First real detox

[Chach69]

So I’m kinda going out of my mind at the moment and can’t talk to anyone else about this so I figured why not tell you all about how shitty I feel. Currently I’m detoxing from 1 of 3 things (or all of them I really don’t know) vicodin which Ive taken a few times a week for the most part since quarantine started, poppy seed tea which I drank for the first time about a week and a half ago and drank for the next 8 days straight, or kratom which I have taken pretty much every single day since January for the most part if I didn’t get any vicodin for that night (I got up to about 12 grams a day). I’m assuming it’s a mixture of the 3 but most likely mainly kratom. The last time I had anything was poppyseed tea on Wednesday night it is now Saturday night. I honestly was not expecting anything crazy with regard to withdrawal but I’m now crawling out of my skin wondering when this is going to end and i only just started getting symptoms yesterday evening. Restless legs, headache, runny/stuffy nose, slight nausea, chills, what feels like a fever, overall fatigue, and the worst anxiety/depressive mood I’ve ever experienced. That’s the absolute worst part. I’ve been sitting here thinking about how much of a piece of shit I really am and crying all day like a little bitch. I literally have not cried in years. I keep thinking about all the lies I’ve told my girlfriend (who has no idea I do any of this) as well as my parents. And I just keep thinking about how disappointed they would be in me if they knew the things I do. And I have this overall sense of doom that I will never feel normal again (or at least any time soon in terms of my mental state) and that this is all for nothing because I’ll probably just pick it up again after a couple weeks because I’m selfish. I’m sorry I know I sound whiny and I’m sure other ppl have had it a lot worse than me but there ya go anyway. Sorry for the long post I’m just freaking out.

 

[Joey]

Drugs make you feel good, or they at least solve something in your body and mind for their duration. When you take that away, you can feel the opposite so far to the point that it’ll even seem like there’s no way you’ll ever feel normal again. You do eventually start to feel better. I think this cycle of thought is a trick by the addicted mind to make you feel like more drugs is the only option to be well again, and it may even be true for a short period of time. Couple days, couple weeks, months, whatever it is depending how high you dose and how strong your dependence is.

The biggest thing in getting through detox is being aware that this is your physiology playing tricks on your mind to make you feel like only more drugs will work. You are literally going against every physical
instinct you have surrounding these opiates and doing a hard reset on your being, to force yourself into operating the opposite way. The opposite now being able bodied, able to regulate pain and feeling on homeostasis alone, without the assistance of outside chemicals which are limited in supply and life altering trying to maintain supplies of.

Be prepared to feel like you’re pissing in the wind for a few days at least, like everything about you is against the grain of what you feel you should do. Try to be content that you are pulling off a strong move by going against your grain like this and please don’t allow yourself to fall into this trap again afterward. It doesn’t get easier next time. It gets more ingrained, the habit larger, and psychologically harder to beat.

You sound like your first go is pretty terrifying to you. Remember what a normal person does when they are making themselves sick some kind of dope or anything that’s making them feel gross and out of sorts. They become viscerally disgusted by what they’re doing and stop. They naturally avoid that thing for a long time, at least.

If you’re truly an addict it won’t feel that way but you can absolutely kick this. Do it while you’re relatively young and can do it more easily than it’ll be done later on following relapse after relapse. Don’t think drugs are going to solve anything, ever again. They don’t, they get worse and it gets harder and harder.

-an addict for a decade at least

 

[Chach69]

Drugs make you feel good, or they at least solve something in your body and mind for their duration. When you take that away, you can feel the opposite so far to the point that it’ll even seem like there’s no way you’ll ever feel normal again. You do eventually start to feel better. I think this cycle of thought is a trick by the addicted mind to make you feel like more drugs is the only option to be well again, and it may even be true for a short period of time. Couple days, couple weeks, months, whatever it is depending how high you dose and how strong your dependence is.

The biggest thing in getting through detox is being aware that this is your physiology playing tricks on your mind to make you feel like only more drugs will work. You are literally going against every physical
instinct you have surrounding these opiates and doing a hard reset on your being, to force yourself into operating the opposite way. The opposite now being able bodied, able to regulate pain and feeling on homeostasis alone, without the assistance of outside chemicals which are limited in supply and life altering trying to maintain supplies of.

Be prepared to feel like you’re pissing in the wind for a few days at least, like everything about you is against the grain of what you feel you should do. Try to be content that you are pulling off a strong move by going against your grain like this and please don’t allow yourself to fall into this trap again afterward. It doesn’t get easier next time. It gets more ingrained, the habit larger, and psychologically harder to beat.

You sound like your first go is pretty terrifying to you. Remember what a normal person does when they are making themselves sick some kind of dope or anything that’s making them feel gross and out of sorts. They become viscerally disgusted by what they’re doing and stop. They naturally avoid that thing for a long time, at least.

If you’re truly an addict it won’t feel that way but you can absolutely kick this. Do it while you’re relatively young and can do it more easily than it’ll be done later on following relapse after relapse. Don’t think drugs are going to solve anything, ever again. They don’t, they get worse and it gets harder and harder.

-an addict for a decade at least

Thanks for the reply man I appreciate it. It is pretty terrifying if I’m being honest. The level of anxiety and depression I’ve endured the past few days on top of all of the physical symptoms is something I have never experienced until this point. I’ve been an anxious person all of my life. But never like this. That is absolutely one of the reasons I enjoy opiates/kratom so much is because of their anti-anxiety effects. And just the thought of never being able to take them again just seems unattainable and scary to me. I say this because I know myself. Once I feel fine again and the stresses of regular life and urges to get high come back I’ll get right back on the horse. I’m hoping I won’t and I’m going to try my best not to, but as I said in the original post I’m a selfish person with poor self control. And at the end of the day I fuckin love getting high. Sorry for all the poor me bullshit it just feels good to get it out. Cheers tho friend, good luck on your own personal sobriety journey.

 

[Pickledlemons]

Well your addiction to these 3 substances is really just one addiction that you have found 3 ways to sate ( since they are work in a similar fashion in the brain). At this point your addiction is fairly minor. It feels like the symptoms will never go away but they should actually dissipate quite quickly. I can almost guarantee you'll start feeling better within a week. What you should not do is overwhelm yourself thinking about an entire lifetime of being sober. Take it one day at a time, tell yourself " its not the rest of my life, its just today" and then the next day the same thing. A lot of the guilt and depression you're feeling now are just your brain being depleted of its feel good chemicals, but the body is resilient and those good feelings will come back in time. Good luck.

 

[Joey]

Thanks for the reply man I appreciate it. It is pretty terrifying if I’m being honest. The level of anxiety and depression I’ve endured the past few days on top of all of the physical symptoms is something I have never experienced until this point. I’ve been an anxious person all of my life. But never like this. That is absolutely one of the reasons I enjoy opiates/kratom so much is because of their anti-anxiety effects. And just the thought of never being able to take them again just seems unattainable and scary to me. I say this because I know myself. Once I feel fine again and the stresses of regular life and urges to get high come back I’ll get right back on the horse. I’m hoping I won’t and I’m going to try my best not to, but as I said in the original post I’m a selfish person with poor self control. And at the end of the day I fuckin love getting high. Sorry for all the poor me bullshit it just feels good to get it out. Cheers tho friend, good luck on your own personal sobriety journey.

Try looking at yourself as a stronger person who’s come this far already. At any given moment most addicts day by day aren’t making that effort to detox and put it down. You are, so you’ve made it that far already. Every bit of time you’ve stayed away is time you could’ve spent seeking out dope and you’re not doing that so give yourself some credit. You have enough self control right now right so all you’ve got to do is keep that up. Believe in yourself a little, be selfish about it even. This is about you getting clean right? Nobody’s a martyr here, if we’re getting clean we’re getting clean on our own terms. Be selfish about that instead and hold onto it.

Whatever you think you’re going to do, you’re probably right.

 

[Ds]

I want to congratulate you for wanting to detox. It's not an easy process.
The physical aspect can mostly be covered with medication. While the mental detox is the worst in my opinion. That shit will stay with you for days and weeks, and with my experience it takes up To 30 days to start to feel mentally stable(to some extent). Sometimes depending on how bad you had got it can take alot longer.
I encourage you to hang around and maybe discuss what it was like, what happened and what you are like today while remaining substance free.

 

[deficiT]

Milk of magnesia
Valium if available
lots of black seed oil and kratom
stay healthy please

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

I honestly was not expecting anything crazy with regard to withdrawal but I’m now crawling out of my skin wondering when this is going to end and i only just started getting symptoms yesterday evening.

Welcome to the wonderful world of withdrawal. She’s a sneaky little bitch. The first time is always a slap in the face; especially when you think “ahshit, I’m good” and then instantly realize what’s about to happen.
It’s crazy because every time I heard someone talk about withdrawal, I got an idea in my head what someone was going through, but I could have NEVER actually prepare myself for what I was about to go through. None of us could, or we probably wouldn’t be where we are today.

And I have this overall sense of doom

The longer you have a habit, and the more times you go through withdrawal, the worse it is.

I guess that’s not much advice at all for you, but you’re not alone. I was having a tug-of-war match in my own head today, which brought me over to the recovery forum and to your post. Good luck.

 

[Anonymous Dissident]

Black seed oil is an excellent recommendation, it's making my kratom taper almost tolerable. It's not a huge difference maker when it comes to mental effects, but it helps immensely with the restlessness and feeling of wanting to jump out of your own skin. DXM at a low dose makes a pretty big difference in mindset and positivity, just keep the dose low (150mg or less per 24 hours) and ONLY use pure powder. The benefits are easily overwhelmed by side effects from inactive ingredients and other possibly psychoactive ingredients such as syrup or cough gels. I've gotten from 70g+/day weeks ago to 28g/day as of today using this regimen.

The commitment to getting myself out of this powdered prison is also a huge factor in remaining positive and sticking to my taper, even if I've had to slow my dose reductions as my dose has gotten lower.

Best of luck, you've got this!!