Functional with good job but taking subs, xanax, and drinking

[kerys]

I've had an opiate problem for a long time. I started taking vics and tramadol occasionally when I was in high school, and later in college. I was clean for a bit but then had a serious, painful health scare when I was around 22 years old, was given strong doses of morphine and dilaudid in the hospital and took home vicodin and oxy scripts at various times. I got hooked and started buying pills online, moved onto snorting the oxys. Eventually I moved onto H and began injecting. For most of this time I was able to hold a steady, good job, and keep an apt, car, etc. For a brief period I was also doing coke, and had been occasionally taking adderall and the like occasionally. Eventually things got pretty bad, I quit my job and moved across country, was living off of savings which I mostly blew on H. I hit rock bottom when I ran out of money, had no job, and my mother got sick--cancer. I moved back in with my parents, got a job, and helped them with money. I was still injecting H at this time, but eventually got caught. That's when I started taking subs, prescribed. Started with 24 mg a day and got down to 8 mg a day.

My mother got better and I moved out. I stopped seeing the psych who was giving me the subs, now I'm buying them off the street. I have a good job, make good money, have an apt and a car, but I have been addicted to opiates for at least 6 years by this point. I started trying to taper off the subs, and started taking xanax--1 mg daily now, for a few months, but the taper didn't work out and I'm back to 8 mg of subs a day. I've also started drinking a lot, about a pint of whiskey a day. Things are starting to get tough with my job--I wake up every day hungover, and feel like I need the subs and xanax to make it through a day. I'm afraid of getting hooked on the xanax, can someone get hooked just taking 1 mg a day?

I make pretty good money. If I wanted to, I could probably buy and use oxy every day, and would probably be much happier. I know I wouldn't be able to maintain that, though, and buying pills off the street is risky these days. I don't want to lose my job. I've been taking subs for years now, is it still possible for me to taper off? What kind of schedule would I need to use? Can I use the xans to help me stay functional while in semi-withdrawal for months? I feel trapped. I can't live like this forever. I have ambitions, I want to focus on work and life, have a social life, advance in my job.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I know people have had it much worse than me. I just want to get clean, not lose my job in the process, and live the rest of my life like most people do--with normal goals, setbacks, triumphs and failures. The drugs have ruined my personality and I spend so much time worrying about 'getting caught' or 'running out' or whatever.

 

[Nightraver]

Most of the success stories from ibogain come from the shamanic ritual and those dudes are seriously hardcore from what Iv heard
I think it’s possible to arrange to travel to them and stay for a few days have the ceremony performed and return home cravings free

 

[fakebuttcheekz]

I've had an opiate problem for a long time. I started taking vics and tramadol occasionally when I was in high school, and later in college. I was clean for a bit but then had a serious, painful health scare when I was around 22 years old, was given strong doses of morphine and dilaudid in the hospital and took home vicodin and oxy scripts at various times. I got hooked and started buying pills online, moved onto snorting the oxys. Eventually I moved onto H and began injecting. For most of this time I was able to hold a steady, good job, and keep an apt, car, etc. For a brief period I was also doing coke, and had been occasionally taking adderall and the like occasionally. Eventually things got pretty bad, I quit my job and moved across country, was living off of savings which I mostly blew on H. I hit rock bottom when I ran out of money, had no job, and my mother got sick--cancer. I moved back in with my parents, got a job, and helped them with money. I was still injecting H at this time, but eventually got caught. That's when I started taking subs, prescribed. Started with 24 mg a day and got down to 8 mg a day.

My mother got better and I moved out. I stopped seeing the psych who was giving me the subs, now I'm buying them off the street. I have a good job, make good money, have an apt and a car, but I have been addicted to opiates for at least 6 years by this point. I started trying to taper off the subs, and started taking xanax--1 mg daily now, for a few months, but the taper didn't work out and I'm back to 8 mg of subs a day. I've also started drinking a lot, about a pint of whiskey a day. Things are starting to get tough with my job--I wake up every day hungover, and feel like I need the subs and xanax to make it through a day. I'm afraid of getting hooked on the xanax, can someone get hooked just taking 1 mg a day?

I make pretty good money. If I wanted to, I could probably buy and use oxy every day, and would probably be much happier. I know I wouldn't be able to maintain that, though, and buying pills off the street is risky these days. I don't want to lose my job. I've been taking subs for years now, is it still possible for me to taper off? What kind of schedule would I need to use? Can I use the xans to help me stay functional while in semi-withdrawal for months? I feel trapped. I can't live like this forever. I have ambitions, I want to focus on work and life, have a social life, advance in my job.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I know people have had it much worse than me. I just want to get clean, not lose my job in the process, and live the rest of my life like most people do--with normal goals, setbacks, triumphs and failures. The drugs have ruined my personality and I spend so much time worrying about 'getting caught' or 'running out' or whatever.

Look into the Sublocade shot to get off of the suboxone. Its basically a shot of suboxone that leaves your system so slow that it leaves you with no withdrawal symptoms. I know from experience, I've been on it two different times and had no issues what so ever. Xanax and alcohol are another story, that could be dangerous. Might want to go to a detox for a week or two to kick them.

 

[ZaphodBeeblebrox]

Does anyone have any advice for me? I know people have had it much worse than me. I just want to get clean, not lose my job in the process, and live the rest of my life like most people do--with normal goals, setbacks, triumphs and failures. The drugs have ruined my personality and I spend so much time worrying about 'getting caught' or 'running out' or whatever.

I can’t necessarily help as I’m pretty much in the same boat - we’ll almost. I also have a great job, just bought a house in 2020, have a family, am the financial decision maker, take care of basically everything in my household, etc.

I think the same thing constantly - why can’t I just be like everyone else? Why do I need support of some kind of substance, daily?! I dropped the opiates (mostly because of availability and I didn’t want to risk randomly looking for a new hookup) to Kratom and now cycle between that, gabapentin, alcohol and dxm.

I’m not being very helpful for your specific issue, but do notice you’ve been able to pull yourself out of those deep addiction/use times and get your life back in order. To me that shows that you have the ability to control yourself and maybe even quit, I’ve found as many have however that it comes down to motivation. Do you really want to stop? Really, like when you look deep inside?
If not, it’s unlikely you’ll stop (IMO).

Have you thought about working out a ton? Or joining something like a group sport? For me one of the biggest things keeping my use in check on a regular basis is playing soccer. Those amazing workout endorphins are better than any drug I’ve tried, and then after for a bit I’m able to pull myself out of the mental mud and think about what’s really going to be good for my body, and make me FEEL better - since that’s the goal, I just mentally want to feel better.

Anyway, those are my two cents. Keep your head up and think positively - you clearly can do it! Good luck

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

Your life is my life. I was able to maintain some pretty serious habits due to how much I made. Keeping a 1g a day dope habit was nothing.

Drinking got so bad and what got me in the end. My stressful jobs only fueled the drinking.

Also if you end up in a cold turkey from all that, you will damage your body.

I would stop the drinking first. Taking it with all that stuff actually multiplies how the alcohol effects you.

That 1mg of xanax is indeed going to hurt coming off if you are taking them daily. Also drinking on top of benzos affects the brain. When drinking a lot you don't need much xanax. Stop drinking for a few days and see how much benzos you try to take. These are all intertwined. While I don't know your full history, this is not a withdrawal you want to cold turkey.

Also you cannot kick subs while drinking. Benzos I would try to stop if you can.

I had some minor setbacks over the years, but nothing serious. Wasn't until I withdrawaled off the booze and methadone together that I realized the true situation. And was left completely fucked with no end in sight.

Save your money too. You will need it one day.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Easy access is bad generally speaking. Aim to cut off bad habits one by one. Please dont drink AND take benzos thats rip gaba my friend.

 

[WitchDr]

Id take a week off work, cut the drinking out first, take only smaller doses of xanax. You'll feel better once you quit drinking for a few weeks then be careful with xanax it's dangerous especially if you go up in dose.

 

[deficiT]

I'll echo what others have said and say that you should probably kick the alcohol first. And of course drinking and benzos is a big no no as it can kill you if you're not careful.

Alcohol has shitty side effect that will make will make withdrawing from the others more difficult.

 

[Nics91]

I've had an opiate problem for a long time. I started taking vics and tramadol occasionally when I was in high school, and later in college. I was clean for a bit but then had a serious, painful health scare when I was around 22 years old, was given strong doses of morphine and dilaudid in the hospital and took home vicodin and oxy scripts at various times. I got hooked and started buying pills online, moved onto snorting the oxys. Eventually I moved onto H and began injecting. For most of this time I was able to hold a steady, good job, and keep an apt, car, etc. For a brief period I was also doing coke, and had been occasionally taking adderall and the like occasionally. Eventually things got pretty bad, I quit my job and moved across country, was living off of savings which I mostly blew on H. I hit rock bottom when I ran out of money, had no job, and my mother got sick--cancer. I moved back in with my parents, got a job, and helped them with money. I was still injecting H at this time, but eventually got caught. That's when I started taking subs, prescribed. Started with 24 mg a day and got down to 8 mg a day.

My mother got better and I moved out. I stopped seeing the psych who was giving me the subs, now I'm buying them off the street. I have a good job, make good money, have an apt and a car, but I have been addicted to opiates for at least 6 years by this point. I started trying to taper off the subs, and started taking xanax--1 mg daily now, for a few months, but the taper didn't work out and I'm back to 8 mg of subs a day. I've also started drinking a lot, about a pint of whiskey a day. Things are starting to get tough with my job--I wake up every day hungover, and feel like I need the subs and xanax to make it through a day. I'm afraid of getting hooked on the xanax, can someone get hooked just taking 1 mg a day?

I make pretty good money. If I wanted to, I could probably buy and use oxy every day, and would probably be much happier. I know I wouldn't be able to maintain that, though, and buying pills off the street is risky these days. I don't want to lose my job. I've been taking subs for years now, is it still possible for me to taper off? What kind of schedule would I need to use? Can I use the xans to help me stay functional while in semi-withdrawal for months? I feel trapped. I can't live like this forever. I have ambitions, I want to focus on work and life, have a social life, advance in my job.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I know people have had it much worse than me. I just want to get clean, not lose my job in the process, and live the rest of my life like most people do--with normal goals, setbacks, triumphs and failures. The drugs have ruined my personality and I spend so much time worrying about 'getting caught' or 'running out' or whatever.

Man you basically gave me my own life story! I got started a lil younger than you and I’m currently living with mom and dad bc dad has cancer (he’s doing better now). And I’m starting a good job not my first down here in Florida. I was in TN. I’ve been back on subs for ab 6 weeks this time after relapsing ab 6 months ago and using IV heroin. Anyway just crazy how similar all this sounds. I’ve been on subs all together minus the time I’ve relapsed and spent using probably ab 5 years now and from my experience there’s not one model that fits everyone. What I would suggest is go back to the sub doc. Stability is everything for us who struggle with addiction. But either way I’d say focus on finding a dose you’re comfortable with and by comfortable you can use that does and pretty much no matter what difficulty you find yourself in you’re still good. After being stable on that does for at least a week subtract 1/8th. The stay at that does two weeks at least. Then if you’re good go down again by another 1/8th. So on and so forth. Once you get to a half I’d go down an 1/8th of that half so it’d actually be 1/16th of a whole strip. Btw you really need strips for this. Subs are really tough bc the WD is rough and last so long. As for the Xanax when I used benzos I was able to take less sub without it bothering me but I’d still take it slow. You really wanna focus on stability in all aspects before you drop the dose and each time making sure you’re stable. I hope this helps. Another 2cents from me ... don’t be to hard on yourself. I know I personally am hard on myself bc I would do very much love to not need a substance to function like a normal person but don’t get hung up on that. What is normal anyway? Stay with it bud and remember stability is everything. Pm me anytime if ya ever wanna talk too.

 

[Nics91]

Your life is my life. I was able to maintain some pretty serious habits due to how much I made. Keeping a 1g a day dope habit was nothing.

Drinking got so bad and what got me in the end. My stressful jobs only fueled the drinking.

Also if you end up in a cold turkey from all that, you will damage your body.

I would stop the drinking first. Taking it with all that stuff actually multiplies how the alcohol effects you.

That 1mg of xanax is indeed going to hurt coming off if you are taking them daily. Also drinking on top of benzos affects the brain. When drinking a lot you don't need much xanax. Stop drinking for a few days and see how much benzos you try to take. These are all intertwined. While I don't know your full history, this is not a withdrawal you want to cold turkey.

Also you cannot kick subs while drinking. Benzos I would try to stop if you can.

I had some minor setbacks over the years, but nothing serious. Wasn't until I withdrawaled off the booze and methadone together that I realized the true situation. And was left completely fucked with no end in sight.

Save your money too. You will need it one day.

Yes! I apologize I replied to your original post but didn’t say anything ab the drinking. I would suggest that be the first thing I would try to tackle. Sorry I didn’t mention that. After the drinking isn’t something that your doing I’d slowly taper the benzos until you’re not taking them daily. Then I’d tackle the subs. I’m sorry I didn’t address this in my original reply. I’d still get a doc. It can help if nothing else having the structure of having a prescription. I also would suggest talking to a counselor or in a group or just to a friend/relative that understands. Good luck bud. I’m routing for ya.