Hey guys, I wanted to talk a little bit about my experience with mushrooms that I feel left me a bit damaged.
Just wanted to see if you’ve had similar experiences. And generally just how mushrooms affect our brains and memory.
It was many years ago. I had no previous experience with drugs, only alcohol. Always said no when drugs were offered at parties and stuff. Never even tried a cigarette.. just not interested in that stuff.
But one day, for some reason when I had drunk a few beers. My judgement was a bit clouded and I thought, what could some small mushrooms do? It crossed my mind that these so called magic mushrooms literally even grow on fields just outside the door where I live and I eat chanterelle mushrooms all the time. Is there even a difference or what? They were pretty old and dried then boiled for a bit. We were many people sharing, so I suspect I didn't even eat that much. Just drank a little and ate a few.
Maybe I'll just feel a bit more drunk or something, I don’t know.
I just had no idea what they could do and for some reason I chose to eat some, thinking that I shouldn’t be the only person not taking them.
So with no previous experience and literally not knowing anything about them, also never having felt strong anxiety or panic attacks, I began to feel some effects.
My vision felt distorted and my hearing became clearer, felt like I could hear a branch crack miles away.
So already at this point I started feeling anxious and a little panicky.
So from the beginning I started to fight it sort of, I wanted it to end and I regretted taking them.
I started to feel like I could no longer feel time passing, and began thinking that I’m stuck forever. I checked my phone to see the time, put it down and waited what I was sure were at least 30 minutes. Took my phone up and, I don’t remember if it was the same time or if 1 minute had passed but it scared me to a point where I was now convinced that I was stuck forever in the trip.
Never felt that kind of panic and anxiety that just kept getting worse and worse and worse.
I just have a few clear memories, like trying to get some water, trying to pee, later trying to sleep etc.
But a feeling that stuck with me after this, it was that I was now scared of the feeling of deja vu.
About two years after the trip I started getting some anxiety and had trouble sleeping at night, and due to some fatigue and anxiety I was googling things about drugs, paranoia, schizophrenia, issues with falling asleep etc.
And I feel it just makes things worse but I couldn’t stop.
I just had the feeling that I was probably looping somehow during the trip and came to the realization over and over that I was stuck.
I think I got stuck in some thought loop where I was either hallucinating or had like past memories show up very vividly, and perhaps forgetting that I had taken anything and then ending up realizing out of the blue that I’m in the trip. Hit me like a sledgehammer in the face, that this isn’t the first time I’ve realized this and then I guess I forgot and did it again.
That's what it feels like, such an extreme feeling of panic, realization, deja vu, fear, I felt as if I was about to die immediately from stress.. It's hard to even describe.
I haven’t talked to my friends about the trip because even the thought of that scares me. But I’ve got some indications over the years that something similar to that might have happened to me.
I should talk to them though and ask what I did and how I acted.
I’ve had thoughts when the anxiety is at its worst where I think that what if I’ve gone mad? What if I’m still in the trip? And that’s like poring gasoline to the fire. So much anxiety, which the trip was just full of, meaning that now when I get anxiety I'm reminded even more and my mind starts racing and I think even more about the trip and have all sorts of scary thoughts.
I had a few smaller panic attacks over the years, most of them when being a bit too drunk. I’ll associate that feeling so much with the trip that I think again in those moments that I’m going mad and "what’s going on, am I still tripping??".
Then recently, this is over five years after the trip, I had this bad build up of anxiety and panic.
And as I again had trouble sleeping I was reading some stuff and came into the subject of ego death. I’d read about it before, but this time the panic that came as I read was extreme. I started shaking and my limbs were going pale.
It was like some of the memories felt like they became clearer or came back, as the panic increased I felt nauseous like I was going to faint. And in that moment it felt like it all became clear to me, this was it. This was the moment I’d feared. I will now faint or die and then realize I’m still tripping and go back to the trip that felt like a surreal nightmare.
I was 100% convinced with the extreme panic that I felt.
But then it started to fade and I slowly realized that it was a panic attack. And I was going back to normal again.
As I spent the whole trip fighting it with all I had, and wanted what felt like a nightmare to end, I guess I might have had an ego death? Not sure, does it sound like it could have been something like that?
I came out of it and only learned that I fear the feeling of deja vu because I had this distant memory of realizing that I’m stuck forever in a loop in the trip.
It’s not like I’ve been living with a constant fear for years though, the more paranoid thoughts only come with increased anxiety during some more anxious periods here and there. In between I can feel completely fine for longer times. But then something triggers me a little and I start thinking about it more and more.
I feel like it could be PTSD, and maybe getting flashbacks like it felt that I did during this most recent and biggest panic attack.
If I remember correctly, the year after the trip was completely normal. I didn't think about it much. It's more after that when I started getting a little anxiety that it just got worse and worse.
As long as I don't think about it and I'm busy with something I can feel 100% completely normal like before the trip, but when I sit by myself on a cold evening just browsing the internet the anxiety can start to worry me and the bad thoughts can take over. A sudden panic feeling in my chest can momentarily make my paranoid thoughts feel real.
So yeah I am affected still by this, and I wanted to just hear your thoughts and experiences.
How do the mushrooms affect the brain when it comes to memory? What about ego death, does it sound like I could have experienced that?
Do you have any tips to process this and live normally again?
Thanks in advance.
Just wanted to see if you’ve had similar experiences. And generally just how mushrooms affect our brains and memory.
It was many years ago. I had no previous experience with drugs, only alcohol. Always said no when drugs were offered at parties and stuff. Never even tried a cigarette.. just not interested in that stuff.
But one day, for some reason when I had drunk a few beers. My judgement was a bit clouded and I thought, what could some small mushrooms do? It crossed my mind that these so called magic mushrooms literally even grow on fields just outside the door where I live and I eat chanterelle mushrooms all the time. Is there even a difference or what? They were pretty old and dried then boiled for a bit. We were many people sharing, so I suspect I didn't even eat that much. Just drank a little and ate a few.
Maybe I'll just feel a bit more drunk or something, I don’t know.
I just had no idea what they could do and for some reason I chose to eat some, thinking that I shouldn’t be the only person not taking them.
So with no previous experience and literally not knowing anything about them, also never having felt strong anxiety or panic attacks, I began to feel some effects.
My vision felt distorted and my hearing became clearer, felt like I could hear a branch crack miles away.
So already at this point I started feeling anxious and a little panicky.
So from the beginning I started to fight it sort of, I wanted it to end and I regretted taking them.
I started to feel like I could no longer feel time passing, and began thinking that I’m stuck forever. I checked my phone to see the time, put it down and waited what I was sure were at least 30 minutes. Took my phone up and, I don’t remember if it was the same time or if 1 minute had passed but it scared me to a point where I was now convinced that I was stuck forever in the trip.
Never felt that kind of panic and anxiety that just kept getting worse and worse and worse.
I just have a few clear memories, like trying to get some water, trying to pee, later trying to sleep etc.
But a feeling that stuck with me after this, it was that I was now scared of the feeling of deja vu.
About two years after the trip I started getting some anxiety and had trouble sleeping at night, and due to some fatigue and anxiety I was googling things about drugs, paranoia, schizophrenia, issues with falling asleep etc.
And I feel it just makes things worse but I couldn’t stop.
I just had the feeling that I was probably looping somehow during the trip and came to the realization over and over that I was stuck.
I think I got stuck in some thought loop where I was either hallucinating or had like past memories show up very vividly, and perhaps forgetting that I had taken anything and then ending up realizing out of the blue that I’m in the trip. Hit me like a sledgehammer in the face, that this isn’t the first time I’ve realized this and then I guess I forgot and did it again.
That's what it feels like, such an extreme feeling of panic, realization, deja vu, fear, I felt as if I was about to die immediately from stress.. It's hard to even describe.
I haven’t talked to my friends about the trip because even the thought of that scares me. But I’ve got some indications over the years that something similar to that might have happened to me.
I should talk to them though and ask what I did and how I acted.
I’ve had thoughts when the anxiety is at its worst where I think that what if I’ve gone mad? What if I’m still in the trip? And that’s like poring gasoline to the fire. So much anxiety, which the trip was just full of, meaning that now when I get anxiety I'm reminded even more and my mind starts racing and I think even more about the trip and have all sorts of scary thoughts.
I had a few smaller panic attacks over the years, most of them when being a bit too drunk. I’ll associate that feeling so much with the trip that I think again in those moments that I’m going mad and "what’s going on, am I still tripping??".
Then recently, this is over five years after the trip, I had this bad build up of anxiety and panic.
And as I again had trouble sleeping I was reading some stuff and came into the subject of ego death. I’d read about it before, but this time the panic that came as I read was extreme. I started shaking and my limbs were going pale.
It was like some of the memories felt like they became clearer or came back, as the panic increased I felt nauseous like I was going to faint. And in that moment it felt like it all became clear to me, this was it. This was the moment I’d feared. I will now faint or die and then realize I’m still tripping and go back to the trip that felt like a surreal nightmare.
I was 100% convinced with the extreme panic that I felt.
But then it started to fade and I slowly realized that it was a panic attack. And I was going back to normal again.
As I spent the whole trip fighting it with all I had, and wanted what felt like a nightmare to end, I guess I might have had an ego death? Not sure, does it sound like it could have been something like that?
I came out of it and only learned that I fear the feeling of deja vu because I had this distant memory of realizing that I’m stuck forever in a loop in the trip.
It’s not like I’ve been living with a constant fear for years though, the more paranoid thoughts only come with increased anxiety during some more anxious periods here and there. In between I can feel completely fine for longer times. But then something triggers me a little and I start thinking about it more and more.
I feel like it could be PTSD, and maybe getting flashbacks like it felt that I did during this most recent and biggest panic attack.
If I remember correctly, the year after the trip was completely normal. I didn't think about it much. It's more after that when I started getting a little anxiety that it just got worse and worse.
As long as I don't think about it and I'm busy with something I can feel 100% completely normal like before the trip, but when I sit by myself on a cold evening just browsing the internet the anxiety can start to worry me and the bad thoughts can take over. A sudden panic feeling in my chest can momentarily make my paranoid thoughts feel real.
So yeah I am affected still by this, and I wanted to just hear your thoughts and experiences.
How do the mushrooms affect the brain when it comes to memory? What about ego death, does it sound like I could have experienced that?
Do you have any tips to process this and live normally again?
Thanks in advance.
