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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

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very true @Hylight

hope everyone is doing well. i'm not really. mood is much better, but planning to get very drunk at my friends house today, and still intending to score when i get back to mine this weekend. then somehow go back to complete abstinence.

i've not slept well at all this week, to the point tiredness is just making me feel ill. i've not had sleep issues this bad since i got out of rehab.

yesterday it was 2 years to the day since i went to rehab.
 
Ween, taper, cut back asap.

Sometimes less is more.

I am glad rehab is a good reminder to stay safe and to keep healthy at an optimum.
 
@chinup remember this slip could have been prevented. You planned it out, and I always say that if someone is willing to live with the consequences of using then they should feel free to do it. Was it all you expected? Was it worth it? Are you sober now or back on it full time?
 
Hylight said:
i quit eating sugar. god i need a hit.
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Congrats on quitting sugar! I managed to reduce sugar massively - going from sugar binges every evening with whole packs of biscuits and 3 - 7 chocolate bars - to just a couple biscuits and 1 chocolate bar, but when I cut it out completely I obsess over it. However, if it's a choice between sugar and taking a hit then for gods sake get some sugar!!
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
That’s the only attitude in recovery. Fuck your addiction, it doesn’t define you anymore. Keep with the sober folks and don’t beat yourself up for relapsing. This is a process, and as long as you are in a recovery mind frame, meth addiction can never take you. You’re gonna have to use your tools (sober support network, AA/NA SMART recovery etc), if you don’t have those tools, please find them like your life depended on it.

This is a process that you can overcome if you are committed to your recovery. It gets easier with a support network and sober friends that are real and not just internet people.

Keep posting here and on other recovery forums regardless of where you’re at in sobriety (it helps to keep a log). Addiction didn’t happen all at once and don’t expect recovery to happen all at once. Recovery is a process and a mind set.

All of us in recovery go out of our way to support other addicts. That’s how addiction help works, and keeps you held up and not alone. You are not alone in this!

I have more to say...

🧙‍♂️
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Thats why I like SMART. In 12 step groups, you forever define yourself by your addiction. "My name is Rio Fantastic and I'm an addict". In SMART it teaches you it's a behaviour, not your defining trait. If you stop the behaviour, then you are no longer defined by it. Addiction is a learned behaviour which therefore can be unlearned, not some fundamental defect (mental or spiritual) that needs to be corrected by ethereal spirituality. Forever defining yourself by the worst part of your life is in my opinion not a good strategy for recovery. I disagree with SMART in that it implies there is literally nothing inherent about addiction - I firmly believe there is a genetic predisposition but that doesn't mean anyone is doomed to addiction, just that some people fall into it easier than others. Alcoholics respond in a fundamentally different way to alcohol than non-alcoholics. Addicts seek out and take drugs in a way that would be unthinkable to those without the predisposition. That doesn't mean we can't change it, though.
 
Atelier3 said:
Unexpectedly smoked a teeny-tiny point of meth the night before last when it was offered by a lady I was about to bang. Given I didn't really enjoy it, instantly regretted it, got tina dick, and it was so far removed from IV'ing a gram a day I'm not too worried. I still see myself as in recovery and still feel very strong and committed to my meth sobriety. I'm not into counting days and just see it as a blip if anything - nothing to feel depressed or shameful about. Although I do feel a little bit flat today from the normal consequences of using meth. However, am doing lots of exercise today and going off to help a good friend move furniture with my truck which is really lifting my spirits.
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You can turn that tiny slip into something positive! When you take it and don't like it that's actually really helpful for recovery - if your last memory of using is euphoric & enjoyable then it's more tempting than if the memory is disappointing and uncomfortable. Sounds like you're in a totally different place than you were before. However, I'd recommend not putting yourself in situations where you may be offered drugs. Did you know the woman took meth? If it was me, if I even suspected it I wouldn't go to fuck her and therefore put myself in the position my DOC was right in front of me. I've never been strong enough to resist if it's right in front of me, and testing ourselves like that in early recovery is just unnecessary.
 
What does it take to make the best decisions possible on a daily basis., and to have the most coherent and intelligent thought process also.
Will I still be more human than less.
I will start trying then.
I also love the feeling of being outside and breathing fresh air.
Living with energy in this universe is a great gift, when the world feels good somehow.
 
sorry for being awol the past couple days. my body can't handle heroin anymore. i ended up scoring again on monday, haven't used since bu tbeen in bed unable to do anything. just been totally wiped.

my boyf is coming on friday after work so will definitely be back on the straight and narrow then, so obviously planning on scoring again tomorrow. ffs. its not like i'm obsessed with it but now i've opened a door, and it turns out its not the dark i want, i mainly want a couple more pipes. they were underwhelming on sunday but on monday was fucking mind blowing. then i need to draw a line under this stupidity.
 
Hylight said:
I want to choose healthy.
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Me too!

Atelier3 said:
Unexpectedly smoked a teeny-tiny point of meth the night before last when it was offered by a lady I was about to bang. Given I didn't really enjoy it, instantly regretted it, got tina dick, and it was so far removed from IV'ing a gram a day I'm not too worried. I still see myself as in recovery and still feel very strong and committed to my meth sobriety. I'm not into counting days and just see it as a blip if anything - nothing to feel depressed or shameful about. Although I do feel a little bit flat today from the normal consequences of using meth. However, am doing lots of exercise today and going off to help a good friend move furniture with my truck which is really lifting my spirits.
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Glad to see it wasn't too much of a setback for you!
 
It’s been over a month since I quit meth but my recovery feels like it is going sideways. For the first three weeks or so I felt so remarkably clear-headed and energetic and got so much work done. However, over the last week or so I’ve begun to feel really weird. I have low-level nausea all the time and slightly blurry vision and feel a bit confused and unfocused. I also have this low level tardive dyskinesia going on.

At first I thought it was side-effects from taking 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine but even a week after ceasing them I still feel really sketchy. I stopped taking anti-psychotics at the same time I quit meth and the only medicine I am taking now is 30 mg dexamfetamine a day.

I spoke to a psych (while discussing meth use in very very past tense) about the tardive dyskinesia and he advised me to see a neurologist.
 
@Atelier3 obviously i am no expert on physical recovery from meth, but i can say, a month is no time. it takes years. honestly i remember when i tried to kill myself my doctor telling me my body would take years to recover. i was in recovery from anorexia for 2 years before my legs didn't feel like they were gonna give out under me all the time. you have been absolutely hammering most of your internal systems for a protracted period. give it time. i'm glad you're getting supervision from the doctor.

also get your eyes tested if you have blurry vision!! i had blurry vision that i always put down to my pupils being dilated due to heroin. when i got to rehab i had an eye test and it turned out one of my eyes is really shit. now i have glasses for reading and life is much easier, am less tired and prone to headaches.

i am so totally done with heroin. for the first time in my recovery, i can honestly say i actively never ever want to touch it again. i used 3 times last week and it just destroyed me, it was reasonably decent shit. i am still wrecked. whatever it used to do for me, it doesn't anymore, and it takes me so long to recover, i've lost a week and spent money i can't really afford. fucking hell watching parks and recreation on my own was better than heroin, let alone playing resident evil 5 with my boyfriend, despite it being absolutely stressful as fuck. i was much more restarined with using it than i was in March so I know the shittiness wasn't just down to me doing too much too fast with no opiate tolerance this time.
 
Atelier3 said:
I spoke to a psych (while discussing meth use in very very past tense) about the tardive dyskinesia and he advised me to see a neurologist.
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Sounds horrible, I suffered restlessness whilst taking Abilify for a week or so, before quitting because I couldnt handle it. What type of meds are used to treat this condition? I'm unsure of any that are 100% effective.
 
Flynnal said:
Sounds horrible, I suffered restlessness whilst taking Abilify for a week or so, before quitting because I couldnt handle it. What type of meds are used to treat this condition? I'm unsure of any that are 100% effective.
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My psych is a master at piling on another drug to treat the side-effects of the first drug. He had me on five different things at one stage when my diagnosis was Bipolar 1 and ADHD for which the gold standard treatment should just be lithium plus dexamfetamine.

I think my brain has undergone structural changes from both the Meth and from the Abilify and other antipsychotics I have taken over the last 10 years. It is taking a while to adjust to not being constantly pummelled in different directions by different but very powerful chemicals. I can cope with how I am feeling at the moment although it is very unpleasant and sometimes pushes me into a sense of anxiety (if I start to think it might be permanent). However, a simple dose of 5 mg diazepam gives reasonable relief and I don’t think that it would compound my problems at all. I probably should quit the dexamfetamine for a while too, but then I doubt I would get any work done at all. And I have to submit my dissertation in a few months and it is only half complete.
 
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