Bomb319
Bluelighter
Ok, so technically it's not really THAT per se as much as the terrible anxiety it induces and the horrible subconscious feelings it brings up. It's because it's the exact point in time when I can no longer chalk up my symptoms to psychological effects alone, and I know exactly where I'm about to be heading. Knowing you have another 24 hours or more until your methadone pickup AND at the same time wondering just how bad it'll get this time is worse than any of the physical symptoms in my opinion (though I'm certainly not a fan of puking my guts out, wondering how I can possibly even keep my next dose down).
I know a lot of people will know exactly what I mean by smell, but for some reason it's discussed relatively rarely, even on here. First, let me clarify exactly what I mean - I've heard some people describing what seems to be a smell coming from their pores, or their sweat or something...that is NOT what I'm talking about. I can't smell anything on me; if I'm really sick and sweating profusely, I'll obviously notice it, but I usually smell like nothing. It's the ENVIRONMENT that seems to change with that awakening of your sense of smell along with other senses...how you can suddenly notice a big change whether its inside or outside (where it seems to be nothing more than a profoundly increased ability to smell the air and humidity...that may not sound too bad, but it IS). Because not only do I know beyond a doubt what's likely about to happen, but as smells are capable of doing, it takes me right back through the years of suffering, puking, collapsed veins, having to deal with people when all I want to do is curl up and die...well, everyone will know what I mean by THAT, of course.
But that increased sense of smell or whatever it is, is one of the few symptoms that has me compulsively sniffing my hands, the air around me, etc. just waiting to detect it. It sucks.
I know a lot of people will know exactly what I mean by smell, but for some reason it's discussed relatively rarely, even on here. First, let me clarify exactly what I mean - I've heard some people describing what seems to be a smell coming from their pores, or their sweat or something...that is NOT what I'm talking about. I can't smell anything on me; if I'm really sick and sweating profusely, I'll obviously notice it, but I usually smell like nothing. It's the ENVIRONMENT that seems to change with that awakening of your sense of smell along with other senses...how you can suddenly notice a big change whether its inside or outside (where it seems to be nothing more than a profoundly increased ability to smell the air and humidity...that may not sound too bad, but it IS). Because not only do I know beyond a doubt what's likely about to happen, but as smells are capable of doing, it takes me right back through the years of suffering, puking, collapsed veins, having to deal with people when all I want to do is curl up and die...well, everyone will know what I mean by THAT, of course.
But that increased sense of smell or whatever it is, is one of the few symptoms that has me compulsively sniffing my hands, the air around me, etc. just waiting to detect it. It sucks.