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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Pumpkin2021 said:
Okay. Let's establish that you need your pills for pain and that you want to use them wisely. Re-read what you just wrote and compare it to what you wrote LAST month about giving the pills to your wife THIS month. Kind of the same post. You wanted to relinquish them and didn't. So NEXT month you are going to, right?

Your wife may be stubborn as hell but I doubt she will keep them from you. She hasn't intervened in 7 years so what makes you think she will now?

I want to offer you support and help you but I don't see any commitment here. How many have you taken since you filled the script? How many will you take today? Tomorrow?

You do realize that by me responding to these posts every month saying the same thing over and over that I am doing with my words what you are doing with your pills.

I'm gonna bow out for a bit on this post because I am starting to mirror your behavior and I'm uncomfortable doing that.

But I will always care about your well being and hope that you can use your pills as directed.
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I have had the script for 3 days now, and I haven’t had even one. And I’m wishing I could get some better pain relief but I’m not really craving them.
Last month was a big eye opener. Somehow I wanted to stop screwing up for years but last month was the one that stuck, probably because it was the fastest I had ever been out of pills. And I had a longer stretch without.
 
Squeaky said:
I have had the script for 3 days now, and I haven’t had even one. And I’m wishing I could get some better pain relief but I’m not really craving them.
Last month was a big eye opener. Somehow I wanted to stop screwing up for years but last month was the one that stuck, probably because it was the fastest I had ever been out of pills. And I had a longer stretch without.
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Now your talkin' !! That is fantastic. I am really proud of you. I honestly am. You made my day and I am so glad that you have finally had a little more clarity.

Damn I am so happy to hear this. You are getting serious now and It's wonderful to hear. Keep on keepin on !!
 
Pumpkin2021 said:
Now your talkin' !! That is fantastic. I am really proud of you. I honestly am. You made my day and I am so glad that you have finally had a little more clarity.

Damn I am so happy to hear this. You are getting serious now and It's wonderful to hear. Keep on keepin on !!
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I spent months and months trying to figure out a way to use them daily and not run out. That’s what I have been told to do, by everyone. I can see now that isn’t true for me and it doesn’t matter what the reason, that’s just not working.

My biggest problem has been that if I think there’s a solution I will keep trying until I have exhausted everything. Even if it keeps hurting me I will keep trying. If I give up too soon, I will be lying awake at night thinking about it. Doesn’t matter what it is, and I will eventually go back and try again and again until I have decided there’s no hope and give up for good.

Nice thing is that I am 3 days without my pills since I got the script filled so it kind of feels like I’m starting from scratch, but reality is that it’s been more than 3 weeks since I have taken any. Right now my wd’s are mostly mild and psychological.
 
Squeaky said:
I spent months and months trying to figure out a way to use them daily and not run out. That’s what I have been told to do, by everyone. I can see now that isn’t true for me and it doesn’t matter what the reason, that’s just not working.

My biggest problem has been that if I think there’s a solution I will keep trying until I have exhausted everything. Even if it keeps hurting me I will keep trying. If I give up too soon, I will be lying awake at night thinking about it. Doesn’t matter what it is, and I will eventually go back and try again and again until I have decided there’s no hope and give up for good.

Nice thing is that I am 3 days without my pills since I got the script filled so it kind of feels like I’m starting from scratch, but reality is that it’s been more than 3 weeks since I have taken any. Right now my wd’s are mostly mild and psychological.
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Yep. You have 3 weeks and 3 days under your belt. Tolerance should have lowered a bit. If you need them for severe pain by all means take one. Not 5 at a time like you are used to doing. You are making a lot of progress in your forward thinking and it shows. Keep it up man, I'm seeing some light for you eventually.
 
Pumpkin2021 said:
Yep. You have 3 weeks and 3 days under your belt. Tolerance should have lowered a bit. If you need them for severe pain by all means take one. Not 5 at a time like you are used to doing. You are making a lot of progress in your forward thinking and it shows. Keep it up man, I'm seeing some light for you eventually.
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My plan is to not use them even if I need. I desperately crave the general pain relief from the pills and my tolerance is going to be really high. So if I take it at all, I’m going to need at least 3 and it will last only about an hour, and then I will want more pain relief, etc.

I don’t ever want to return to a life of daily opiate use. Even if I cut back and used 1/2 of what I’m prescribed, and I’m doing that every day, the depression and general aches and pains that come in between doses is too much to handle. That’s probably why I overuse them. One of the bigger wd symptoms from these pills is back pain, so sometimes I’m taking them to relieve pain that was caused by the wds from the previous dose. It’s sort of a case where the cure is worse than the disease.

I have been seeing the pills as a necessary evil- not all bad, but not all good, and generally improving my quality of life even though I’m a slave. I need to see my pills as a tool- to be used as needed and only when it’s the right tool for the problem at hand. I’m definitely getting closer but there’s a long road ahead and I need to be conscious of the probability that I may never get there.

Last night I was hurting pretty bad. No the worst but probably a 8 out of 10. I told my wife what was happening, she urged me to not take any pills, and I didn’t. I wanted to, because I know they would work. Ultimately I decided not to and I’m still alive (the world didn't end).
The really hard part about that decision wasn’t wanting to ‘get high’, mainly because she would know exactly how much I took and I really don’t get high. The really hard part was math. I know I have enough unused pills to take as many as I need and not be behind for the rest of the month. I have spent so much time adding up how many days left and how many pills left that now that’s all I can think about. And last night I wasn’t going to run out. That was hard.
 
It was hard....but you did it. Congrats !! You have come a long way in your thinking in just this past week and I think you are awesome. Don't be too hard on yourself and just tolerate your pain. Have something lighter like your kratom or a GABA drug that you have. Don't suffer in 8/10 pain as that's what will drive you to over use your oxy again. You are on the right track. Just stay focused. <3
 
@Squeaky & @Pumpkin2021 , Thank you both so very much!! I am in a similar boat with Squeaky here! I have long term neck,shoulder, and mouth damage from Radiation treatments from Stage III head & neck Cancer. So this will be a life time journey of increasing discomfort and Pain ( I had about 8 years post treatments with out the use of pain meds, but last 4 have seen my use move up to daily use (10-20 mhs Hydrocodone )
As a 60 male who has spent over 35 years in the rooms of AA, I am totally aware and accepting of my Addiction to Alcohol. I was started with much stronger opiates back in the {Good Old Days, of Pain needed to be eliminated by Drs at all cost } and have pushed them back to Hydro 10/325s. I have also been prescribed Gabapentin as well, and have purchased some Kratom, to work on the pain , and stare off Addiction ( I am dependent for sure, I get withdrawals )

You two have really helped me and I would imagine many many other who are struggling with this same question??
" How does and Addict deal with Chronic Pain, and have some Quality of life?"
I seem to live on a Constant taper, Never take what I am prescribed, Never run out, Always Fill script on time or a little late !!
I just can not see how the Pain is worth the abstinence? But the Mental anguish is getting to be a burden, I am sure that the shitty year I have had did not help, Covid has sucked !!
 
Down to taking 2mg buprenorphine every couple days. Noooowww I'm starting to feel like mostly garbage, especially considering I'm now off of celexa, abilify, and zyprexa as well. My emotions and feelings are all flooding back very strongly, and it is both great and terribly uncomfortable.
 
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Sorry to hear the feel like garbage 😖
I am there as well down to very little Hydro, some. kratom , and 300 gaba in the evening to sleep !
I was told to try Gaba in morning with food , will give energy ? Any thoughts guys ??
Tha aka
 
Iceman1216 said:
Sorry to hear the feel like garbage 😖
I am there as well down to very little Hydro, some. kratom , and 300 gaba in the evening to sleep !
I was told to try Gaba in morning with food , will give energy ? Any thoughts guys ??
Tha aka
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I take like 2400mg gabapentin when I do. Usually in the morning, helped me with anxiety and all that a lot. Tolerance had gone up so much that it didn't really do much. But now its been so long since I've had any, and I'll be very happy when I get some more. Should hopefully be today.
 
Iceman1216 said:
Thanks for all the excellent input !
I really feel like shit today, and as I try to lower my dose of everything ;
Hydro
Gaba
Kratom
All at the same time 🤢🙈
But I am really tired of being sick & tired 😖
I just need to get through this shit, but so dam hard 🤷🏻‍♂️
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Good morning. Not real familiar with your story but is your goal to be off of all 3. Are you just tapering to a lower dosage or wanting to be totally free?
 
Iceman1216 said:
Sorry to hear the feel like garbage 😖
I am there as well down to very little Hydro, some. kratom , and 300 gaba in the evening to sleep !
I was told to try Gaba in morning with food , will give energy ? Any thoughts guys ??
Tha aka
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Gaba and Lyrica both make me drowsy, about the same as alcohol. Best bet is probably to try it on a day that you can afford to lose. Don’t forget the tolerance jumps up pretty fast, and the effect may change with dosage.
 
deficiT said:
Down to taking 2mg buprenorphine every couple days. Noooowww I'm starting to feel like mostly garbage, especially considering I'm now off of celexa, abilify, and zyprexa as well. My emotions and feelings are all flooding back very strongly, and it is both great and terribly uncomfortable.
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Iceman1216 said:
@Pumpkin2021 , I dont really know ???
I think I would love to be off all three?
I have been on Hydro, the longest , slowly moving up to daily, over 5-6 years!
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I know your ultimate goal is to be off all 3. The problem I see is that they all have depression and anxiety in the front row during withdrawals. If I was in your shoes(and I have been: Pregablin, oxycodone, and Lorazepam). Pick the one you hate the least, doesn’t matter why you hate the others more (flavor, cost, legality) and postpone that one to quit after you are comfortably past the wds from the first round. For me, ‘quitting 2 of my meds’ together feels a $h1T load easier than ‘cold turkey off all my meds’
Also, I don’t know which part of the withdrawals would be worst for you(everyone is different), but the anxiety and depression is horrible for me. I think that if I had quit the Lorazepam, Pregablin, and oxy all at the same time I would have fallen off the wagon for sure and maybe even hurt myself. I chose to end the oxy first, probably because it wasn’t using it for sleep and I am most concerned about insomnia.
And part of the anxiety during withdrawals is simply knowing that something big in your life is changing. Going from taking pills 3 times a day to zero feels huge. But cutting back 2 pills from each time you take pills today feels way less substantial.
Of course I don’t know your situation and maybe this won’t fit into your lifestyle.
 
I used my pills yesterday. I was having an exceptionally rough day. Honestly, I have been out of my pills for most of my major flare-ups in the past two years. I would get mad at myself when I had pain off the chart and no pills because I knew it was my fault for using them when my pain was bearable.
I don’t want to romanticize this. It was really great to have them when I needed them. It had been close to 4 weeks without (5 days since I got it filled). I think the next move is to test myself and see how I handle today without pills. I gave my wife specific instructions to NOT let me have any today regardless of what’s happening or how much I’m hurting. Hopefully that will stop me dreaming about pain relief...
 
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I’m feeling pretty crappy today, but it might just be from all of the beer I used to wash down yesterday’s pills🥵
 
I took some Kratom. 10 minutes later I feel almost normal. I reckon I feel crappy just from the wds after one evening of oxy. That green crap has never helped me with a hangover
 
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