Twackademy
Bluelighter
Haven't posted here in quite some time, I had to take a break from most everything in my life and clear my head.
BUT I'M BACK! Muhahaha
Nah, for real though. Quick recap for those who don't know me:
Told him about the childhood diagnosis, my troubles in school after stopping medication, my drug use through out the years and the most recent using of meth on the weekends.
Told him how I'd weigh my doses and use meth to get shit done in my off time and not trying to really achieve a high, but a focused mind state.
Told him about rehab and that 12 steps is bullshit propaganda designed to condemn positive education about chemical reactions and behaviors.
Told him I've been 138 days sober, I only smoke CBD flower and I don't even drink a daily beer anymore.
Told him the Buproprion has helped my depression, but I can't focus to save my life and I want to find a job and go back to school.
He sat down in front of me and said something that made me feel not crazy and also hopeless at the same time:
Between my childhood stimulant use and my adult meth use, nothing but stimulants will give me the level of focus I desire.
He patiently explained that I can indeed let my dopamine and serotonin receptors heal over time and the depression should fade, but as far as being patiently focused on tasks and not having crippling brain fog the treatment is stimulants.
He prescribed me 20mg Adderall IR daily to start, on the condition that I see him once a month and submit a urine sample, and be honest about what doses I'm taking and when.
He encouraged trying different times and schedules, the pills he prescribed are 10mg and can be cut in half for 5mg. So he said I can try 5mg, 10mg, 15mg, 20mg on different schedules and see what works best.
He said over time we can go up to 60mg daily but let's try lower doses first which I agree with.
He cut my Bupropion from 300mg to 150mg and said I can keep taking it as long as I want.
So, first of all I encourage anyone self medicating illegally to find a good doctor to talk to, albeit I got lucky, because I was nervous at first but my doctor heard me out as an adult.
Second, has anyone been down a similar path that I'm going down?
I'm 28, in 10 years I don't want to be taking 100mg of Amphetamines every day to be able to focus on life tasks and be successful at them.
Should I take tolerance breaks?
Should I take supplements to combat tolerance?
Should I switch medications every few years or so?
So many questions lol
I took my first dose of 10mg almost 2 hours ago and I do have that familiar focused buzz going and I want to get things done ( like my college application) So the medication is obviously effective, but I don't want to fuck this up.
Sorry this is such a long post, but the devil is always in the details ain't it?
Much love,
Twack
P.S. @ControlDaddy @Perforated Ya'll still my homies
BUT I'M BACK! Muhahaha
Nah, for real though. Quick recap for those who don't know me:
- ADD since early childhood, prescribed Ritalin/Concerta daily from age 5 - 16.
- Got into the music industry in my early twenties and was introduced to most of the popular recreational drugs (Nicotine, Alcohol, Cannabis, Cocaine, MDMA, Meth, etc.)
- Resigned from my good job earlier this year due to a failed drug test
- Joined Bluelight to convince myself I didn't have a problem
- Realized I didn't have a problem, but I was definitely self medicating with Meth. Did outpatient rehab, called bullshit on a lot of ideals but gained insight into my behavior.
- Packed my car on May 1st this year and just drove. Literally visited everyone I know and stayed gone for a whole month on the road, completely sober.
- Came home, admitted to myself I was depressed and talked to a Teledoc who prescribed 300mg Buproprion until I could get to see an in person doc.
- Saw my new doc yesterday and this is where I will share my story
Told him about the childhood diagnosis, my troubles in school after stopping medication, my drug use through out the years and the most recent using of meth on the weekends.
Told him how I'd weigh my doses and use meth to get shit done in my off time and not trying to really achieve a high, but a focused mind state.
Told him about rehab and that 12 steps is bullshit propaganda designed to condemn positive education about chemical reactions and behaviors.
Told him I've been 138 days sober, I only smoke CBD flower and I don't even drink a daily beer anymore.
Told him the Buproprion has helped my depression, but I can't focus to save my life and I want to find a job and go back to school.
He sat down in front of me and said something that made me feel not crazy and also hopeless at the same time:
Between my childhood stimulant use and my adult meth use, nothing but stimulants will give me the level of focus I desire.
He patiently explained that I can indeed let my dopamine and serotonin receptors heal over time and the depression should fade, but as far as being patiently focused on tasks and not having crippling brain fog the treatment is stimulants.
He prescribed me 20mg Adderall IR daily to start, on the condition that I see him once a month and submit a urine sample, and be honest about what doses I'm taking and when.
He encouraged trying different times and schedules, the pills he prescribed are 10mg and can be cut in half for 5mg. So he said I can try 5mg, 10mg, 15mg, 20mg on different schedules and see what works best.
He said over time we can go up to 60mg daily but let's try lower doses first which I agree with.
He cut my Bupropion from 300mg to 150mg and said I can keep taking it as long as I want.
So, first of all I encourage anyone self medicating illegally to find a good doctor to talk to, albeit I got lucky, because I was nervous at first but my doctor heard me out as an adult.
Second, has anyone been down a similar path that I'm going down?
I'm 28, in 10 years I don't want to be taking 100mg of Amphetamines every day to be able to focus on life tasks and be successful at them.
Should I take tolerance breaks?
Should I take supplements to combat tolerance?
Should I switch medications every few years or so?
So many questions lol
I took my first dose of 10mg almost 2 hours ago and I do have that familiar focused buzz going and I want to get things done ( like my college application) So the medication is obviously effective, but I don't want to fuck this up.
Sorry this is such a long post, but the devil is always in the details ain't it?
Much love,
Twack
P.S. @ControlDaddy @Perforated Ya'll still my homies
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