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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Lost Forever trapped in the black abyss? The one invisible rope that simply won't let me go free?

Many of the choices you make might seem like the wrong choices - but once you’re in on track again, how wrong could they be in retrospect? All of your choices lead you to where you are, and will be. These choices, good and bad, both lead you there equally. Rethink what’s right and wrong, and look at where you are. If you need to improve on some things, start doing that. Credit your “wrong” choices for making you realize you need the change.

It’s all relative, and it’s all gonna be good if you keep up on bettering yourself.
 
Instead of dwelling on the past, I find it tremendously useful to focus on simply doing the next right thing. Never mind all that bullshit in the past, it can't be changed anyways, but by just doing the next right thing, I can change the trajectory of my future choices. It doesn't even need to be anything big, it can be something as small as calling your parents, brushing your teeth, doing some laundry or eating a meal. I made a lot of terrible decisions in the past, but dwelling on them just makes me make poor choices in the here and now. Even if it's just choosing to not do drugs for the next 5 minutes, it's all about doing the next right thing!
 
OpiateKiller said:
Will my right choices ever outweigh my wrong ones?
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Yes. They will. If you create it in your life.

My mother/family has forgiven me for all the aweful shit I did for 10+ years as a junkie. Truly evil things. Things I have yet to forgive myself for, but they forgave me.

It's more important to be able to be honest with yourself and forgive YOURSELF. Matters much more than other people forgiving you. Stay strong. Just do better then you did yesterday, that is literally all that matters.

-snafu
 
It’s always tragic to see people who become paralysed by this question and end up being unable to make any decisions at all and move forward in life. Bad decisions are always going to happen but they should be seen as opportunities to learn and sharpen up future good decision making. I reckon in total i’ve made many more bad decisions but my subsequent good decisions were occasionally winners.

The only bad decisions I regret are the ones I’ve already made previously and obviously have not yet learned from. Usually the best thing is to make some decision, any decision but having put at least some thought into it, and get some momentum in life. Deal with the consequences as they arise and keep moving forward.

‘Of course, there are some bad decisions that are just plain stupid and will wreck your life; but they can usually be avoided by asking yourself whether the decision will harm someone or get you arrested or incarcerated.
 
Atelier3 said:
‘Of course, there are some bad decisions that are just plain stupid and will wreck your life; but they can usually be avoided by asking yourself whether the decision will harm someone or get you arrested or incarcerated.
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I've made some bad decisions in the past, but so far none that have caused anyone any harm. But I also have some old regrets, about things I should have done but didn't and those have affected or will affect me financially in a significant way, to say the last.

And I definitely agree here...I hope my decision to talk honestly and candidly about my story doesn't end up with a so-called "welfare visit" by local police. If it does, my suicidal feelings could increase 10-fold and if the police have read that information, they should read this one too because by causing further harm to me they're only dramatically increasing the odds of a future suicide attempt. I have only ever had one welfare visit. Well, they have my records, the hospitals, doctors, and most likely the cops would as well. Hopefully they realise that the barbiturates are now gone and they'll just leave me alone.
 
Flynnal said:
I've made some bad decisions in the past, but so far none that have caused anyone any harm. But I also have some old regrets, about things I should have done but didn't and those have affected or will affect me financially in a significant way, to say the last.

And I definitely agree here...I hope my decision to talk honestly and candidly about my story doesn't end up with a so-called "welfare visit" by local police. If it does, my suicidal feelings could increase 10-fold and if the police have read that information, they should read this one too because by causing further harm to me they're only dramatically increasing the odds of a future suicide attempt. I have only ever had one welfare visit. Well, they have my records, the hospitals, doctors, and most likely the cops would as well. Hopefully they realise that the barbiturates are now gone and they'll just leave me alone.
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We’ve yet to hear of a case of the police following up an Australian Bluelight posting I think - so you are probably safe
 
Flynnal said:
I've made some bad decisions in the past, but so far none that have caused anyone any harm. But I also have some old regrets, about things I should have done but didn't and those have affected or will affect me financially in a significant way, to say the last.

And I definitely agree here...I hope my decision to talk honestly and candidly about my story doesn't end up with a so-called "welfare visit" by local police. If it does, my suicidal feelings could increase 10-fold and if the police have read that information, they should read this one too because by causing further harm to me they're only dramatically increasing the odds of a future suicide attempt. I have only ever had one welfare visit. Well, they have my records, the hospitals, doctors, and most likely the cops would as well. Hopefully they realise that the barbiturates are now gone and they'll just leave me alone.
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However, based on your postings over the last day I reckon it might not be a bad idea to talk to someone about your self-confessed mental health challenges at present. No point struggling through things alone. You do seem pretty agitated and emotional (explained by your experience of course).

If you are worried about being treated badly by ‘the system’ again then go private. It might be worth the additional cost in the long run.
 
Atelier3 said:
We’ve yet to hear of a case of the police following up an Australian Bluelight posting I think - so you are probably safe
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I'd agree with this for the most part, but these were not your ordinary drugs, and I don't know how they would respond if they knew that these drugs were to be used for the purposes of suicide - which for all intents was the truth. Of course, now they've been flushed, I don't really think they would have any reason to harass me or beat down my door, unless they didn't believe the images which show everything for all to see.

Atelier3 said:
If you are worried about being treated badly by ‘the system’ again then go private. It might be worth the additional cost in the long run.
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Sounds like a good idea but what if they do the exact same thing the public doctors do? Maybe they are different, but some doctors are just arrogant hairpies no matter whether public or private. I do hope you are right because they would surely help...but I'm on a disability support pension and also on NDIS.
 
Well all they’d have to do is check with Wyong hospital for recent ear complaints in the ER. You might want to edit your posts to be a bit more anonymous if you are really worried. But honestly I think they are too lazy to stay on top of whatever is going down here.
 
Atelier3 said:
Well all they’d have to do is check with Wyong hospital for recent ear complaints in the ER.
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And the doctor that treated me would hopefully get to see what was going down, and might decide to contact me and apologise for what has happened. And that's all I want from her. Just a straightforward explanation and an apology. Nothing more.

Honest to God, that would do more for my mental health than hours and hours of counselling therapy. Just one simple apology is all it would take for me to have a good night sleep for once in who knows how many weeks.
 
You have to embrace your tribulations, your baby steps and your craft. Accept that life is meaningless no matter what you're doing, don't have an existential crisis about life being repetitive and don't think about tomorrow. Instead think about today, you wake up -- make your coffee ( if you ) and say to yourself ''What am gonna make outta today'' you know. Like anyone else, you have a purpose and your purpose it's to bite outta life as much as you can.
 
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