Clean and sober during COVID-19

TJ5

TJ5

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2005
Messages
305
Location
So. Cali
Wow I can't believe all that has happened since I posted the last time. I believe it was a year ago. I had gone 14 years without getting laid and I had been clean for 6 years at that time. Now I'm coming up on 7 years clean and a year ago I never would have thought that the world would be in the situation that it's in. I believe that my strong program of recovery has helped make me strong, and yet there are times that I feel like crying. I drive to work and feel creeped out at how vacant the street are. I go in to work and although I'm damn lucky to have a job, everything and everybody has changed. There's like this vibe that ranges from angst, fear, sadness, and extreme boredom. I work in a drug rehab facility for women. I've been there for about 18 months now and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be working at one of those places. I caught my Mom crying today. She was watching some Disney show on TV. "I don't understand," she said. "This is supposed to make me laugh, not cry." "It's understandable," I said. "You're crying because watching this on TV reminds you of a time when there was not all this social distancing. There are no plays, no dinner gatherings with your friends, no more parties with family and friends and those TV shows are reminding you of a different time when there was no social isolation." "Maybe you're right," she said. I admit that a couple of weeks ago the thought occurred to me to just check out on painkillers and to keep popping pills until this is over. The only problem with that is that would mean me getting all strung out and becoming enslaved all over again by this drug addiction. I sure as hell loved my drugs for 30 years. I had a 2 year break in between where I was clean and then went back out for another 4 and a half years. Nothing was going to stop me even though I was living in my car and having to shoot up in my car with towels covering all my windows when I did or sneaking off into some park restroom to do it, or maybe in some dope house. I loved the way the drugs made me feel, but they also had a major down side. I didn't come all this way to be almost 7 years clean to clean up my credit, my life, get off probation, and have a half assed hope of ever getting my record expunged. I have time for my family and friends now even if only by phone, texting, or zoom meetings. I do get sad though and the sadness reminds me of a time when all I had to do was take a shot or some pills to make it all go away. . . but I don't. Life has different challenges living clean at 55 years old and trying to get my life together. I'm one year from graduating from college and getting my substance abuse counselor/AA degree. I do my prayers and meditations when I get up and before bed. I still call my sponsor and actively work on my Step work. I've been through the 12 Steps several times and I'm working on Step 4 again currently. I have a lot more options open to me sober than I did getting loaded. That said peace and love people. Stay safe.
 
Weird, home schooling my 6yo ànd working evenings fue to the virud. Also clean n dober evrn off alcohol.

It wont last as its not intentional but gotta spend time sober to enjoy a dabble every now snd then not the other way around
 
TJ5 said:
Wow I can't believe all that has happened since I posted the last time. I believe it was a year ago. I had gone 14 years without getting laid and I had been clean for 6 years at that time. Now I'm coming up on 7 years clean and a year ago I never would have thought that the world would be in the situation that it's in. I believe that my strong program of recovery has helped make me strong, and yet there are times that I feel like crying. I drive to work and feel creeped out at how vacant the street are. I go in to work and although I'm damn lucky to have a job, everything and everybody has changed. There's like this vibe that ranges from angst, fear, sadness, and extreme boredom. I work in a drug rehab facility for women. I've been there for about 18 months now and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be working at one of those places. I caught my Mom crying today. She was watching some Disney show on TV. "I don't understand," she said. "This is supposed to make me laugh, not cry." "It's understandable," I said. "You're crying because watching this on TV reminds you of a time when there was not all this social distancing. There are no plays, no dinner gatherings with your friends, no more parties with family and friends and those TV shows are reminding you of a different time when there was no social isolation." "Maybe you're right," she said. I admit that a couple of weeks ago the thought occurred to me to just check out on painkillers and to keep popping pills until this is over. The only problem with that is that would mean me getting all strung out and becoming enslaved all over again by this drug addiction. I sure as hell loved my drugs for 30 years. I had a 2 year break in between where I was clean and then went back out for another 4 and a half years. Nothing was going to stop me even though I was living in my car and having to shoot up in my car with towels covering all my windows when I did or sneaking off into some park restroom to do it, or maybe in some dope house. I loved the way the drugs made me feel, but they also had a major down side. I didn't come all this way to be almost 7 years clean to clean up my credit, my life, get off probation, and have a half assed hope of ever getting my record expunged. I have time for my family and friends now even if only by phone, texting, or zoom meetings. I do get sad though and the sadness reminds me of a time when all I had to do was take a shot or some pills to make it all go away. . . but I don't. Life has different challenges living clean at 55 years old and trying to get my life together. I'm one year from graduating from college and getting my substance abuse counselor/AA degree. I do my prayers and meditations when I get up and before bed. I still call my sponsor and actively work on my Step work. I've been through the 12 Steps several times and I'm working on Step 4 again currently. I have a lot more options open to me sober than I did getting loaded. That said peace and love people. Stay safe.
Click to expand...
14 yrs.? Bless ya
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top