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Bisexual hesitations...

thegreenhand

thegreenhand

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I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this. It took me a while to accept that I swing both ways after having fooled myself into thinking I was straight in order to conform. Thank god I got myself out of those delusions, I’ve never been happier. That said I still have difficulty initiating physical sexual encounters with other men (even ones I know very well). I certainly went through this with girls as my sex life was beginning way back when and over time the apprehension simply went away.

Did anyone of y’all feel this at any point? It feels like I’m having to relearn how to have relationships. It’s very frustrating as I keep hitting this mental block whenever I try to advance something. And before some smartass says “well maybe you’re straight” I have had a healthy, beautiful relationship with another man before, it’s just been difficult for me as of late.
 
I'm kind of struggling with this myself... I've had experiences in the past and as of lately, been thinking/wanting more. Only problem is, I'm married to a woman and not much I can really do about it other than service myself which kind of isn't the same.
 
Let me ask you something: As far as what you consider your bisexuality definition to be, does it both include sex and intimacy, or simply one over another?
 
Interesting question... I would say that it includes both though I tend to prefer intimacy over a relationship built more upon sex. I find that I have no trouble building intimacy yet when it comes to physicality, I struggle. At least with men that is. With women there aren’t really any issues
 
thegreenhand said:
Interesting question... I would say that it includes both though I tend to prefer intimacy over a relationship built more upon sex. I find that I have no trouble building intimacy yet when it comes to physicality, I struggle. At least with men that is. With women there aren’t really any issues
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Unfortunately I cannot relate because for me, it's quite the opposite: I'm a guy and have sucked good looking dick previously, yet, I have had absolutely no desire to initiate any form of intimacy with men. I have a viscerally negative reaction to me "cuddling" and being intimate with other guys. I like cuddling and intimacy with soft girls who smell nice and prefer sex with women over men, still.

So, why don't you just meet a guy and be intimate and not have sex? That's a perfectly healthy and rational way of at least starting off things. Just explain to the guy you don't want to feel pressured. Beyond that, you may be creating an artifice of anxiety due to cognitive falsehoods because you also stated, "I certainly went through this with girls as my sex life was beginning way back when and over time the apprehension simply went away." So forget about male or female; concentrate on "intimacy with a human being" and see where it takes you from there until the apprehension simply goes away. If you tried that, and it still didn't go anywhere, I'm just flummoxed. I don't have the emotional empathy or cognitive skill to help you. So i'm pretty sure i'm thinking about this wrong, but I did my best. lol Hopefully someone can provide more insight.
 
Gloomp said:
Unfortunately I cannot relate because for me, it's quite the opposite: I'm a guy and have sucked good looking dick previously, yet, I have had absolutely no desire to initiate any form of intimacy with men. I have a viscerally negative reaction to me "cuddling" and being intimate with other guys. I like cuddling and intimacy with soft girls who smell nice and prefer sex with women over men, still.

So, why don't you just meet a guy and be intimate and not have sex? That's a perfectly healthy and rational way of at least starting off things. Just explain to the guy you don't want to feel pressured. Beyond that, you may be creating an artifice of anxiety due to cognitive falsehoods because you also stated, "I certainly went through this with girls as my sex life was beginning way back when and over time the apprehension simply went away." So forget about male or female; concentrate on "intimacy with a human being" and see where it takes you from there until the apprehension simply goes away. If you tried that, and it still didn't go anywhere, I'm just flummoxed. I don't have the emotional empathy or cognitive skill to help you. So i'm pretty sure i'm thinking about this wrong, but I did my best. lol Hopefully someone can provide more insight.
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Thank you, I really do appreciate your input. As weird at sounds that thought never really crossed my mind too much. The gay community was much more uhh forward shall we say with sexual advances than I was expecting and I definitely experienced some culture shock. It felt like men were lookin at me as a sex object (this is not all in my head, many explicitly said thats all they wanted lol) and in turn I cut myself off from that world.
 
I'm bisexual, or as one of my friends likes to call us, an opportunist and I sort of understand how you feel, I think.

Try to let go of any sort of gender-based labelling and just go with how you feel in respect of others, as @Gloomp said so very nicely.

Personally, I was always more attracted to women than men (a crude approximation of an average being a ratio 9:1) though I lost my virginity to a dude and was a in my first serious long-term relationship with one as well. I now find myself sort of uninterested in men almost, though I don't think of it that way conciously.

Just try to be open to all manner of relationship with others and see where that leads you. I mean, try to put it out of your concious mind, I guess.
Just be. That sounds a bit trite, doesn't it? I don't know how else to explain it.

Just be and don't worry about trying to push yourself or struggle to initiate anything.
 
w01fg4ng said:
You claim this in the first paragraph and not more than a few sentences later you claim this,

You sound more confused than the OP.
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There's no contradiction at all. There is no confusion at all. I will not be gaslighted. Any subsequent comments by you will mean nothing as I believe my insight unto myself is better than someone I don't know through the internet.
 
KfG3.gif
 
Thanks everyone, obviously there might be a bit of a wait until this whole quarantine blows over, but I am feeling better about it. The important thing (as everyone has said) is to be myself
 
I have a hard time initiating the RELATIONSHIP. The sex is easy but... yeah I like sex a lot.

I'm often not the one initiating sex because I'm cold, distant, aloof... in my own world half the time. I dunno. It doesn't hurt though because next thing I know hands are on my pants/dick.
 
thegreenhand said:
The gay community was much more uhh forward shall we say with sexual advances than I was expecting and I definitely experienced some culture shock. It felt like men were lookin at me as a sex object (this is not all in my head, many explicitly said thats all they wanted lol) and in turn I cut myself off from that world.
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YEP. Thats exactly how I felt.

I totally understand the intimate part. Its a human need, to have someone who gives a fuck about you and for you to care about and well just simple human contact.

I agree with everyone suggesting Just do you. Trying to be anyone else is a sure fire way to cause problems.

There is nothing wrong with allowing things to develop organically.

Hope it all goes well for you.
 
w01fg4ng said:
^ Sounds passive, I thought you were a power top?
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It doesn't work out well if I make the first move. I.e. they aren't ready, they want it but aren't relaxed enough yet. My dick isn't a walk in the park.

I don't mind making the first move and diving right in. Often THEY DO.

If I'm making a first move it's sticking my dick in a mouth. Fucking... no I have to work up to that.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
It doesn't work out well if I make the first move. I.e. they aren't ready, they want it but aren't relaxed enough yet. My dick isn't a walk in the park.

I don't mind making the first move and diving right in. Often THEY DO.

If I'm making a first move it's sticking my dick in a mouth. Fucking... no I have to work up to that.
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It's nice to see others using hesitation in a positive and helpful way.

You can still use body language to indicate your openness or disinterest in someone without ever talking to them. Reading others body language is just as important for the same reason. I think people speak with their bodies unconsciously so it's usually genuine and a good measure of what they think about you.
 
The body language can say "I want it" one minute to "AHHHHH" the next. It's big.

Yes people speak with their bodies. I have noticed this. It's very... different when someone is all like.. crushing on you and showing it without words but their bodies. It's uncomfortable as if they can't put words to it especially if they are using words to emotionally distance themselves.
 
thegreenhand said:
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this. It took me a while to accept that I swing both ways after having fooled myself into thinking I was straight in order to conform. Thank god I got myself out of those delusions, I’ve never been happier. That said I still have difficulty initiating physical sexual encounters with other men (even ones I know very well). I certainly went through this with girls as my sex life was beginning way back when and over time the apprehension simply went away.

Did anyone of y’all feel this at any point? It feels like I’m having to relearn how to have relationships. It’s very frustrating as I keep hitting this mental block whenever I try to advance something. And before some smartass says “well maybe you’re straight” I have had a healthy, beautiful relationship with another man before, it’s just been difficult for me as of late.
Click to expand...
One day coked out of my mind with a friend i Let him suck my Dick AND i sucked His afterwards. Tbh i didntlike it at all AND Now I'm 100% sure I'm straight as fuck.
 
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