Exhausted Scared to be sober...

[Selena248]

Hai everyone.
hope all is well.
after being an on and off heroin this that addict for last 12 or 13 years. I’m currently doing my own sorta cocktail detox of getting off pressed 30s. Anyways
As of now I’m not feeling any high just more stability. I would not call this sober since I’m doing coke and subs blah blah. What I mean is pure sober (other than required medications to live)

I have a lot of chronic fatigue and health problems. These drugs give me energy and motivation to get through the day. I’ve tried everything else from yoga to this that blah blah. Nothing comes close to what drugs can do.
I can already feel myself losing motivation to do things. And I am fking scared to be without anything. When I think about it during those “sober “ times I was on naltrexone and dabble here and there w addy. I know if I don’t take anything I will not have any motivation. I began taking some amino acid supplements to rebuild my brain you can call it too. But being high for over a decade (I’m 34) is half my life. How do I even go about being sober and do I even want to. What do you guys think.
I know drugs and my eating disorder has already ruined any chances of me having friends etc. I’m not really social. On drugs I can be depending on my mood.
(Oh yes pot does absolutely nothing for me. I’m a weird case with an unbelievable tolerance to all medications. )

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

I feel your pain mate. My life has been a constant cycle of addiction replaced by other addictions. I seem to be incapable of true sobriety.

But the one thing I seem to have successfully beat is opiate addiction. Opiates used to really motivate me and gave me a reason for getting out of bed in the morning - and that is hard to relinquish. To get off opiates you need a decent substitute medication such as methadone or buprenorphine and reduce very slowly. It can take years but is worth it in the end.

Just beware of alcoholism seeping into the mix uninvited...

 

[kb66]

I can’t comment on living sober because I’m addicted to alcohol. I believe alcohol caused me to be an introverted loner. I hope to quit someday and see if I can be social. It’s worth it just out of curiosity, in a way.

 

[deficiT]

Getting sober is the most difficult thing I've attempted, and it seems to never last in any meaningful measure. And it can be terrifying, especially going through withdrawal. Many of us can sympathize, and we're here to support you

 

[Selena248]

I feel your pain mate. My life has been a constant cycle of addiction replaced by other addictions. I seem to be incapable of true sobriety.

But the one thing I seem to have successfully beat is opiate addiction. Opiates used to really motivate me and gave me a reason for getting out of bed in the morning - and that is hard to relinquish. To get off opiates you need a decent substitute medication such as methadone or buprenorphine and reduce very slowly. It can take years but is worth it in the end.

Just beware of alcoholism seeping into the mix uninvited...

You literally just wrote my life story right there haha. Last 12 years I went from Oxys to heroin to subs. Then Oxys to heroin to subs. Then Oxys to heroin to methadone. Then Oxys to heroin to naltrexone (fast detox program they basically knock you out for 3-4 days) naltrexone helped a lot however the doctor decided to stop prescribing me it after a year. Since it’s damaging to your health. Ironic. And it was really hard to find someone where I’m at to prescribe it. So here I am 3-4 years later. A year of oxy to fen to oxy to fen. Just recently I went from oxy to fen to oxy to sub. Right now it’s that sub phase where I’m ok but uncomfortable.
naltrxone really does help tho that’s the ironic part. It did what opioids did for me and no cravings.

 

[Selena248]

Getting sober is the most difficult thing I've attempted, and it seems to never last in any meaningful measure. And it can be terrifying, especially going through withdrawal. Many of us can sympathize, and we're here to support you

You have no idea how strong you are. Being completely sober is almost unheard of. Are you on any medications that’s required? You truly are a hero to me

 

[deficiT]

You have no idea how strong you are. Being completely sober is almost unheard of. Are you on any medications that’s required? You truly are a hero to me

I am currently withdrawing from all medication I was on. I just couldn't feel anything and it was shitty. I was on 16mg suboxone and am now down to 2mg. I've been taking kratom and weed, with the occasional drink. You are far too kind

 

[Selena248]

I am currently withdrawing from all medication I was on. I just couldn't feel anything and it was shitty. I was on 16mg suboxone and am now down to 2mg. I've been taking kratom and weed, with the occasional drink. You are far too kind

You’ve got this!
I am.. lol as I mentioned before I have a ridiculous high tolerance. Not sure why. But I am coming off a 10-15 pressed pill a day (this must be the 6th time in a year I’m doing this ) for a month habit. Along with kratom Valium etc. Not sure why I take kratom it just doesn’t do anything. But helps with the bathroom problems. (Sry tmi)
Have you tried this supplement called

DL-Phenylalanine​

I heard about this few weeks ago. It’s supposed to rebuild the receptors damaged by drug use. You can get it on Amazon. Powder form I just basically do what I do with kratom shove it in my mouth then chug water to bring it down. I honestly think this is what is preventing me from a deadly withdrawal right now.
I did go from the fen to normal ones then weaned off that and am on subs now. Very small amounts. 2-4mg even 4 hours. As well as the mentioned supplement. I’m also prescribed gaba. About 600mg every 4 hours. And a bit of coke. I’m honestly in disbelief I’m functioning right now. The only thing I’ve done diff is that supplement t

 

[deficiT]

You’ve got this!
I am.. lol as I mentioned before I have a ridiculous high tolerance. Not sure why. But I am coming off a 10-15 pressed pill a day (this must be the 6th time in a year I’m doing this ) for a month habit. Along with kratom Valium etc. Not sure why I take kratom it just doesn’t do anything. But helps with the bathroom problems. (Sry tmi)
Have you tried this supplement called

DL-Phenylalanine​

I heard about this few weeks ago. It’s supposed to rebuild the receptors damaged by drug use. You can get it on Amazon. Powder form I just basically do what I do with kratom shove it in my mouth then chug water to bring it down. I honestly think this is what is preventing me from a deadly withdrawal right now.
I did go from the fen to normal ones then weaned off that and am on subs now. Very small amounts. 2-4mg even 4 hours. As well as the mentioned supplement. I’m also prescribed gaba. About 600mg every 4 hours. And a bit of coke. I’m honestly in disbelief I’m functioning right now. The only thing I’ve done diff is that supplement t

I have taken L-Phenylalanine before, it definitely helped. Currently I'm taking L-Tyrosine, L-tryptophan, L-Glutamine, and magnesium. These all have their own beneficial effects on recovering receptors, L-Tyrosine is similar to L-Phenylalanine, it's just one precursor after I believe, so more quickly metabolizes into dopamine and norepinephrine.

 

[Selena248]

I have taken L-Phenylalanine before, it definitely helped. Currently I'm taking L-Tyrosine, L-tryptophan, L-Glutamine, and magnesium. These all have their own beneficial effects on recovering receptors, L-Tyrosine is similar to L-Phenylalanine, it's just one precursor after I believe, so more quickly metabolizes into dopamine and norepinephrine.

So many Ls lol. Ty for the info! I’ll def check those out too. I couldn’t beljebe how much it helped. Just odd how no doctor has ever mentioned it before to me. Thank you so so much

 

[deficiT]

So many Ls lol. Ty for the info! I’ll def check those out too. I couldn’t beljebe how much it helped. Just odd how no doctor has ever mentioned it before to me. Thank you so so much

Well I have taken a lot of L's in my life You're welcome

 

[Selena248]

Well I have taken a lot of L's in my life You're welcome

Hahaha I LOLed lol. But I know L-Lycine helped with dry mouth I kept getting from a combination of everything I was doing. Do you mind giving me a list of all the supplements you’re taking to help. Well natural ones lol. Other than kratom. Kratom just I dunno. I don’t even know why I still take it lol.

 

[DuckyBitch69]

Hai everyone.
hope all is well.
after being an on and off heroin this that addict for last 12 or 13 years. I’m currently doing my own sorta cocktail detox of getting off pressed 30s. Anyways
As of now I’m not feeling any high just more stability. I would not call this sober since I’m doing coke and subs blah blah. What I mean is pure sober (other than required medications to live)

I have a lot of chronic fatigue and health problems. These drugs give me energy and motivation to get through the day. I’ve tried everything else from yoga to this that blah blah. Nothing comes close to what drugs can do.
I can already feel myself losing motivation to do things. And I am fking scared to be without anything. When I think about it during those “sober “ times I was on naltrexone and dabble here and there w addy. I know if I don’t take anything I will not have any motivation. I began taking some amino acid supplements to rebuild my brain you can call it too. But being high for over a decade (I’m 34) is half my life. How do I even go about being sober and do I even want to. What do you guys think.
I know drugs and my eating disorder has already ruined any chances of me having friends etc. I’m not really social. On drugs I can be depending on my mood.
(Oh yes pot does absolutely nothing for me. I’m a weird case with an unbelievable tolerance to all medications. )

I am in the same position. I'm 30 years old and started using drugs and alcohol at 10/12 years old. My entire life has been a cycle of addiction. The only time in my life when I was sober besides weed and subutex was with both pregnancies and the 3 weeks I was in rehab. I'm so afraid to be sober because it's out of comfort zone. I'm comfortable with the chaos.

 

[Mizotlangval]

Hai everyone.
hope all is well.
after being an on and off heroin this that addict for last 12 or 13 years. I’m currently doing my own sorta cocktail detox of getting off pressed 30s. Anyways
As of now I’m not feeling any high just more stability. I would not call this sober since I’m doing coke and subs blah blah. What I mean is pure sober (other than required medications to live)

I have a lot of chronic fatigue and health problems. These drugs give me energy and motivation to get through the day. I’ve tried everything else from yoga to this that blah blah. Nothing comes close to what drugs can do.
I can already feel myself losing motivation to do things. And I am fking scared to be without anything. When I think about it during those “sober “ times I was on naltrexone and dabble here and there w addy. I know if I don’t take anything I will not have any motivation. I began taking some amino acid supplements to rebuild my brain you can call it too. But being high for over a decade (I’m 34) is half my life. How do I even go about being sober and do I even want to. What do you guys think.
I know drugs and my eating disorder has already ruined any chances of me having friends etc. I’m not really social. On drugs I can be depending on my mood.
(Oh yes pot does absolutely nothing for me. I’m a weird case with an unbelievable tolerance to all medications. )

Im always on something since 2011.H is my d.o.c and I relapse again and again.But for now Im only using pregabalin.Its helps me cope as no antidepressant works for me.I really feel you brother.Im.unproductive and lifeless af unless I'm on something.Im.so sick of this life but I can't get out.

 

[RedRum OG]

I'm all for living in the grey area between sober and using, because at least it's not all out chaos, but coke almost never fits in that grey area. Its nasty stuff. It will make it really, really hard to not head in a darker direction .

Start exercising regularly, eat a lot of fat and protein regularly, drink water regularly, and find out your core issues that cause you to use drugs and have unhealthy eating/body image.

 

[deficiT]

Hahaha I LOLed lol. But I know L-Lycine helped with dry mouth I kept getting from a combination of everything I was doing. Do you mind giving me a list of all the supplements you’re taking to help. Well natural ones lol. Other than kratom. Kratom just I dunno. I don’t even know why I still take it lol.

It's really just the ones I listed that I'm currently taking, although I used to take a good bit more. I am getting off of celexa, abilify, zyprexa, and suboxone. So I'm slightly all over the place, but the supplements are helping with that.

 

[Selena248]

It's really just the ones I listed that I'm currently taking, although I used to take a good bit more. I am getting off of celexa, abilify, zyprexa, and suboxone. So I'm slightly all over the place, but the supplements are helping with that.

Hey we are al over the place that’s why we come together subs are hard I ugh you can do it i got off 70mg of methadone in a blind reduce method

 

[Selena248]

I'm going to get sober,
get sober, get sober AGAIN.
I have to get sober. AGAIN.

It’s an endless cycle

 

[Selena248]

Im always on something since 2011.H is my d.o.c and I relapse again and again.But for now Im only using pregabalin.Its helps me cope as no antidepressant works for me.I really feel you brother.Im.unproductive and lifeless af unless I'm on something.Im.so sick of this life but I can't get out.

I completely understand. Sorry I’ve been alil sick you know what I new. Couldn’t reply. Remember you’re not alone okay. I have been writing something recently for a blog. A part of my ending says
I’m still in the loop of bulimia and drug addiction. I know it’s killing me but Really could care less. I’m not suicidal I just am numb. I’m at the point of my life where I can’t go on without a replacement
Is it suicidal. It’s not. It’s just wanting to disappear

 

[Selena248]

I am in the same position. I'm 30 years old and started using drugs and alcohol at 10/12 years old. My entire life has been a cycle of addiction. The only time in my life when I was sober besides weed and subutex was with both pregnancies and the 3 weeks I was in rehab. I'm so afraid to be sober because it's out of comfort zone. I'm comfortable with the chaos.

It’s weird because I feel like it’s genetics. We addicts are born with something missing in our brain so we chase that missing high. Forever chasing it into an endless void