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have had it with friend with benefits

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As ILYWAK said, you’ve let this guy treat you like shit for decades, why do you expect him to be nice or decent? Do you have such little self respect that you willingly let someone treat you so badly?

Only one thing to be done and that is make a clean break from that fuck pie. It’s not worth it at all for either of you. It’s like you are both doing an exercise in emotional self harm. It’s a ridiculous situation.
 
I’m no psychiatrist but this seems like a classic example of co-dependency or co-dependent personality disorder. At least according to Wikipedia.
 
I hate our sordid sexual encounters, which make me feel like an unpaid prostitute.
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Isn't this, by itself, enough to discontinue a purely or at least primarily sexual relationship? If the whole point of the relationship ("FWB") is sex, and the sex isn't good, then... what else is there?

You're overgeneralizing here.
I have no need to fuck 45+ year old women to get attention.
Also, the guys are probably looking for sex, not attention.
Go ahead, give them JUST attention for a while and see how long they'll stick around.
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Well, obviously, you're not doing that. But if we investigate the motives of someone who is having sex regularly with a 47-year-old woman, shouldn't we look for aspects of the relationship that might distinguish it from a visit to a prostitute?
 
Audiobook said:
He sounds like an ass.

You’re better off without him.

Like the sad fact is too many men can be replaced with a viberator (I recommend the Hitachi).
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Audiobook said:
Ok, so you think like this.

Look, here’s the deal, women don’t owe you emotional energy and sex, period, but especially also if you bring NOTHING to the table (like being funny or being nice to talk to or some shit like that).

Also, fuck you for implying our value lies in our fertility.

We are not just walking uteruses waiting for a loser to impregnate us.

OP absolutely should stop fucking this POS.

He brings nothing to the table for her sexually, emotionally, or otherwise.
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Exactly ... This is me sucking his dick, and him not even touching my breasts unless I ask ... maybe it's because, as some of the guys have intimated, I'm not really worthy of sexual attention because I am older and not so hot.

Well he is four years older than me and not so hot himself these days.

Fuck it guys, some of you are waaay outta touch with reality.

Tonight my Dad's friend, aged 72 (SEVENTY TWO) is asking me out and telling me I am sexy and even feeling me up. He's, oh, gee, only twenty six years older than me. I suppose as a woman on the wrong side of 45, that's about appropriate, right?

All of that aside, with my FWB I might be prepared to put up with being treated like a masturbatory aid if he would give me some basic companionship and affection. Conversation, or watching a film (of MY choice for a change, not his) ... a cuddle. Being interested in what I am up to.

And yes, bugger it, if I'm pandering to his penis, he ought to be willing to lend me a little money if I really need it.

I have bought him drinks. I have given him free drugs. Recently I even paid him to do my washing in his washing machine because mine was broken - $20 bucks per load.

Finally, for the crew of dicks who think I'm a user cos I'm not thrilled to bits to be sexually exploited and disrespected and told not to "interrupt him when he's talking" ... back in January when I was staying in a women's shelter and still on crutches, he met me at my flat to "fix the lock on my door". He failed to fix it properly. I said "look I'm a bit tired ... " and politely tried to intimate that I didn't want to have any sort of sex that day. He simply refused to leave, though. He just hung around silently. So I had to do the usual to end it because there was a curfew at the shelter. He manipulated me into letting him FILM IT ON HIS PHONE.

Afterwards he didn't even offer me a lift to the shelter, although I was on crutches. He just dropped me at a train station.

All of the above suggests I am an idiot and in dire need of assertiveness training. But certainly I have not been trying to "get a return on sex" in some callous way.

To hell with you misogynists assholes (you know who are). Go join the Men's Rights Activist on Forum or something.
 
MrsGamp said:
Exactly ... This is me sucking his dick, and him not even touching my breasts unless I ask ... maybe it's because, as some of the guys have intimated, I'm not really worthy of sexual attention because I am older and not so hot.

Well he is four years older than me and not so hot himself these days.

Fuck it guys, some of you are waaay outta touch with reality.

Tonight my Dad's friend, aged 72 (SEVENTY TWO) is asking me out and telling me I am sexy and even feeling me up. He's, oh, gee, only twenty six years older than me. I suppose as a woman on the wrong side of 45, that's about appropriate, right?

I believe it is called male entitlement.

All of that aside, with my FWB I might be prepared to put up with being treated like a masturbatory aid if he would give me some basic companionship and affection. Conversation, or watching a film (of MY choice for a change, not his) ... a cuddle. Being interested in what I am up to. Canning the incessant boasting and obvious bullsbhit. Letting me eat what I want, even if he is paying for dinner (which has happened once in 6 months). Not criticisng my flat for smelling of cig smoke (even though I go outside to smoke when he is here).

And yes, bugger it, if I'm pandering to his penis, he ought to be willing to lend me a little money if I really need it.

I have bought him drinks. I have given him free drugs. Recently I even paid him to do my washing in his washing machine because mine was broken - $20 bucks per load.

Finally, for the crew of dicks who think I'm a user cos I'm not thrilled to bits to be sexually exploited and disrespected and told not to "interrupt him when he's talking" ... back in January when I was staying in a women's shelter and still on crutches, he met me at my flat to "fix the lock on my door". He failed to fix it properly. I said "look I'm a bit tired ... " and politely tried to intimate that I didn't want to have any sort of sex that day. He simply refused to leave, though. He just hung around silently. So I had to do the usual to end it because there was a curfew at the shelter. He manipulated me into letting him FILM IT ON HIS PHONE.

Afterwards he didn't even offer me a lift to the shelter, although I was on crutches. He just dropped me at a train station.

All of the above suggests I am an idiot and in dire need of assertiveness training. But certainly I have not been trying to "get a return on sex" in some callous way.

To hell with you misogynists assholes (you know who are). Go join the Men's Rights Activist on Forum or something.
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S
DeadManWalkin' said:
Yeah, I like to think same way about women who aren't fertile anymore.
Why would their value be more than a pocket pussy?
It's probably less, since as it can be seen in this thread, many of them expect to get something in return.
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Sorry mate, but that was a real asshole comment.
I suppose you believe us menopausal women have no biological reason to even continue to live?
Let alone have our efforts acknowledged and appreciated. I mean, I oughta be grateful, at the age of 47, to be allowed to suck his 51 y/o johnson per se.
 
Audiobook said:
Ok, so you think like this.

Look, here’s the deal, women don’t owe you emotional energy and sex, period, but especially also if you bring NOTHING to the table (like being funny or being nice to talk to or some shit like that).

Also, fuck you for implying our value lies in our fertility.

We are not just walking uteruses waiting for a loser to impregnate us.

OP absolutely should stop fucking this POS.

He brings nothing to the table for her sexually, emotionally, or otherwise.
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atara said:
Isn't this, by itself, enough to discontinue a purely or at least primarily sexual relationship? If the whole point of the relationship ("FWB") is sex, and the sex isn't good, then... what else is there?


Well, obviously, you're not doing that. But if we investigate the motives of someone who is having sex regularly with a 47-year-old woman, shouldn't we look for aspects of the relationship that might distinguish it from a visit to a prostitute?
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I am not quite sure where you are going with "But if we investigate the motives of someone who is having sex regularly with a 47-year-old woman, shouldn't we look for aspects of the relationship that might distinguish it from a visit to a prostitute?"

But I will say this, and I am sure other women in their forties would confirm it ... YOUNGER men are often very interested in us redundant old bags for some reason.

I suspect it is becaue they still have sex drives.

My last de facto partner was a real asshole, but he was nine years younger than me and we had lots of great sex before it turned to shit.

Wouldn't mind betting that every guy here who has implied having sex with a 47 y/o woman is beyond the pale is
a. 45 or older
or
b. addicted to porn of the "Barely Legal" variety
or
c. Latently gay.

Or all of the above.
 
MrsGamp said:
I am not quite sure where you are going with "But if we investigate the motives of someone who is having sex regularly with a 47-year-old woman, shouldn't we look for aspects of the relationship that might distinguish it from a visit to a prostitute?"

But I will say this, and I am sure other women in their forties would confirm it ... YOUNGER men are often very interested in us redundant old bags for some reason.

I suspect it is becaue they still have sex drives.

My last de facto partner was a real asshole, but he was nine years younger than me and we had lots of great sex before it turned to shit.

Wouldn't mind betting that every guy here who has implied having sex with a 47 y/o woman is beyond the pale is
a. 45 or older
or
b. addicted to porn of the "Barely Legal" variety
or
c. Latently gay.

Or all of the above.
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PS I have no issue with men of my own age or even older, btw. Unless they think women of their own age are beneath them.
 
I've forwarded this thread to administration as well. I'd go the moderator route but judging by the first response in this thread, and the responses by the forum moderator, that's not the way to go. This is by far the most disgusting, bullshit responses I've seen an individual get on this forum, ever. Absolute garbage.
 
Audiobook said:
They want attention AND sex
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All human beings want this...

You'd also have to consider the demographics for something like the Whisper app and what exactly it's being targeted for.

I think these are severe overgeneralizations for either sex.
 
Audiobook said:
I mean true, can’t argue there.

However my point is if a guy brings nothing to the table (like no good personality even) then why should I give him attention and sex.
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It would really be relative to the individual, buy there is no individual on this planet who could only bring sex to the table. You may just not appreciate what he has to offer :)

Even people who meet for the sole purpose of sex only can wind up developing long-term healthy relationships.
 
Audiobook said:
And the good qualities they do have are overshadowed by the bad ones.
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I did just say it would be relative to the individual, no?

An undesired trait to some could be desired for another.

Controlling people typically have severe insecurities, but there will be that one individual out there who can help ease those insecurities and prevent the problematic behavior.

Humans are incredibly complex. We react to others unique to our filters and own inner values, which is relative.

There are also some insane people, but I would have to assume (or hope!) every man (or a majority) you met has not been that severely mentally ill.
 
Audiobook said:
This thread is basically a misogynistic shitfest, it disgusts me.
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I think you're lumping me in with some of the other comments here, which I severely do not agree with, so let's start there. A comment you made intrigued me so I wanted to discuss it with you.

Audiobook said:
I think the whole thing you are talking about where it should be someone elsesjob to fix someone who is controlling and abusive is BS.
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This is interesting. I do agree, ideally, people could meet someone and the stars would align and everything would be perfect. I believe some people do get that lucky. But, considering we are imperfect beings, can anything be that ideal, realistically? I absolutely agree no one should have to submit themselves to fix others, especially if it's negatively impacting the person trying to fix them. I guess I was merely saying it can just happen naturally, when two people meet, and it just happens that way (although I see now my wording was problematic considering the nature of the commentary here.). I mainly meant what could bring problematic behavior in some isn't absolute to every individual.

In my experience, I've been in relationships that were not worth the effort (which I think you're referring to here.)

But, when I met my now wife, things just aren't perfect. It takes work. She balances me out in areas and I, likewise, do the same for her. We naturally complement each other.
 
Audiobook said:
If you’re talking about general flaws that’s VERY different.
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Audiobook said:
Like I am sorry, but there are certainly people out there who bring nothing good to the table and who no one should get involved with romantically until they fix themselves.
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In a very generalized sense, absolutely. We are fluid individuals, though. So, unless the person is just very antisocial, I think two individuals together can either bring out the best in each other and also the worse in each other, depending upon how those complex variables unique to individual mix together, if that makes sense.

A good example of this, have you ever been in an incredibly toxic relationship with someone or watched a friend of yours in a toxic relationship and then you or they separate and both go on to be in healthy relationships? Were the individuals antisocial, broken, beyond hope or was it just a bad combination of two individuals who brought out the worst?

There is the other side here, too, which I think you're highlighting, is there are very antisocial individuals with very problematic behavior who need to work on themselves internally first before likely having any hope for a healthy relationship and it is no one's job or responsibility to fix them.
 
Alex_1991 said:
I've forwarded this thread to administration as well. I'd go the moderator route but judging by the first response in this thread, and the responses by the forum moderator, that's not the way to go. This is by far the most disgusting, bullshit responses I've seen an individual get on this forum, ever. Absolute garbage.
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The first response to this thread was mine.

Was I wrong?

Was I fuck!
 
Aye aye aye!

I've been unpleasantly startled by some of the comments from men with whom I've previously had amiable exchanges.

That means you FUBAR, among others.

Since the COVID thing I've relied on this site quite a bit. I've encountered some lovely people who've really encouraged me ... I've also been pretty open. Perhaps in this instance I was too open ... at any rate I've made myself vulnerable to truly hateful sledgings in this thread.

On the other hand, many men - real men - MEN being the operative word - have been very kind and supportive.

As for the male detractors- those who've told me I'm too old to fuck, and/or a "hooker" because I asked my putative "lover" for a small loan - y'all remind me of teenage boys. I bet Deadman's "fiance" is ... a "model"?

Anyhow it's 4.30, I gotta get to sleep and get ready for my job on Monday.
I have been pretty upset by how much unsuspected misogyny is at large in bluelight, though.

I am 47. Yes, I can no longer have a baby. I menopaused slightly early due to surgery and illness.

I love that I no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. I have a beautiful daughter, aged 17. I have some work at last and I'll be damned if I waste a second more fretting about the cruel, juvenile, jeering and ignorant rubbish from certain posters.

I am a bit tired but thanx BellaJewel, Atlier, DarkStar and others ...

And Alex too. From now on I'll be more discreet except in PMs.

It's a shame though. Never imagined there'd be so much hate here. And from moderators, no less.
 
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