Need Help Quitting "Adderall" or more likely Methamphetamine after 6 months

[Eryximachus]

Hello everyone, thanks for reading.

About the end of June, work started to really pile on after nothing for 3 months. It's hard to explain my business, but until a few days ago, I worked every single day. It largely was made possible by taking DNM amphetamine of some type. Over time, I eventually was starting to experience side effects and knew I had to stop, but didn't quit until literally December 31st. I am 42, have used lots of drugs at different times, but only various benzos regularly (also work related!). Used to use steroids on typical cycles, but not for several years.

Major problems:
1) Blurred vision at near ranges. This is new - I would say late October. I just got an Apple Watch 6 and I did not have problems seeing it then.
2) Swollen right foot. Noticed first by my father December 1st. Swelling has gotten better in just a few days, but it is still there. It is possible this is an infection. Part of the reason I was working so hard was to save a relationship, of course. Ex stomped on my bare foot with a boot. I'm going to the doctor about this one, even though it was November 1 or so that happened (she is out of my life period). The foot problem was to a degree related to blood pressure/ The day it was first noticed I took some lisinopril H I had around, and pissed all day the next day. I also used some cialis, which really helped.

So, it would seem vasoconstriction here is the problem.

Has anyone heard of this? Can I recover? Should I tell doctors anything when I see them? It has been my experience in the US that doctors stop caring at all about you the moment you mention drug use. Never mind the permanent records. I have good health insurance with a good company for now, but for long? I have no idea. I can't work like I did the past 6 months again though.

I am otherwise not addicted, not craving, or anything like that. Thoughts, recommendations/encouragement? Is this permanent damage?

I haven't had the chance to experience anhedonia yet. But, it's not like you can have fun in the NY Metro area.

But I do feel some measure of fear as if I have permanently caused damage to me body, which until now never seemed possible.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It’s a bit difficult to answer this because you did not mention dosage. But I presume you are not taking dangerous levels if it is for the purpose of functioning at a high level at work and you have no problem with craving or withdrawal. If you quit 3 days ago you’d most likely be feeling something negative now if you were going to.

There are a few recorded cases of amphetamine addicts suffering permanent damage to their vision/eyes. However, it seems to be extremely rare. On the other hand it is pretty common to have blurred vision when actually high on large doses. For most people that would be at a dangerous level of usage anyway - not the kind of dose you take to be functional at work. At 42 there could be plenty of other explanations for blurry vision. Seeing an ophthalmologist might be a good idea.

The swollen foot could also have many explanations. Although constant vasoconstriction and blood pressure problems could have prevented your body naturally healing the injury as fast as normal. Again, if you cease the amphetamines then the natural healing process might work faster. However, there is an even chance that there is some other cause including infection. I’d take the foot to a doctor but not initially mention the drugs and see if he can isolate another cause. It may be possible to treat the problem symptomatically meaning he does not actually need to know the cause to decide the treatment.

If he comes up with nothing though then you should probably mention the drugs.

 

[Eryximachus]

Thank you for the quick reply! Also, RE dosage - these were marketed as 30mg Adderall pills. I typically took 2 day. But sometimes. 3-4. End of year got more crazy and there were a few times I stayed up all night. It's impossible to say, but rarely did I ever get "high". I also would avoid too high of a dose as that would impair my ability to work. Spelling errors, obsessing over certain mathematical precision that was not necessary, etc. But November and December were bad. I was on a bad train of taking too much, then taking some benzo. It is hard to say. But the amount of work I did in December was a lot. I probably made 20% of my earnings for the year just in December.

I'm fearful of withdrawal, so I'm taking 200mg of Seroquel as of last night and again tonight. That, and the 2mg of Klonopin I've been addicted to for a while.

All very sad as before COVID, I was well on my way to being completely drug free for the first time in a long time. Now, i'm at the bottom again. Tomorrow I actually have to work again, so I am hoping this minor cocktail will keep me functional.

But while I have felt no cravings, I did have trouble sleeping last night, hence the Seroquel.

 

[Kara7490]

Thank you for the quick reply! Also, RE dosage - these were marketed as 30mg Adderall pills. I typically took 2 day. But sometimes. 3-4. End of year got more crazy and there were a few times I stayed up all night. It's impossible to say, but rarely did I ever get "high". I also would avoid too high of a dose as that would impair my ability to work. Spelling errors, obsessing over certain mathematical precision that was not necessary, etc. But November and December were bad. I was on a bad train of taking too much, then taking some benzo. It is hard to say. But the amount of work I did in December was a lot. I probably made 20% of my earnings for the year just in December.

I'm fearful of withdrawal, so I'm taking 200mg of Seroquel as of last night and again tonight. That, and the 2mg of Klonopin I've been addicted to for a while.

All very sad as before COVID, I was well on my way to being completely drug free for the first time in a long time. Now, i'm at the bottom again. Tomorrow I actually have to work again, so I am hoping this minor cocktail will keep me functional.

But while I have felt no cravings, I did have trouble sleeping last night, hence the Seroquel.

Sigh... That's EXACTLY what I take. Its like, I know I take some amount of meth, with some other stuff thrown in there but... Its a hard thing to talk about. You mentioned the NY metro area... I may or may not be living in that area too. =) If it were me, I would seek out clinics that maybe deal with stuff on a daily basis. Even big reputable hospitals tend to have programs targeted towards this particular problem. So I'm not necessarily suggesting you go to a clinic where you may not feel safe. I would start with the bigger hospitals, they almost always have substance abuse programs, and then click around and find the medical aspect of it. Actually, I'm gonna PM you...

 

[Jabberwocky]

When I quit meth I thought I was still suffering serious withdrawal a week later because I had no energy, was lethargic, dizzy, and could not think straight.

Then I realised that was all just the side effects of the seroquel I was taking at night in the belief I needed it to sleep and avoid anxiety.

A seroquel addiction is every bit as bad as a meth addiction. 2- days of benzos seems to be a better option than seroquel if you can manage it.

The reality is the worst of an amphetamine withdrawal is over in 2-3 days. If anxiety and insomnia continue after that seroquel is probably the wrong solution. I’m trying to switch to agomelatine if I can get in to see my doctor.

 

[Eryximachus]

When I quit meth I thought I was still suffering serious withdrawal a week later because I had no energy, was lethargic, dizzy, and could not think straight.

Then I realised that was all just the side effects of the seroquel I was taking at night in the belief I needed it to sleep and avoid anxiety.

A seroquel addiction is every bit as bad as a meth addiction. 2- days of benzos seems to be a better option than seroquel if you can manage it.

The reality is the worst of an amphetamine withdrawal is over in 2-3 days. If anxiety and insomnia continue after that seroquel is probably the wrong solution. I’m trying to switch to agomelatine if I can get in to see my doctor.

I have a now 5 year long benzo addiction. Back then, I had no insurance, and it was cheaper than seeing a doctor and helped me get through stressful times.

Now I have great insurance, so I'm tempted to just wreck my chances of ever getting affordable private health, disability, or life (no family) insurance and just be straight with the doctors.

It's been 6 weeks since the swelling first appeared and Cialis and timed-release nitroglycerine helps (I have a stash of pharmaceuticals from when I had no insurance, and the cialis is low dose and was for running - it takes 20mg to see a difference when I had 5mg pills). Compression socks help. I've stopped/started amphetamine again, and any amount brings it back.

I'm moving to a lower cost of living mid-size city in the south and my boss is supportive and will keep in my same earnings range - $150Kish. So, I can rebuild my life quickly, especially as I bought an old but livable house in a great neighborhood for $200K. I just took it out of my retirement savings and paid the penalty. At this rate, I'll be dead before I retire.

I feel like it has been a long, long time since I took a drug to get high. It's just been to survive, especially once you hit your mid-30s.

These adderall pills now known to be methamphetamine made me high for like 2 weeks, but ever since then it was purely utilitarian. I hate how it makes me feel, but I worked harder and produced more than I ever have in my life the last half of 2020.

I think of these opioid addicts. I wonder how many of them are just hopeless and depressed.

Whatever the case, being a drug addict is a serious stigma. But I've got to just come clean to have my health fully assessed, treated, and medicated with pharma grade products. Hopefully I won't be treated like trash.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sounds like you have the potential for a pretty great life without taking illicit drugs.

Will seeing a doctor really wreck all those things? Maybe if you are making $150 k you could just pay to see a doc and keep it off your record?

 

[Deadsoon]

When I quit meth I thought I was still suffering serious withdrawal a week later because I had no energy, was lethargic, dizzy, and could not think straight.

Then I realised that was all just the side effects of the seroquel I was taking at night in the belief I needed it to sleep and avoid anxiety.

A seroquel addiction is every bit as bad as a meth addiction. 2- days of benzos seems to be a better option than seroquel if you can manage it.

The reality is the worst of an amphetamine withdrawal is over in 2-3 days. If anxiety and insomnia continue after that seroquel is probably the wrong solution. I’m trying to switch to agomelatine if I can get in to see my doctor.

I'm actually using the trifecta right now Seroquel, Xanax and meth and I will say Seroquel is a nasty drug to quit. I ran out once and didn't sleep for 2 night, was awake for 3 days straight. It will permanently change your sleep pattern. I've been on and off it for 10 years now and it has ruined my sleep. I don't know how to fall asleep on my own anymore. I used to only take 50mg, then I got put in a psychiatric ward and they put me on 300mg. I've since cut it to 150mg but its still too much. Doctors should not be using it off label for sleep like they do but it's safer for their licence then giving everyone Ambien. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a hospital, psychiatric ward, halfway house and they didnt have my Seroquel and it's a 100% guaranteed eternally long night of pacing and talking to yourself.

I've been mostly on benzos for 13 years now. I was fine when on Klonopin with it's long half life and am trying to get back on it. But between the generic Xanax from Walmart, and the pressed bars I get online that could be flu-alprazolam and much stronger plus phenibut a straight withdrawal at this point would be a nightmare my GABA receptors are being ambushed.

A line of meth 5-6 times a week is actually the best medication I've ever taken for my mental health. I don't crave it and redose because I'm also on Prozac. It blocks any euphoria and research has shown in rats that Prozac made them want meth much less than rats on Paxil. I actually get no high at all, for me it's a gradual feeling of no depression, anxiety, or worry. It's insanely cheap compared to other drugs too, $100 will last me 2 months, sometimes longer.

I know long ramble for a first post, been lurking here for years. I don't really post on forums much anymore because someone always has to say something rude and I end up getting so mad I get banned for replying and messaging the person like a maniac.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm actually using the trifecta right now Seroquel, Xanax and meth and I will say Seroquel is a nasty drug to quit. I ran out once and didn't sleep for 2 night, was awake for 3 days straight. It will permanently change your sleep pattern. I've been on and off it for 10 years now and it has ruined my sleep. I don't know how to fall asleep on my own anymore. I used to only take 50mg, then I got put in a psychiatric ward and they put me on 300mg. I've since cut it to 150mg but its still too much. Doctors should not be using it off label for sleep like they do but it's safer for their licence then giving everyone Ambien. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a hospital, psychiatric ward, halfway house and they didnt have my Seroquel and it's a 100% guaranteed eternally long night of pacing and talking to yourself.

I've been mostly on benzos for 13 years now. I was fine when on Klonopin with it's long half life and am trying to get back on it. But between the generic Xanax from Walmart, and the pressed bars I get online that could be flu-alprazolam and much stronger plus phenibut a straight withdrawal at this point would be a nightmare my GABA receptors are being ambushed.

A line of meth 5-6 times a week is actually the best medication I've ever taken for my mental health. I don't crave it and redose because I'm also on Prozac. It blocks any euphoria and research has shown in rats that Prozac made them want meth much less than rats on Paxil. I actually get no high at all, for me it's a gradual feeling of no depression, anxiety, or worry. It's insanely cheap compared to other drugs too, $100 will last me 2 months, sometimes longer.

I know long ramble for a first post, been lurking here for years. I don't really post on forums much anymore because someone always has to say something rude and I end up getting so mad I get banned for replying and messaging the person like a maniac.

Seriously it you want to get off seroquel or benzos for sleep and get back to normal sleep ask your doctor about Agomelatine / Valdoxan.

 

[Deadsoon]

Seriously it you want to get off seroquel or benzos for sleep and get back to normal sleep ask your doctor about Agomelatine / Valdoxan.

Never heard of it so I looked it up and now I know why, it's not approved in US, it didn't pass phase 3 clinical trial. It sounds very interesting too. Why can't we have a worldwide type medical approval group?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Never heard of it so I looked it up and now I know why, it's not approved in US, it didn't pass phase 3 clinical trial. It sounds very interesting too. Why can't we have a worldwide type medical approval group?

That would make sense. Maybe Covid will emcourage that. It does have hepatoxic risks for some people. I’ll need to look into why it failed approval in the US before I take it again.

I only took it for 1 month to regularise my sleep after 6 months on meth. Then I was sleeping normally. I’m having post meth insomnia again now after another 6 month binge (quit NYE) and was about to ask my doc for another month’s worth.

 

[Eryximachus]

Sounds like you have the potential for a pretty great life without taking illicit drugs.

Will seeing a doctor really wreck all those things? Maybe if you are making $150 k you could just pay to see a doc and keep it off your record?

I am hoping I can do this once I move. In NYC? No. Ideally, I'd fly to another country - but COVID. COVID is the only reason I had to resort to amphetamine in the first place. The irony.

I can afford all the tests one can possibly get on privatemdlabs.com or something, but an MRI or anything like that is going to be a lot.