👋👋👋

[Blankenstein]

Just thought I’d introduce myself.

originally joined blue light back in early/mid 2000’s for a brief period. Used to lurk a fair bit before joining. Think I joined when I freaked out during a bout of speed psychosis...

I didn’t really post much. Lurked for a while. Didn’t come on the forum for a long time. Started lurking again a couple of years ago.

A lot has changed for myself over those years. I decided to join again as I am trying to stop using and drinking (again)...

So yeh thought I might see if being a member of a recovery forum helps. I do sporadically attend AA and NA meetings, though have never attempted the steps, I have a psychologist I see every month or so, use disulfurum from time to time and try to keep active.

 

[bongdong]

Hello @Blankenstein, welcome on board..

2000's huh? That's some 'mature' (drug) journey you are on by now. (Many/most here are though, it seems.) Does your psychologist know about your use? How's the Disulfiram working for you; just curious.

Have a good one.

 

[PtahTek]

thought I might see if being a member of a recovery forum helps

Hey! Glad to have ya.
Ya know, just the willingness to get off substances is a huge asset when attempting to recover. Seems there is a want to get free so there is hope.
Like being in prison and wanting to get out: the will is there but the absconder does not break free until an escape route is identified and taken (the jailbird flies away).
Plenty of drug use and just as much non-use going on here (just my experience) so IMO ya have a great chance of finding what it is that ya need.
Be safe and giterdone, ok?
Best always

 

[Blankenstein]

Hello @Blankenstein, welcome on board..

2000's huh? That's some 'mature' (drug) journey you are on by now. (Many/most here are though, it seems.) Does your psychologist know about your use? How's the Disulfiram working for you; just curious.

Have a good one.

Hey man thanks,

yeh my psychologist is well aware of my use. I first went and saw her back in 2013 I think? Stopping drinking and using was the reason I started seeing her. I haven’t seen her consistently since 2013. This time round I’ve seen her every 6/8 weeks since mid 2019 I think?

I find the Disulfiram very beneficial, though I have to be in the right mind set to take it. As in I might get a script for it with the intention on stopping drinking, but won’t actually force my self to take a tablet for 2 months sometimes. I have to actually be ready to take it.

sometimes I take it, but am not really committed to it and can tell. I will only last a few days on it. Other times I am super focused on not drinking/using and will stay on it for a couple of months.

for me I think my drinking/usage probably follows how I am going with my mental health. Ie. if I’m struggling mentally I’m more likely to use substances. If I’m going alright mentally then I’m less likely to use substances. Though it isn’t quite that simple...

At the moment I am taking it and not drinking, though i am dabbling in benzos and opiates.

So yeh there have been periods of my life where I have been hugely grateful for a medication like disulfiram...

Thanks for the message

 

[Blankenstein]

Th

Hey! Glad to have ya.
Ya know, just the willingness to get off substances is a huge asset when attempting to recover. Seems there is a want to get free so there is hope.
Like being in prison and wanting to get out: the will is there but the absconder does not break free until an escape route is identified and taken (the jailbird flies away).
Plenty of drug use and just as much non-use going on here (just my experience) so IMO ya have a great chance of finding what it is that ya need.
Be safe and giterdone, ok?
Best always

Thanks for the welcoming and kind/mystical words

take it easy mate.

 

[PtahTek]

Thanks for the welcoming

'S'what I do, mate....
We will be what we wanna be... hasn't it always been this way? Whatever we focus on and exert energies into comes to pass. If we wanna hit of crack, say, we get it, no? Fine tuning our sight can get us in many places that previously may have seemed inaccessible. Imma old man and have many stories of overcoming impossible odds. Now I no longer think of untraveled roads as beyond reach as too many have been trodden.
Got and "pets" or furry buddies around?
Bobo and Budah (not to mention SO and BL) have kept me fairly stable for a few years now. I consider myself "blessed" to be in such great company. These have all had a most enlightening and grounding impact for me but not sure how "grounded" I would be if any were "lost". But, hey, although loss is inevitable, in the meantime maybe I can figure out that losing is just an illusion and grow to the point of being natural... no black/white, up/down, in/out, happy/sad, good/bad.... meh
I am not "sober" but far from where I was a few years ago so gotta say shit we think is out of reach is not that far from our grip.
Love ya, mate.
We can do whatever we wish.


Over

 

[Blankenstein]

'S'what I do, mate....
We will be what we wanna be... hasn't it always been this way? Whatever we focus on and exert energies into comes to pass. If we wanna hit of crack, say, we get it, no? Fine tuning our sight can get us in many places that previously may have seemed inaccessible. Imma old man and have many stories of overcoming impossible odds. Now I no longer think of untraveled roads as beyond reach as too many have been trodden.
Got and "pets" or furry buddies around?
Bobo and Budah (not to mention SO and BL) have kept me fairly stable for a few years now. I consider myself "blessed" to be in such great company. These have all had a most enlightening and grounding impact for me but not sure how "grounded" I would be if any were "lost". But, hey, although loss is inevitable, in the meantime maybe I can figure out that losing is just an illusion and grow to the point of being natural... no black/white, up/down, in/out, happy/sad, good/bad.... meh
I am not "sober" but far from where I was a few years ago so gotta say shit we think is out of reach is not that far from our grip.
Love ya, mate.
We can do whatever we wish.


Over

I do have a dog! I love her very much and yes I think of her much more than a pet, as I am sure you do with yours. Dogs are exceptional creatures.

 

[bongdong]

Hey again

I find the Disulfiram very beneficial, though I have to be in the right mind set to take it. As in I might get a script for it with the intention on stopping drinking, but won’t actually force my self to take a tablet for 2 months sometimes. I have to actually be ready to take it.

That's what I was thinking. Whether it's easier to commit to take Disulfiram or just not drinking? But this stuff is long-acting, right? So in that sense, you 'only' need to get it right occasionally (meaning taking it), compared to the ever present possibility of drinking. And ingesting alcohol with that stuff in your system requires some serious stupidity (considering the effects), as far as I can tell. Is that somewhat correct?

for me I think my drinking/usage probably follows how I am going with my mental health. Ie. if I’m struggling mentally I’m more likely to use substances. If I’m going alright mentally then I’m less likely to use substances. Though it isn’t quite that simple...

Those are valuable insights to make! (y) And nobody can make them for you..

Greetings

 

[Blankenstein]

Hey again

That's what I was thinking. Whether it's easier to commit to take Disulfiram or just not drinking? But this stuff is long-acting, right? So in that sense, you 'only' need to get it right occasionally (meaning taking it), compared to the ever present possibility of drinking. And ingesting alcohol with that stuff in your system requires some serious stupidity (considering the effects), as far as I can tell. Is that somewhat correct?

Those are valuable insights to make! (y) And nobody can make them for you..

Greetings

I guess I find it good, because once I take the tablet I pretty much can’t even think about drinking for a week after. Instead of every day having that inner battle.

There have been times when I’m like “fuck! why did I take that damn tablet...” but then once my craving passes I am very happy I took it and usually kind of get in the zone and try to keep the sobriety-ball rolling for as long as possible.

Obviously if you have issues with any other substances it won’t help those and there have been times when I have just increased my benzo or opiate usage. So this kind of goes back to what I was saying about my mental health and how committed I am to sobriety (not just from alcohol) at the time.

I just look at the medication as a tool. I try to have amany tools as possible at my disposal to keep me from drinking/using. Which sometimes these tools work and sometimes they don’t...

Yeh drinking on it isn’t particularly fun. I have never consumed alcohol the same day as taking a tablet, but have a couple of days later.

I guess I have found it to linger in my system for about a week after taking my last dose. I also think the longer you take it the longer it takes to leave your system, though I could be wrong.

hope that answers some of your questions. Are you thinking of trying it?

 

[Jabberwocky]

welcome

 

[Ds]

Welcome @Blankenstein

 

[bongdong]

Hey @Blankenstein, sorry I somehow overlooked your response..

hope that answers some of your questions. Are you thinking of trying it?

Yes, thanx, it did. And no. I don't know what of if I want to call it anything, but I kind of made my peace with ethanol. Doesn't go well with a health situation I host so haven't touched the stuff, ...geez, I don't even remember, in 1,5 years perhaps, but also had years before that with no drinking. (Folks drink a lot where I come from, sadly, and I used to 'enjoy' it too.) In between, like you wrote, not feeling well and approaching alcohol as a coping mechanism, things got abusive and nasty shockingly quick. And I just don't want or can't go down this road.. , cause I got to know where this will end, so I'm not exactly thrilled about all this, but it's not a struggle either.

Greetings

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Welcome man, I hope you'll find some help and relief here!

 

[Blankenstein]

Welcome man, I hope you'll find some help and relief here!

 

[Blankenstein]

Hey @Blankenstein, sorry I somehow overlooked your response..

Yes, thanx, it did. And no. I don't know what of if I want to call it anything, but I kind of made my peace with ethanol. Doesn't go well with a health situation I host so haven't touched the stuff, ...geez, I don't even remember, in 1,5 years perhaps, but also had years before that with no drinking. (Folks drink a lot where I come from, sadly, and I used to 'enjoy' it too.) In between, like you wrote, not feeling well and approaching alcohol as a coping mechanism, things got abusive and nasty shockingly quick. And I just don't want or can't go down this road.. , cause I got to know where this will end, so I'm not exactly thrilled about all this, but it's not a struggle either.

Greetings

Glad you realised it man and have avoided it since. Good stuff. Hope all is well.