I'm Sorry

This will be a joke/sarcasm free post. You guys totally saved me. I havent even gotten a chance to resupply, probably today, but the vibes have taken me out of a seriously dark place.

I run on an operating system that assumes everyone is an enemy and probably dislikes me until proven otherwise. I have had maybe 5 really serious "tell you anything" relationships. I have friends, but we are not "connected" in a meaninful way.

I would gladly trade my ability to socialize easily for close friends. As I have said, my assumptions about how you all truly felt about me were either negative, neutral or vaguely positive.

Im really trying to open up here. I dont have anything physical with which to reimbirse you, but I can offer myself. A good friend once sent me money when I got out of detox and I hated myself for it. I thought about it literally every time I thought of her.

Ive definitely thrown the word "love" around irresponsibly. The concept was hard for me to understand I guess. I do have love for all of you guys. I care about you all and have always just wanted peers to avoid pitfalls or to learn from my negative experiences.

I never knew that these feelings were reciprocated. It is overwhelming. Ive never charged for my services. It was tough accepting this help. You all have not only helped me, you have also reassured. I need stuff like that.

In other news, Im actually hoping to pick up today. Im 100% more functional with bud. I apologize for my absence in the HR dept. but I will be back to full capacity imminently.

You have all taught me a lot about myself. I have also started trying to not envision the universe as an ultimately malevolent place with its inhabitants destined to destroy me.

You have helped me more than my own family. You are my de facto family now :)
 
Thanks for the update:
Thanks for being here. Staying with us.
Thanks for the post as it clearly shows that the old keif is quickly recovering and by all means back.
Thanks for being a "lead by example" type as it was crucial in my recovery.
Thanks, brother, for bewing her. Here.\
sorry man i am crying.
one
trhanks again
 
Keif' Richards said:
I run on an operating system that assumes everyone is an enemy and probably dislikes me until proven otherwise. I have had maybe 5 really serious "tell you anything" relationships. I have friends, but we are not "connected" in a meaninful way.

I would gladly trade my ability to socialize easily for close friends. As I have said, my assumptions about how you all truly felt about me were either negative, neutral or vaguely positive.
Click to expand...

I relate to this one man, for me it's a combination of defence mechanisms (don't get close, can't trust anyone), low self-esteem (why you anyone like you anyway?), and depression (no one actually cares about you, they'd be better off without you). Which I'm sure are all closely connected psychologically.

In the long-term CBT helped me a lot with this, but the main thing I'll say to you right now is these voices are lying to you. You can see clearly right now that those thoughts do not line up with reality and I'm very glad you are sticking around to see that.

I also am a big believer in LSD or even just MDMA helping a lot with these things, based on my own experiences and all the scientific research coming out each year, but obviously I am not advocating you do those things now while you're still in a fragile mindset. When the set and setting is right, though, those can be extremely cathartic and therapeutic experiences.

We are here for you, people care about you.
 
Hey everybody! It is official that I am no longer in what seemed like a totally hopeless situation. I have been depressed before, no doubt, but experiencing Pregabalin withdrawal, extreme nausea and 5 days with no more than 2 hours a night.

Im pretty sure KeifAid has reached ita zenith. It never mattered what the number was. You have helped me in a practical way by helping me get well. You have helped me equally as well by showing me such love. Most importantly, my ego has been well-nourished.

We all know how big Keif's ego is ;) I truly love you guys. I love you more than I have loved essentially all women. My own Mother is aware of my medical need for bud. She didn't care enough to help me, aside from letting me deposit money into her account.

That is a whole other can of fucking worms, but seriously, Bluelight cares about me more than my direct family. Jesus that is a hard pill to swallow.

PhtaTek, I have cried many times this week. Ive cried over my own misery and Ive cried from the overwhelming love and support. My tears of sadness have turned to tears of joy. Thank you all 😁
 
Yeah, I have somewhat recovered since yesterday. Not quite. All good and the tears were from knowing that everything just might be OK with the universe - ever get that? I know iima freak but seriously as long as I stand and reach some goals in life it's cool.
Bro the K'ego was what threw me at first glance. lol But it was a phenom that I know myself. Gotta keep that swagger as long as possible, no?
Kinda bizarre how this all went down as I never give monetary support to anyone as the wife would have my fuc*in nuts if she knew. :sick: :p As you aptly put it a short while back: I do tend to take it all in stride but this comes from 53yrs of watching a lot of sh** unfold and without fail here I am. Coupla scars, broken bones and holes later here we are.
But in reality I worry more than anyone I know or maybe ever known. Go figure.
All this to say glad to see ya returning and always will you have at least one that has your 6 maybe thousands.
One
 
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Keif' Richards said:
Hey everybody! It is official that I am no longer in what seemed like a totally hopeless situation. I have been depressed before, no doubt, but experiencing Pregabalin withdrawal, extreme nausea and 5 days with no more than 2 hours a night.

Im pretty sure KeifAid has reached ita zenith. It never mattered what the number was. You have helped me in a practical way by helping me get well. You have helped me equally as well by showing me such love. Most importantly, my ego has been well-nourished.

We all know how big Keif's ego is ;) I truly love you guys. I love you more than I have loved essentially all women. My own Mother is aware of my medical need for bud. She didn't care enough to help me, aside from letting me deposit money into her account.

That is a whole other can of fucking worms, but seriously, Bluelight cares about me more than my direct family. Jesus that is a hard pill to swallow.

PhtaTek, I have cried many times this week. Ive cried over my own misery and Ive cried from the overwhelming love and support. My tears of sadness have turned to tears of joy. Thank you all 😁
Click to expand...
There are some people waiting for payday please do not close it
 
We Love you so much Keif!

We are family and if you need anything, we are here for you brother.
We are here and we truly care about you.
We absolutely love you.

I am glad weed helps you.
Do whatever helps and don’t feel bad about it.

Gabapentin might really help to keep your mood more stabilized.
It really has helped me in that area.
It has also helped for vivid dreams and sleep.
It does help with the pain also.
It has been a life changer for me.
I was at the end of my rope.
Just like you were.
I decided to try a specialist and try this Gabapentin he recommended and it has made a world of difference.

Keep trying sweetheart.
Don‘t give up.
There is something that can help you to feel better.
Some combo or something.

<3 You are Loved and you do a wonderful job at helping others.
We appreciate you!!!!
 
Keif' Richards said:
. I have been depressed before, no doubt, but experiencing Pregabalin withdrawal, extreme nausea and 5 days with no more than 2 hours a night.
Click to expand...

OH....yeah....Pregabalin withdrawal was the problem.
Damn it is bad!
I had to go a day without my Gabapentin and I freaked.
I realized that I could NEVER run myself out of those.
It was horrible and my mood was so irritated and off.
Nausea , yes.

I am glad you are feeling better.

WARNING!
Do NOT ever just abruptly start or stop gabapentin or pregabalin my dear friends.
There are many stories about the HORRIBLE effects from discontinuing these two drugs.
Gabapentin made me go psychotic after just stopping it abruptly a long time ago.
It was just a medication I tried for a month when I was first hurt and I thought it wasn’t helping much and just stopped taking it and 3 days later I had a very public and embarrassing psychotic episode!
MANY people have warned about NEVER stopping either of these drugs abruptly.
It is very dangerous and WAY worse than opiate or benzodiazepine withdrawal.

TITRATION is the key for coming on and off these two medications.
easy does it.

* just catching up.
you guys did such a great job helping our dear brother!
I am proud of you all!
 
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