it's not a qualification for a purple heart but i've never injured a woman in my life

[alarminglynefarious]

This is kinda a story about self-fulfilling prophecies and how our interpretations and discussions of events and our portrayals of subjective experiences of an objective reality can change the objective. I would never injure someone who wasn't trying to injure me with a high probability of success - let alone do anything more than use one hand to tiny wrists attached to fists being swung at my head not out of malice but just so they stop hitting me before i lose my calm and go into response mode. When a female friend told me a psycho ex was telling mutual acquintances i had been abusive and violent towards her, I caught myself thinking - i honestly wish at some point i had thrown a hand at you. I know that is horrible and it really is not me. lol it's silly cuz she's doing anything she can at this point in life for drugs and now she has to be around men who actually put her down, mentally abuse her, keep her completely at their mercy through her drug addiction and she even tells them she loves em after they beat her [probably not right away but it works as an image in my head.] This is something i can't accept because she literally manifested a flaw i do not have into my psychology. I've never wondered how satisfying it'd be to hit anyone save a couple dudes in high school and straight up i followed through and answered my own wonders in those occasions. I never thought in a million years i'd catch myself fantasizing about throwing a backhand at a woman that's 4 inches shorter than me and weighs 110pb soaking wet in layers like it's winter.

I kinda have this psycho ex who's on this smear campaign and has too much tweaked time to think about how she'll annoy me. i hear new rumours about myself all the time, some of which are news even to me. She's the type to create a grindr profile in my name, call me this that and the other name which she doesnt understand kinda detracts from her if she dated me for almost a decade, lol the dick she couldn't get enough of was rumored to be a micropenis earlier this year.

it doesn't bother me nothing has. until i heard from one of my female best friends that i was being accused of being abusive and violent. I almost couldn't believe it cuz that's so far from who i am and i was so thankful to know my friend Megan's only response was "well if he did you really must have fucking deserved it, i bet he didn't close his fist, if i would have." It was like being kicked in the dick and then getting like the best narcotic shot in the world over the course of a minute.

knowing someone could say something so disgusting about me just to assasinate my character - knowing it would really bother me because i take my commitment to be a good enough man that all my female friends can know that they're safe if i'm around. My friend Megan happens to be one of my two best female friends from college her and her best friend Jessica would make sure i was with them on girls nights when they wanted to ditch everyone else because they knew if i was around they could focus on fun and they'd get home safe and sound regardless how much they drank. I know that none of my exes would be able to convince any woman who really knows me at all that any of her claims have a grain of truth to them. Megan joked with me over it and said "this is the girl who threw dishes at your head - what was it 3 or 4 stitches? and when the cops came you didn't make a statement but they put together that you didn't touch her you just got out of the way, honestly you had my free pass then i wouldn't have thought twice" - as a complete joke because she is not a malicious person either.

I did catch myself thinking though "you silly bitch with all the shit you say about me god maybe i shoulda slapped the taste out your mouth just fucking once. and that is not me. i don't like that someone can make uncharacteristic thoughts and fantasies in my mind. I try to be a little mindful and stoic about how i react to people. I do not want to have a reaction to such accusations especially one that's like "fuck it with how much shit you talk i wish i had made just a little of it true"

These are all of course fleeting thoughts. I literally couldn't inflict pain on anyone man or woman unless they were a threat to me, a serious to nearly mortal one cuz i know a few martial arts and i can subdue someone without injuring them beyond anything they could shake off in 20 min. I don't like that for a second i wondered just how satisfying it would be to slap her across the face with all i have - just once - and i know how wrong that is. What do you do to hold on to yourself when someone tries their damndest to bring out your worst?

Any women who do shit like this, make untrue accusations against men, do you know how damaging they can be? Luckily everyone knows - everyone i talk to at least - knows who has a little bit of a firmer grip on reality and which one is constantly looking for male attention to annoy males who she believes owe her attention and refuse to give it any longer.

Women of BL if you knew nothing about me and you barely do... and an unhinged tweaking woman indicating some psychosis told you this shit how would i possibly convince you otherwise? would there be a point in trying? i was lucky enough to have a female friend shut her down very early into that rumour but does my word and my entire life of being a good enough person mean nothing as soon as a lost little girl fakes some tears and points a finger?

 

[Yacking]

I think you're assuming too much that people are going to just take her word for it.
Even people sitting around listening to someone carry on about something can smile, nod their head and inside be thinking it's rediculous bullshit.

I do it quite often unless it's worth getting into over.
People say stuff that fits their story line at the time.
(People who don't abuse drugs aren't any different in that aspect, lol.)
Perhaps you're overthinking it.

People are mean and sometimes they hit where it hurts the most and it's incredibly unfair. Especially when it's someone close to you. God I know this feeling!!

The fantasies, don't be crucifying yourself over. I've had thoughts I've felt bad about but realize it's not precipitating an action unless you allow it to.
I have a personal rule when I'm super negative thinking and it's just a pit I don't want to be entertaining.
I set a clock. Say 30 mins.
Then I sit and let myself think anything I want to. Anything at all no matter how dark, depressing, whatever. Really get it out of my system.
Then when the timer is up, let that go and move on.
If I need to send it out with some sort of ritual or meditation or whatever to release negativity and bring peace back, then that's what I do.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know but yeah, I hear you.

 

[alarminglynefarious]

I think you're assuming too much that people are going to just take her word for it.
Even people sitting around listening to someone carry on about something can smile, nod their head and inside be thinking it's rediculous bullshit.

I do it quite often unless it's worth getting into over.
People say stuff that fits their story line at the time.
(People who don't abuse drugs aren't any different in that aspect, lol.)
Perhaps you're overthinking it.

People are mean and sometimes they hit where it hurts the most and it's incredibly unfair. Especially when it's someone close to you. God I know this feeling!!

The fantasies, don't be crucifying yourself over. I've had thoughts I've felt bad about but realize it's not precipitating an action unless you allow it to.
I have a personal rule when I'm super negative thinking and it's just a pit I don't want to be entertaining.
I set a clock. Say 30 mins.
Then I sit and let myself think anything I want to. Anything at all no matter how dark, depressing, whatever. Really get it out of my system.
Then when the timer is up, let that go and move on.
If I need to send it out with some sort of ritual or meditation or whatever to release negativity and bring peace back, then that's what I do.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know but yeah, I hear you.

Honestly i am not worried that people believe it. I kind of have a reputation with any girl who knows me as being that guy who goes out of his way to look badder than all his friends when he's with the boys but is the definition of a knight - maybe not one in the shiniest armour but i know for sure no woman who knows me is believing any of it. It hurts me to hear that she's throwing shit like that out there because well. Fuck i hope she lives and things get better - she's blaming me for a lot of unfortunate circumstances in her life and yeah if we hadn't been together ever her life would have been different and its not cuz i fucked it up the kicker is that if i had been exactly the same person just her ethnicity and she had been the same person everything would be happily ever after.

i was such a threat to their daughter that her parents completely went nazi germany on her to the extent im thinking they broke some laws like forced confinement decided if she was gonna speak to me she would lose her siblings support too as well as parents and grandparents like fuck. I'm sorry meeting me caused so much pain, believe me i hate myself sometimes knowing your life'd be different if we never fell in love but "how are you of all people telling anyone - forget that these are female friends of mine who have no loyalty to you for a sec - but why and how are you doing this and feeling justified? do you think you're the only one thats experienced pain and that all of it was a game to me you know making an ass out of myself being all polite to your hick father pretending i believed he had the common sense to eventually drop his bigotry? i let you make every choice i even asked you if you wanted things to be easier and i offered to be the one to break it off if you couldn't - what did you think that i offered cuz it was so goddamn easy?" i've got nothing left in my life anymore because i was willing to give more up for you than i should have and i really don't need to come home from work and school to sit down and hear that now you're telling people i was abusive."

all the things i would say. but i won't because it wont go as planned and i dont want to yell at her or insult her but i'm only human theres pressure points with me if you push ima push one right back and it's not over nothing. if you decide to exploit a weakness only you know i have or straight make shit up, i'll eventually respond but even when i do. It'll be clear to everyone that i'm man enough to use words and not violence"

Thanks for asking that felt good to get off my chest

 

[alarminglynefarious]

I set a clock. Say 30 mins.
Then I sit and let myself think anything I want to. Anything at all no matter how dark, depressing, whatever. Really get it out of my system.
Then when the timer is up, let that go and move on.
If I need to send it out with some sort of ritual or meditation or whatever to release negativity and bring peace back, then that's what I do.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know but yeah, I hear you.

i wish i could make this work. i have so much to say and nothing to say i cant even decide sometimes. i have a hard time with emotion, i'm bipolar but i have it as under control as possible and i dont wanna say that thats a cause but i just end up pushing things aside and distracting myself until something causes a complete breakdown for a bit. I don't have anyone to really talk to cuz what is the point and as far as sitting down and trying to explore what i need to feeel and trying to ride it through i think it'll get easier in a year or two with more distance, right now it's like a freshscab that someone just loves to rub some salt in every time they can

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Although I understand that some woman may be "crazy" as in mentally UNWELL...

Most women do NOT lie about these sort of things. And generally speaking, domestic violence is UNDER-REPORTED as a whole.

Sorry, I just don't like posts like this. It undermines what women as a whole are going through -- but I also don't want to dismiss your experience but I don't think a woman who is mentally unwell should be grouped in with all women.

 

[alarminglynefarious]

use one hand to tiny wrists attached to fists being swung at my head not out of malice but just so they stop hitting me before i lose my calm and go into response mode.

When a female friend told me a psycho ex was telling mutual acquintances i had been abusive and violent towards her, I caught myself thinking - i honestly wish at some point i had thrown a hand at you. I know that is horrible and it really is not me.

I kinda have this psycho ex who's on this smear campaign and has too much tweaked time to think about how she'll annoy me. i hear new rumours about myself all the time, some of which are news even to me. She's the type to create a grindr profile in my name, call me this that and the other name which she doesnt understand kinda detracts from her if she dated me for almost a decade, lol the dick she couldn't get enough of was rumored to be a micropenis earlier this year.

knowing someone could say something so disgusting about me just to assasinate my character - knowing it would really bother me because i take my commitment to be a good enough man that all my female friends can know that they're safe if i'm around. My friend Megan happens to be one of my two best female friends from college her and her best friend Jessica would make sure i was with them on girls nights when they wanted to ditch everyone else because they knew if i was around they could focus on fun and they'd get home safe and sound regardless how much they drank. I know that none of my exes would be able to convince any woman who really knows me at all that any of her claims have a grain of truth to them. Megan joked with me over it and said "this is the girl who threw dishes at your head - what was it 3 or 4 stitches? and when the cops came you didn't make a statement but they put together that you didn't touch her you just got out of the way, honestly you had my free pass then i wouldn't have thought twice" - as a complete joke because she is not a malicious person either.

I did catch myself thinking though "you silly bitch with all the shit you say about me god maybe i shoulda slapped the taste out your mouth just fucking once. and that is not me. i don't like that someone can make uncharacteristic thoughts and fantasies in my mind. I try to be a little mindful and stoic about how i react to people. I do not want to have a reaction to such accusations especially one that's like "fuck it with how much shit you talk i wish i had made just a little of it true"

These are all of course fleeting thoughts. I literally couldn't inflict pain on anyone man or woman unless they were a threat to me, What do you do to hold on to yourself when someone tries their damndest to bring out your worst?

Any women who do shit like this, make untrue accusations against men, do you know how damaging they can be? Luckily everyone knows - everyone i talk to at least - knows who has a little bit of a firmer grip on reality and which one is constantly looking for male attention to annoy males who she believes owe her attention and refuse to give it any longer.

Women of BL if you knew nothing about me and you barely do... and an unhinged tweaking woman indicating some psychosis told you this shit how would i possibly convince you otherwise? would there be a point in trying? i was lucky enough to have a female friend shut her down very early into that rumour but does my word and my entire life of being a good enough person mean nothing as soon as a lost little girl fakes some tears and points a finger?

@Pretty_Diamonds i condensed it so maybe you could see the situation clearer. I am bipolar big whoop. Most don't but some do and i'm discussing keeping my cool against one capable of anything and she has tried and would again. My concern right now WITH HOW MUCH i do as a supporter of women i wont bother mentioning why or what i do, theres people that want me off my site cuz i dont tolerate misogyny and again you're not important to me not enough to get into my lifes story and why.

I hate that they go underreported however ihave never ever done anything of the sort and excuse me for saying when i am speaking of being assaulted by a wooman your defeatist victim mentality is not welcome, what about dudes show up at a rape case and yell in the crowd "cmon dog she was high on molly with her ass out in a thong" yeah that's how disgusting that was.

i'm sorry i missed the all women part specifically where all my best friends are female, i treat them like sisters and they all treat me like a brother, they'd be shocked to hear me use the language i think of when i think of her, but believe it or not among the women that know me, my integrity is such that they would first say "whoa that's below you" and after that nothing, because they know they wouldn't hear me say it again. in ffact i'd probably get a warm hug - cuz i would have to be going through some shit and my friends would see that.

Although I understand that some woman may be "crazy" as in mentally UNWELL...

Most women do NOT lie about these sort of things. And generally speaking, domestic violence is UNDER-REPORTED as a whole.

Sorry, I just don't like posts like this. It undermines what women as a whole are going through -- but I also don't want to dismiss your experience but I don't think a woman who is mentally unwell should be grouped in with all women.

I appreciate your support of women and it allies with my support so i can't and refuse to not get along. but try to see things from more than one perspective. i am not at all going to deny for the record that i said out loud "I fantasize about what it would feel like to slap the taste out her mouth" "with all she says about me i kinda wish i had popped her in the mouth at least itd be true." I am not a man who cowers and backtracks on his words, i said it, i meant it. i also said in fleeting thoughts. im sure you've never had a fleeting thought you wouldnt perpetrate. i posted this here for open minded people to offer support encouragement jsut a "hey man just cuz she says something dont let it get under your skin" with an expectation of equal feminism and chauvinism chiming in - i was looking for moderate opinions. i'm leaving with the conclusion that i should just sugar coat for the younger generations