I dont have a single friend IRL. Is it me?

[Shelbel69]

I usually lose all potential friends because I'm needy & I tend to self-sabatoge relationships. Also, my bad habit of blowing up people's phone's.

 

[Zephyn]

I usually lose all potential friends because I'm needy & I tend to self-sabatoge relationships. Also, my bad habit of blowing up people's phone's.

same, same. my typing style is annoying, i'll send like 20 messages rather than a couple paragraphs

 

[Zephyn]

It's so painful I want to drink and drink and drink until I am no more.

True story.

... they did find that loneliness is interpreted as a pain stimulus to the brain instead of emotionally. we are meant to be together.

drink and drink and drink... no I'm not suicidal. Making some kinda point.

i don't doubt this. my drug use in general significantly increased with isolation. as did the side effects and come downs. i even thought about trying an oxytocin nasal spray or something

 

[atara]

(edit: this is directed at the OP, although others may find it useful)

Bah, I have a worse attitude and friends. You don't have friends because you don't want to. You're willing to blame your reputation but not your desires because you don't feel as responsible for your reputation.

Friendship isn't an exchange of support. It can involve support and it can be a healthy source of support but that just isn't what it is or why it exists. If you are looking for friends so that you can stop being lonely then you will be alone. If you are looking to complain about your wife, get a therapist.

Friendship involves some mutually beneficial (enjoyable) activities. You have to want to do something together. This is a problem young married men often run into: why not just do [the thing] with my wife? If you don't want to do those things with people you won't make or retain friends. It's not a matter of judgment, but engagement.

 

[Shelbel69]

same, same. my typing style is annoying, i'll send like 20 messages rather than a couple paragraphs

I do the same thing. I'll just keep sending random thoughts/ideas and get left on read or blocked. I hate that I'm so clingy. Like I enjoy being alone but it would be nice to have someone to kick it with.

 

[Zephyn]

I do the same thing. I'll just keep sending random thoughts/ideas and get left on read or blocked. I hate that I'm so clingy. Like I enjoy being alone but it would be nice to have someone to kick it with.

I feel you, isolation is a killer. I think its pretty cruel when people ghost someone, especially if they don't have bad intentions. whats worse is when they randomly contact you, then ghost you, and repeat that over and over again

 

[Fiori di Bella]

I only have 8 close friends that I speak (mostly by text/phone since COVID) with on a monthly or more frequent basis. I have 2 friends I speak to 3+ times weekly. I definitely had more friends when I was younger.

I think the people here who’ve said that marriage/longterm relationships often take the place of other friendships are spot on. It’s easier to go out to dinner with a significant other than to set up plans for dinner with a friend(s), when it often means compromising what you eat + where and/or when you can meet. So much easier to say, “Babe, let’s go to Giuliano’s for dinner tonight.”

I’m trying to be more flexible since I’m single now and living alone for the first time ever in my life. I don’t mind having to consider a friend’s preferences, time, location, etc., when it comes to hanging out so much. Friendships are give and take and like they say about marriages, they take work. I have days where I’d rather just cancel my plans then hangout without really feeling it. But I try not to cancel as I know they’ve set aside their time for me and no one is likely to stay friends with a person who calls off plans all the time.

 

[Jabberwocky]

My lack of friends has quite a bit to do with how I managed intimate relationships. Following the example set by my father I always made my partner the only person I focussed on when I was in a relationship.

Any friends I did collect were through my partner and when the relationships inevitably crumbled she would keeep all the friends and I’d be on the outer. This has happened in every serious relationship I’ve had.

I don’t think I know how to independently cultivate a friendship.

 

[pofacedhoe]

friendships mean that even when you havent seen them you keep making an effort to see how they are doing and to have a laugh

OP if all you wanna do is vent i think ur missing the point

you have to find shared activities

join a walking group?

i met all my friends bar 1 who i knew before by living in shared accomodation in the city i live in

i live alone now and would find it almost impossible to make friends right now

also people who get into a relationship then think i'm alright now i dont need anyone else this is half the problem

around mid 30's people stop being friend focused anyway. relationships take over and everything starts coming with limitations

 

[Freudzilla]

I don’t seem to have a lot of friends anymore really either..I have a select few but we mostly keep in contact with social media more than anything. In fact I just recently hung out with a friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years. But that’s a rarity life happens and before you know it friendships change and you’re left with what seems like only online friends. Life has a way of changing things people move away, have families, die, all kinds of shit that just puts distance between people. Plus let’s face it the friends I had when I was 18 aren’t the most savory characters and not necessarily people I’d want to bring home to be around my family.

 

[JoshLobbs]

Dood text or call one of your old frens and tell them its been a long time and you would love to meet up for a coffee when they are free. Keep doing that and keep stepping it up.

Oh and if anyone cares I am also lonely af because of drama in my only friend group that I pushed to the boiling point while high on air duster and playing among us.

 

[Freudzilla]

Dood text or call one of your old frens and tell them its been a long time and you would love to meet up for a coffee when they are free. Keep doing that and keep stepping it up.

Oh and if anyone cares I am also lonely af because of drama in my only friend group that I pushed to the boiling point while high on air duster and playing among us.

We all do dumb shit on duster sir! Lmao

 

[Bare_head]

Fuck i need a girl cause all my friends are married pretty much. But then i realise i need to sort myself out.

I have friends but dnt see them often enough :/ maybe more now ater lifing off restrictions