Stepping out from the shadows

[Decayd]

Hello. I’m Kris from Philly. I’ve been around for a little bit but always watched from the shadows. But now I feel like I need to come out because I need help.
I live with an addict, one who lies, whos cheated, whos stolen. And every manipulation in the book. I know he’s still on something even though he tells me no. I battle with my own head, I don’t think I was or am an addict because I can party then go back to normal life. Maybe it’s becuase I don’t allow myself to do them long enough to become dependent on them. I donno, but I do have my vices. Here I am yelling at him for doing drugs when I do them behind his back.It’s not all the time.
we have no sex life, I don’t trust him,mentally he’s killing me. But I’m afraid to let him go because I feel like he will just go back to full on addiction Again. With that being said he is doing drugs daily. But the drugs aren’t what make me want to leave... it’s the mental toll I’m taking because of his use.
it scares me because half the time I want to just do them with him so he can feel what I’m feeling but he won’t because he’s an addict... I can’t win... with that being said I have some of my own stash and I’m slowly dying inside ..
so hi guys... lol

 

[PtahTek]

I live with an addict, one who lies, whos cheated, whos stolen. And every manipulation in the book.

This would describe the great majority of addicts... including myself. Maybe to a lesser degree and I steal from myself these days.
Welcome to bluelight and hopefully there can be a little insight into ones "condition" other than my usual "if ya aint happy, get on up".

But now I feel like I need to come out because I need help.

OK. What exactly is the aim? Seems there is mutual use but not sure what part of it is driving one to distraction? Is the partner not sharing enough? Is it that one wishes to attempt cessation for the both of you?
Thanks for joining and posting. Others may be along that can "see" more of what I may be missing in the post.
best,
Ptah

 

[Decayd]

This would describe the great majority of addicts... including myself. Maybe to a lesser degree and I steal from myself these days.
Welcome to bluelight and hopefully there can be a little insight into ones "condition" other than my usual "if ya aint happy, get on up".

OK. What exactly is the aim? Seems there is mutual use but not sure what part of it is driving one to distraction? Is the partner not sharing enough? Is it that one wishes to attempt cessation for the both of you?
Thanks for joining and posting. Others may be along that can "see" more of what I may be missing in the post.
best,
Ptah

No when I said help it was more like I need to vent to get advice to just be around ppl who may understand. Like how am I mad at him for using when I’ll do something here and there? Is it because I do t do the things he does or does still do? As far as sharing... he doesn’t even tell me he’s using... even though I just found yet another baggie on my floor.. there’s always an excuse. He will ever get clean... sometimes I feel like he uses it as an excuse I donno what I’m looking for... I donno why I opened my mouth but I just needed to be heard. I can’t tell ppl I know... hey yea guess what guys my bf is still an addict and I do meth every once in a while ... lol

 

[PtahTek]

I donno why I opened my mouth but I just needed to be heard. I can’t tell ppl I know

I get a lot out here in the forums as I do not communicate well with people in real life as they are just not on the same level, cannot be trusted or fake/plastic. Wasn't trying to badger just get a better idea what was going on.
There is a lot of insight to be gained from usage/abuse/addiction/dependence here at bluelight. May take some time and digging down but I would bet that 90% of those who come here leave in a "better" state. Guess it all depends on what one is seeking and how much one wants to reach that goal.
By all means; please share your concerns, dreams and angst with us as probably all can connect somehow and may be able to offer insights that may help...?
Love,
Ptah

 

[Soso78]

Was u born and raised in west Philadelphia?
Did u spend most of your days On the playground?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Welcome to Bluelight @Decayd.

I'm sure people cam relate, especially in our recovery forums (The Dark Side, Health and Recovery, etc).

How long have things been like this between you two?