„ž-like pattern of responsible use, when and if in the future this suits you. There's no shame in that.

Is this an allusion to The Hive or a genuine typo?

Also, do you feel there's a noticeable difference in your contributions, writing, moderating, etc.?
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I feel like im a special little guy, i'm extra snuggled and safe, and this music is beautiful.

will you be my grandma?
 
i need a grandma, and a grandpa, one to rub my head, and the the other to rub my belly

I want them to make me feel safe and loved and warm. you know, kinda like heroin?
 
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polarthedog said:
ok, sorry :)
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I don't think he's trying to usher you out, like a Chinese carp lol!

Just saying (in the most formal English butler accent now)... "That way Sir is the Museum, and the Art gallery is down there. You might better entertain yourself visiting one of those two vicinities, if Sir pleases of course."
 
Perforated said:
That's right. Everyone is welcome in the demonised tweaker thread (except for those skanky chromers and shifty crackheads).
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I see it as the undeamonising the tweaker thread, because that is really the purpose, and collectively shared intent I feel, to peel that stigma for a decent examination.

It's going to draw some heat and friction too this process. Doesn't mean the tread went off track, or failed.
 
unodelacosa said:
Is this an allusion to The Hive or a genuine typo?
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I have so many alter-egos crawling over the drug-related internet and dark net that I really have trouble recalling where I have presence or donā€™t. Or which ones are legit and for constructive purposes and which ones are just sock-puppets making mischief.
unodelacosa said:
Also, do you feel there's a noticeable difference in your contributions, writing, moderating, etc.?
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I think there is. I think I was a more cautious and thoughtful (and therefore better) moderator when I was on meth. I might have been over-compensating but I tended to keep my moderator persona on quite an even keel most of the time and put a lot of thought into taking any mod actions. I also felt that I was here 80 % as a mod and only 20 % as a community member. However, in the last month I feel Iā€™ve become more casual and relaxed about modding as begun to participate more as a general community member. Iā€™m also less sensitive to peopleā€™s reactions or hurt feelings as I was back on meth and slightly more aggressive and my humour is a bit more barbed.
 
Perforated said:
I have so many alter-egos crawling over the drug-related internet and dark net that I really have trouble recalling where I have presence or donā€™t. Or which ones are legit and for constructive purposes and which ones are just sock-puppets making mischief.
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Ok, but what's that have to do with "bee"-themed allusions to the old The-Hive.ws website that Strike then Rhodium ran from roughly 1997 to 2004? Never mind, actually I assume that was a genuine typo or a reference that went right over my head, lolā€¦
Perforated said:
I think there is. I think I was a more cautious and thoughtful (and therefore better) moderator when I was on meth. I might have been over-compensating but I tended to keep my moderator persona on quite an even keel most of the time and put a lot of thought into taking any mod actions. I also felt that I was here 80 % as a mod and only 20 % as a community member. However, in the last month I feel Iā€™ve become more casual and relaxed about modding as begun to participate more as a general community member.
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It's hard to tell whether you consider one way of being better than the other. So you tend to shirk responsibility a bit more while not using meth, and you stop to smell the proverbial roses, as it were, I suppose?
Perforated said:
Iā€™m also less sensitive to peopleā€™s reactions or hurt feelings as I was back on meth and slightly more aggressive and my humour is a bit more barbed.
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Would you say meth makes you more sympathetic? More reactive to emotions and more emotional, perhaps? Comparatively, does amphetamine (Adderall, Dexedrine, speed paste, etc.) cause a similar reaction in terms of emotional resonance for you?
 
I definitely think I was more sensitive and thoughtful when on meth. Dexamfetamine also makes me feel like a nicer person. Amps seem to cut through my adult asshole layer and reveal the authentic original un-traumatised me. Thatā€™s why I donā€™t really understand people who go psycho on it. I know a couple of people like me who really are their better selves when amped.
 
Perforated said:
I know this is really the all about @unodelacosa thread, but Iā€™d like to talk briefly about myself for a moment if we can squeeze it in.

I quit meth (hopefully permanently) just on 5 weeks ago. Prior to that, for the last 18 months at least 90 % of my posting on Bluelight was while high on meth.

At the beginning it was mainly during super intense 48-72 hour IV binges but since about 9 months ago (when Atelier3 was retired) it became primarily during all day and half the night sit on the sofa smoke-a-thons.

Has anybody noticed the difference! Has beeing meth free made me a better mod or contributor? Or is it still just same ole same ole.
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I think you're doing a good job.
 
Perforated said:
I definitely think I was more sensitive and thoughtful when on meth. Dexamfetamine also makes me feel like a nicer person. Amps seem to cut through my adult asshole layer and reveal the authentic original un-traumatised me. Thatā€™s why I donā€™t really understand people who go psycho on it. I know a couple of people like me who really are their better selves when amped.
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Yes, but before this thought, my actual initial tut one- guilt? Partly possibly, while on METH, motivating you to try and put more out, in a conscious bid not to allow Meth to weaken you morally or your good will towards others?

So a concerted and genuine attempt, for the right reasons IMO if the case, to safefuard against that ever happening and becoming your personality in any way.

Just a thought that struck me.

But regardless, you are committed to a very difficult process and period of growth currently.

I applaud your effort and reserve and it looks too actual full honesty with yourself, just trying to seek amendments and meeting your needs in healthier more sustainable ways.

And maybe also in relation to point one, maybe, for the right reasons again, you repressed a lot of negative or uncompassionate in your eyes, feeling and emotions, in your mindful bid to stay "clean".

If so again, maybe this also needs releasing. Conscious energy. Repressed, or contained negativie emotion.

Healing takes time. Stay on course os always the best advice where possible, and see what tomorrow brings.

I am really stoned atm big edible dose, after vapor too, so edibles dispose me to concocting wild little ideas at times, a disclosure lol.
 
AutoTripper said:
I applaud your effort and reserve and it looks too actual full honesty with yourself
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Me too, behind the scenes I am cheering. But listen, when I did poppy tea for years I thought I was a better me too. I could talk to people with confidence, clean my house, type on forums. I met my wife on a yahoo forum 20 years ago and we have been married for 18 years. I actually immigrated to Canada and then she to the US. (we were experts at that!) But my point is I typed with morphine running through my system and attracted my wife. I am not sure I would have typed stuff I did without that morphine confidence you know.

BUT then I realized that is BS. I am me. I used the stuff as a tool (and to get high lol) and it did not make my Spirit what it is. As a result my wife had an alcohol problem while I had an opiate addictiion when we met, then both cleaned up a good bit as we were married. She use to claim she is normal on scotch. lol Um No!

I mean there is no such thing as totally clean. But we can do healthier things and feel better.

AutoTripper said:
I am really stoned atm big edible dose, after vapor too, so edibles dispose me to concocting wild little ideas at times, a disclosure lol.
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Me too :)
 
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