I've actually quite got used to the anonymity that a mask provides...
Anonymity must be one of the best aspects of wearing a mask. It has been tempting to wear them for that reason. But then I think of why criminals wear them and why masks have always been linked to antisocial behaviour in society and I see my intentions are really just to grab a slice of that pie, even though I am not going out to commit a crime. What I want is to enjoy the benefits of exploiting my social environment to remain illusive.
Then that implies something is wrong, at least for me. Society is not okay and so I need to protect myself. There is something wrong with me being a part of society and living with this human condition that I have to avoid a very natural healthy and beneficial aspect of my own self. Its a lot like marrying a robot and then expecting the robot to give me humanity. You can only get that from humanity, but here I am squandering that away believing there is something else that can replace humanity outside of humanity itself. And now, well, we are into some deep sh*t and something that involves the very thought of existence itself and what it means to exist.
And I like existing. I like being human more than I like taking extreme steps to protect myself from something that could take it all away ie death. I love life so much that I want to keep hold of the most important parts of it that are reaffirming to me and reaffirming to many others too. And that is being a good ole fashioned naked human being. Okay so, not actually naked (when interacting with most people) but you get my drift. For all my physical quirks and unique self that I am, I can face the vulnerability and truly be myself. I say that having suffered with severe mental health issues all my life and a profilic childhood abuse story to boot, so I am no spring chicken. But for me? A mask covers the reality of life and how I see, feel and share it with others. Its like saying I have experience life at a distance and pretend there is something in front of me like, like a partition, that seperates me from life. That is a delusion. Nothing seperates you from life. You are life. This is it. There aint ever going to be another shot at this. This right here is what life is. You cant wall yourself off and expect to it to work. We have done that throughout history denying our own human nature and look where that got us. We seem to have this unhealthy, if not dangerous, obsession with finding flaws in our own condition. We are always trying to escape it. Always running from ourselves. Its just never good enough.
But yeah, I can completely relate because I look at people wearing them and you can see them smiling behind their masks. I dont know what they are thinking but they sure must feel like there is a comfort blanket or something similiar to sooth them. It is like looking at a baby all wrapped up in their blanket. It is both alarming, surreal but also strangely comforting to see adults wrapped up in comfort blankets like babies. Or maybe that is the part of me that also likes escaping and pretending like I dont exist? Or maybe I just like babies?