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Venting Meth WD

wudbutcher

wudbutcher

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
1,134
Ok I know ops are the big bitch to stop. I get it.
However, to quit meth seems impossible. And by quit I mean stop. No more. Every time I’ve stopped( 2 yrs, 8 mos 16 mos 11 mos) in the back of my mind always knew was just a break. Either consequence or social standing related. I figure that’s why failed.
Trying to get that whole ‘ you don’t ever have to use again’ mentality. And honestly, breaks what heart I have left.
I’d trade a month in agony for a light at the end of the tunnel, I swear.
Miss smiles, warm fuzzies and by god belly laughs. Numb is just numb.
No dis on the op heads, just seems that your sunshine comes back sooner. That loved ones don’t all dissipate. That its never too late to get you back.
Ramblin, glad you crazy bitches still around to ramble to.
Agape
 
I can relate to you. I quit for 15 months and everyone was so proud of me and they have no clue I'm using again. I'm keeping it a secret. But when I was sober, I always knew in the back of my mind that this love affair was far from over.

Now in the back of my mind I tell myself, someday, I'm gonna quit this 100%. I just cant today.

You gotta hate it to quit it. You gotta be 100% over it. That's how I feel anyway. It's hard as fuck to stop it.
 
I agree, it’s hard to hate something that had so many good times wrapped up in it. First discovered, Suddenly I fit in. Felt like all the earth people looked. I was able to not only fit, but to progress. Success for a long time.
 
Yes lots of good times, lots of things accomplished. I definitely felt like my better self. The best I could be. All that did start to fade though as I got deeper into my addiction.

When I was sober i felt like the old me I had forgotten about. I was sure that THAT was the best version of me, not the me on meth.

I romanticized about the past. Things were good sober, and I really learned alot from it, it's just insanely boring.

Now I feel like I use to feel normal and not be tired. And that's what I hate. I HATE being dependent on something. Being a slave to dope is something I never imagined would happen to me.

I think I'm fine and could quit anytime, but just wait until I'm out. Then I feel like my life sucks so bad and I'll do anything to get some more. Pisses me off. Its bullshit.
 
If I had a penny for every time someone told me sober life is boring :) I'd be fucking rich.
What's so bad about boring in the first place? As a kid, I was taught "It's OK to be bored", and I cherish that lesson to this day. I'm not some smartphone fiend on the train, I look out the window & smile, because it is OK to be bored.

Why do you need the entertainment? What is it you start thinking about when you're bored and why do you hate thinking about that? That's more of the question.

Life is not an action movie, it doesn't need thousands of ups and downs, and you have to learn to accept it as it is. After coming down from meth, your body and brain will miss that action movie you've lived through during your addiction, but this doesn't mean you are doomed in any way, and will be bored forever. You have to actively work on renormalising your brain chemistry, especially sports are ridiculously important here. You have to get your metabolism running again, get your CNS/thyroid back in check, and you will feel good again. We're just organic chemistry sets, and our body needs those chemicals to run properly.
@Pinkbeam & @wudbutcher I'm sure you guys could make it if you make sure to get your bodies and CNS back in check (maybe start before quitting, if that's a possibility)
 
wudbutcher said:
How old are you flower
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I'm 29, and I'm not an addict, nor was I ever really.
I've worked with hundreds of addicts though of any age from 13 to 80-something.
If you're talking about your CNS & brain chemistry not being able to return to normal after decades of abuse, I'm quite aware that it will never be on par with your pre-drug abuse body, but it can get back to a point where you are not bored senseless if you're absent of your DOC.
 
wudbutcher said:
So basically your advice, having no clue nor experience ( personal) with addiction is similar to ....
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I've got personal experience with blowing your thyroid & lithium levels out of proportion with MDMA, so I was at the point of being "left empty", if that helps.

Also I have had a lot of patients I helped get back to a state where they could be happy again.

I was just offering my help, no need to be an ass.
 
Oh what is it, my addled meth ridden brain can’t remember. Makes the big balloon with the basket that holds the people go up in the sky?
If boredom didn’t bother you, ( and I didn’t mention bored) then why the hell are you on a forum for addicts by addicts handing out pearls of ‘wisdom’ and recipes?
 
wudbutcher said:
Oh what is it, my addled meth ridden brain can’t remember. Makes the big balloon with the basket that holds the people go up in the sky?
If boredom didn’t bother you, ( and I didn’t mention bored) then why the hell are you on a forum for addicts by addicts handing out pearls of ‘wisdom’ and recipes?
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:rolleyes:
 
If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard just quit, this site wouldnt be ever in need of funding. Posted as venting that’s all. I worked everyday not in an office chair either. And didn’t “ party” in the way your narrow little view finder sees a meth addict. Function. Albeit not as fluidly as well rounded people; believe firmly that had I not been introduced to drugs so early I’d have killed myself within that year. Upbringing that has brought more than a few of those in your field either to tears or to the waste basket vomiting. Not puttin out there for pity, fuck that. But if you work with addicts, as you say, and haven’t figured out the facets to this disease, then you’re either not very effective( inability to relate, ie can’t empathize) or you’re the lil dude handin out the vitamin c and oj.
 
wudbutcher said:
If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard just quit, this site wouldnt be ever in need of funding. Posted as venting that’s all. I worked everyday not in an office chair either. And didn’t “ party” in the way your narrow little view finder sees a meth addict. Function. Albeit not as fluidly as well rounded people; believe firmly that had I not been introduced to drugs so early I’d have killed myself within that year. Upbringing that has brought more than a few of those in your field either to tears or to the waste basket vomiting. Not puttin out there for pity, fuck that. But if you work with addicts, as you say, and haven’t figured out the facets to this disease, then you’re either not very effective( inability to relate, ie can’t empathize) or you’re the lil dude handin out the vitamin c and oj.
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You're assuming much here. I was a caretaker, then streetworker while getting my degrees to become a musical therapist. No deskwork at all.
Have I said "just quit" or "quitting is easy" in just one sentence? What I said was, ALONG with quitting, it's important to actively work on getting your CNS back in shape, and thyroid levels up again, so you don't fall into depression/boredom and can't get over the desire to take the drug again.

Next time, try to keep your composure and don't spit on people that just want to help you, and don't start insulting them on a personal level. Maybe I can't tell you anything new, but that doesn't change my intention of trying to help.
 
If I had a penny for every time someone told me sober life is boring :) I'd be fucking rich.

Noted, maybe work on your introduction there grasshopper.
 
Has anyone discovered soft white underbelly on you tube? Been following for a year, amazing!
Count my blessings, could have been worse.
One of my fave shorts. Warning: addictive
 
wudbutcher said:
If I had a penny for every time someone told me sober life is boring :) I'd be fucking rich.

Noted, maybe work on your introduction there grasshopper.
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??
Well I was told that very often. I'm not bored, and I've helped others to not be bored anymore.
I saw it as an example of how often "boredom" plays a role in sobriety.
Am I not seeing something here? I have Aspergers, sometimes I miss certain cues? I wasn't trying to be snob, or any of the other things people like to assume when I communicate: I was just trying to offer my help.

Sorry if I offended you, I just wanted to make sure that you know about your thyroid's role in this.
 
Hey, for what it's worth I can relate. When I quit in the past, I knew it wasn't permanent because my I didn't want to stop in my heart. Then, one day, that changed. I used meth for about 15 years on and off. When I wasn't using, I was just taking a break.

Quitting isn't impossible, but you need to want it. Wanting it means not wanting to use anymore. You are progressing towards that. You're on the fence now between wanting and not wanting. I've been there. Things can change.
 
I feel bad for meth addicts.

At least for opiates we have an out. Methadone. And can relate to whenever I was off methadone I wasn't craving to get high. I was craving to feel normal. This is what non addicts don't get. We aren't bored, we aren't druggies looking to get fucked up beyond belief (sometimes we are), we aren't depressed. We don't feel good and why we use. Because our high brain is our normal brain. Or better words are we have a chemical imbalance. Which has no cure aside abstinence. Or for opiate addicts, a replacement (methadone / bupe)

EDIT: though even after long term opiates my brain did return to normal. Perhaps not 100% but close enough, and it was well over a year before I really started to feel good. We don't have it that easy :) But again, there is an immediate out and if you want opiates so bad, you can get them safe and cheap. Sadly meth addicts don't have this option. Suffer or do street drugs. Doesn't make sense.
 
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I’d say I’m a lifer with amps. Doubly so since meth. After my first addiction to speed I managed a 10 year break before losing everything to coke. Then I had a few year clean and found meth. After beating that I managed 4 years abstinence until succumbing again. My most recent break was only 2 months but I’d like to get my clean periods up to six months between binges. It’s fucking hard.
 
December Flower said:
If I had a penny for every time someone told me sober life is boring :) I'd be fucking rich.
What's so bad about boring in the first place? As a kid, I was taught "It's OK to be bored", and I cherish that lesson to this day. I'm not some smartphone fiend on the train, I look out the window & smile, because it is OK to be bored.
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I don't think it's OK to be bored, it may be acceptable for a short period of time but not for much more.
Boredom is similar to torture to human beings, there are plenty of studies about it. People will do almost anything to overcome boredom, even engage in self harm. The brain craves constant simulation, a child who's chronically bored will likely have serious problems later on.
It's only logical that some of us use drugs to overcome that mental state, it might not be the best coping strategy but it's certainly better than nothing.
 
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