Just stick with caffeine man, amphetamine and methamphetamine is bad bad news. Trust me, if you ain’t already on the shit, you should do all you can to avoid it. You might start with good intentions of being productive, a lot of people do. And you will indeed be much more productive and creative on it then you ever were off it. That’s why I fell in love in the first place, it allowed me to finally unleash the me that had been trapped inside forever. My mind is always zooming but I have trouble putting it into words, when I was lit, the words flowed out like water and I could articulate my thoughts perfectly. Whenever I had an idea, I also had the drive to do it and keep doing it til it was done. I could solve any problem, fix any broken thing, take on any challenge. But after the work was done, I kept doing it cause it was fun. Thing is, and this is what they all fail to tell you, there’s levels to meth. Meaning it’s fun as hell for about 3 years. You’ll go through all the stuff that comes with binging, seeing stuff in the corner of your eye and hearing shit in white noise, seeing things move that shouldn’t be moving and it’s all kinda weird but it’s fun. You’ll prolly lose control for a little bit in the early days & pawn some stuff but then you’ll come to your senses and get on some kind of schedule to manage your use, learn how to eat and stay hydrated and hide the shakey hands and shit and you’ll feel like you’ve got it under control. Then it shifts gears & starts to re-wire your brain. You start noticing stuff you never noticed before. Something that a year ago would’ve just been a passing thought, in one ear and out the other is now a seed, capable of sticking in your head, putting down roots and growing into a monstrous, all consuming thing. About four years ago, while lying in bed one day I noticed a face in some plywood I was staring up at. now I see faces everywhere. EVERYWHERE. ALL THE TIME. can’t turn it off, it’s one of my brain’s primary functions now. One of many. And it bleeds into everything I do and affects every aspect of my life. And the unnerving experiences will keep coming. One day you’ll find yourself awake for a solid week. Everything feeling like a weird hazy dream and you’re desperately trying to stay awake because you’ve forgotten How to fall asleep and you’re afraid of what might happen. You’ll start to think “This is getting weird, I should stop” but it’s too late, you can’t, the hook is already set. Well, you can, but you won’t want to. You’ll try being sober and first thing you’ll realize is how fucking painfully boring normal life is. Even once your body’s natural energy comes back and you don’t feel like you need it physically, the memory of your brain running at a speed that it can’t reach anymore still remains and keeps you from being satisfied with running at normal levels. So you’ll go back to it, knowing full well the unpleasantness that will come with it. And it’ll keep shifting gears, getting more and more unpleasant, less and less fun, slowly conditioning you to accept more and more shit you never would have before. The sounds in the white noise become voices & eventually they don’t wait for the white noise to manifest, they’ll just be there. The shadows will move from your peripherals to right in front of you, looking you in the eyes clear as day. You’ll be paranoid because you see all these connections and things hidden in plain sight that normal people never notice and you’ll have to suffer through it alone, not sure if it’s real or just the drug fucking with you because you can’t tell anyone about it, you know they’ll just say you’re crazy and on drugs. Possibly worse. You can’t trust or confide in anyone and eventually the only friend you’re left with is your worst enemy the drug. I been at it 7 years and I can safely say it doesn’t get better. I don’t even wanna know what the next levels have in store...
So yeah man, drink some coffee, do some cardio, take a power nap and some b vitamins, whatever. Just leave the drugs alone.
