Miscellaneous Psychedelic Abuse ~ a compulsion toward escapism ~ the swirling paradigm

[bongdong]

Interesting topic. Before I arrived here, I also thought there isn't really such a thing as a potential dependence to psychedelics. Don't think there is a physical one, but what I read/learned here changed my mind about psychological dependence and escapism and that sort.

I thought, and for me personally it still is that way, psychedelic do not reliably give you anything, like alcohol and opiates/opioids etc. do. They show or reveal something, it could be heaven, or your personal hell. Cannabis seems to be in the middle (or can do both) in that regard. So in that sense I thought they are not really suitable as a coping aid, to mask issues and so unlikely to become habitually used. But apparently, they effect some folk rather benign and predictable, ..and then get eaten like candy, with all the colorful rationalizations . But as always, I'm sure there is a price to be paid for such abuse.

I don't see myself in the position to say how these compounds should be use, but personally, if I'm not able to create a space where things can unfold somewhat naturally, where there is at least the chance of me letting go and collect myself a little bit afterwards, I don't even think about tripping. Have a (for me) novel LSD analog at home since summer, ..untouched. I'm not sure what it takes to have e.g. a dentist appointment or job interview in a couple of hours and think, dropping some hundred mcg of acid is a good and fun idea. What do you think? I know some folks must know! Terence McKenna used to make some rather spicy comments about the different effects of psychedelics on different types of people, but I spare you that cause it's rather judgmental. I digressed, ..what was the topic again?

 

[Xorkoth]

One can be addicted to psychedelics like one can be addicted to other non-drug activities like video games, eating, etc. People get addicted to novelty and distraction all the time, or some people do anyway.

 

[cosmic charlie]

I am surely psychologically addicted and I think about tripping every single day of my life and have to tell myself no, you have work to do. I can't spend all day long smoking DMT and dropping acid even tho I surely would love to. But I REALLY like to trip maybe more then a person who doesn't find himself caught in this dilemma. I have access to some really good drugs also and I have a ton of new things to try im just about at 60 different psychedelics tasted at this point and 15 dissos I believe. And I would really like to break 100 psychs in the next decade...

I will give myself some time I could do it sooner if I really went for it. My next trip on longacting psych is 24 days away, and yes I keep a countdown

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Those “more than a micro dose” psycholytic doses are wonderful. Around 15-40 ug for me. I’ve used them to enhance my athletic performance before and the experience has always been wonderful. I haven’t taken lsd in close to a year but I plan to use it in a such a manner when I eventually do return. I’ve explored higher doses (max 400 ug) and for me there is a point of no return where it’s not worth it. I know I’m prone to grandiose delusions and psychosis at those high doses. I’ve had my ++++ experience (on my first trip actually) and I don’t expect the substance will grant me another one. For me, there is no point in pushing dose anymore.

when I was regulate macrodosing (70-200 ug) regularly every two weeks I became very deluded and timothy Leary - esque

I’ll be ok in the lower realms for a while I think

Whole heartedly agree on the "just beyond microdose" trips having a unique magic.

I find them potentially invigorating for physical activities

as well as open to the exploration of a relaxed, functional/intellectual state so often difficult to attain

in this information/stress overload we live in too often nowadays

 

[G_Chem]

One thing I’ve noticed with psychedelic addicts is that they often use alcohol and/or benzos alongside the psychedelics too... I can only imagine this because they like to force the trips in a more pleasant direction, or numb out from the bad feelings that may arise from over indulging.

For me, my number 1 way to tell if I’m tripping too often is how the experiences feel to me. Often if there’s a lot of anxiety during (very unusual for me) that’s a sign I need to step back and work on integrating. It often means I’m not happy with my life currently and need to implement the ideas I’ve learned to change that.

I remember a time in my life where I wasn’t happy with my direction and couldn’t trip without alcohol in my system. Those days are fortunately long gone.

-GC

 

[Chris Timothy]

Yeah most psychs are uppers, so the tendency is to balance that out. An irl speed freak I once knew reported that his fellow tweakers all drank heavily to get to sleep. It's kinda sensible to have some sort of countermeasure around, not sure whether it makes a good indicator for things going overboard. It's again a matter of habituation, whether driving with the handbrake on has become normalized, which I guess you're getting at.

To the topic of the thread. In the absence of the low-level compulsion that makes psychedelics at least non-trivial to get hooked on, you have to look at the consistency of the story you tell yourself. The philosophy should be as free from contradiction as possible, mere rationalization needs be eliminated. And since the psychedelic afterglow can modulate how convincing such story comes across to yourself, there's a possible loophole there, a feedback cycle that, forming a bridge across the cognitive domain, can still qualify as addiction. We have an advantage here since we share our stories with each other, and any bullshit that has crept in can only survive for so long. I did an irl mushroom ceremony once, and I was surprised at how about half of the attendants clearly used psychedelics for indulging in and deepening of private delusions.. you know, like you imagine the unsophisticated religious types would. You really need to principally keep inviting challenge to your views. Ironically, the place in your mind that knows this to be true is the only realistic safe space you have. One can demand politeness and empathy, but demanding externally delineated safe spaces is exactly the thing that disintegrates the sense of reality of so many people today. And these resulting echo-chambers are not making the world a safer place.

So if there's a daily craving for psychedelics, then the question poses itself whether the reasons for indulging will still make sense after a bout of complete sobriety. I'm not saying go sober, because that might or might not be realistic. But just technically speaking, if you're an explorer of this category of substances and you want to know everything about them, then surely it needs to be known whether they have this particular effect too, whether it's mere theory or something experientially verifiable. Whether the risk/reward balance indeed looks and feels the same when there's an appreciable distance from the swirly cyclone. Such qualitative information is a much deeper form of exploration, and of more value to the community, than the quantitative detail of substance count. It does not therefore need to be explored, but if this doesn't seem like an interesting subject, then it begs the question whether exploration of mind is really the true motive. Because it is about the exploration of mind. None of these chemicals would have any interest without a nervous system to interact with. It is about the mind. Your mind.

All dissociatives I have explored I have done so with such philosophical safety gear. I'm sure it looked like addiction from the outside, and these substances are powerful enough to make anyone lose hold of the cave line for some bouts of time, sure. But I've always done my best to have the story make sense. Even during the straw that broke the camel's back I had made sure I paid attention to the health of the major organs. Those little snail-like thingies between the ears caught me by surprise, and even for such unpleasant surprises I had an exit strategy planned. All this is overtime anyway. But it just might still heal, so I'm sitting it out. We're a couple of months later, and it's still as rational a course as I had it set out to be. Therefore it was not an addiction.

What was an addiction though was cannabis, as I've told you guys before. I had tried to get rid of it many times, and failed. Well I succeeded once for nine months straight, but it was kinda pointless, I was not ready for it, it just felt like I was bleeding years off my lifespan. That was last decade, today I can conclude that it has required a complex interplay of factors, ranging from physical to emotional to cognitive to philosophical. Now I can see it takes so much more to kick something that you have allowed to creep under the radar than just toughening it out. Also, luck. Or tragedy. Never let a good crisis go to waste.

 

[pupnik]

Well, I skipped my minidose of acid today to watch the impeachment show. and I am off weed until my lungs feel better - still too much congestion.
Tomorrow is another day, maybe it will fit in.
I think of it as a Spike. (stimulant perhaps and more mental dimensional breadth) it's getting late and lockdown well I guess it's a pass for now.

About 12 years ago, I still had a job that occasionally entailed some travel to the States from Canada for a computer company (it was a 10 yr contract - usually these arrangements can go for 3 months up to 3 years, but they kept extending).

My boss was a lot like trump but taller and thinner but just as outrageous. Anyway he demanded I accompany him on a sales trip which he planned to reach by driving his Mercedes SL equipped with radar detection, and I had no choice but to spend 10 hours with him, going, showing, and coming back.

I took 1/4 hit of LSD in the car once I realized this is likely to be my last day on earth due to the degree of my boss's 110mph road mastery.

At the time I was keeping it in my wallet. Tearing off the 1/4 while seated beside him was a bit awkward but luckily I had it partly pre-cut for easy tearing.

Well, as it turns out the blotter was over-doped so I really got very affected and quite time dilated for a tech exec in front of a crowd of fintech tire-kickers.

I did a reasonable dog and pony show anyway, even got a few chuckles while in front of people who did not give a shit, but were happy to not be doing regular work; though I may have provided no compelling reason for the prospective clients to buy anything.

I really do not know why the whole effort had to be done, but maybe my boss at the time was bored, and he must have liked driving around with me in tow.

Back in 2001, after the towers went down in NYC, we drove a rental from a computer conference in Los Angeles to Vancouver and that was a huge riot for him. Naturally I did use some lsd then as well, and the ride to Canada with me and the crew must have been a fond memory to him, and others in the car.

Anyway, yes there is something special to be identified with in the psychedelic experience that can appear to be addictive or escapist, but I do not think it is real. Pot yes, Booze, yes. shrooms and lsd, not really that way; nor is salvia which is also a fave of mine.

For LSD, I would only use it if circumstantially disengaged from a role of responsibility, or as in the case of the 8 hour mercedes ride in which fearing death by high speed impact I was giving up on sanity forever.

 

[BenzosBudOrBooty]

I'd consider myself an addict by definition. And a psychedelic one too. I always considered myself an alcoholic and maybe an addict too. Now I think anyone prone to abuse drugs and/or alcohol is an addict. And you can definitely be prone to psychedelic drug abuse. The whole "alcoholic" thing can distinguish for some, but that's definitely not me if I ever went back to AA. I used to say "Im an alcoholic" but now id definitely call myself an addict.

well I started off with some weed at 18. I was every day doing that pretty much right away until I got put on probation with drug tests at 21. When I was 18 1/2 years old I got arrested for a little bit of shake I was really innocent when I was arrested but went through community service and shite. Community service definitely helped inspire my alcohol, tobacco and lsd use in the upcoming years. Meeting people who used these drugs and a kind of reckless sense like you're gonna arrest me but you can't bring me down that easily. 2 more arrests, a bad lsd trip on my 9th trip in january of 2010 I became very psychotic. The psychosis has somewhat inspired much of my addictions to other drugs for example ive done shrooms and acid and even dmt and ketamine and mdma too. And alcohol. I quit tobacco after the LSD trip and never had physical sense withdrawals to alcohol after again but.

As alcohol was my next addiction. I was what i would call "inspired" to become an alcoholic. I already was one but i thought it'd be a good idea to be a worse one. And force myself to drink nightly. Well I enjoyed it.. And I had some unusual beliefs on the benefits of all substances. But Then when I got off probation I started doing drugs again and found myself on a slippery slope going off my psych meds to take shrooms and acid and mescaline and dmt. Although was fearful of the DMT because of my mental health issues. I had mental health issues since I was a young kid btw but I feel as these drugs can hurt psychosis there are so many other things they can help that I probably have too. Lemme go on with the story. But let's just say like I probably have some trauma, ocd, depression, anxiety, as well as psychosis exasberated by drugs but now its starting to turn around for me Ill explain a bit.

So in 2014 I had the worst trip with shrooms mixed with an abilify injection. i was just trying to feel something at this point when i had finished alcohol and drank 2 cups of coffee and it totally fucked with my mental. Well man, for years i was in a panic attack disorder. But a medication i take now has really helped me recover from HPPD. I still would feel the compulsion to take lsd and shrooms and stuff despite all this. now ketamine and medical marijuana is my cup of tea's. I find ketamine actually mixes with my meds. Pretty much im just a ketamine head these days plus the medical weed. Turn in the fact I was living in a state of panic from may of 2014-not too far ago im doing pretty well. psychedelics can fuck you up. But they also teach you the lessons that youre meant to learn. Im not saying i would recommend my journey for anyone. But for me, I wouldnt trade it for an easier life. I feel my connection with a higher power gives my life meaning. And on certain drugs I really feel a true connection. My medication I take is meant for addiction called naltrexone. i havent been truly drunk since december of 2015 now. And I take it easy with the acid and stuff these days. Cant find any K anymore getting frustrated lmfao. But its ok even though the winter months this seasonal depression bullshit acts up and it would be nice to have some K right now. Im just gonna have to wait till it comes around.

I think im less looking to escape and more looking to connect because i had such a dissassociated personality that somehow drugs give me insight and bring me to what i feel is "closer" to reality. it also has caused severe damage to me dont get me wrong but its taught me a lot of things and given me a lot of insights too. I dont enjoy LSD anymore because it makes me dull and i dont hallucinate on my meds but i love me some ketamine here and there.


id say that psychedelics can help addiction for me, but its not gonna cure the stuff and then at a point it stops being effective and i was just mad and everyones unique and they need to study drugs more because a unique mental health disorder which i probably have, well everyone is unique. But I feel psychedelics have helped me for about 5 years now. once I started that naltrexone i spoke of, i didnt recover right away. i recovered when i mixed with psychedelics and weed and ketamine and ecstasy and im not saying ive made great decisions but somehow ive turned this mess around a little bit. And i definitely am a psychedelic addict, addicted to the mystery of the unknown.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'd consider myself an addict by definition. And a psychedelic one too. I always considered myself an alcoholic and maybe an addict too. Now I think anyone prone to abuse drugs and/or alcohol is an addict. And you can definitely be prone to psychedelic drug abuse. The whole "alcoholic" thing can distinguish for some, but that's definitely not me if I ever went back to AA. I used to say "Im an alcoholic" but now id definitely call myself an addict.

The distinction between "alcoholic" and "addict", as well as "alcohol and drugs", is just a way fort society to try to insist that the main socially accepted hard drug is somehow different, and that addiction to it is different. Alcoholic is just a special term for "addict" when the substance addiction only involves alcohol.

 

[DrumTripper]

Yeah, like I used to suffer from nicotinism, but still ongoing with cannabism (doesn’t sound good!) and hallucinogenism.

 

[Xorkoth]

I think it's funny how it's become part of the vernacular to state that you're a <blank>aholic to say you're addicted to something in a tongue in cheek way. Like someone saying they're a workaholic. "Guys, I can't stop taking workahol! I really have a problem with chocohol, too!"

 

[SunriseChampion]

I find psychedelics to be the opposite of addictive. I think there might even be an inverse correlation; the more I do them, the less I feel the inclination to.

 

[bongdong]

I think it's funny how it's become part of the vernacular to state that you're a <blank>aholic to say you're addicted to something in a tongue in cheek way. Like someone saying they're a workaholic. "Guys, I can't stop taking workahol! I really have a problem with chocohol, too!"

Dangit! "Hi, my name is bongdong, and I'm a thinkaholic as well as a photoholic, and that only on top of all the other drugaholisms."

There is a wonderfully emblematic piece out there that goes under the name "Thinkers Anonymous" (easily found with DuckDuckGo) which hits on the original AA scheme. That's gold, and I have it pinned on my wall for many years now. If this doesn't poke something (inconvenient) in you, you are truely lost (in thinking) my friends..

I find psychedelics to be the opposite of addictive. I think there might even be an inverse correlation; the more I do them, the less I feel the inclination to.

Generally I would say so too. For two reasons. One is summed up by the known Alan Watts line "when you got the message, hang up the phone.." The second is, I don't think that just the possiblity of getting ruthlessly psychoanalyzed and totally dismantled by, say a mushroom, is very habit forming. As I wrote above, it seems that psychedelics affect people quite different. (Of course the dose is key here too!) When the experience isn't a real challenge and resembles more a reliable weird/trippy stimulation, I presume the whole thing finds more likely a place in habitual hedonistic use patterns.

Maybe the frequency is a factor in this too? I made only one attempt at microdosing with an LSD analog, at a time where zero other drugs where involved. But after a couple of month I let go of it, cause it didn't bring the hoped for effects. There wasn't a real pull to make it an egoic hedonistic escapism thing, I guess cause the LSD comeup is a little bit of a mixed bag for me too. Can be pretty physically stimulating, from restlessness to otherworldly horniness, energy surges etc. I started out with the common 3 days off, 1 day on pattern and then switched to 2 off, 1 on with 25mcg initially (which clearly isn't a microdose! ), then ~12mcg for the most part which was still too prominent for me. Then ~6mcg at the end; then off. With mushrooms it perhaps would have been a different story, I don't know, but they can't be dosed as exactly.

But again, I'm confident in saying that 'getting your world turned upside down' isn't especially habit forming; egos naturally fear that. If it's nothing but a joyride (immediately or in the aftermath), it's per definition not a challenge.

 

[Chris Timothy]

I wouldn't be so confident of that, @bongdong, there are some people here who keep pushing hard despite. I realize that's perhaps surprising, but please be careful reiterating the impossibility of psychedelic addiction in a thread where people are admitting to it. In this context it can easily come across as gaslighting.

Let me describe another mechanism. It's quite clear that the overly shielded life is an expression of fear. What's often not so clear is that constantly having the ego shattered is still an expression of fear. It's the principle of masochism: if I hurt myself then nobody can hurt me, comparatively. So even by seeking out pain you're still trying to avoid it. Though if you have completely demolished the ego even just once and seen everything's quite alright afterwards, there really shouldn't be a compulsion to do it again. Unless you somehow haven't taken the lesson to heart. Everybody will get to stand at the precipice when time comes, even those who have dedicated their life to practice jumps. That's why you can hang up the proverbial phone, it's quite alright not to be rendered insensitive to life, and take the pain even when it is outside of one's control, when it's not dialed in on a milligram scale.

 

[Xorkoth]

Some people are drawn to getting ripped to shreds and seek that out over and over again. It's similar to how some people get addicted to adrenaline.... a good friend and ex BLer had a really serious addiction to skydiving and then BASE jumping... he BASE jumped like 500 times, got close to dying a number of times, had various friends die from it, and kept doing it. Most people won't get addicted to BASE jumping, and most people won't get addicted to the psychedelic experience, but as is evidenced by some in this forum, it's certainly something that some people are drawn to again and again.

Personally I never resonated with the "when you get the message, hang up the phone" thing. But for me, psychedelics have changed their role in my life over time. I hardly ever have the desire to try to get off my face and have breakthrough experiences anymore with psychedelics, I have had those and they were life changing, and at one point I was chasing that experience, but nowadays I use psychedelics for a totally different purpose, mainly to help keep my inner child alive, to maintain my connection to that state, and also to enhance certain activities such as live music, makin art, and hiking/exploring. I tend to take light doses, where I remain fully functional. Sometimes I aim for higher than that.

But I did used to try to get off my face routinely, aiming for ego dissolution on a regular basis, so I get it. It's just that for me, after a while it started to be counterproductive towards what I wanted to accomplish as a person. As humans, we ARE our egos, I disagree with the buddhist idea of the point of life being to transcend humanity. The point of living is to be a human, to be yourself, to spend this brief blink of awareness experiencing what it is to be yourself as fully as possible. Too much ego dissolution started to make it hard to be me and live my life to the fullest.

 

[SunriseChampion]

Personally I never resonated with the "when you get the message, hang up the phone" thing.

Yeah, this concept doesn't resonate with me either. I may have "gotten the message" but I still like to see if it's still the same "message" from time to time.

I just find psychedelics to have a built-in aversion mechanism whereby the more times I trip the less I feel any inclination to trip.

For me, it's quite the opposite to my experience with meth and alcohol, for example. Where the more I did those, the more I felt the need to do even more.

That's why I love psychedelics so much: they feel "healthier" and, for me, have allowed me to have a much healthier relationship with them than I have had with other drugs.

 

[TripSitterNZ]

life can make you question your faith constantly throw so many challenges at you that returning to the psychedelic space to see the same underlying message there can restore said faith in life and allow you to once again appreciate been alive and to carry on. I Love pushing the limits of my experince as far as possible i really don;'t have much going on in my life at all quite dull and boring but tripping all the time allows me to enjoy been alive and not fall into lifes traps of negativity. But balance is important and i lack balance when you lose sight of the ground and can no longer function as a person inside this sandbox of life then what you seeked to achieve has now become the opposite. Though psychedelics during heavy periods of use usually come to a point where a person takes a break for a while.


During a bad point of my life during all my addictions my trips were extremely dark i knew i was fucking up my life and i did not care i refused to accept it and would also keep tripping quite often the LSD had only one way to teach me that was through extreme darkness to finally scare me so much and so bad that i was forced to make a change in my life those trips i now look back on as good trips without them i would of been living a pretty horrible life. Now my life became better bit by bit my trips were so much more wonderful filled with light and love.

But i was so addicted to escaping the world because i did not want to confront life and i hated the entire world and at that point did not care if the entire world burnt alive because all i thought was fuck people fuck the system fuck the world everybody can burn in hell and my trips were a reflection of my own mind state. Yet after each horrible scary experince in hell i kept coming back and back and at one point i was like why the fuck do i keep doing this to myself then it finally clicked i was my own enemy i was literally the archtype of the devil/satan i was self-destuctive i did it all to myself i refused to listen and change til it go so bad that there was now no other option but either kill myself or put in the hard work to turn my life around. I realized my true reason for taking drugs was to destory myself that included LSD aswell at that point i hated myself i hated all the mistakes i kept making i hated everything and everyone and was a slave to the devil. That was finally a turning point my life i quit smoking weed cut back on other drugs and made a serious effort to try get clean then my trips became truly better filled with so much light and love i was blind to. It deepened my love for life.

What i was truly seeking in the psychedelic experince during that time was that if i simply just took a high enough dose i would wake up from this nightmare life forever and never have to return. i really delusional back then.

 

[RedRum OG]

I had a summer where I heavily abused mushrooms. I noticed no negative side effects during or after, other than insane tolerance. I also had a summer where I I heavily abused MDMA and LSD, definitely noticed a bit of depression coming off that one. It's definitely nothing like "true" drug addiction, but addictive like gambling or sex, maybe. To me, at least, sort of a compulsion/obsession, rather than a deep psychological and physical "need".

Other than NMDA psychs/dissociatives, the tolerance growth sort of makes true addiction impossible. Even doing LSD 2-3x per week I ended up taking at least 1-2mg per time and experiencing very little. At the beginning I needed only ~175mcg to trip pretty hard. Keeping that up for years until you're taking 50mg + to trip would be unlikely. Especially with mushrooms. I was grinding and turning them to powder, putting them in capsules, and still, it was almost impossible to get more than an ounce down. Seems unlikely you could really do them regularly, long term.

I had a very intense psychological addiction to MXE back when that was around. Unlike other psychs, it was pretty predictable, and almost always a very comfortable trip. I would lay in the darkness, hands covering my open eyes, and would travel to amazing worlds. I'm glad I never binged for long enough to find out if it was physically addictive. Man, I miss that stuff.

 

[BenzosBudOrBooty]

I wouldn't be so confident of that, @bongdong, there are some people here who keep pushing hard despite. I realize that's perhaps surprising, but please be careful reiterating the impossibility of psychedelic addiction in a thread where people are admitting to it. In this context it can easily come across as gaslighting.

Let me describe another mechanism. It's quite clear that the overly shielded life is an expression of fear. What's often not so clear is that constantly having the ego shattered is still an expression of fear. It's the principle of masochism: if I hurt myself then nobody can hurt me, comparatively. So even by seeking out pain you're still trying to avoid it. Though if you have completely demolished the ego even just once and seen everything's quite alright afterwards, there really shouldn't be a compulsion to do it again. Unless you somehow haven't taken the lesson to heart. Everybody will get to stand at the precipice when time comes, even those who have dedicated their life to practice jumps. That's why you can hang up the proverbial phone, it's quite alright not to be rendered insensitive to life, and take the pain even when it is outside of one's control, when it's not dialed in on a milligram scale.

I don’t think I’ll ever completely demolish my ego. Hell I’m not sure ill ever be fully satisfied with what I have. It’s the ego that is the bondage. But maybe enjoy the game. Sometimes. It’s Not about material stuff. I’m not a materialistic but I’ve had ego problems. An unhealthy ego. What I felt was I had direct attacks on my ego in my life that caused me to feel dead as an individual of who I was. A disassociated entity in a body. A confused ego. Strong in some regards. Very weak in others. Polarized and just recently I’ve found more a balance. On a bad LSD trip my friend said “your ego” on the phone while I was coming down. Very abruptly I said “I KNOW” and he told me he loved me and I loved him back. But after the bad lsd trip and then this made me very submissive in my life but crazy also I didn’t love him anymore. I was reminded of a childhood trauma he attacked my “ego” and all the times he was crap to me and began to dislike him. Now I don’t know what to think. He’s got his life he’s got mine and I’m glad I don’t have to see him ever anymore.

I have reached a point where I’ve given up my insecurities a great deal and I attribute it to help from psychedelic drugs and thoughts on self/ego. When on a ketamine binge I could see the difference between having insecurities off the drug and not on the drug. Now I haven’t had k in a minute and my insecurities isn’t as bad as it was in the past. I have a much thicker skin than back before this binge but I see myself slip a little in this regard. Never gonna feel as good as on K I know. But it’s starting to impede with my sanity again a tiny bit. Nah nah I’m fine I’m just a little anxious and depressed. But on k i feel untouchable. But very balanced. Like you feel so good on k you just might be gods son yourself but there’s also an ego loss. Hmmmm. Strange drug but I love it

 

[pupnik]

getting the message and then hanging up the phone is too messianically delusional.
no single message is that great.
totality does not fit in a message.
also returning to the edge of madness is a natural thing - we do it daily in dreams, and why not weekly in our psychedelic ritual.
and if weekly, why not a tiny bit more often too?