• Find All Reports by Search Term
    Find Reports
    Find Tagged Reports by Substance
    Substance Category
    Specific Substance
    Find Reports
  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

PTSD: LSD, DXM, MDMA, feds? & sexual assault

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,054
So, this is going to be a ramble. Ill probably post in TDS about it as well. I am still processing this experience.

Background: Around two or so years ago, I met a chick on Facebook, and we started hanging out. She seemed to have a lot in common, like some of our ideas about activism, and how we might use psychedelics to benefit society. We talked of organizing events together, and agreed that much of the psychedelic counterculture might be a psyop to distract certain types of people. Initially I stayed at her place a few times, then she came and lived at my house for a month or so. She showed up with a bunch of psychedelics. Our relationship became sexual on numerous occasions. We decided to take some LSD together, i recall taking it out of her box she was holding and putting it on her tongue. I dont know if that was her plan initially, but it was in a consensual way. During the trip, she started acting really weird. She got paranoid, and said there could be microphones around the house, and asked if we could take a shower together. in the shower, she started crying, legit sobbing tears and then told be she was a DEA agent. She insisted we burn all the drugs in the house. She produced an ounce of DMT (or more) i had no idea she had and set it on fire. I made a Facebook post about it, and when she discovered this, she got in her car and left.

so, despite this experience, her and I reconnected and continued talking. She convinced me she was not in fact a DEA agent, and she was just testing me to see if my exes rumors about my paranoia about the government was true (her and I had plans to travel together, and she said she was worried my paranoia would get in the way). We decided not to travel together after this experience, and I left the country alone. Her and I continued talking through this time. She showed up at a festival i went to upon returning. While there, she acted kind of weird, acting as if her and I were closer than we were in front of people. She told me I should move closer to her, and I got a job offer in her city. I moved there, and a bunch of crazy shit happened, of which i don't think is related, such as getting car jacked multiple times after getting the car returned then stolen again. I think this was unrelated and mostly a result of being a naive and easily manipulated dumbass trying to score heroin in the hood of a more dangerous city than I was used to. At this point she reveals she now has a boyfriend, and we aren't hanging out much.. she invited me to a psychedelic party 3 hours away. The night before the party, I went out to a bar nearby where I was staying, that had some electronic music playing. I struck up a conversation with the guy who had been playing a set, and invited him to the party 3 hours away in the middle of nowhere. He was like "ohhh do you know such-and-such (insert her name here)". Idk if its a small town or what. He declined the invitation, but introduced me to another guy who said he wanted to go. He turned out to be a recruiter in the same industry I work in, and was familiar with the job I was currently interviewing for (even stating the hiring and technical managers names). Him and I drove the 3 hours together through the night, binging on adderall. We threw down on an airbnb together. We fell asleep around 7am. When I awoke, he was gone. I never saw him again. Didn't have his number. Was worried as he was 3 hours from home. The day went by, and I showed up at the party right as it opened.

Trip report: So, a few hours before the party i took some dxm for some reason. (Mostly to help with the amphetamine hangover) I took one bottle of delsym. Pretty quickly after the party started, someone stole my phone, wallet,, and keys. Her boyfriend loans me $100, and I PayPal him. Over the next couple hours, I snorted about a gram of mdma, and took half a hit of acid. Danced for some hours. An hour before it was over, she left the party early, saying goodbye randomly and declined to give me a ride to my place (as I had lost my keys). I continued dancing, and eventually the bar had to close, and party was over. A was surrounded by people I didn't know at all and tripping a bit. I had no keys or phone. People were acting weird and not helpful at all, declining to even let me use their phone, for some reason. People are never that rude to me. someone outside warned me to be careful and get out of there.. Eventually someone gives me my keys, and I leave the building immediately. I start driving and two cars follow me. I crashed my car on purpose slightly into another parked car. The other 2 cars leave. I run off to a bush to wait for the police. The police arrive, and immediately tackle me, slamming my head over and over and then handcuff me. I am put in a car. The police officer is screaming at me "you better start talking now! That girl back there said you raped her!", then I said "what girl!!" (Having never raped anyone and being serious about consent). They were like "your exwife!!" And snickered. I was taken out of the car and put in another one, and driven somewhere. I was pushed to the ground, and told to take my pants off. I couldn't, due to the handcuffs. I was beaten and raped, penetrated in the ass. I dont know if just one or both the cops holding me down penetrated me. I was then taken to the hospital and given a blood test, but ignored when screaming about the rape. I was then booked into jail on a DUI. The nurse at the jail believed me about the rape and I was brought back to the hospital, and given a rape kit (some 8 hours later). They noted injury and blood and took photographs.. I was also interviewed by state police, who assured me, if I was telling the truth at least one of the officers would be put in prison.

Fast forward six months, and I find out the rape kit has no foreign DNA.

A year later, and I'm currently suffering from severe ptsd. Barely able to feed myself or talk, thinking of that night daily. This is compounded by hearing about police brutality everyday on the news.

Now I'm not saying she is DEA, or that the rape was related and was not random violence. Especially considering one of my close friends was shot and killed by cops that same year (he was apparently armed and schizophrenic and known to have violent outbursts such as attacking his mother or brother, not that i think he should have been killed either way but for relevance). I wouldnt put it past that those cops just happened to rape me, and somehow knew I had an exwife.
 
Last edited:
So I take it you weren't charged with raping the DEA agent/random psychedelic woman/ex-wife? Just DUI for side swiping 2 cars?

Also, did you ever file a claim against the cops for butt-raping you?
 
So, the random woman, was not my exwife. My exwife is unrelated from any of this (id hope lol), and I hadn't seen her in a year, and she wasn't even in the same state as this party. Both this random alleged dea agent and my exwife have both said they never accused me of raping them. That's what makes me think it was random violence.

As I said in the story, I did file a complaint, yes. However I was told the rapekit came back no foreign DNA after about 6 months. (After calling them monthly, eventually they just said that)

And yes, I was given a DUI based on my statement that I had taken 50ug of LSD. The police report was a bunch of bullshit like how the cia was after me and i was delusional, which was all bullshit, and I never said that, i barely got a chance to talk before being raped. All I said to them was "this is above your pay grade", and to call their supervisor. Then when I was in the jail asking the warden when I would be taken to the hospital for the rape kit, he said "thats above my pay grade"
 
Last edited:
I meant file claim like a lawsuit against the officers and the entire police force, who cares what the rape kit came back at, they raped you!
 
I have not tried to contact an attorney. I doubt I'd win it, and honestly kind of scared to even try
 
Last edited:
I'm sorry to read about what happened to you, its sounds like you got really high on DXM,MDMA and LSD, and had some kind of psychosis or mania. You shouldn't have been given your car keys back if you were so high you intentionally sideswiped 2 cars.
 
I wasn't very high when this happened. The mdma had long since worn off, the lsd was nearly a microdose, and the dxm was mild at that dosage. I know the difference between a bad trip and a dick in my ass and pain for days. I intentionally drove it into a Parked truck 100 feet from the venue, not sidestepped two cars.
 
Another weird thing to note, at some point some random guy asked me if I'd chat with him outside. We went in his car, and he said "so I hear you've been doing some government work, how would you feel about being used as a tool?" I am a tech contractor and had just finished up a job for the navy. I got out of his car when he said that and went back inside.
 
I have no fucking clue, I doubt it? I probably just got raped by cops randomly and she's just a bitch... I'm a pretty level headed person. Despite the low dose of the lsd, I've found being violently raped by cops while tripping to be likely signifigently more damaging than getting raped while not on any LSD, or not by cops, or not in the same year as my friend getting shot by other cops, either way it sucks. If I were that prone to psychosis, I'd be in a pretty bad place by now given the synchronicity of the past year.
 
It was the first time I'd been fucked in the ass, and it wasn't as painful as youd expect from what I remember, getting beaten and i was pretty sure they were going to kill me, i don't know ive got pretty bad ptsd now. I am going to talk to a professional, but if you won't take me seriously, I doubt they will either.
 
Last edited:
What you're describing happened to you is an extremely violent and brutal sexual assault, and I don't understand why come across as non-chalant about seeking to hold your perpetrators responsible. If what you are saying is true you could sue for 10s of millions.
 
It was the first time I'd been fucked in the ass, and it wasn't super painful from what I remember, getting beaten and i was pretty sure they were going to kill me, i don't know ive got pretty bad ptsd now. I am going to talk to a professional, but if you won't take me seriously, I doubt they will either.

Honestly man you seem like you’ve got your head on right, you seem reasonable. That said my head personally goes to psychosis too.

You took a gram of MDMA WITH DXM a drug which majorly potentiates MDMA. It’s lucky you didn’t die, and I’d take everything that went on that night with a huge grain of salt. You were far from functioning properly.

Also both those drugs cause delirium level hallucinations.

The fact your asshole didn’t hurt never having been ass fucked I’m assuming you tripped it. They were probably treating you shitty and your mind took it next level.

-GC
 
Honestly man you seem like you’ve got your head on right, you seem reasonable. That said my head personally goes to psychosis too.

You took a gram of MDMA WITH DXM a drug which majorly potentiates MDMA. It’s lucky you didn’t die, and I’d take everything that went on that night with a huge grain of salt. You were far from functioning properly.

Also both those drugs cause delirium level hallucinations.

The fact your asshole didn’t hurt never having been ass fucked I’m assuming you tripped it. They were probably treating you shitty and your mind took it next level.

-GC
If I remember correctly, MDMA with DXM is serotonin syndrom territory.
 
Honestly man you seem like you’ve got your head on right, you seem reasonable. That said my head personally goes to psychosis too.

You took a gram of MDMA WITH DXM a drug which majorly potentiates MDMA. It’s lucky you didn’t die, and I’d take everything that went on that night with a huge grain of salt. You were far from functioning properly.

Also both those drugs cause delirium level hallucinations.

The fact your asshole didn’t hurt never having been ass fucked I’m assuming you tripped it. They were probably treating you shitty and your mind took it next level.

-GC
My asshole did hurt, for days. I was also bleeding.
 
Id love to believe it was a delusion. Having been psychotic in the past from stimulant abuse, I know what my mind is capable of producing. Unfortunately, I know this was true. Hallucinations do not cause suffering to this degree.
 
I think you should stop doing drugs. *if* and I mean big if she was DEA and got the local police to butt fuck you (the odds of multiple police partners being gay is quite high) why didn't they tell you why?
Didn't they metion stfu or anything?
I think you're delusional/weird trip and should give your brain a break.
Be honest with your doctor as well. They can't help you if they don't know .
 
I think you should stop doing drugs. *if* and I mean big if she was DEA and got the local police to butt fuck you (the odds of multiple police partners being gay is quite high) why didn't they tell you why?
Didn't they metion stfu or anything?
I think you're delusional/weird trip and should give your brain a break.
Be honest with your doctor as well. They can't help you if they don't know .
This was a year ago (tomorrow is the one year "anniversary"), and I havent taken any psychedelics since. Honestly, what I think likely happened is she is not DEA, and i was raped due to insulting the cops. Was just posting the trip report with all relevant information. I will say, its pretty hurtful to have my claims of the sexual assault dismissed as delusional, as trust me, I would like them to be. The nurse at the hospital confirming the injury and taking photos of my anus eliminates all possibility of that in my mind. You really shouldn't go around victim blaming rape victims, even if they are male. And no, i don't think they were attracted to me, or thought I was "sexy" - as with much rape it was more of a domination and control thing, and potentially an intimidation tactic. How the sick fuck even got a boner is beyond my understanding. This was the single most traumatic event of my life and occupies my mind most every day if not every day, so kindly fuck off. Seriously, using the term "butt fuck" or even "butt rape", is so insulting and seriously implies this is not the same sort of psychological torment a woman experiences from "vaginal rape".

Perhaps I need to separate the two experiences, or the rape from the individual who invited me to the party, which is kind of why I posted, to get some other input given all the information. The entire experience was bizzare in the weeks leading up to it. I only had my car to make it to the party as the police suddenly recovered the vehicle and returned it to me after I had been carjacked. And the rest of it was strange too, like the guy who rode there with me and then disappeared.

And no, they didn't tell me why. They said something about my exwife and at some point I told them "fuck the government" and they said "your gonna get fucked by the government now buddy"

After I was raped, immediately following the incident I was brought to the hospital and given a forced blood test, and made to sit down and stand up over and over again. I was ignored by my claims of rape. I was then brought to jail, and from there kept complaining of the rape and eventually brought back to the hospital and given an exam.

My own mother said the same shit as you, that I was delusional. In 15 years of taking drugs I've never had an experience of hallucinating a dick in my ass and days worth of pain. (And have never had hallucinations whatsoever of real people and real events) It has been a year of mostly sobreity, and I am sure this was real. The only people to take me seriously in fact, are mental health professionals, who diagnosed me with PTSD. If I was going to be raped, i wish it wasn't by cops. If it was by a cop, I at least wish it wasn't two. I dont think very many people believe me.

If and big if she wasn't just some bitch trying to fuck with my head and wasn't unrelated, one of her friends did tell me to "stop kicking the hornets nest".

I wish they would have told me why. For a while I thought it was my exwife, as they told me that she said I raped her, but after talking to her and finding out she never said that, i think it was just to confuse me. The way I've explained that to myself is that it was a random attack, and they said "your exwife" to gaslight me in an assumption that I might randomly have an exwife, as its not like they said her name or anything.

I pretty much explained it to myself as these were maybe brothers that got raped by their dad or something and now go around doing this to random people.
 
Last edited:
Top