HypnagogicGuy
Greenlighter
Hello Bluelighters! I've been reading this forum off and on my whole adolescent and adult life, so first off I want to thank you all for sharing and maintaining the site and content all these years.
What finally got me to join was due to another traumatic and bad relapse that happened earlier this week. For the last few years, ever since getting off suboxone, I have these annual, sometimes semi-annual, planned relapses with the occasional dabbling months with Kratom. Well a week or so ago, I felt I was "due" and "deserved" to treat myself, and that I could hide it from my partner, friends, and colleagues. It was what I was hoping for at first, but quickly spiraled out of control (see my first comment in my history for the story). So today, I found myself back on BL and Drugs-Forum to search if anyone had had a similar experience, and lo and behold I found several similar stories on my first cursory searches. I feel like I found my people.
I'm now recommitting to abstinence from all problem drugs that I love, like Heroin and any opioid really, Stims like Coke or Meth, and the sneaky tolerance builders: benzos. I'm pretty self-aware, but that doesn't mean I know of my blind spots or even if I do, what next step to take to work on it. I'll be trying to communicate with others about what's going on and any urges I may have starting with Bluelight, then to a close friend, and then I'd like to start going to therapy. I've been in and out of different 12-step groups and their alternatives for 15 years now, but I'd like to try something different to fit with my current situation of several months of abstinence that just get interrupted by my self-destruct switch.
I still very much like mushrooms, alcohol, and the occasional joint (or molly pill, if the occasion is right). So I will continue my journey with Psilocybin as my guide (among other sources as well). Also, I make music in my spare time and am currently working on an album, remotely with my old drummer from my original band we formed back in high school.
Thanks for having me.
-HypnagogicGuy
What finally got me to join was due to another traumatic and bad relapse that happened earlier this week. For the last few years, ever since getting off suboxone, I have these annual, sometimes semi-annual, planned relapses with the occasional dabbling months with Kratom. Well a week or so ago, I felt I was "due" and "deserved" to treat myself, and that I could hide it from my partner, friends, and colleagues. It was what I was hoping for at first, but quickly spiraled out of control (see my first comment in my history for the story). So today, I found myself back on BL and Drugs-Forum to search if anyone had had a similar experience, and lo and behold I found several similar stories on my first cursory searches. I feel like I found my people.
I'm now recommitting to abstinence from all problem drugs that I love, like Heroin and any opioid really, Stims like Coke or Meth, and the sneaky tolerance builders: benzos. I'm pretty self-aware, but that doesn't mean I know of my blind spots or even if I do, what next step to take to work on it. I'll be trying to communicate with others about what's going on and any urges I may have starting with Bluelight, then to a close friend, and then I'd like to start going to therapy. I've been in and out of different 12-step groups and their alternatives for 15 years now, but I'd like to try something different to fit with my current situation of several months of abstinence that just get interrupted by my self-destruct switch.
I still very much like mushrooms, alcohol, and the occasional joint (or molly pill, if the occasion is right). So I will continue my journey with Psilocybin as my guide (among other sources as well). Also, I make music in my spare time and am currently working on an album, remotely with my old drummer from my original band we formed back in high school.
Thanks for having me.
-HypnagogicGuy
