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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Hey everyone,

Been working on a compilation of some recovery stories and encouraging words I’ve come across so far:

LTC Recovery Stories - Google Drive

drive.google.com drive.google.com

It’s probably not the cleanest or most comprehensive list, so if anyone has a better one or has additional stories (particularly from thread 6 which was deleted before my time or thread 1 which I cannot seem to find for some reason) hit me up or feel free to add.

So strangely, I’ve read a lot things like on BL like, “the reason you don’t see too many success stories...”. This is perplexing to me because I found like 100 in a quick run through. The ratio of success to fail actually seems pretty extraordinarily high. I’m a member of the forum on healing-anxiety.com and there is virtually no difference. Like any anxiety disorder, there are always people who get stuck in the cycle for years or decades because they are unable to change their thought patterns. In fact, it might be more likely for LTCers to recover because most folks likely didn’t have the severe anxious tendencies and habits before their condition started.

Couple more thoughts on this...

1. For those of you in the future who are just discovering Bluelight, I wouldn’t even bother reading anything else posted on here other than the recovery stories. Listen to what the folks who got better are saying and tune out the rest of the noise. The only other thing you’ll find is a million different theories and tons of anxious energy to fill your already skittish mind with more scary thoughts. This is just my opinion, and I know you’re going to do it anyway, but I at least wanted to mention this.

2. I’ve seen this estimate a lot, and I tend to agree, that something like 95% of posters on here recover (usually within 2-3 years at the max). Yeah this is one of the worst things one could endure, but think about that for a second? There are some pretty horrendous afflictions with a much lower recovery rate. Everything about this is always put in such dark terms (understandably), but in a sense, the first thing someone new to this needs to be presented with is the “good news”. If you put in the work, stay patient, and let your nervous system calm, you’re practically guaranteed to get your life (or close to) back.

3. Think about how many people lurk, recover, and never post? I’d be willing to bet there are more lurkers than active members by a large margin. Anecdotal, but just in my short time with this affliction, I’ve already talked to a bunch of recovered folks on Reddit that don’t even know this place exists or barely came here. One guy who recovered in 8 months said he came here once or twice and they triggered panic attacks so he never came again and was 100% recovered on the shorter end of the typical timeframe.

4. It’s probably just the absolute most nervous people that sign up and end up regulars here. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was create a BL account, but I have such a hatred for this condition I’ll do whatever it takes to get myself and as many people as I can out of this hell. Has anyone ever read what they say to people with anxiety disorders? Stay off of the forums! So again, most of the folks here forever and not getting better are just like the ones you’ll find on anxiety forums for years.

That said, I do still see the tremendous potential this place could have. I’m in a group chat on Reddit where the guys were incredibly encouraging to one another. I joined late but I could go back through the old thread and watch how they all improved over the months because they helped each other and had a positive mindset. I think if the tone were to change to overwhelmingly positive vs negative it would do wonders to helping people instead of mostly just freaking them out.
 
Subban10 said:
Anyone experienced head twitching/tremor after an abuse of mdma ? (50 pills) and if it go away after long time ?
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I had numerous unsettling and scary symptoms over my 9 years of heavy use. Not a flicker or even a bare memory of that now. Just try not to worry yourself. It makes no difference except to make you more anxious and unhappy.

The old slogan- What you focus on grows!

So focus on peace, well being, happiness, relief, and trust that it will come. Just have to be patient.

Im very allergic to all and any of the supplements people have reported success with here on this forum, but a basic supplement programme suited towards MDMA recovery may also pay off in the short and the long run.
 
SpiderBro said:
Hey everyone,

Been working on a compilation of some recovery stories and encouraging words I’ve come across so far:

LTC Recovery Stories - Google Drive

drive.google.com drive.google.com

It’s probably not the cleanest or most comprehensive list, so if anyone has a better one or has additional stories (particularly from thread 6 which was deleted before my time or thread 1 which I cannot seem to find for some reason) hit me up or feel free to add.

So strangely, I’ve read a lot things like on BL like, “the reason you don’t see too many success stories...”. This is perplexing to me because I found like 100 in a quick run through. The ratio of success to fail actually seems pretty extraordinarily high. I’m a member of the forum on healing-anxiety.com and there is virtually no difference. Like any anxiety disorder, there are always people who get stuck in the cycle for years or decades because they are unable to change their thought patterns. In fact, it might be more likely for LTCers to recover because most folks likely didn’t have the severe anxious tendencies and habits before their condition started.

Couple more thoughts on this...

1. For those of you in the future who are just discovering Bluelight, I wouldn’t even bother reading anything else posted on here other than the recovery stories. Listen to what the folks who got better are saying and tune out the rest of the noise. The only other thing you’ll find is a million different theories and tons of anxious energy to fill your already skittish mind with more scary thoughts. This is just my opinion, and I know you’re going to do it anyway, but I at least wanted to mention this.

2. I’ve seen this estimate a lot, and I tend to agree, that something like 95% of posters on here recover (usually within 2-3 years at the max). Yeah this is one of the worst things one could endure, but think about that for a second? There are some pretty horrendous afflictions with a much lower recovery rate. Everything about this is always put in such dark terms (understandably), but in a sense, the first thing someone new to this needs to be presented with is the “good news”. If you put in the work, stay patient, and let your nervous system calm, you’re practically guaranteed to get your life (or close to) back.

3. Think about how many people lurk, recover, and never post? I’d be willing to bet there are more lurkers than active members by a large margin. Anecdotal, but just in my short time with this affliction, I’ve already talked to a bunch of recovered folks on Reddit that don’t even know this place exists or barely came here. One guy who recovered in 8 months said he came here once or twice and they triggered panic attacks so he never came again and was 100% recovered on the shorter end of the typical timeframe.

4. It’s probably just the absolute most nervous people that sign up and end up regulars here. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was create a BL account, but I have such a hatred for this condition I’ll do whatever it takes to get myself and as many people as I can out of this hell. Has anyone ever read what they say to people with anxiety disorders? Stay off of the forums! So again, most of the folks here forever and not getting better are just like the ones you’ll find on anxiety forums for years.

That said, I do still see the tremendous potential this place could have. I’m in a group chat on Reddit where the guys were incredibly encouraging to one another. I joined late but I could go back through the old thread and watch how they all improved over the months because they helped each other and had a positive mindset. I think if the tone were to change to overwhelmingly positive vs negative it would do wonders to helping people instead of mostly just freaking them out.
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So you think a big chance of recovery for the majority
 
Samoz said:
So you think a big chance of recovery for the majority
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Samoz,

I’ve seen that you post on here quite a bit and honestly man I feel for you. I can tell you are quite distressed. But you gotta quit coming on here looking for reassurance from others. Seeking that relief is the exact opposite thing you want to do when trying to recover from a severe anxiety disorder. It might make you feel better for a few minutes, but the issues perpetuating your anxiety cycle will remain unresolved.

Instead, get educated on how anxiety works and what it takes to fix yourself from within so you can calm your sensitized nervous system. Stay off these forums and perhaps consider some counseling. It’s been mentioned a bunch before but the book At Last A Life is a great place to start. The program on healing-anxiety.com is also very helpful.

Yeah, I do think recovery/resolution is likely for most people, but so what? I’ve only been dealing with this for 3 months. You probably know more about it than I do. Trust in yourself and take action in your own recovery instead of trying to get that quick fix from strangers on the internet.
 
SpiderBro said:
It’s probably just the absolute most nervous people that sign up and end up regulars here
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Just to make one important point very clear here, because you have laid it out so emphatically in black and white, most people, or at least a lot of members here, joined this forum to participate in general and specific drug discussion, share experience and knowledge, ask questions, brainstorm together, have a laugh depending on the thread, and also to help others by sharing that experience.

Some people like taking drugs, just like some people like racing cars, riding horses etc.

I think it is a huge miscomprehension and assertion to imply shame or a wrong move to simply create an account on Bluelight and participate, as if it somehow makes one weak.

That would be an absurd generalisation. Most members I have engaged with here are like myself, quite vastly experienced with using certain drugs over time, and an interest and passion for sharing their experiences and discussing and bantering on multiple topics, angles and aspects of drug use.

I mean, there is no shame or weakness in becoming a member of Bluelight. That would just be a huge misconception.
This is a very quiet thread here. Only a fraction of a percent of members join this forum to seek advice, guidance, and reassurance here specifically in relation to this topic.

It's a genuine interest, even passion, which draws most people to sign up here.

I get what you are saying, and the exact same thing has been advised before in this exact thread, numerous times.

But everybody has to find their own way of coping, and even if making a BL account only to seek advice and assurrance on LTC symptoms, just maybe that is their way of taking that first step, to get things moving inside, shifting mental energy.

Of course, dwelling in fear, wishing, hoping, regretting and wondering is unconstructive and inconducive to healing.

I had to make this point clear because I strongly disagree with your generalisation and categorisation of BL and it's core purpose and function, and members in general.

Though I'm not rebutting what you say in relation to dwelling in regret and anxiety and looking desperately for someone to say- it's going to be okay!

But even so, if that initial step helps in some way....

Time heals most things. We live, learn, and move on.
 
AutoTripper said:
I had to make this point clear because I strongly disagree with your generalisation and categorisation of BL and it's core purpose and function, and members in general.
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Absolutely, thank you for making that distinction. I'm referring to a very specific type of BL user for sure. Did not mean to blanket the entire site into that characterization.
 
SpiderBro said:
Absolutely, thank you for making that distinction. I'm referring to a very specific type of BL user for sure. Did not mean to blanket the entire site into that characterization.
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Hi. Thank you for being so reasonable and accepting my comments earlier. I realy was not attacking, belittle or questioning you. If I follow the meaning ofyour second line, yes I just wanted to make certain in my own mind that is not what you were implying.

I didn't actually think that is what you were suggesting however I wanted to emphasize the point that this is a very broad forum with multiple different threads and I feel can be an incredibly therapeutic social and very accepting communal online platform for so many people to share their passion and knowledge of drugs over time.

This can be a very therapeutic release and a very healthy practice for most people I feel it's simply sharing dead honest life if as we should.

I personally have gotten a lot of Joy out of participating in this forum and sharing my experience because I feel that there are so many truly caring and genuine and highly intelligent and experienced members here and there is so little attitude and such a high level of tolerance and acceptance of each other which I don't see to the same degree on any other forums I have frequented.

So yeah, I think I partly mistook you or wasn't entirely sure, but I was in the immediate aftermath of a 450ug legit LSD trip so please excuse me if I came across a little cranky or reproachful.

But regardless I just wanted to make the point that this is an incredibly wide topiced forum with a very broad range of members who participated for different reasons and the majority for the fun sake I would argue as well as learning.

That was all very kind on kava cannabis and estazolam tonight only so I will leave you there but...

I am sorry I usually warmly welcome all new members do the forum, so very warm welcome my friend.
 
Hello everyone. Besides the usual aches, how is your cognitive functions? Such as short term memory, attention and stuff? I'm 2 months in, after doing about a gram. Been doing lions mane, bacopa, as well as all the sober healthy living thing, but i can really feel the impairment, such as walking into the wrong room all the time and stuff. Being a retard is really horrible, whats your timeline on this?
 
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Miru said:
took my first dose of mdma 7 july of 2020. it was pure white crystal. tested with reagent kit. 110 mg. im 73 kgs. i had afterglow effect for 2 or 3 days than terrible anxiety, panic attack, depression, suicidial toughts and other symptom. the first two months were pure hell. the depression faded away the first days of september but i have daily anxiety for all the day. tried 5htp helped me a bit. i had like 10 or 12 days without anxiety and depression. than rebound. i saw a neurologist and he gave me a therapy for this month. im actually on depakin chrono 300 mg two times a day, seroquel 50 mg, and rivotril. i also have racing thoughts when i try to sleep. DP DR and my tought are so intense that i think they are real, like if the events in the thoughts happened for real. will i heal myself and turn normal? sorry for the bad english not my first language.
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You sound like me in the beginning. I've recovered with slight short-term memory issues left, but hard to determinate they're normal aging or ltc leftovers.

If I could give my old self one single advice it would be to believe and trust the recovery. Be mindful about negative poisioning thoughts and to live healthy as possible, with tons of patience. Okay, overdid with the advices.

Anyway, the dpdr was pretty creepy, was so disconnected from reality didn't even feel fear or anxiety. Was the moment I've accepted this defensive mechanism as a blessing that is keeping my mind safe and not as craziness, only then it faded away. Because frankly, if an animal has dpdr wouldn't ever worry for the dpdr itself, just the primary effect will be there, but we are special breed if species that can selfanalyze itself and get in this vicious cycle.

Stay strong, if you have questions please PM.
 
Legitimate_pickle said:
Hello everyone. Besides the usual aches, how is your cognitive functions? Such as short term memory, attention and stuff? I'm 2 months in, after doing about a gram. Been doing lions mane, bacopa, as well as all the sober healthy living thing, but i can really feel the impairment, such as walking into the wrong room all the time and stuff. Being a retard is really horrible, whats your timeline on this?
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Haha, yeah... I remember the creepiest moment when my girlfriend asked me to bring something from downstairs and I've forgot 4-5 times in a row.

Or remember when I was reading a basic article about something and no matter how much I've tried to understand the context, I've failed over and over again.


The good news is that my concentration is even better than before, my creativity and other cognitive aspects are still there as well. However visual memory and short term one are a little off.

Now here's the biggest advice I'll give you that will give you a huge advantage over my situation.

... It's that depression and anxiety itself have negative effect on your cognition. In other words me worrying for years about my congition have worsen it maybe more than the ltc alone. You should handle your worrying because it's increasing cortisol and inflammation, contributing for the symptoms themselves.

Short duration exercise is one of the best things you wanna have in your lifestyle. It it's long duration your cortisol will spike and you'll feel worse, but short-term stressor exercise will improve your brain circulation, decrease stress and improve metabolic functions.

Now, there's things that aren't impaired. For an example your muscle memory and passive memory. Like riding a motorcycle for an example, or some kind of sport. This will be your best bet to distract yourself in your recovery.

Try L-threonate or citrate magnesium, try zinc as well. Those trace minerals are depleted much quicker in our systems due to excessive functions. They can make huge difference. Make sure you're not deficient in B vitamins, Hormone/Vitamins D and creatine monohydrate will be your biggest allies for your cognition.

Good luck and hit me with PM if ever have questions.
 
On the side I'm kinda curious about hypothetical link between blood brain barrier, mercury poisioning and teeth grinding.

MDMA paper research shows that the substance is damaging the blood brain barrier.

Paper research also showing that cavity fillings can release mercury while teeth grinding. Something present in MDMA use.

Would love some input over this from people who research a lot about LTC. For me it's a good lead.
 
Legitimate_pickle said:
Hello everyone. Besides the usual aches, how is your cognitive functions? Such as short term memory, attention and stuff? I'm 2 months in, after doing about a gram. Been doing lions mane, bacopa, as well as all the sober healthy living thing, but i can really feel the impairment, such as walking into the wrong room all the time and stuff. Being a retard is really horrible, whats your timeline on this?
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Howdy,

I’m 3.5 months in and I was full retard when this all started. Cognitive functions of a goldfish. For the past few months this has been my regimen:

-Wim Hof breathing every day (been so effective I’ve started doing it 2x a day) - honestly this is been amazing for me. I’d highly recommend this one because it has you pressurize your head which seems to increase the cognitive benefit:


-Breathwork classes (1x a month)

-Cardio or HIIT (3x a week minimum)

-Neuronation (it’s an app) daily exercises (at first, this scared the F out of me because I felt so dumb. I skipped this a lot but am trying to be more disciplined lately and not so concerned with how I score.)

-Meditate every day - I think a big part of this is relearning “how to think” after the head trauma. For me, everything upstairs felt really scary and different. Meditate and focus on all of it being perfectly ok. Don’t fight how anything feels ever. Being at ease will relieve a lot of tension and allow new pathways to form. I was really fortunate in that I have an amazing somatic counselor that lead me through some guided meditations that really helped.

-NAC (a must), Magnesium L-threonate (did wonders in just days), Lions Mane, ginkgo, ginseng, rosea, creatine.

-sleep as much as possible, and some. Most nights I lay in bed with my eyes closed for about 10-11 hours a night. I usually only sleep for 6, but try to give my mind and body as much rest as my schedule will allow.

Couple other things to keep in mind:

-I’ve talked to a handful of folks who did monster doses but never got the LTC anxiety. They all told me it took about 5-6 months to get there cognitive functions back to 100% (or close enough to where they couldn’t notice the difference).

-like zeroluck said, a major part of the impairment is the anxiety and worry. Being in constant fight or flight redirects a ton of resources away from normal brain function and makes you feel dumb. Also the anxiety will tell you things that aren’t true. It’s not even so much as your cog functions are suffering, it’s just that it feels different and it’s freaking you out. Addressing the anxiety should help the cog abilities.

I am doing tons better but still have room to improve. Very complex brain functions or abstract thought still not what I’d like. I feel confident that I’ll be just as capable some day and probably even better (as I’ve heard people say numerous times). I think the only remaining shortage I have is tied to the extreme anxiety. I’ve read instances of people getting the last bit of function years later so I am in no rush at all. I have a very mentally challenging career, and while I’m still not as effective as I was before, I am able to continue working and surprise myself almost daily when I demonstrate ability I thought not possible.

Unless you stopped breathing for an extended period of time, you should not have permanent damage. Just need the axons to heal and the pathways to rewire. Put in the work and don’t stress... you’ll be OK!!
 
ZeroLuck said:
You sound like me in the beginning. I've recovered with slight short-term memory issues left, but hard to determinate they're normal aging or ltc leftovers.

If I could give my old self one single advice it would be to believe and trust the recovery. Be mindful about negative poisioning thoughts and to live healthy as possible, with tons of patience. Okay, overdid with the advices.

Anyway, the dpdr was pretty creepy, was so disconnected from reality didn't even feel fear or anxiety. Was the moment I've accepted this defensive mechanism as a blessing that is keeping my mind safe and not as craziness, only then it faded away. Because frankly, if an animal has dpdr wouldn't ever worry for the dpdr itself, just the primary effect will be there, but we are special breed if species that can selfanalyze itself and get in this vicious cycle.

Stay strong, if you have questions please PM.
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yeah the "scariest" symptom for me are the racing thoughts when i try to fall asleep. they are too intense that i think they are real event. Thats why my neurologist put me on seroquel! im better now cuz im on meds. ill follow what my doctor say, im tryting to be more healty and focus on a strong but basic routine. like cardio or heavy training every day. another symptom is that im always asking myself if is "normal" to feel pleasure in any stupid thing, like talking with friends or listening a music. like if my brain is stocked in these horrible months and i "cant remember" what it feels like to be normal. like a baby who discover the world when it grow up.
 
During the long recovery is normal to be normal few days and then depressed again or with anxiety and panic attacks? even if im on meds?
 
Lots of interesting stories here. Thought I'd provide my experience as anecdotal evidence that recovery from MDMA / Ecstasy abuse is possible.

I started using Ecstasy when I was 17. I abused it heavily every week for a whole year, along with other drugs, mostly psychedelics.

Back then, (this was in 2008, for perspective) I didn't test any of my Ecstasy tablets, and only did actual MDMA once. I relied on pillreports for my safety, which I strongly advise against for obvious reasons.

At my worst, if I remember correctly, I did 6 or 7 ecstasy tablets in a weekend. Amazingly I didn't get psychosis symptoms until the very end, where I took 3 pills of a red pisces- I still remember the press- and suffered panic attacks the next day and the feeling of "impending doom" while I was awake.

I had to take seroquel to sleep, and the symptoms eventually faded after several weeks. Retrospectively now I'm pretty positive this was amphetamine psychosis.

I quit MDMA / Ecstasy for 7 years after that. I made a complete recovery and there were no lasting symptoms from what I could tell. I never got bad comedowns from MDMA / Ecstasy to begin with though. Got into some other things, and then about 3 years ago now, I started doing only pure MDMA again, and testing every batch I came across.

The magic is back, and I find I have complete control of my usage. I stick to the 3 month rule, but recently I've decided to do even less out of personal preference. I average my usage around once every 4 - 6 months, it's random. I don't think I've observed any lasting long-term effects from my usage which is vast.

If I ever get an fMRI, I'll share the results.
 
Hey Gang,

I wanted to stop in and add another tool to your healing regimens that I haven't seen mentioned here before:

Sensory Deprivation Tank

Don't know how common they are internationally, but after a quick check, it looks like they are in most larger sized cities in the US.

My nervous system has been absolutely thrashed through this whole ordeal, but even after the first session, it seemed to be very restorative. Also seemed to freshen up all my senses and focus for the rest of the day and the effects have lingered. The other benefit was it really forces you to be alone with your thoughts and the current state of your mind/brain.

Not exactly cheap (around $75) so I'm going to try it about once a month.

Like anything else, it's not a magic cure, but certainly a part of a healthy toolkit.

Another one that has been mentioned here before but has helped me a bunch is Saint John's Wort. Just hit my 14 days in last weekend and it really has done wonders to stabilize me. For anyone really hurting but not wanting to mess with prescription meds (like I was), I'd highly recommend it. Works like an SSRI but is a little more gentle on the brain.

Anyway, hope that helps. Keep working hard and stay positive everyone. Other than the lessons we learn along the way, this will all be a distant memory some day.
 
So my main symptoms were anxiety panic attack and depression or mild depression. also spinning thoughts before sleeping, no insomnia luckily. before and even on the mood stabilizer im right now (depakin chrono 300 mg twice a day) i get few days feeling normal where i can do my normal routine, like walking in nature, doing some calisthenics at home, talk with my friends on discord and eat normally. and few days with the mood down, not the depressed like the first two months when i couldnt move from the bed cuz the depression was too heavy, but mild sad u know? or having mood swings during the day, like feeling normal few hours than mood down and then again normal. someone feeling the same here?
 
im also looking someone to chat within so we can compare our symptoms and our "ideas" maybe on discord or reddit. i prefer discord.
 
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