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Do you think about death?

I

Ismene2

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2018
Messages
2,652
Hallo peeps, just wondered if you think much about death? Do you percolate on it? Oh tell do!

Well?

Im waiting...

The thought that one day youre going to have to say goodbye to everything and never see another sunny day?

Mind you i suppose a bunch of fucking druggies are used to losing lots of things already!

Is it something that haunts you or do you take it in your stride?I

Thanking you.
 
Thought's on the death are very common to me. Sometimes I find death preferable. I am most of the time afraid of living a life filled with pain and social norms that I don't fit in. All the atrocities that I have witnessed (war), corruption and generally "what it means to be a normal person this days"...it all makes me welcome death. If there is something after, ok, if not, ok again cause there will be no I to experience it. I believe I would work more ambitiously towards the body dissolution if I didn't make obligations to life that outweigh my desire for escape, for ending. I have brought another human being into this world and am responsible for not creating deep wounds in him. So till his 25 yo (I see that as a cut off age for human being fully maturing physically) Iwill "choose life". Or so I have chosen, you never know, I could be killed by car or have heart attack tomorrow.

All in all, the way it seems, all atoms in "my body" came from some star. When the dissolution comes in the process all "my atoms" will return to some star. It seems that black (w)holle is inevitable, but there is The Great Who Knows?

If the case is that this is some non sense banging blind energy about with no free will, death is something "I" (wait who?) welcome. No more pain. No more looking at injustice and being unable to rectify it. No more meaningless responsibilities...

If the case that "I" survive in any shape or form "I" welcome the change of that form. I also somehow crave the dissolution...and the changes accompanying it. You could say that I am a sort of believer in that case.

The search for "who/what am/is this "I" have lead me to consider a death the great friend in resolving that obsessive search.

So yeah, I think about it.
 
Foreigner said:
Fuck the lottery. Money doesn't eliminate the daily suffering I experience.
Click to expand...

Is the alternative to being alive any better tho foreigner? Are you a young whippersnapper or a doddering old fuck like me? Intense feelings tend to lose a lot of steam as you age or is it physical pain you are dealing with?

I remember a derek and clive bit about dying - "i get a bit excited about the thought of laying there dying knowing that youre not quite strong enough to reach the phone and call for help - that gives me the fuckin horn. I think about that and it gives me such a fucking hard on i dont know what to do"
 
Ismene2 said:
Is the alternative to being alive any better tho foreigner? Are you a young whippersnapper or a doddering old fuck like me? Intense feelings tend to lose a lot of steam as you age or is it physical pain you are dealing with?

I remember a derek and clive bit about dying - "i get a bit excited about the thought of laying there dying knowing that youre not quite strong enough to reach the phone and call for help - that gives me the fuckin horn. I think about that and it gives me such a fucking hard on i dont know what to do"
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You are so fucked up.
 
There is this guy SadGuru who say's every hour you should say to yourself, not persee outloud.

"Hey I am still alive, yeah" every hour someone dies

A phrase from Gnarls Barkley/ Crazy comes to mind

"Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done"

I am alternating between those two.
 
emkee_reinvented said:
There is this guy SadGuru
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Little off topic but that guy is very questionable figure accused for many illegal activities including murder, but he is a puppet of Indias prime minister Moodie (or how it is spelled) so he gets away with lots of his misconduct. He sings the right tunes for mystic Shaivist but something is really bugging me about him from day one. I saw him on YouTube only so have that in mind. This is just somebody telling you his gut feeling and rumours he read on the topic.

Having said that we all die every moment. This "me" isn't the same me that just walked out from kitchen. Mi mind has new experiences and is running a bit of a different thoughts. Meanwhile many of "my" cells have died and been replaced in last 5 minutes so this body and mind that is traveling through ever changing Suchnes called space/time for most part is dying and being reborn every moment. Thats why the "I" is questionable phenomena and death is ever present for it if it has any real existence. If I just rambled, I am sorry, I woke up literally 5 minutes ago in a daze. Peace.
 
Foreigner said:
You are so fucked up.
Click to expand...

Nah im fine - have we had a disagreement over drugs in the past and you turned that into a lifelong personal hatred? I dont remember it. What was it about? I dont believe in dmt aliens and you do? Let it go. Have fun and dont nurse grudges in life - remember, at the end you die.

Not that theres anything wrong with being fucked up mind you - some of the kindest, funniest people ive ever met have been completely fucked up.
 
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Psycho_Logic said:
I have brought another human being into this world and am responsible for not creating deep wounds in him. So till his 25 yo (I see that as a cut off age for human being fully maturing physically) Iwill "choose life". Or so I have chosen, you never know, I could be killed by car or have heart attack tomorrow.
Click to expand...
Same position, response ability's. I am in a catch-22 situation.

The reason for wanting to die is the same reason I cannot commit suicide. Two people I have put on this world that came from the vagina of a demon from hell.

But I dare to admit I already know the best way's, least painful, to do it. Although I can't. Way's that I will not use but researching them felt comforting weird enough.
 
Psycho_Logic said:
Little off topic but that guy is very questionable figure accused for many illegal activities including murder, but he is a puppet of Indias prime minister Moodie (or how it is spelled) so he gets away with lots of his misconduct. He sings the right tunes for mystic Shaivist but something is really bugging me about him from day one. I saw him on YouTube only so have that in mind. This is just somebody telling you his gut feeling and rumours he read on the topic.

Having said that we all die every moment. This "me" isn't the same me that just walked out from kitchen. Mi mind has new experiences and is running a bit of a different thoughts. Meanwhile many of "my" cells have died and been replaced in last 5 minutes so this body and mind that is traveling through ever changing Suchnes called space/time for most part is dying and being reborn every moment. Thats why the "I" is questionable phenomena and death is ever present for it if it has any real existence. If I just rambled, I am sorry, I woke up literally 5 minutes ago in a daze. Peace.
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You know what I had a feelin about him something is not right. Thanks for the info. He is funny though. But the every hour thing was a indication.

Reminds me about Sogyal Rinpoche. Who raped and beat up people, and had ghostwriter's.
 
Ismene2 said:
Nah im fine - have we had a disagreement over drugs in the past and you turned that into a lifelong personal hatred? I dont remember it. What was it about? I dont believe in dmt aliens and you do? Let it go. Have fun and dont nurse grudges in life - remember, at the end you die.

Not that theres anything wrong with being fucked up mind you - some of the kindest, funniest people ive ever met have been completely fucked up.
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I hold no grudges, I'm simply pointing out the perfectly obvious.
 
You havnt much empathy to say you know about suffering yourself foreigner - i was kind to you and you are scratching my eyes out. If anyones fucked up in our relationship its a good bet its you not me. Dont you think?

And if you are in so much pain why be on my back for being "fucked up"? If someones fucked up try being kind to them. If they are nasty back THEN release your inner harridan upon their ass - if that gives you your warm ready brek glow.

Were you sitting there in despair and suddenly thought "i know - i'll be a sourpuss to that little cunt Ismene - thats BOUND to cheer me up" . Did it work?
 
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emkee_reinvented said:
You know what I had a feelin about him something is not right. Thanks for the info. He is funny though. But the every hour thing was a indication.

Reminds me about Sogyal Rinpoche. Who raped and beat up people, and had ghostwriter's.
Click to expand...

Is rinpoche the tibetan book of the dead\living guy? That was a highly praised buddhist book - did he turn out to be a ball-sniffer?
 
Nice to see you trying to keep the forum alive (pun intended) single-handedly Ismene.

Yeah. My parents died when I was 16 and 17. That tends to focus your mind on death.

I'm cool with it. They were 53 and 50 when they died. Never expected to get past those ages. I have now.

Ketamine has probably 'taught' me more than anything else about death.
 
Haha - nice to see you shm! Yeah im trying my best - ive got a new tablet so i dont have to plug the computer in. I can just go "i wonder what those jakey fuckers at bluelight are discussing... " and with a flick of a screen im here...

Same here - my dad died at 54 basically from desperate depression - everything else was secondary. It still haunts me that i couldnt help him - if you ever broached it he would just say "i just want to fucking die". Now if someone said that to me i would instantly say "this is your lucky day pal cos ive got the fucking cure for that" and give him mushrooms.

Never took a drug till my dad died - i was 30.
 
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Similar age to shm I think and also have no problem whatsoever with the notion of death

I'm not longing for it, but if the grim reaper appeared I wouldn't be resisting. Life appears infinitely more problematic to me, death looks pretty chill in comparison (although I strongly suspoect there'd be no awareness of any potential relief)

Would never suicide though cos kids...except perhaps if I was facing a truly terrible demise even then I'd talk to them about it first for sure
 
Ismene2 said:
Is rinpoche the tibetan book of the dead\living guy? That was a highly praised buddhist book - did he turn out to be a ball-sniffer?
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its a fraud. The rewritten version has one passage in the book that gives a clue. Where a supposedly master he knew beat up an younger monk that got enlighted by that. poor excuus for his own actions later on?

"detailing the sexual and psychological abuse she and her fellow-attendants endured"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sogyal_Rinpoche#Abuse_allegations
 
No I do not fear death at least not nearly as much as someone close to my dying
 
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