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Hopeless 40mg a day benzo habit, in foreign country, help!

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UraniumGirl

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Joined
Oct 29, 2017
Messages
5
I am 46 years old and have been taking benzos to sleep since I was 8 years old. My mom would drug me as a babysitter or for her convenience. I have been through many psychiatrists who have tried everything other than benzos to get me to sleep. Benzos are all that works. When I moved to BC Canada, after living in the US I was taking triazolam for sleep and xanax twice a day for anxiety. I stopped the xanax when I moved up here, living deep in the wilderness and feeling no stress vs gunshots at night and murders near my house in Utah every week. I was continued on the triazolam until my provider up and said no more. I got a hold of a LOT of xanax because that's all I could get. I was taking opiates off and on for the last few years, but not a large habit. I was hospitalized because I was taking too much clonidine after tapering down on h until I was hardly using. 5 days after the last opiate they bullied me into taking suboxone. Had I been stronger and more lucid I wouldn't have let them. Sub makes me severely depressed and worse. They started me at 12mg which is unheard of every place I've ever been. I'm down to 2mg a day after a week. I need off it asap.

The taper for the xanax was 20mg (equal to about 1mg of xan) 4 times a day. Then less 5mg each week, which even several of the pharmacists think is too fast. My 4 day hospital stay I did not sleep at all. I went back to the xanax when I got home so I could sleep, but instead of 60-80mg throughout the night 30mg worked the first night. Now I'm up to 40 again. Not sleeping is torture for me and I don't think I can survive not sleeping long term. When they cut off my sleep meds last winter we all got a giardia like illness that lasted a week for everyone, dog and cats included, but lasted 8 months in me. I've gone through such a severe vit B deficiency it almost killed me and gave me low potassium that almost killed me and terrified me with the heart arrythmia. I was taking all of 4-6mg of xanax making sleep all night in July, I started waking up after a few hours and taking more until it became a 60-80mg per night, taken in divided doses (whenever I'd wake up).

Is there any hope for me? I'm seeing a different doctor from a different practice Jan 4 and I'm going to ask him to hospitalize me and get me off the sub and a aek for a differerent benzo taper. I have all this valium that I think adding to, so I would take less xanax would probably make things worse? Since I live in such a sparsely populated area with no transportation of my own, I have fewer choices. Should I not add the valium to reduce the xanax and try to taper 10mg a week? Should I add it to take less? The doctors in my providers practice are the worst I've ever been to. The only one in the practice with hospital privileges took me from 1.4mg of clonidine to 0.1mg overnight and cut that in half two days later. My BP started going up and I was beet red, sweating profusely and shaking violently feeling like I was going to pass out and they told me it was all in my head and released me. They gave me my meds back I brought with me and I took one and it fixed it. He's put me into hypertensive crisis twice in the past.

I need help. I'm tapering off clonidine (do not have high bp in the first place), propanolol, suboxone and benzos all at once. They wouldn't let switch providers for such a long time and I hope they don't do that again. I can't and won't survive. Can someone help? I've never been so depressed in my life. We also need to leave the country as soon as we can, as immigration isn't going well.
Sorry it's so long and thanks in advance.
 
You need to get your hands on some benzos and work out your own lowest comfortable dose. Then work out a SLOW taper. Or change doctors ASAP, be honest about your use and length of use.

When you are saying 60-80mg of xanax I assume you mean 60-80mg of diazepam. I was on 20mg of xanax a day at one point which is the same as 400mg diazepam.
60-80mg of xanax would surely be deadly.

Good luck @UraniumGirl
 
I meant 60-80 of 2mg xanax. Seriously, I've always had insomnia. Maybe what my mother did made my brain extra tolerant. I didn't start out that high though, even a year ago, I would take 1 or 2 to sleep. I was trying to get rid of being dope sick after a few months of H and had clonidine on hand. I also didn't know it but had a vitamin B defiency so bad, I was hallucinating and not feeling my feet or hands. Otherwise I never would have taken an insane dose of over 1 gram a day of clonidine. I started waking up every few hours and take more xanax, then a few months later, here we are.

I have a doctor who is treating me for the benzo w/d. In fact, I live so far in the wilderness there are few doctors and one crappy hospital. I have more xanax, but if I'm not on their valium taper schedule exactly like they want, they'll never prescribe for me again. I've been honest about everything with every doctor. Most are not taking patients and my "provider", has lied to me on several occassions. She's trashed me to coworkers so no one will trust me. I have been completely honest and another doctor caught her lying. She lies about me, even when I was there. She's a compulsive liar or something. I had my appointment today and she told me 2 mg of sub is a baby jump off point. Having been on it several times, that;s a hell jump off point. Agony for a month.

No one will help me. The sub is making me suicidal and I've been to the ER twice for this. The first time they put me in precipitated w/d, had a seizure, then woke up to the nurse yelling at me to quit faking it and get back on the bed. They gave me an anti-emetic, then sent me home. I even said I had used less than 12 previously. The second time I was feeling suicidal enough to go, (meaning someone heard me and made me go), the doctor decided I wasn't really suicidal. I could not stop sobbing and hardly talk. When the nurse came in my room she said they were dismissing me in the morning (it was already night) and she was a nasty rude bitch about it.

I used no foul language, did not threaten or yell at this nurse, just crying hard. I just said that it was unethical to release a patient who was a danger to themselves. Her response was if I didn't shut up about it she would call the RCMP (cops) and spend the night in a jail cell.

I have no other doctors and no other options. I have 40mg of morphine and a few large bags of kratom. Am I nuts to try to stop with just kratom? Will the morphine even do much good? If I've been using the kratom and in several days I'm feeling no relief, is it ok to go back on the sub or do I have to wait the 3 days or so in order not to get precipitated withdrawals?

Thank you in advance,
UraniumGirl
 
UraniumGirl said:
I meant 60-80 of 2mg xanax. Seriously, I've always had insomnia. Maybe what my mother did made my brain extra tolerant. I didn't start out that high though, even a year ago, I would take 1 or 2 to sleep. I was trying to get rid of being dope sick after a few months of H and had clonidine on hand. I also didn't know it but had a vitamin B defiency so bad, I was hallucinating and not feeling my feet or hands. Otherwise I never would have taken an insane dose of over 1 gram a day of clonidine. I started waking up every few hours and take more xanax, then a few months later, here we are.

I have a doctor who is treating me for the benzo w/d. In fact, I live so far in the wilderness there are few doctors and one crappy hospital. I have more xanax, but if I'm not on their valium taper schedule exactly like they want, they'll never prescribe for me again. I've been honest about everything with every doctor. Most are not taking patients and my "provider", has lied to me on several occassions. She's trashed me to coworkers so no one will trust me. I have been completely honest and another doctor caught her lying. She lies about me, even when I was there. She's a compulsive liar or something. I had my appointment today and she told me 2 mg of sub is a baby jump off point. Having been on it several times, that;s a hell jump off point. Agony for a month.

No one will help me. The sub is making me suicidal and I've been to the ER twice for this. The first time they put me in precipitated w/d, had a seizure, then woke up to the nurse yelling at me to quit faking it and get back on the bed. They gave me an anti-emetic, then sent me home. I even said I had used less than 12 previously. The second time I was feeling suicidal enough to go, (meaning someone heard me and made me go), the doctor decided I wasn't really suicidal. I could not stop sobbing and hardly talk. When the nurse came in my room she said they were dismissing me in the morning (it was already night) and she was a nasty rude bitch about it.

I used no foul language, did not threaten or yell at this nurse, just crying hard. I just said that it was unethical to release a patient who was a danger to themselves. Her response was if I didn't shut up about it she would call the RCMP (cops) and spend the night in a jail cell.

I have no other doctors and no other options. I have 40mg of morphine and a few large bags of kratom. Am I nuts to try to stop with just kratom? Will the morphine even do much good? If I've been using the kratom and in several days I'm feeling no relief, is it ok to go back on the sub or do I have to wait the 3 days or so in order not to get precipitated withdrawals?

Thank you in advance,
UraniumGirl
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You were taking 60 to 80 x 2mg xanax a night!?? 120-160mg of xanax?
Thats 2400-3200mg of valium. Surely you would be dead?
The most valium i ever took was 560mg in one night and I was blacked out for quite a long time and pretty wobbly for a day or 2. But i was still taking it daily.
Another time I took about 13 x 2mg xanax which is a similar dose at equivalent to 520mg Vallium. And I had a 10+ year use history.

Please confirm for me, I am in awe anyone could live through that.

I'm sure the morphine will help a bit but 40mg is crumbs. I'm no opiate expert but from what I've read here the kratom will help you alot.
 
I 100% am being honest. I took 50 2mg xanax last night in fact and I've taken more plenty of times. 20 won't put me to sleep most of the time. They were in divided doses, about every 5 hours. I have a remarkable tolerance. I've tried to off myself with triazolam (Halcion) and it didn't work. Just woke up is all. They started tapering me down on 40mg valium 4 times a day, 80mg and the pharmacist said that was an enormous dose. I don't think it'll be enough. Since I relapsed, they're starting me on 70mg per day.

I have to get off this suboxone. If I wait until I'm in w/d and take kratom, if it doesn't work, is it safe to go back to the sub? I don't want to go into precipitated w/d. The ER here did that to me and didn't help me. Could I go into precipitated w/d from taking nothig but kratom for a few days. Or should I take kratom as I lower my dose of subs and take both at once?

Any help is appreciated and never live on the south side of Burns Lake if you want good health care.
 
Wait, are these 2mg pharmacy xanax? Or presses off the darknet? If that is the case, there may be 0mg of xanax. If you literally have a 100mg xanax tolerance that would be unreal. Like 1200-1400mg of valium.

To get off benzos at your level without near death or retardation if you do happen to survive is getting stable on valium and removing 1mg every 14 days. Will take you years, yes. But how its done. Dr ashton.
 
UraniumGirl said:
I have to get off this suboxone. If I wait until I'm in w/d and take kratom, if it doesn't work, is it safe to go back to the sub? I don't want to go into precipitated w/d.
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If you are on subs you can take as much kratom as you want. You won't feel it if anything. Maybe 48 hours after the last sub you will feel something.

Once you are taking kratom for a few days, I do not think sub will throw you into PWD. Its way more powerful than kratom and no way a kratom dependence can overpower a sub. You go into PWD when you have an opiate dependence that can overpower subs. Like too much oxy or heroin in you. To be safe, perhaps wait 24 hours since last kratom dose, but there is still no way. You would get high taking subs on top of kratom. Kratom like a fake opiate leaf. Lots is mental.

I would just taper the subs down to as low as you can get. Then stop.
 
dalpat077 said:
Alright well up until now you then hold the record that I've seen here i.e. 26mg of Xanax! Highest I've seen before here is 20mg.
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I'm sure I've seen people post higher, i think it was in the 'worst/stupidest things you've done on drugs' and alongside horror stories such as blacking out and coming round in hospital and in jail, lol.

Here's an extract from one of your links, FAO the OP.
"She consumed 60 mg of Xanax - 120-times the "normal" dose. When she was brought into the ER she was comatose and needed to be intubated. Ten hours after intubation she was able to breaths on her own. After 24 hours she regained consciousness and was released one day later with no neurological complications. After 48 hours she walked out of the hospital."
 
If you're really taking that much xanax you really need doctors who know what the fuck they're doing, you can't take this taper lightly. That kind of WD could EASILY kill you.

"The taper for the xanax was 20mg (equal to about 1mg of xan) 4 times a day."
You mean they put you on 80mg of diazepam?? That's most likely life-threatening...
Or you mean 80mg of alprazolam? That would be very dangerous as well if you were on 120+mg a day. I'm not sure I understand...

Either way, don't taper everything at once, you could literally die at any moment with that kind of habit, you already had seizures right? Try to find some specialized rehab or some place that has experience with benzo tapers.
I don't know how that works in Canada but I believe you should have access to pretty good healthcare if needed, right?

Edit: I almost want to say stop that "taper" immediately and go back to your regular dose until you can find a good doctor.
Can you provide some clarification please? How much alprazolam were you taking everyday and what is exactly the taper they put you on (which drugs and what doses)?
 
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Oh 20mg of Xanax is not that high @dalpat077 it is less potent than 20mg of Klonopin and I take that on RX day and function fine; actually it does not treat my many conditions as well as a decent dose of clonazolam

I highly doubt that is a legit RX, although people get over a quarter gram of methadone per day' one guy getting over 300 had to have a pacemaker put in because he refused to lower his dose after multiple heart episodes (including a heart attack I think)

That is ridiculous

And honestly so is taking 40mg of Xanax to sleep ( I just woke up and misread the post)

Are you only taking this at night? Because tapering will be a lot easier if so

Does not sound like the 40-80mg is legit RX

Anyway I will try to chime in later got things to do atm

Lornethemagnificent
 
We still need to clarify where she is getting these 2mg bars from. My guess is she is not taking xanax. There is just no way someone could be eating 50 bars at a time. I have seen people take up to 20mg before in my life and they were of course out cold. 10mg would probably kill me. Don't see how you are taking up to 100mg UNLESS you are taking pressed crap. Its not going to be xanax if they are pressed to start. And its also going to be dosed much lower than 2mg. Assuming they have any benzo even in them....you could just be eating chalk.
 
TheInvisibleStoner said:
We still need to clarify where she is getting these 2mg bars from. My guess is she is not taking xanax. There is just no way someone could be eating 50 bars at a time. I have seen people take up to 20mg before in my life and they were of course out cold. 10mg would probably kill me. Don't see how you are taking up to 100mg UNLESS you are taking pressed crap. Its not going to be xanax if they are pressed to start. And its also going to be dosed much lower than 2mg. Assuming they have any benzo even in them....you could just be eating chalk.
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Those bars could have nothing, or they could have something like flualprazolam.
But I agree with you, something isn't right...
In her second post she said she was taking 1g of clonidine per day which is impossible, though maybe she meant 1mg? That would be a very high dose still, which could indicate she might actually have been taking a pretty high dose of some kind of benzo.
She also seems more concerned about the suboxone for some reason.
Hope she can clarify all of that.
 
I have a very high benzo tolerance and im also confused with dosing she is providing, either they are fake or there is a gap in communication. I personally can get away with taking 10mg alzam one shot and be okay for a few hours and then pass out. I honestly can't see these numbers being real
 
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dalpat077 said:
You sure that's not a typo?

40mg of Alprazolam (as per the title of the thread)? Yes and maybe? But the other figures quoted by the OP i.e. 120mg - 160mg? Dunno. I cannot see it. Unless the OP is out cold for a day or two or three at a time? Dunno.

If the above is indeed the case and this is all legit stuff: might be another one in which @MsDiz may be interested in (examining her DNA). I shit you not!
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sorry typo, edited it
 
jhjhsdi said:
You were taking 60 to 80 x 2mg xanax a night!?? 120-160mg of xanax?
Thats 2400-3200mg of valium. Surely you would be dead?
The most valium i ever took was 560mg in one night and I was blacked out for quite a long time and pretty wobbly for a day or 2. But i was still taking it daily.
Another time I took about 13 x 2mg xanax which is a similar dose at equivalent to 520mg Vallium. And I had a 10+ year use history.

Please confirm for me, I am in awe anyone could live through that.

I'm sure the morphine will help a bit but 40mg is crumbs. I'm no opiate expert but from what I've read here the kratom will help you alot.
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Sure they can potentially use that much. It's tolerance. Also, benzodiazepines have such a high LD50 that you wouldn't die even at that dosage. It's something like thousands of milligrams the dose that can kill half of the specimens.
The big risk is mixing with other CNS depressants and vomit aspiration.
Maybe OP meant 60-80mg a day. Anyway if they were abusing it consistently then it's not that unlikely that they were able to take such massive dosages without too many issues. I'm aware that they are taking other CNS depressants with it, though, which isn't good.
They must be getting extra Xanax on the street for sure. Or whatever it's sold as Xanax.
Acetaminophen abuse is said to kill fairly quickly of liver failure but I know a woman who has abused cocodamol for years and has good liver function. Also know several abusers of Vicodin who seem to suffer no damage to their liver. It's to do with their body chemistry. The cocodamol lady said she had some absorption problems so she needed to take large dosages to metabolise enough. I couldn't believe it but these people exist.

To come off benzos and especially crazy dosages like that you need a really slow taper and then to switch to Valium. The Ashton manual is the tapering plan usually recommended.
I don't think I could do this on my own at that level of abuse. OP would seizure and die easily if they tapered too fast.
This person also uses subs and clonidine... They need some caring professional help to get out of this mess.
 
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dalpat077 said:
Just so that we're clear hear Mr Magnificent! 🤣

It's the OP we're talking about here not me!

Bear in mind: the OP, about a year ago, was falling asleep just fine on 2mg - 4mg. Now at 40mg and cannot sleep. And dosage has been as high as 120mg - 160mg at some point? That amount of tolerance in twelve months? Cannot see it.

Even after my four year issue that built up over that period to 12mg per day and that ended 2010: I can REALLY feel 1mg - 2mg at night now and after being on this shit since April of last year again. Alright: I'm at least 40kg lighter than I was back then but still. Fact that I don't drink anymore probably compensates though so I'm "even Steven" with myself! 🤣
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I knew it was not you , I was just half asleep. And it is like 15 hours later so I am tired again. No way taking over 100mg of Alprazolam for sleep; however I am surprised people think 20mg is a very large dose; it takes that much to make me function - (I have High Functioning Autism and MANY other issues) and they RX a maximum of 20mg Klonopin which is roughly 30mg Xanax

And the colonizing doses seem off - and 13mg Suboxone is.not unheard of, it is.now a standard starting dose for people on hard opiods

I would really need more info to add anything

And Dalpat, I was a Mod, they do not have access
 
This my first post and it might be my last be my last as I just read the sourcing guidelines.
BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, you must have net access to be here.
So that fixes the supply issue even if you are inept. All you need is a modicum of initiative for that.
No doctor in Canada is going to buy your backstory even if it is dead accurate. so you are likely on your own but no problem.
I'm sorry you are distressed but you just need time and the Ashton Benzo taper schedule.
PROTIP: MASTER VOLUMETRIC TITRATION
I work at CAMH and am not quick to judge but this screams REHAB.
 
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