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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Misc Functional addicts - question

c97521d9 said:
I got into it to try to overcome personal issues like shyness, then to be the best me that I felt I could be, and feel the best for the longest, to find the perfect drug.

I'm still searching, and I don't think it exists, but I'm sure that there can be a "perfect" compound, until the time it isn't.

Functionally, I spend a lot of money I could spend elsewhre, but the experiences have been worth it, and my computer skills allow me to work fucked up and naked if I want to for days at a time.
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Damn, you've got to love that!
 
Keif' Richards said:
Zonx, I will be blunt here. You are just progressing through all of the well-known and well-traveled roads leading to complete unfunctional addiction. This doesn't imply that you're weak or stupid. As human beings, we often lie to ourselves to protect our sanity or to maintain our self-esteem. We think of all of the myriad ways that we can consume drugs all the time without experiencing addiction. There has to be a way. You'd be surprised how many utter street junkies consider themselves to be "functional".

We all want to feel good all the time. I don't know of anyone who doesn't enjoy fun or good times. Opioids are literally happiness. It's what they do. It's natural after experiencing such ecstasy to want to repeat the experience. You are beginning to question now why you even bother moderating at all. This will lead to "doing a little extra" tonight as a treat. This leads to morning desperation and a reinforcement of the animalistic urge to once again experience contentment.

Thinking that you are different or that you might know the "secret" to maintaining normalcy is a pitfall that most of us find ourselves in.
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This man speaks the truth.

OP you really need to get out of this mindset altogether if you wish to stay functional. You can't really be 100% functional even if you do manage to moderate your addiction simply because your mental focus is still primarily on the drugs above all else in life.

To use an example from my own life: I was stuck in a shitty dead end job and just did a fuckload of oxy and benzos every day to numb myself to how depressed I was. I temporarily felt better until tolerance hit me and I had to keep upping and upping my dose just to stay well every day. Eventually I wasn't even getting high anymore, this was just my routine now. This happens to fucking everyone because you can't stop tolerance.

People around me started to notice I was acting funny even though I thought I was still acting perfectly normal. It really hit me when my family saw me and was genuinely concerned about me overdosing because they could tell I was just fucking mashed on fuck knows what.

That was a real dark time in my life even though I would have refused to admit it to myself at the time since I was "just having fun popping pills" in my mind. If you asked me I would have said I was perfectly functional even though I was anything but.

Anyway long story short I tapered myself off the oxy for good and still have not touched the shite since. I'm now back to doing benzos only at low therapeutic doses - and I do mean low doses like 0.5-1mg alprazolam or clonazepam.

Since I stopped using drugs as my only form of happiness I focused on fixing my real life instead and am now in a proper job and am much happier with myself. No longer depressed as most of my depression in that instance was situational.

If that hadn't happened fuck knows where I'd be now. At best, in the same place as I was, depressed and hooked on oxy while my life never gets any better. At worst I'd be dead.

When you're dealing with opiates you can't really stay functional if you're hooked on 'em no matter what you may tell yourself at the time. Anyone who has quit a habit can tell you that. You look back and realise all that time you thought you had everything under control, you just didn't.
 
Not trying to be self-righteous or pontificate, but here’s my take on why the “functional addiction” path is bullshit. I became a functional addict when I was fed up with being a dysfunctional non-addict. Consistent drug use was at least a short term solution to the unhappiness, defeatism, and learned helplessness that plagued me for most of my life. Eventually I realized that I could:

A: Keep being somewhat happy as long as I could sustain the supply of drugs. Basically running in circles, going no where.

B: Accomplish things in my life, I.e. learn new skills, find work that is more fulfilling so I’m not living for the weekend, prioritize physical and mental health. These things provide a longer lasting high than any drug could. Are they easy to attain? Fuck no, it’s a grind, and I’ll always be aware that drugs are the easier path. But simply relying on them to “get through”the day is, in my opinion, missing the point of being alive. Drugs for me should be a fun adjunct to an already fulfilling life, just my $0.02 though, if you know better then I’m genuinely happy for you.
 
Well said and great question/pondering. I think most people have the “loved ones” reason as our tribal humanity is even more important than our next line of our DOC.

Ask yourself this one though. If you had a 100% guarantee, that you will never ever run out or have a script lowered, changed and/or no supply until the day you shuffle off this mortal coil. Then what? Would you keep yourself on top form 24/7. I would.

Edit courtesy of @BeachBum4u bringing this to my attention........

Absolutely no lowering of my DOC EVER!! Maybe no increases, but unequivocally no lessening of any description, excuse taking and shape or form 😂🤪😂🤪.
 
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Shortec Stublue!! said:
Well said and great question/pondering. I think most people have the “loved ones” reason as our tribal humanity is even more important than our next line of our DOC.

Ask yourself this one though. If you had a 100% guarantee, that you will never ever run out or have a script lowered, changed and/or no supply until the day you shuffle off this mortal coil. Then what? Would you keep yourself on top form 24/7. I would.
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Honestly I'm not sure. On one hand if I had an infinite supply of opiates I'd never have to worry about money or time or withdrawals etc but on the other hand the fact is even if every single high was perfect, being blasted on opiates still lowers my motivation and concentration and would therefore indirectly lower my quality of life. Additionally the risk of an OD would still exist, albeit lowered assuming this infinite supply was from a legit script.
 
I've never been a functional addict. But in my experience, there is no option of feeling good all the time.

If you use all the time, it stops being good all the time. I've heard bipolar people say that their experience is one of extremes. Really high highs and really low lows. In my experience that's what a hard drug addiction is a lot like. As if you are trading an average life for one of fluctuating extremes.

Well, that's what heroin addiction was like for me anyway.
 
When it comes to hard drugs there are no functioning addicts, only those who haven't lost control YET.

I have a friend that used heroin and crack cocaine for 15-20yrs without severe consequence and managed to avoid debilitating physical dependence, which he always bragged about and derided us for. He slowly started having trouble in his marriage and his using increased. He then got in an accident at work and is now hopelessly strung out on heroin and crack, looks like half the man he used to be and is slowly losing everything in his late 40yrs. In my experience addicts are functional until they are not and that time is different for everybody but if we keep playing the game it eventually takes everything that we have until we surrender and lay down the belief that we can control our addiction. The only question is are you going to crash and burn early enough to stabilize and rebuild a normal, sober life or are you going to lose everything you had worked so hard to build in the mid to later years of your life when it becomes that much more difficult to repair the damage. Not only that but we as addicts have no idea as to what we lost out on in life because of our addictions, simply because we were sleepwalking past those opportunities.
 
I agree it isn’t sustainable mentally, even if you have infinite supply. My Oxy does help me, both work and train harder, plus I seek out opportunities I wouldn’t normally even give a second thought. I am not naive in thinking I am winning however, this is only a smokescreen for my lacking cerebral baselines 🤣🤪🤣🤪.
 
I'm functioning addict I kno my limits and I kno my black out smacks, I kno when to slow down.

The drugs I function on everyday take a bigger dose your not use to you'll be blacked out for hours which isn't functional lmao.

I use benzos, kush and opiates daily morning time is my turnup time that I like to nod at, then after that I'm functional I like methadone, Xanax, Valium, lyrica I don't like gabapentin at all F-phenibut is nice and dilaudids
For stimulants I like 3-fpm, and MDMA I'm pretty could at not being notice being on it except for the sizes my e
, I get what ever I have to do done, I always have money for my family and what not, and I always go to work.

But I find blow can be functional and un noticeable on certain people that are functional addicts, even when I use to use I felt like no one knew,
I quit though like if it's really good shit my plug has and offers for free I'll do 3 lines with him it doesn't last long 15-30mins,
The comedown doesn't exist for me cause I'm a benzo addict so benzos always flowing thru my blood stream.

the only drugs someone couldn't function on would be K I love ketamine, but it's not functional at all do it in a safe place.
but once you in a K hole your wheelchaired laying there drooling having a life/spiritually some have love experiences and some feel they have near death experiences.

Another drug that has functional value is methamphetamine and amphetamines, if your using it in a daily for work school studying, and what not it works really well but if ur bingeing on it for past 3 days with no sleep you go in psychosis and lose your mind really fast.
and put people in danger or people can be in pychosis too with you and you guys can be tripping each other out an it can be dangerous for people that are witnessing this friends,family,strangers,etc, it's best to have a friend that knows how to shove a bunch of benzos down ur throat, or you might be getting charged for god knows what and be in jail for a bit or in a hospital asylum


I think crack is unfunctional cause your lucky if you get a ringer for several minutes, most times you hittin the pipe again.
 
Shortec Stublue!! said:
Well said and great question/pondering. I think most people have the “loved ones” reason as our tribal humanity is even more important than our next line of our DOC.

Ask yourself this one though. If you had a 100% guarantee, that you will never ever run out or have a script lowered, changed and/or no supply until the day you shuffle off this mortal coil. Then what? Would you keep yourself on top form 24/7. I would.
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Me too, because that is my life. And I have been told by a couple doctors I would be on these pain meds till the day I die. So, I may fit the bill as you described to a tee. The only exception is I have had my meds lowered recently, so there is that but I seem to be hangin'.
 
Zonxx said:
As a functioning addict, from time to time i get the thought " why fucking bother moderating and fuck it all i wana be as high as can be" but have yet to give in to it because as all functional addicts who've given in know it doesnt end well, but what are your reasons for not saying fuckit and letting your specific addiction just fucking take hold and run the game?
Mine are, family that actually accept my heavy hard drug use and support as best as can which i cherish for being so lucky so i do my best to not lose myself whatre your reasons?
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There's always a part of me,call it a higher consciousness or conscience that knows it's bad,that no good can come of it.

I also think it a primal survival instinct that kicks in,especially when I've seen so many others give in to it. Its seen as weakness to succumb,it could even be seen as selfish and narcissistic to indulge in such behaviour. Or to self sabotage because of unbearable pain,be it physical or mental. Being aware of these things works as a deterrent.

When I was younger and inexperienced I had to learn the hard way by making the mistakes that others didn't survive. I was lucky. It makes me think there is a reason for this,there must be,otherwise I'd be six foot under by now.

Morality definitely comes into play too. The age old battle of good and bad within us,the constant balancing of the extremes which can be lost when we give in to temptation.It's easy to lose sight of who we really are when the beast takes over.
 
Wilson Wilson said:
This man speaks the truth.

OP you really need to get out of this mindset altogether if you wish to stay functional. You can't really be 100% functional even if you do manage to moderate your addiction simply because your mental focus is still primarily on the drugs above all else in life.

To use an example from my own life: I was stuck in a shitty dead end job and just did a fuckload of oxy and benzos every day to numb myself to how depressed I was. I temporarily felt better until tolerance hit me and I had to keep upping and upping my dose just to stay well every day. Eventually I wasn't even getting high anymore, this was just my routine now. This happens to fucking everyone because you can't stop tolerance.

People around me started to notice I was acting funny even though I thought I was still acting perfectly normal. It really hit me when my family saw me and was genuinely concerned about me overdosing because they could tell I was just fucking mashed on fuck knows what.

That was a real dark time in my life even though I would have refused to admit it to myself at the time since I was "just having fun popping pills" in my mind. If you asked me I would have said I was perfectly functional even though I was anything but.

Anyway long story short I tapered myself off the oxy for good and still have not touched the shite since. I'm now back to doing benzos only at low therapeutic doses - and I do mean low doses like 0.5-1mg alprazolam or clonazepam.

Since I stopped using drugs as my only form of happiness I focused on fixing my real life instead and am now in a proper job and am much happier with myself. No longer depressed as most of my depression in that instance was situational.

If that hadn't happened fuck knows where I'd be now. At best, in the same place as I was, depressed and hooked on oxy while my life never gets any better. At worst I'd be dead.

When you're dealing with opiates you can't really stay functional if you're hooked on 'em no matter what you may tell yourself at the time. Anyone who has quit a habit can tell you that. You look back and realise all that time you thought you had everything under control, you just didn't.
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What you wrote resonates with me so well. Ain't it the truth brother? Situational circumstances are a major factor. I know this comparison is going to sound extreme,but it's the only one I know of that's been documented and that's the one of veterans returning from the Vietnam war.

Their situation was so dire that under those circumstances they took Solace in Heroin,but on returning from the war were able to give it up as the stress of being killed had ceased and they got back to living.
 
BeachBum4u said:
Me too, because that is my life. And I have been told by a couple doctors I would be on these pain meds till the day I die. So, I may fit the bill as you described to a tee. The only exception is I have had my meds lowered recently, so there is that but I seem to be hangin'.
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Well that is unacceptable, tell your Doc what we have decided here. How dare he lol. That’s the kicker I didn’t include damn it, “Let’s try and lower your dose so I can tick my morality NHS (UK) box lol.
 
Shortec Stublue!! said:
Well that is unacceptable, tell your Doc what we have decided here. How dare he lol. That’s the kicker I didn’t include damn it, “Let’s try and lower your dose so I can tick my morality NHS (UK) box lol.
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I have to admit that sarcasm is sometimes difficult to pick up on by only reading words on a little screen (without vocal inflections and facial features) but in this case, I believe I read you loud and clear.
 
somnilicious said:
When it comes to hard drugs there are no functioning addicts, only those who haven't lost control YET.

I have a friend that used heroin and crack cocaine for 15-20yrs without severe consequence and managed to avoid debilitating physical dependence, which he always bragged about and derided us for. He slowly started having trouble in his marriage and his using increased. He then got in an accident at work and is now hopelessly strung out on heroin and crack, looks like half the man he used to be and is slowly losing everything in his late 40yrs. In my experience addicts are functional until they are not and that time is different for everybody but if we keep playing the game it eventually takes everything that we have until we surrender and lay down the belief that we can control our addiction. The only question is are you going to crash and burn early enough to stabilize and rebuild a normal, sober life or are you going to lose everything you had worked so hard to build in the mid to later years of your life when it becomes that much more difficult to repair the damage. Not only that but we as addicts have no idea as to what we lost out on in life because of our addictions, simply because we were sleepwalking past those opportunities.
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I found this alittle negative, i try to emit & generate as much positive engergy as possible, that said, i have a drug use issue i suppose with regards to amounts used, however, aside from that, i can never say i've intentionally ever endangered myself, suffered physical trauma/damage, (mentally, my first wd has me completely doing any and everything possible not to happen again) What you describe can EASILY have been ANY substance, it's easy to fall back on a substance as a crutch, but if you realize it soon enough you're golden, but to say its a matter of time is untrue, sure i've had my close calls but, at the same time i've learned from those experiences, and will carry them with me for the rest of my life, and be able to share and pass them on, good or bad, if there's a positive outcome, thats what matters.
 
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