Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

No idea whats going on in my deals

 

[Hylight]

Please Godddddd help me with my anger management. But I am human. ty ♡

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Anger is like love. Its all consuming.

 

[Hylight]

Kratom is said to give energy.

But . . . . I don't even know what I am doing or what I was going to say.

. .Oh as I was going to say. I am so worried about getting an onset of a horrible and painful headache. And then I could never think and now I just get them so bad.
Oh wow another fine mess I have got myself in.

 

[Hylight]

eggs and water for dinner.
diet coke didn't get put inside refer ☹

oh damn forgot i had cinnabun edibles !!

haven't taken any opioid.

still struggling.

 

[Jabberwocky]

owwww CH i'm not surprised you miss your cat, cats are awesome!!! i would be so sad to find one of mine dead, utterly devastating loss.

yes, the man is good to me, and has a job. he moved back to the UK from australia for us to get back together, but i was too far gone on crack to care by the time he got here. he was with me down in norwich for a few months and i just wanted him gone cos he was getting in the way of my using. he's still here for me and i'm pretty stunned by that.

well done @Hylight for not using any opioids when you're struggling.

 

[Hylight]

Geez. I am probably going to need Pot
Anonymous after all of this.
I don't even like to smoke this much !
No kratom today, please gawd. nu uh.

 

[Hylight]

Experience Is The Name
that Everyone Gives To Their
Mistakes
So
Make Life a song that is
made of the musical rhythm
of the body, words and the mind
in it's melodious silence of the soul. . . .
. . . .
because life is too short
to be anything but amazing.

. . . . have a great day
and be happy today ! ♡

 

[Hylight]

I am trying to do better and feel better.
I had been taking pain ,edication that helped
quite a bit.

Then the doctor banished. The other doctors
for pain situation can't manage pain very well anymore, well I guess now I can't either. For legit reason anyway.

The best that only one prescribing physician could do was offer me um tramadol . but no not opium.

I said tramadol makes me sick, but for some weird reason the pain meds can not be prescribed, now.

The psychiatrist has to prescribe psychiatrics.
wow are you fuckin kidding. my back fuckin hurts. lol.lol. i guess it helps too. god why would'nt it. enough valium and pot and I will never get out of bed again. And that's not right. Feeling either.

all surplus seems to be dissipating.
just its that i i've been able to move around more. Was able to. And then there is the PAWS even from a month ago. So I struggle with it really bad now.

I mean i would start taking xan's to help me with my muscles along side of my sciatic arthritis oh bouiy, but I can do the same thing with marijuana. So see I am pretty sedatated with embarrassment and shamefulness, at times. If there are any doctors reading this, just give the patient it's medicine.

It's debilitating and then throw the depression into the mix and all, yes.
I just don't have the will to have the strength and energy. I need God.
ugg.
thnx.

I am sorry everyone. I get real sad and depressed. And it's all funny to me however I am still trying to and really needing/wanting to try hard to function out here, even though it is getting a bit rough at times.

Everyone stay safe and healthy, and take care too. ♡.

 

[Jabberwocky]

owwww hylight i'm sorry you're so down. it does sound like all those medical issues would get everyone down, so don't beat yourself up. you know wveryone here has your back and doesn't judge so i'm glad you feel able to post openly.

i had a horrible meeting with my boss yesterday afternoon so ended up getting drunk for like the first time in a year. i need a new job so bad but there just aren't postings right now. like my boss is pissed at me for not bugging the shit out of someone who has literally just had a baby, to him that's just irrelevant. he has no humanity.

 

[Hylight]

So. I thinkIt seems like the p.a.w.s. is going away. In the past when I would think that and then I would start to be so happy about that. Okay. And then it would punch me right back in the abdominal and I would get what is worse than the wind and getting the shit kicked out of

me.
Oh yes, again.
It would trick me every time. Come back beating me down. Gotta love life, right ?
I don't know this time it seems to be getting less worse ! #

Of course it would be. Now the depression is kicking in bad. Real BAD.

I pray.

And the depression along with the laziness and lack of motivation. Don't gaf if I live or not. he hee haha. That almost made me smile.

So when i started joined whatever. Was scared wanted to learn.
Someone awesome and helpful offered info. about a specific prescription to help ween from opioid. Can't remember what pill that was. Can't even.

And of course it was appropriate to advocate and recommened the support of counciling. As was also offered so kindly also and oh so very appreciated many times over. Thanks.

The thing is I did ask one psychiatrist for xanax for my anxiety. I have xanax for that now.
So now I am weaned from opioid for now, I think ! It has been 8 days, today being day 9. No Fun.
I told the psychiatrist that I needed help with anxiety and that I really needed the help of a knock out. well i didnt say it like that. I pleaded.
No prob even got my ton o refills too. So there.

The regular general practice doctor, No Way !
and Hell to the NO.

Now there is no pain management here anymore and I do not take the xanax anymore. I would do one to tie one on and have fun with it but that's about it. So I just don't do them anymore. I have my hand full with my f'usakin job and I need to be there. he hee. Sad fact of it is, I do.

I hurt and lately have naproxen and motrin 800.
Not doing that anymore because I want to have a stomach lining left!

So I guess I will crawl back to the psychiatrist and ask if he could prescribe hydrocodone generic oops or brad name vicodin. I thought he would have retired by now but he's not doing it. And then could talk with the new incoming.

Went through two various services for my xanax.
Anyway the privatized facilities were much better services. Where as the govt. funded was ohhh such a headache just to get a few bottles of a benzoyl low mg's too. it wasn't even worth it. It's the same place that tried to get me to take tramadol.

Yo fuckersz You fucking fuck fuck fuckerzz.
I don't want psychiatrics ! I am in pain. I am in Godforsaken pain. The benefits out weigh the risks. Give Me Some Goddamn humAnity from this world for . . christ. . . f'n sake ! #

for christ f'ing sake.

THAT'S IT RIGHT NOW.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It's ok Hylight. I had over a year of those symptoms. Imagine a continuous year like that. That was like... my... 2013-2014. It was hell.

It's going to be ok. It should NOT last that long for you, given your dosages of given compounds. I'm proud of you.

 

[Hylight]

okay wait. i'm goin in. I am going to take some xannie.
I I can not take this anymore. Ya.
I Can't. So there you go .
I am nauseous. And my life has no nada in it

 

[Hylight]

That calmed me down so much. Better.
Now I can think, I am thinking taking a cetirizine
probably would have been the better choice. But I didn't see them until it was too late.

went looking for a little more xan dose and realized should have took the citirizine but I need rest before my shift today anyway. If that alone isn't stressful.

happy memorials.

 

[Hylight]

Oh gowd yes, I took some xanax. Got sleep. Barely made it through getting up. Drove perfect.no one's out anyway except loosers and crazies. j.

Barely made it through work. Barely made it through the day. Barely made it through the morning. Barely made it through some bud weed.

Benzo is very strong but it helped me get through everything.

I am terrified of this world right now anyway I went and picked up some groceries.
I drank some diet pepsi with a twist of a whole
lemon. And popped a top on a little can of pineapple juice.

I switched to diet pepsi bc the diet coke was making me nauseas. Maybe the pepsi has pepsin. but the coke is not making me less sicker. pepsi is better for me. Trying to stick to water. can't.

I am still all pretty wasted too from the benzo.
It is helping though. Not looking forward it dissipating. It's never nice I'm sure.

Weather feels like summer right noew and the radiation is intense.

Prayers for everyone that it suffering. Please be better, get stronger, feel love. Stay healthy and feel well.

Wow, that benzo dose got me wastedd.
jesuzz maybe i can't switch to diazepam. if only
I had some. It may might help.

 

[Hylight]

Had to take another xanax again.

Needed to stop that ice pick in the heart stabbing pain again.

It helps tremendously for that.
I probably should cut back on cholesterol.
I wouldn't even dare have it tested right now.

At least I only have an appetite when I consume thc.

Gawd that xanax is helping. I couldn't breath in without getting a pain. Better now. Again. ☺

 

[Hylight]

I slept around 24 hours.
still very tired and feel like I am
made outta rubber.
thank you all you mammas, I
am feeling better so far today.

So far no opioid. Yet.
I should be alright.
Funny how I don't feel depressed.
I'm too tired to feel anything.

Oh the redbull energy break.
Such a wet and refresh. It's so
fine, and something else just to
blow my mind ! !

I couldn't bite so I chewed my mouth
while trying.

happy lemon water and bacon grease.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

anyone stayed sober for other people in their life? successfully? there’s that saying about having to be ready and i’m sure there’s something about having to do it for yourself, but people get sober for their kids and stuff.

i don’t have kids but i need to be sober for my family. at the same time, i love benzos more than life. how the fuck does that work.

 

[nznity]

Nznity Is 2 weeks clean from cocaine AND morphine. My arm has finally healed. Yay

 

[Shady's Fox]

anyone stayed sober for other people in their life? successfully? there’s that saying about having to be ready and i’m sure there’s something about having to do it for yourself, but people get sober for their kids and stuff.

i don’t have kids but i need to be sober for my family. at the same time, i love benzos more than life. how the fuck does that work.

Motivation struggles are common but you have to do it for yourself, that's the only sane way to think about it.