• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

Status
Not open for further replies.
At the testing place right now. I woke up with clear piss, then had an energy drink, so my shits diluted. I ate McDonald's salty shit so hopefully that helps dehydrate me.

I can't stop thinking about meth. It subsided when I was in a program last week but now cravings are back.

I don't think I'll stop after probation until I find that pure D-meth which is so hard to find.

I'm tired of this garbage meth and even so it's still my DOC.

I really want to smoke a blunt, too. Or trip. My life is so boring.
 
Still physically exhausted ( but not like the beginning )

yeah, and very tired.

And still looking for a plan to figure
out how to keep moving forward and maybe use Reike or yoga to help out as a healthy goal.

And maybe try to figure out if my sugar use is causing me to bring on the onset of diabetes like symptoms and behaviors.

Trying to pay up the balance on some bills, and send a friend a gift I have been wanting to send since the middle of 2019.

I guess I am really dead. Well I feel like that inside a lot but today just feel worse because my legs hurt so bad. I guess the extra leggings I had been wearing were too tight maybe and I just ached but the dabs are still helping a good bit of the time too.

This just feels really sad, and got worse when everything was bad. So I am here in pain but I get a lot of traction and relief from pillows, and hard pillows and cushions, and relief.
I walk around as much as I can to try to work through it by staying active by moving around a bit.

Everything else is just fukkit, I don't even wanna care about shit anymore, and just anyway keep trying to function.
But I have been feeling a lot better at times, after I quit opioid and got too comfortable with xanax use.

I still need medication to end my suffering that is quite a bit of notches more than the everyday wear and fatigue that just turns for the worse quite frequently.

What ever this is that I have, I really am stil not over it yet but doing a little better but much better with the quitting of medications ( or certain ones, that help so much with relief. ) But I am coping so well without them than ever before.

Now if I could just figure out a plan mentally and ambulatory. Something that I would really like to work towards as well as feeling as much stronger as possible.

So this isn't easy and I don't understand why I used to be able to do so much, that I know than I am capable of and actually can BUT My Brain Won't Let Me. YET.

Sorry for rambling.
Really but wtf.
 
Hylight said:
oh hey thanks mimi. 💕 jk love ya !
it's great to be able to share and have that kind support.
Thank you Painful ♡ !
Click to expand...

😁
You know I love you guys.
even if I do get a little too “mothering” about it.
I do try.

I know the fight you guys are going through.
You need all the support you can get!

I do too!
I am just in a different kind of fight with chronic pain / injury.
But I sure do know how bad withdrawal is and rehabilitation.

Every baby step forward counts!
❤️💋
 
alright guys thought i'd check in. feel so done with everything. my problems now are a luxury given the sorts of problems i used to have. but they still fucking suck. so drained. want winter to be over. soon it won't be dark by the time i leave work, that might help. i don't wanna use but i want something to change.

hope everyone else is doing alright.

@geekgrl i'm in northwest uk, am a crazy cat lady, and a bona fide geek. welcome to H & R.
 
i feel better today i just get nauseating some time. if i change my diet might be better. i feel like i might be getting diabetes. i sure eat one junk meal after another.

i did well making it until today however, because i didn't end up taking any xanax or a benzene at all.
so i did good and the stress from lack of sleep is getting a bit better with the more rest i try to get.

i definitely can feel the sobriety and freedom from any drug in my endeavor of it all. thnx.
 
madness00 said:
At the testing place right now. I woke up with clear piss, then had an energy drink, so my shits diluted. I ate McDonald's salty shit so hopefully that helps dehydrate me.

I can't stop thinking about meth. It subsided when I was in a program last week but now cravings are back.

I don't think I'll stop after probation until I find that pure D-meth which is so hard to find.

I'm tired of this garbage meth and even so it's still my DOC.

I really want to smoke a blunt, too. Or trip. My life is so boring.
Click to expand...
Right now my life is so boring to I need to trip. And I'm coming down. I feel like shit. I can't stop sleeping. I'm sweating a lot.
 
I like these monthly recovery threads - they remind me i do have a commitment to recovery even if i’m struggling to adopt consistently healthy actions and behaviours.

kicking meth proving challenging but I’v done it before and know i can again for a sustained period of time. It’s the first week that’s the killer so I’ve cancelled everything in my life except getting to healthy stable recovery momentum.
 
You guys don't know what I'm going through let me try to elaborate

Cold turkey benzos and have a few left but don't want them. Avoiding more because I CAN'T GET MORE because society decided it would be really cool to pull the rug out from underneath my feet. Anyone else in my shoes would commit crime to get more and I wouldn't blame them I've been so manic I just can handle this but apparently it's "withdrawal" for most people. I can't stop moving and I can't sleep normal sleeping hours most nights and I get restless and manic and walk an insane amount of miles each day

Have alcohol, rarely use; I don't feel it's much help most days so I avoid unless just one or two beers at the end of a night.

I quit meth god what over a month ago? No desire, no craving, no dreams of it and it seems GROSS AS FUCK now, something "changed".

Still years off bupe/heroin type endgame opiates. I've even seen lower potency opiates and my brain was like "gross".

I'm running out of shatter; have only less than 1 gram of low grade BHO type shit and I have smoked HEAVILY / dabbed HEAVILY for well over 15 years. This hurts the worst I think. I lost the desire to use as constantly as I had been.

I am coming off something else and it hurts; I will sweat a lot in bed and sleep in random hours/go manic-bipolar type reactions to shit. Oddly enough the last bit I did was quite strong and you seem to get what you need to out of the compound at a certain dose without having to overshoot it?

I need NSAIDS for an acute injury I am in real pain psychogenic and physical on top of this.

I am only handling the bad shit well because I had drugs. I am coming off a mostly on/off 55 to 60 day binge; I just saw the calendar and realized how long I've been using for.

Send all concerns to your inner mental digital trashcan; I will be fine. Just DO NOT LET OTHER PEOPLE COLD TURKEY BENZOS it is by far the stupidest thing I did of anything listed here. Most brains will NOT handle this well and YOU WILL FEEL A SOCIETAL EFFECT AROUND THE INDIVIDUAL AND MOSTLY IN A BAD WAY. My friends witness me not sleeping me around them and are beyond puzzled how I'm reacting this way.
 
i went through the same thing from being opioid free.
I do not ever want to go through the same thing but worse, with xanax ?,
although i have on a smaller scale.
i will never want to or ever go through that type of lethal withdrawals i have told myself
because i did the research . . and bluelight was here.
i thought that if i ever did get too much excess opioid use that at least there was an option of answers to abstaining. ♡
yes, i agree with the fact that benzo's are much more DANGEROUS especially with the good one's like xanax being the best !
sometimes less is more and too much can kill, specifically for me but the information and research IS priceless, meaning valued right up there with your life.
and much indebtedness to all of the bluelight help and valuable inspirations.
 
^as if my life isn't painful enough . . .

but the good news is that it does get better
eventually when . . .you make it happen ☺👍🏼
 
However, it is said this can be repairable. You've just been expanded and it is your strength to take advantage of your talents and assets.
You are the inspiration of such strength.
Really keep up your inspiration that shines through from your heart and that kindness to share your empathy also.
 
argh CH that sounds awful, and potentially dangerous CTing.... look after yourself.

i have had a bad day. on the way in to work i basically decided i'd ask the homeless guy near my office, who i have a bit of a rapport with, to meet me after work to score. he wasn't there and i spent most of the morning trying not to cry at my desk. how the fuck has it come to this? what am i supposed to do? i don't wanna go back to the way i was, i know it was so much more painful than this.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top