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How High Are You? V. Dude Where's My Bar?

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Too much mediocre speed again today... just cut up and snorted what I intend to be my last lines for the night... previously just been eating. That makes it probably 500mg+ for the day... but then, it is not great stuff, just to make myself feel a little better about using so much...

Taken too many damn benzos again too, on 4.5mg clonazepam over the day, just took 10mg diazepam and also dosed 2g phenibut over the day... and 2 weak ass shitty beers which I didn't even really enjoy... just scooped some l-theanine so as not to take more downers...

Also a bit more NSI-189 and noopept... fuck knows what that's doing honestly, maybe inadvisable not to just save it for the comedown but urghurghurgh I'm a bit off centre recently. At least I'm not taking kratom? Feel like quitting this stuff will be a lot less dramatic.. that's if I dont develop a fucking benzo dependence. How long does it usually take to develop such a thing anyway? I would hate to end up having a seizure... think that would scare me away from everything...

Just a few more days... convinced myself I've got some work to deal with that is somehow more important than my psychoemotional wellbeing... bleururuiuuiuiigh. I'd kill for some ketamine right now. No, I wouldn't. But in moments like this, coming down from other drugs where even sedatives aren't quite doing it (massive enough doses probably would - but I try to exercise some restraint)... I do think about it a lot.
 
very fucking high and still ascending...

...home made edibles///chocolates mmmmm//made with high quality Hindu Kush Shatter, strongly dosed I'm estimating 50-60mg thc each and I've consumed three of em within the last hour or two so am, yeah :cool:
.
 
Vastness said:
benzo dependence. How long does it usually take to develop such a thing anyway?
Click to expand...
To the uninitiated to benzo dependence... I'd guess three maybe four weeks - of course this depends on who and what, ya know? It would take me less than 3 weeks... possibly two. A week and I would feel some edginess when they gone but it's over fairly quickly. Bro, fuck benzo dependence. No, fuck breaking the dependence. :eek:
Vastness said:
Too much mediocre speed again today
Click to expand...
Could the benzos and gabas be affecting the outcome of the stim? Or was the benz used to come down?
Vastness said:
2 weak ass shitty beers
Click to expand...

Fuckin laughed and still smiling. Classic. ;)
 
250mg of carisoprodol
Smoked a spliff outside
3.3g of kratom
Also snorted some amphetamine directly off a knife
 
So in the last 2 weeks (decided to put my cloudy drug addled mind to something I really enjoy 😄), I've consumed, on average, everyday:

1.15mg clonazepam
6mg diazepam
0.66mg etizolam

In the past week actually my usage has been pretty similar...

1.28mg clonazepam (+11% up from previous average)
4.28mg diazepam (-42% down from previous average)
0.71mg etizolam (+8% up from previous average)

For the 2 weeks prior to that - I was entirely abstinence except for 5mg diazepam near the very beginning, and 1mg etizolam taken halfway through (solely for sleep purposes).

On the face of it - that actually doesn't look too bad just yet. I'll note this hasn't been ridgid either - it's an average with some more bingey days than others.

Should I be concerned? 🤔 Not to lull myself into a false sense of security...

As ever, I know this is somewhat neurotic but I just really enjoy doing this kind of self-check in occasionally.


PtahTek said:
Could the benzos and gabas be affecting the outcome of the stim? Or was the benz used to come down?
Click to expand...
I never really thought about this surprisingly but no doubt they do... but... I need the downers, because stimulants make me anxious... 😄 everything makes me fucking anxious nowadays... probably got some stuff I need to address. Benzos are amphet are currently used concurrently.

Wanted to write more but tired as fuck for now... for once. I... 😴
 
70 mg polish d-amphetamine
150 mg 4-methylpregabalin
0,5 mg clonazepam
3 g yellow borneo
a bowl of weed

non-narcotics
noopept
rhodiola
bacopa
ashwagandha
theanine
saffron extract
 
Morning Blue World

Slept okay just needed 10mg diazepam and 7.5mg nitrazepam and 1mg Alzam in total but damn it was cold last night
Anyhow:

few bong hits
1 glass of Old Brown Sherry (250ml)
15mg valium
Few hits H
.125mg triazolam ( half a tab just laying aroung and looking out of place so i gave it a place, my mouth)

Feeling calm yet energetic or ready for today.
Need to work quick
 
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Vastness said:
So in the last 2 weeks (decided to put my cloudy drug addled mind to something I really enjoy 😄), I've consumed, on average, everyday:

1.15mg clonazepam
6mg diazepam
0.66mg etizolam

In the past week actually my usage has been pretty similar...

1.28mg clonazepam (+11% up from previous average)
4.28mg diazepam (-42% down from previous average)
0.71mg etizolam (+8% up from previous average)
Click to expand...

Do you use an app for this? I think you mentioned it in one of your previous posts.
I usually enter my doses and stuff manually but sometimes I'm lazy as fuck.

OT:
Busy day today, just 6.6g of kratom in two doses and a cup of coffee.
 
^ @4meSM, I do yeah, but I did the calculations there manually... the app is not perfect, but, it's the best I've found. It's called Medisafe. You just have to enter a new "medication" every time you need one, set a standard dose, then you can record them throughout the day. I usually just type doses into the "notes" section though because I noticed when exporting reports that otherwise the proper dosage information was not shown. In fact the reporting function is not perfect and will require some parsing to do anything useful with it... I've been doing this for probably 6 months now and I thought it would be interesting to get the reports together, do a little post-processing, and then make some graphs of various substance usage patterns... I thought also then I could go back through the various other notes I make about exercise patterns, mood (will have to be roughly estimated from notes made in psychotherapy) and look for correlations... Would be fascinating stuff I'm sure but a bit more work than I can make myself commit to right now. :D

Today...

1mg clonazepam
80mg amphetamine
Coffee

Missed a phone call with a client at 10.30 AM this morning sleeping off my god damn speed binge. This has to be the last day of amphetamine usage. I'm starting to get a kind of sick feeling, I think maybe from whatever garbage cuts turned my speed an oily yellow. Or maybe not eating or drinking properly. Speed somehow makes me live like a fucking degenerate idiot manchild, despite the increased energy and focus IN THEORY I have a sink full of dishes piling up, my front room is a mess, I have several cardboard boxes full of shite that I need to throw away... well actually it's not shite, it's recycling, my building doesn't provide recycling bins, presumably coz none of the other residents here give a shit, I'm stereotyping but I'm sure it's true. I'm not perfect either but I do try to take my recycling down to the local recycling facilities every now and then, like a good citizen of Planet Earth.

If I get really lazy I'll just bin it I must admit but I plan to get my degeneracy under control before it comes to that. Imagine that lack of recycled cardboard or plastic waste was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back in 20-30 years when we were just on the brink of maybe, maybe, MAYBE getting our shit together before the tipping point of an unstoppable greenhouse effect and a resulting scorched Earth... obviously I wouldn't know it was exactly my fault even then... and it wouldn't be... but still, I'd feel bad about it.

OK OK that's enough blathering. Time to work.

(edit- edited some god damn brain fog induced stupid typos... also my attention to detail is shot recently I notice, the amount of dumb spelling mistakes and word substitutions I made has been off the charts)
 
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Coffeeshroom said:
Morning Blue World

Slept okay just needed 10mg diazepam and 7.5mg nitrazepam and 1mg Alzam in total but damn it was cold last night
Anyhow:

few bong hits
1 glass of Old Brown Sherry (250ml)
15mg valium
Few hits H
.125mg triazolam ( half a tab just laying aroung and looking out of place so i gave it a place, my mouth)

Feeling calm yet energetic or ready for today.
Need to work quick
Click to expand...
well since my last post

6mg bromazepam
.25mg alzam
A bottle of dry red wine (merlot)
few beers
2 bags of h ( no more H or opiates for the rest of the day )
and a few hits of bong

Very noddy atm and enjoying to its full potential/degree
 
Just woke up and its just before midnight so still the same day

just had
100ml vodka
10mg valium
5mg nitrazepam
100mg codeine

Feeling nothing at this point but will soon.
 
Well... after fretting for the last few days incessantly about how much speed I've been doing, I accidentally fudged my weighing and ingested a rock of between 200-300mg... given I've kept my doses largely around the 60mg area the whole time, this should have been a notable difference...

It wasn't...so I must conclude that, in fact, this speed is just useless cack also and I've been simultaneously placeboing myself in being careful, while noceboing myself stressing about the downsides of doing too much amphetamine.

On the other hand... I haven't felt any desire for kratom at all really, my habit this time was very low key but I could feel the depression and fatigue creeping in when I left it too long between dosing... I've also been benzoing out what I thought was speed anxiety but must be residual kratom-deficit anxiety... that means I've been struggling on this work project all week benzoed to my eyeballs (well, not exactly, but for me this is a long time to do benzos everyday) while again, placeboing myself that this absolute bullshit excuse for a stimulant is giving me an advantage.

Motherfucker... speed cooks and even unscrupulous dealers or vendors give the entire drug scene a bad name. I mean how the fuck can you churn out such mediocre bullshit while still being able to sleep at night...

Also... I guess the placebo effect is a powerful thing. So OT, since last time, +1mg etizolam, +10mg diazepam, +1mg clonazepam (keeping up my averages for now 😉)... +350mg of some oily yellow faeces that someone told me was speed, in actual fact maybe it's only 35mg or less... that would be a solid dose in itself but I haven't been doing 300mg+ doses consistently. The other 50mg is coz I've just decided to snort the rest, it's still absolute dogshit but snorting has a bit more placebo at least.


...edit... thinking about it I have been pretty hyped up, posting long spiels on BL and in texts to friends...and somewhat very focused at times... but counterintuitively... that must be the benzos... 🤔 many of which I do find pro-social and even energizing... can't think what else would be the reason anyway...
 
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Same as the other night, tried bromazepam properly today but it's too supple for me, ate lik 5 of them n just aren't wat I'm lookin for, I'll know for next time, real nitraz are my top benzo, would go as far as to say loraz is better than them
Still blowing a gale outside so haven't tried my hash fs, but can't wait til I can
 
Damn... anyone ever smoked base yay while trippin? MF! lol
Never tried it myself and may become my DOC. jk, of course... but nice to fantasies about.

OT:
High as a biotchhhhh......
 
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