Vexanize
Bluelighter
So I was expecting to trip today as I have learned to plan it a few days ahead of time which has made my trips generally more stable. While I can't say this was a bad trip, it did certainly have aspects of my deepest fears at some points. I will further explain this fear and the reasons I have concluded on what it means and why it applies to how I feel. I basically felt a sense of powerlessness driving by being completely petrified. I honestly think I was experiencing a demon. I didn't really see it, I only heard it but the unknown aspect of what it could look like has been bothering me for hours. I'm afraid I may see it again but honestly I want to communicate with it and get it to tell me it's fears and weaknesses. Anyways vagueness aside, here is my report.
T+00: I decide to snort 1 pill and take another 2, keep in mind these are double stacked. The snorted one hits within a minute and I instantly start seeing visuals with not too much bodily euphoria.
T+30: I take the last 2 pills after smoking a bowl outside. The first ones feel as if they are starting to work but I can't be sure yet so I continue to lay down and listen to music. Things are a bit hazy after this so I may not be able to pinpoint certain things and when they happened as I have barely scratched the surface of this trip.
T+2HR: This is when things get intense and I start to see my hands have little blotches that would look like sort of a matrix of stripes with a white but 3D interior. Everything seems very similar in nature to my previous trip recently but still different in it's own nature. It was almost like in my last trip I could be content with how I was feeling but the point of this trip would be to feel everything in overdrive.
T+4HR: Nothing has really changed but I decide to close my eyes and meditate. Not much happens other than a borderline full body orgasm, but nothing insightful from it. I get impatient and open my eyes quickly. I then continue to watch about 15 minutes of Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 and then get disinterested.
T+7-8HR: This is where the trip shines but also can be extremely scarring to people who aren't prepared; the dose I took is safe but it isn't worth the risk of getting PTSD. So I'm talking with a friend and can't remember to smoke as I'm getting stuck in thought loops. I then go on my second story deck and realize that the sky is beautiful even though fully black. But, I then hear an owl and for some reason this made me feel a sense that something wasn't right, making me paranoid of something to come. But I tell myself it's just in my head and I need to relax. Weed usually relaxes me on psychedelics but this time when I got to my 2nd bowl or so, I suddenly heard rustling in the bushes, like a small animal. This already disturbing noise then got louder and more aggressive, almost like it was bigger now (not very big, like 8-10ft I'd imagine). The thing that was freaking me out the most is how erratic and spastic it's movements were while still being efficient in how it moved, it just didn't seem natural but it was logical. I then heard it start knocking trash bins over (keep in mind, this is all judged by what I heard because it was pitch black) and trying to eat it but not being quenched. It made a small groan which sounded human as in I could hear the suffering in it's voice. But then I started telling myself that I'm on the second story so I'm safe. It then seemed angry that I felt safe by charging towards the deck and climbing up like a fucking spider and landing with a huge thud on the wood of my deck. I thought my life was over for like 5 seconds and almost cried. This was the true embodiment of my fear, I've realized. I need to try and learn something from these awful feelings. I feel like I had to endure that to make this trip how special but dark it is.
If we skip to present time all I've really done since that event is try to find out why that happened. I mean I've had delusions but they've never manifested themselves as terror. Fear is an emotion that needs some work and I see that now. I'm 14 hours in currently and am still tripping, but coming down.
T+00: I decide to snort 1 pill and take another 2, keep in mind these are double stacked. The snorted one hits within a minute and I instantly start seeing visuals with not too much bodily euphoria.
T+30: I take the last 2 pills after smoking a bowl outside. The first ones feel as if they are starting to work but I can't be sure yet so I continue to lay down and listen to music. Things are a bit hazy after this so I may not be able to pinpoint certain things and when they happened as I have barely scratched the surface of this trip.
T+2HR: This is when things get intense and I start to see my hands have little blotches that would look like sort of a matrix of stripes with a white but 3D interior. Everything seems very similar in nature to my previous trip recently but still different in it's own nature. It was almost like in my last trip I could be content with how I was feeling but the point of this trip would be to feel everything in overdrive.
T+4HR: Nothing has really changed but I decide to close my eyes and meditate. Not much happens other than a borderline full body orgasm, but nothing insightful from it. I get impatient and open my eyes quickly. I then continue to watch about 15 minutes of Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 and then get disinterested.
T+7-8HR: This is where the trip shines but also can be extremely scarring to people who aren't prepared; the dose I took is safe but it isn't worth the risk of getting PTSD. So I'm talking with a friend and can't remember to smoke as I'm getting stuck in thought loops. I then go on my second story deck and realize that the sky is beautiful even though fully black. But, I then hear an owl and for some reason this made me feel a sense that something wasn't right, making me paranoid of something to come. But I tell myself it's just in my head and I need to relax. Weed usually relaxes me on psychedelics but this time when I got to my 2nd bowl or so, I suddenly heard rustling in the bushes, like a small animal. This already disturbing noise then got louder and more aggressive, almost like it was bigger now (not very big, like 8-10ft I'd imagine). The thing that was freaking me out the most is how erratic and spastic it's movements were while still being efficient in how it moved, it just didn't seem natural but it was logical. I then heard it start knocking trash bins over (keep in mind, this is all judged by what I heard because it was pitch black) and trying to eat it but not being quenched. It made a small groan which sounded human as in I could hear the suffering in it's voice. But then I started telling myself that I'm on the second story so I'm safe. It then seemed angry that I felt safe by charging towards the deck and climbing up like a fucking spider and landing with a huge thud on the wood of my deck. I thought my life was over for like 5 seconds and almost cried. This was the true embodiment of my fear, I've realized. I need to try and learn something from these awful feelings. I feel like I had to endure that to make this trip how special but dark it is.
If we skip to present time all I've really done since that event is try to find out why that happened. I mean I've had delusions but they've never manifested themselves as terror. Fear is an emotion that needs some work and I see that now. I'm 14 hours in currently and am still tripping, but coming down.
