💀 The Abyss 💀 (Open 24hrs)

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Yeah the US is a massive country, sometimes I forget how much smaller almost every other country is. To me it's crazy that people live in places where you could cross multiple countries in their entirety in a single day. To drive across the US from the east coast to the west coast takes 4 or 5 days at least.
or 2 and half if you run 120 on adderall
 
Even you could make money from video games. Theres a site called playerauctions and it lists online games and what people pay for that money. I mean, I play for free too so getting drug money from playing? Yeah, I choose playing games for that btc anytime over to not paid for gaming.
 
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SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!
 
Yo! So....... This is quite the story (bath salts.. whoot!):

So I actually have always criticized bath salts. Not b/c of media mongering, but I heard it can cause really bad side effects for people; especially those with mental illness. My SO has been trying them out in the past, and EVERYTIME he would get into a psychotic state (b/c he has schizophrenia). He only gets SEVERE psychotic/psychosis when he does bath salts of any kind (any RC variation of cathinones). Anyways, yest. he's like "nah they aren't that bad, you should try them to see". I didn't want to really, but I was like "why not? something new".

So, it actually was very nice. It's like... adderall and meth combined? It's very speedy, but it has a lot of euphoria. I didn't smoke it, I snorted. And let me tell you, THAT SHIT BURNS. Worst thing I've snorted (and i've snorted salt, DMT, etc.). Anyways, it was all going good, my SO and I having fun. But then he wanted to go smoke it, so he went outside (can't smoke in our apartment). We live in a city so apparently he went to the hood part of our city (420captial) and smoked it off foil. Real sketch lol.

Anyways, he was gone longer than I thought he would be. He was okay though. BUT- then the comedown came. It's a real heavy body load and I had a pretty bad headache. I was able to manage, but then he started to have the worst psychotic episodes I've ever experienced with him.

I'm not going to give details, but I did stay up 6 hours with him trying to comfort him. I know the protocol of what to say and not say during an episode, but it's very taxing on the caregiver. You can't take anything personal cause they'll say your trying to kill em ya know? After FINALLY getting him to take more of his antipsychotics it got better, and now he's sleeping like a rock. He did say some pretty scary stuff (not anything about killing), but it triggered my PTSD real bad. However, I kept comforting him cause i couldn't break down then.

However, yet again, he had an episode on the comedown, as I have always told him. I tell him not to buy more, then he bought more secretly. I told him not to do it, then he did in 2x while I was sleeping. He's trying to hide his use, which he's never done before. I am really sad that he didn't listen to me when I say that he WILL have a psychotic episode after bathsalts.

I've been up for 27 hours, and just got 5 hours of sleep. I feel a little better, but i'm feeling very depressed and a little suicidal. I flushed rest of that drug down the toilet because he could not control his use and he's been lying to me about it. He may be mad, but I thought I made the right decision. He promised me he was going to 'sell it' and not do any, but he didn't sell one bit and instead been doing it secretly.

I really love him, and he's said that he wants to marry me, but he needs to stop doing cathinones, or really any stimulant. Of course I will always take care of him, but I'm going to have a serious discussion tomorrow that he needs to quit stimulants. I just don't know what to think right now, of course what he said wasn't him, but I am very tired (physically and emotionally). I really would like to marry him, but I am worried about what just happened. But I think if he quit drugs (or mainly stims), this severe episode won't happen ever again. In fact, he's never had one sober.

I hope when he finds his drug missing he's not angry, but I did it for his and my good. My brain and emotions are scrambled right now due to lack of sleep and stress, but I feel- deep strong depressive emotions. I wouldn't call it suicidal, but I'm extremely sad. I'm gonna hydrate, eat a snack, listen to music, and try to calm down a little. Love y'all
oh jesus. I already get the time of my life on meth (RIP JAMAL and my love affair I'm sure he walked out on me for the last time).

People with schizophrenia always underestimate the drug's power to induce psychosis (rc stims, meth, etc) and I can't entirely blame them for it, but it is something I've observed.

I would NEVER use MDPV. The only person I met who could use MDPV eventually died of a heroin overdose (he was TOTALLY FINE on MDPV and didn't even acted sketched or anxious, was TOTALLY NORMAL), RIP FLACKY. I miss you bro.

I'm not surprised SOMEONE Is able to use it. Even if I'm one of those people I'M NOT GONNA FIND OUT!!!! The world is laden to the teeth with meth like everyone and their mom and their grandma and cousins and kids are using it out here. It's insidious.

Thanks for sharing your report though, your BF is amazing, keep trying to explain to him his limitations as a human and that it's NOTHING BAD it's just DIFFERENT and he should cope w/ the differences.

If I had never quit heroin and known "I can't do it again" I'd be a corpse in a grave somewhere, I wouldn't have lived. I don't think of myself as anything bad, just different. LOTS of <3 to you AND him, you both seem SO GOOD together <3 <3 <3

I get THOROUGHLY suicidal from the depression/PTSD, flashbacks etc I go through. I really shouldn't be pouring more fuel on that fire but I won't stop myself from using meth again if it's free (RIP JAMAL means I really am not gonna use for possibly the rest of my life though THAT'S A SEPARATE STORY and I likely won't share it, it's not one I like...) so I probably wouldn't try it from what you describe. The comedown sounds bad, I know people report a "harsh come down" from meth. I generally feel better after the sleep/eating.

btw "I will just sell it not use it" is a feature of relapse. You think you can handle it without doing it. Then you think you can do it once. Then you know you can't stop until it's all gone. It's just a difference in the way our brains are. It's not a severe failure of moral character, it's a limitation that's all it is. The brain wants what it wants. The mind/self/soul may want something COMPLETELY different. It's not always going to be a "Free will victory" If that makes any sense.

Just tell him you only want to use non-stims with him, that it's a limitation you're putting on the relationship. I want you to be happy and sometimes you have to set limits in a relationship. The thing is you're an AMAZING girl and I'm sure he wouldn't mind quitting shitty stims like RC stims to be with you. Meth is a monster and has consumed almost anyone I've seen try it once. Hopefully that isn't prevalent over in the land of bees and honey (I live in a concrete jungle with profuse homelessness and no hope of resurrecting the local economy; I need to gtfo of here!!!!!!!!!) and ya'll can do it together :)

Either way keep putting yourself as #1, it'll work out, you sound very very patient. <3
 
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