i dont think ill ever be happy without benzos

[kushblowin]

i never had a benzo problem i just used them casually but honestly i think benzos are the only thing that would make me happy (besides relationships and friends which i dont have and cant find without benzos). every time i take benzos i feel fucking amazing and im nicer to people, i go outside more and do stuff, i clean more, i take better care of myself, i just genuinely enjoy myself while time skips, i feel genuinely happy for the first time. but i dont know if living life on a man made potent substance that makes me do stupid shit is a smart idea either.

i was using alcohol to self medicate my anxiety and it was fucking HORRIBLE. i was happy when i was drunk only and the relief was too great i couldnt stop drinking, looked like an idiot, drank away years, woke up every day sick and vomiting, no sleep, i just chugged alcohol until i passed out, almost messed up my teeth before i quit. with benzos i have no problem. i truly respect benzos and even in my most depressed state i use them responsibly, i take the smallest doses possible and wait an entire 2 hours before i think about redosing, and if i ever say "im sober its not working" i make myself quit taking them right there and i stand up and just get a feel for my feet and see how im feeling and wait until the next day to evaluate whether i was sober or high and delusional. i am very experienced with benzos but never had a full on addiction.

the only time i ever misused benzos was when i was suicidal and mixing it with alcohol and having dumb asses around me telling me to get fucked up. i respect benzos and i think they should only used be for their medical value (for myself) and i dont ever test the limits. should i really just be on benzos forever? the idea of being a blank slate on auto pilot scares the fuck out of me and so does addiction but this anxiety is so out of control i dont even know if its worth living as myself. ive tried meditation, breathing, non benzo, just sipping a beer, exercise, sun. the fact is i just im just so anxious i cant function.

i talked to my doctor about my anxiety back when they were prescribing benzos but i just got the non benzo trash that didnt work and gave up. i feel like i havent even truly experienced benzos and i want to test it at least 30 more times with low doses before i even think about anything with daily or stronger benzo usage. also i have extreme chronic fatigue and benzos are the only thing that make me feel genuinely not tired.

 

[n3ophy7e]

i feel like i havent even truly experienced benzos and i want to test it at least 30 more times with low doses before i even think about anything with daily or stronger benzo usage.

This sentence right here is rather concerning, and this mindset would definitely lead to benzo abuse and/or addiction.
Benzos are extremely addictive and you build up a tolerance to them extremely rapidly. This is why doctors will usually only recommend them for very short-term use e.g. 2-3 days in a row MAX. Here in Australia it is increasingly difficult to get a doctor to prescribe benzos to you, due to their very high abuse and addiction potential.

@kushblowin I've seen a lot of the threads you've posted here in the last few days and I have to say that I'm concerned for you. I understand that you've cut your alcohol and drug use back a LOT, which is excellent. But you still seem to have that obsessive desire for mind-altering. Have you ever seen a counsellor/therapist/psychologist? It sounds like you have some underlying stuff that you're trying to numb or escape from. I know from personal experience (15 years of trying to escape/quieten my demons) that the drug-seeking behaviour never goes away until you truly deal with the underlying shit.

 

[kushblowin]

This sentence right here is rather concerning, and this mindset would definitely lead to benzo abuse and/or addiction.
Benzos are extremely addictive and you build up a tolerance to them extremely rapidly. This is why doctors will usually only recommend them for very short-term use e.g. 2-3 days in a row MAX. Here in Australia it is increasingly difficult to get a doctor to prescribe benzos to you, due to their very high abuse and addiction potential.

@kushblowin I've seen a lot of the threads you've posted here in the last few days and I have to say that I'm concerned for you. I understand that you've cut your alcohol and drug use back a LOT, which is excellent. But you still seem to have that obsessive desire for mind-altering. Have you ever seen a counsellor/therapist/psychologist? It sounds like you have some underlying stuff that you're trying to numb or escape from. I know from personal experience (15 years of trying to escape/quieten my demons) that the drug-seeking behaviour never goes away until you truly deal with the underlying shit.

im not even really trying to get high off benzos just grounded and help me sleep and be more social. if people can take clon and xanax daily for years i dont see what just small doses of etiz would possibly do. i do have really bad anxiety i didnt know how bad it was before and ive tried everything under the sun as an alternative to benzos.

 

[n3ophy7e]

im not even really trying to get high off benzos just grounded and help me sleep and be more social. if people can take clon and xanax daily for years i dont see what just small doses of etiz would possibly do. i do have really bad anxiety i didnt know how bad it was before and ive tried everything under the sun as an alternative to benzos.

Yeah I can definitely relate dude. I have severe anxiety too and have always self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. The absolute best, most effective relief I have had from my anxiety is being completely 100% clean and sober, getting therapy and practicing what I learn from the therapist, and mindfulness meditation. Benzos give you immediate relief, yes, but they are just a band-aid. If you want effective, long-term relief you're gonna have to put in the hard yards and work through your anxiety issues. Easier said than done, trust me I know from experience!!
Also.....the weed is definitely not helping you either.

 

[kushblowin]

Yeah I can definitely relate dude. I have severe anxiety too and have always self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. The absolute best, most effective relief I have had from my anxiety is being completely 100% clean and sober, getting therapy and practicing what I learn from the therapist, and mindfulness meditation. Benzos give you immediate relief, yes, but they are just a band-aid. If you want effective, long-term relief you're gonna have to put in the hard yards and work through your anxiety issues. Easier said than done, trust me I know from experience!!
Also.....the weed is definitely not helping you either.

i feel 100x better on benzos but yeah maybe it is hijacking my brain or something and just making me do dumb shit but ive had no trouble controlling my doses and not blacking out or doing anything crazy. ive just been taking enough to relax at night if its really bad with no negative effects besides time skips but yeah ill try to go sober and think about it more clear headed.

im not gonna lie its all a blur though. even when i stop taking it for a few days i still feel the afterglow and effects. i really prefer the next day afterglow to the actual benzo high.

 

[n3ophy7e]

i feel 100x better on benzos but yeah maybe it is hijacking my brain or something and just making me do dumb shit but ive had no trouble controlling my doses and not blacking out or doing anything crazy. ive just been taking enough to relax at night if its really bad with no negative effects besides time skips but yeah ill try to go sober and think about it more clear headed.

im not gonna lie its all a blur though. even when i stop taking it for a few days i still feel the afterglow and effects. i really prefer the next day afterglow to the actual benzo high.

Everyone feels 100x better on benzos though mate. That doesn't mean it's the answer to your problems.
Like I said before, I TOTALLY get where you're at right now, I've been there before too. You're looking for a good solid easy answer. But unfortunately like most things in life, the easy way is usually not the best way if you want effective long-term relief. Just sayin

 

[kushblowin]

Everyone feels 100x better on benzos though mate. That doesn't mean it's the answer to your problems.
Like I said before, I TOTALLY get where you're at right now, I've been there before too. You're looking for a good solid easy answer. But unfortunately like most things in life, the easy way is usually not the best way if you want effective long-term relief. Just sayin

so you think benzos can be dangerous and too addictive even for someone like me? i took benzos for 7 years and never got "hooked" and i quit alcohol cold turkey after 15 years of drinking and dont even have the urge to touch one drink. i may not sound experienced but ive been taking/studying drugs for years and taken the whole pharmacy twice and i had no problem cutting off everything cold turkey and just doing micro doses of benzos. im talking like .1mg doses before bed.

im not throwing your advice back in your face or anything im really curious. when benzos make me get out of bed, shower, feel awake and alive for once, talking to people, and laughing and smiling i cant help but feel like theres some medical usage there. the reason ive been depressed is because of weed i dont know what it is but as soon as i smoke it it starts sending me in dark places

i think ive just been using benzos to kill that stoned feeling in my brain because i was actually doing good sober and just taking xanax and a few puffs of weed if i really needed it but as soon as i started hitting the weed hard again i just let everything go to shit again getting depressed and i needed a benzo to snap myself out of it. i i was prescribed 60 20mg methylphenidate a month and smoked weed all day and no one cared or said anything but i take a .25 of xanax and everyone wants to throw me an intervention.

 

[n3ophy7e]

i was prescribed 60 20mg methylphenidate a month and smoked weed all day and no one cared or said anything but i take a .25 of xanax and everyone wants to throw me an intervention.

It might seem that way, but honestly, my responses to you in this thread are kinda replying to everything you've said in all your other threads that you've posted in the last few days, not just this thread. Your many years of drug and alcohol use and drug-seeking behaviour remind me a lot of myself when I was using. I was always just looking for a magic pill that would solve all my problems. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way

 

[kushblowin]

I was always just looking for a magic pill that would solve all my problems. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way

trust me i know ive had my ass whooped by these drugs so many times now that i know theres no pill that will solve all my problems. im talking about combining light doses with sobriety to tackle my anxiety. ive just never seen anyone addicted benzos so i dont know much ive only seen people hooked on opiates really bad. ive known people who had xanax scripts back in the day and they said they had problems with it.

it is kinda worrying having a huge bottle of etizolam though instead of a couple footballs. its basically like being given a whole bottle of unregulated xanax footballs and being told to treat my anxiety on my own with it which i will admit is insanely fucking dangerous. this is like a last resort that ive fought against for years but when i went sober and just looked at myself i realized i was using weed to escape reality and booze to drag me back down and kill my anxiety and it just hit me how all my drinking was literally all to self medicate anxiety.

i was honestly just looking to use benzos temporarily while im trying to turn my life around and get back on my feet. i want sobriety i just dont know if i can do it without a boost i dont really want to play with fire like this. also with a forum full of people who shoot fentanyl and smoke meth i didnt think anyone would be concerned about me taking etiz i thought i was being the safest one here.

 

[n3ophy7e]

i was honestly just looking to use benzos temporarily while im trying to turn my life around and get back on my feet. i want sobriety i just dont know if i can do it without a boost i dont really want to play with fire like this. also with a forum full of people who shoot fentanyl and smoke meth i didnt think anyone would be concerned about me taking etiz i thought i was being the safest one here.

This is excellent to hear, that your ultimate goal is sobriety The reason that people jump on you when you mention benzos is because they are so incredibly addictive, even when you're trying to be mindful of that and keep your doses to a minimum, it can VERY rapidly get out of control.
Have you ever tried an antidepressant for your anxiety? I've been on duloxetine for nearly 10 years and it literally saved my life.

 

[Tomaz26]

@kushblowin

I know most posters will say that benzos are extremely addictive and that you will quickly need higher and higher doses, but my father is on benzos for 37 years now, taking the same dose all the time which keeps him functioning normally.. He too had social anxiety and was an alcoholic for 15 years. He stopped drinking, went on benzos to help with that and then stayed on them for life.. He is mostly passive, just watches a lot of TV now, but hey, still alive, driving car, taking care of his mom, doing things around the house, going on vacations..

I am thinking of doing the same as you and as I have a proof that it can be done in front of my eyes.. My father is on legal benzo only.. He is taking Diazepam 2mg or 5mg not sure, but certainly not the strongest dose as I was also thinking how weird that he never upped his dose after decades of use.. He just stays on same low dose and it makes him calm and functioning although sedated and low energy..

So I think all those horror stories are sometimes exaggerated. As if you will just in a few months build so big tolerance you will have to take kilograms of benzos and the effect will wear off etc.. Maybe for some, obviously not for others..
Sure if you are prone to abuse you can go through the roof with them just like with any other substance, alcohol, heroin, cigarettes,.. But my father is/was prone to addiction too, gambling, alcohol, left school and still he stayed on low dose benzo for 4 decades.. So there is hope for long term benzo use right...? ..

 

[dragonix]

My mother has been on benzos since her mother passed away when she was in her late 30s perhaps I don't know the age honestly but I was in between 5 and 9 maybe or closer to 7 to 10. Anyways to sum it up quick it always frustrated me as a little boy growing up seeing her get loopy on them. It often felt like mom wasn't there for me but this strange lady acting disturbing was.

 

[polarthedog]

@kushblowin

I know most posters will say that benzos are extremely addictive and that you will quickly need higher and higher doses, but my father is on benzos for 37 years now, taking the same dose all the time which keeps him functioning normally.. He too had social anxiety and was an alcoholic for 15 years. He stopped drinking, went on benzos to help with that and then stayed on them for life.. He is mostly passive, just watches a lot of TV now, but hey, still alive, driving car, taking care of his mom, doing things around the house, going on vacations..

I am thinking of doing the same as you and as I have a proof that it can be done in front of my eyes.. My father is on legal benzo only.. He is taking Diazepam 2mg or 5mg not sure, but certainly not the strongest dose as I was also thinking how weird that he never upped his dose after decades of use.. He just stays on same low dose and it makes him calm and functioning although sedated and low energy..

So I think all those horror stories are sometimes exaggerated. As if you will just in a few months build so big tolerance you will have to take kilograms of benzos and the effect will wear off etc.. Maybe for some, obviously not for others..
Sure if you are prone to abuse you can go through the roof with them just like with any other substance, alcohol, heroin, cigarettes,.. But my father is/was prone to addiction too, gambling, alcohol, left school and still he stayed on low dose benzo for 4 decades.. So there is hope for long term benzo use right...? ..

I agree with you, both my parents did the same for years, though now they are both off of clonazepam after decades, my mom only used 2 mg a night, though she did drink beer with it, she never took more than 2 mg as far as I know. My dad took 1 mg 3 times a day.

I have severe anxiety too, I smoke weed and take like 60 grams ish of kratom every day with gabapentin, weed, prazocin, and kava. It's not a problem as long as you can get a continuous supply and your not taking a shit load every day. If it works for you, and you've tried everything else, INCLUDING THE ANTI DEPRESSANTS EVERYONE KEEPS RECOMMENDING, then fuck it, why not take etizolam every day? If the alternative is constant anxiety, I'd choose addiction.

 

[dragonix]

I don't think benzos will ever make anyone truly happy

In the long run at least. At the end of the day. When all is said and done.

But then I dislike when others try to define happiness for me so I will stop while I am ahead.

 

[Ms076]

addicted again... i think i damaged my brain too much from my benzo binges. without i want to kill myself. fuck that.

 

[chicken hoagie]

I read through the replies, and this is an interesting post. I can highly relate to the OP as well as others replying.

I too recently came to a conclusion that xanax and co. (Mainly my clonazolam source, since yes, obtaining and KEEPING an active running benzo script from any doctor is very hard to find) when used OCCASIONALLY can be extremely beneficial and can lead to many more days out of every month of increased productivity, increased social activity, progression in life through quelled social anxiety. The key to gaining more days out of every month without "loaning" days out in the future due to withdrawal symptoms, is obviously spacing out your dosing far enough apart. Depending on the benzo's half life would determine how often you need to dose (duh!).


Contrary to traditional dosing that keeps a sustained blood plasma concentration, take no more than 2-3 days in a row maximum at any dosage, and then allow for the drug to leave your body completely before dosing again. The residual drug in your blood plasma will keep you above average in theory. I know for addicts, this approach is extremely difficult to maintain and for some even impossible unfortunately. But if us addicts could muster at least 'that' much will power, we would all be much better off and we could then guarantee ourselves so many more days of happiness, productiveness and anxiolysis.

 

[crazyhairman]

I I used to think that too. After 2 years of detox I finally felt normal without anything, my psychosis, My anxiety, and my depression, All became manageable, as did my back pain.

I got my life back but it took a lot of pain too get there. You have to figure out if your up for the fight.
It was rough, but oh so worth it.

 

[Ms076]

I I used to think that too. After 2 years of detox I finally felt normal without anything, my psychosis, My anxiety, and my depression, All became manageable, as did my back pain.

I got my life back but it took a lot of pain too get there. You have to figure out if your up for the fight.
It was rough, but oh so worth it.

thanks, that gives me hope. bc my only options are hell on earth or dead. but when i read this it gives me hope to try it again at least one time.. thanks mates

 

[Ms076]

I read through the replies, and this is an interesting post. I can highly relate to the OP as well as others replying.

I too recently came to a conclusion that xanax and co. (Mainly my clonazolam source, since yes, obtaining and KEEPING an active running benzo script from any doctor is very hard to find) when used OCCASIONALLY can be extremely beneficial and can lead to many more days out of every month of increased productivity, increased social activity, progression in life through quelled social anxiety. The key to gaining more days out of every month without "loaning" days out in the future due to withdrawal symptoms, is obviously spacing out your dosing far enough apart. Depending on the benzo's half life would determine how often you need to dose (duh!).


Contrary to traditional dosing that keeps a sustained blood plasma concentration, take no more than 2-3 days in a row maximum at any dosage, and then allow for the drug to leave your body completely before dosing again. The residual drug in your blood plasma will keep you above average in theory. I know for addicts, this approach is extremely difficult to maintain and for some even impossible unfortunately. But if us addicts could muster at least 'that' much will power, we would all be much better off and we could then guarantee ourselves so many more days of happiness, productiveness and anxiolysis.

thanks bro but its fast too late for me haha. i take it daily. plus pregabalin and kratom... im happy strong opioids like oxy or h are not mines but the withdrawl from benzos is harder i think. thanks for the answers wish yall the best and more.

 

[JahBeeuS]

I don't think I've ever met anyone who has actually, *truly*, been happy ON benzos. It's fake. I know it's tough to get off them and takes time to find equilibrium but they are not good for you long term.