Hopeless Help - Meth and the future

[Dcole461]

Hello all,

I am 13 months sober from meth. I am currently trying to figure out my future but I don't really know what to do. I'm 31 now, I have a degree but it's not what I want to do, I don't work in the field anyway. I'm thinking of going back to school for biochem and potentially med school (what I originally wanted to do).

The problem is, I think I have some lasting effects from my meth usage. My heart's fine (according to a few different doctors) but I have noticeable memory problems. I know that meth induced dementia is a thing and I still remember most things. But I have problems day to day, like I put vegetables next to the oil instead of the fridge when I made a stir fry or I won't remember something right after someone told me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does it get better? Or worse? I don't really mind the short term problems, I figure it's the price of my bad choices (and I can take steps to manage that). But I don't want to start school again and not be able to finish because I can't remember what I learned.

Feel free to ask me any questions if it helps you answer. This situation is making me feel very depressed. I feel like I'm wasting my life in my current job (now that I'm clean anyway), and I've always been able to do well in school, but I'm afraid that my addiction has limited my future.

 

[Painful One]

It will get better. Hang tough.
Don’t let it hold you back.
Get your ass to Med school. The world needs you!
Be Well

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

Make sure you are ready. Maybe take less than full time classes if possible. Or go for an associate's or something that isnt long term. I feel you... My meth use has and is my life... I went to college at 18 when I was well into my addiction... now I owe thousands of dollars. I wont give you a straight answer because it depends on the addict. You know different variables such as time of use, tolerance, method of use etc.... It does but it doesnt. No doubt there is permanent damage. I was clean 8 months in august 2019. And it sort of cane back. But I've been using meth since I was 16. I'm 23 now. I am a bit dumb and kinda slower. I get overwhelmed easily. I fucking lose everything and forget almost everything for the most part. But I've been trying to engage my brain with puzzles, and anything complicated that makes me think.. I'm actually pretty smart for being who I am.

 

[Jabberwocky]

After my first 6 month intense engagement with meth it took me nearly 2 years until I had basically full cognitive and emotional recovery - however I do feel I have lingering memory problems. That said i did subsequently do a pstgraduate degree and graduated summa cum laude despite being unable to really remember a lot of what was covered. I found study and note-taking techniques to compensate while my brain was healing - they worked pretty well.

Pick a course where the assessment is all essays rather than exams you have to memorise for.

 

[tracedwards313]

@Dcole461

Hey man, first of all take it easy! Its so easy to allow yourself to be completely unfair and pass harsh judgement on YOURSELF.

You have 13 months clean?!?! That in itself is an amazing accomplishment. I can relate to you so much my friend (not clean time wise) and I can tell you hold yourself to a high standard when it comes to the things that you do achieve. I bet you are the type that when you do something in life that people commend you for, you probably minimize it.

Dont focus on the negative things you THINK your drug use has caused. Dont waste your time thinking about how you MIGHT struggle in school. All of those thoughts are simply bullshit!

Self doubt is a trap designed to keep you from reaching your true potential. Its an illusion that you cannot and will not give into!

I relate to your post so much. Im 29 and Im working on rebuilding my life in what seems like a whole new world.

Be confident, be proud, and dont fucking listen to that self doubt bullshit! You CAN go back to school and you CAN get whatever degree you want. Guess what? You can also so so much more than that. You have a life ahead of you that you can make into whatever you want.

I hope you go for it and I hope you find your true self where ever your journey takes you!

 

[Isnortice91]

You seem like a better person then me .
You went to college after high school and didn't get any misdemeanor or felonies?.
Why not join the Army reserves the cut out age is 34 and you can just serve part time one weekend a month while having a full time job. I wish I was in you're shoes. Unfortunately I have a 5150 and misdemeanor charge so I can't serve .
But I'm planning on joining the Ukrainian Army because I heard they accept foreignors and don't care about you're past as long as you choose infantry as you're occupation .
I'm quitting meth on around Janurary 25th when I go renew my passport.

 

[Dcole461]

Thanks for your message! You're right about a lot of it. I put myself under a lot of pressure. And I've been under pressure for my whole life.

The intention wasn't bad, but my parents and family always expected so much of me. I could have done anything and it feels like I've done nothing. But I'm also bipolar and have anxiety so part of me prefers a simple life with no stress.

But there's stress in everything, and my parents are older now so I really need to decide. I'm just sick of making wrong decisions.

Going to school again would allow me to spend summers with my parents but if I don't do well, I'm giving up my main job for a long time so that'll hurt my "career." I hate what I do but can't live without money.

I'll end it here so that I don't rant too much. I know it's impossible to know how a decision will turn out, but I don't know if I can handle another bad one. Happy Holidays!

@Dcole461

Hey man, first of all take it easy! Its so easy to allow yourself to be completely unfair and pass harsh judgement on YOURSELF.

You have 13 months clean?!?! That in itself is an amazing accomplishment. I can relate to you so much my friend (not clean time wise) and I can tell you hold yourself to a high standard when it comes to the things that you do achieve. I bet you are the type that when you do something in life that people commend you for, you probably minimize it.

Dont focus on the negative things you THINK your drug use has caused. Dont waste your time thinking about how you MIGHT struggle in school. All of those thoughts are simply bullshit!

Self doubt is a trap designed to keep you from reaching your true potential. Its an illusion that you cannot and will not give into!

I relate to your post so much. Im 29 and Im working on rebuilding my life in what seems like a whole new world.

Be confident, be proud, and dont fucking listen to that self doubt bullshit! You CAN go back to school and you CAN get whatever degree you want. Guess what? You can also so so much more than that. You have a life ahead of you that you can make into whatever you want.

I hope you go for it and I hope you find your true self where ever your journey takes you!

 

[tracedwards313]

Thanks for your message! You're right about a lot of it. I put myself under a lot of pressure. And I've been under pressure for my whole life.

The intention wasn't bad, but my parents and family always expected so much of me. I could have done anything and it feels like I've done nothing. But I'm also bipolar and have anxiety so part of me prefers a simple life with no stress.

But there's stress in everything, and my parents are older now so I really need to decide. I'm just sick of making wrong decisions.

Going to school again would allow me to spend summers with my parents but if I don't do well, I'm giving up my main job for a long time so that'll hurt my "career." I hate what I do but can't live without money.

I'll end it here so that I don't rant too much. I know it's impossible to know how a decision will turn out, but I don't know if I can handle another bad one. Happy Holidays!

You cant look at all decisions in life as the "right" or "wrong" choice, not in the way ypu are talking. If you hate your job then the answer seems obvious to me. Life will never be perfect reguardless of what choices you make, so the best we can do is make the decisions that make us feel like we are on a positive path that isnt a dead end.

"When life is hard you have to change." -Shanon Hoon